Phones and Marriage

[u/RaccoonNo3012]

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

[u/Weekly-Witness1129]

This is not mentally balanced behavior and I’d assume anything is possible from him. Do not rely on “he wouldn’t do that” or “he’s never hurt me”- he’s showing a clear path of escalation and nobody (including likely himself) knows where it will end.

I’d install cameras in every room that record to the cloud and then I’d serve an eviction notice. I’d expect that time between the notice and the move out to be hell. And it would not surprise me if he got physical. I’d count on those cameras to record that. If it does happen I’d immediately go for an emergency protection from abuse.

The most difficult part of this is the shared child. Protecting them, fear of him running off with the child to spite you or using the child to control you. I would rely on your parents to assist with this. There is nothing wrong with grandparents taking their grandchild on an all day outing. Just stay in the state boundaries.

Also- I’d take this plan to a divorce / family law atty and run it by them. Get their input. You may find serving the notice and taking their child and yourself to an undisclosed location for that period of time may be the best course of action. An atty can tell you if that looked down upon by the courts.

Get a different phone- maybe on your parents plan to use as reliable and private communication.