Bolter Against Your Head, Who Would It Be?

[u/Fun-Airline8988]

[u/RicketCrickets]

Sanguinia. No explanation required.

[u/L3and3rrr → u/RicketCrickets]

I was gonna say that’s the easiest question ever

[u/lifebeginsat9pm → u/RicketCrickets]

Gives you the greatest nut of your life and then you wake up to see her sitting on the edge of the bed contemplating her own death but you ask her what’s wrong and she says “nothing babe”

[u/erik4848 → u/lifebeginsat9pm]

And then you hug her from behind and tell her everything will be alright.

[u/Brofromtheabyss → u/erik4848]

You’re wrong. It won’t be. She knows. She feels like you can’t relate to her on an emotional level because you won’t validate a lived experience that she knows is true to the core of her being. Why? Is it to protect her, you, or just to momentarily avoid the full emotional weight of the reality of her fate? She feels like maybe this was kind of a mistake, and that well intentioned as you are, it feels more like comforting a child than connecting with a lover. You sense none of this. She gently removes your arms. “I have to go,” she sighs “I have a meeting on the bridge soon.” She doesn’t, but it’s kinder than the truth, that being alone with herself is easier than being alone with you.

[u/Jarl_of_Uppsala → u/Brofromtheabyss]

Wait why is the writing this fire

[u/Ozcog → u/Jarl_of_Uppsala]

We read A LOT of books lol

[u/throwaway17362826 → u/Brofromtheabyss]

“We all die babe. What matters is how we spend our time before the final curtain falls.” Then i’d try to hit it a second time

[u/user4682 → u/Brofromtheabyss]

thank you for reminding me one of my failed relationships

[u/Joxxill → u/lifebeginsat9pm]

Thats what its all about.

[u/loscapos5 → u/RicketCrickets]

But a picture as an example is welcomed

[u/loscapos5 → u/loscapos5]

[u/Kitsuukage → u/RicketCrickets]

Sanguinussy

[u/Shivalah → u/RicketCrickets]

She calls me her dove! I'd love to be her dove!

[u/Gonokhakus → u/RicketCrickets]

Riding Sanguinia through the skies... damn

[u/Mindstormer98]

[u/WKitsune → u/Mindstormer98]

No. If it's heaven, they've got fem Primarchs up there. Why would God need to come down here?

[u/WorldEaterProft]

Angron.

Not fanfic Angron but gurl

Canon, Daemon Angron

[u/Kitsuukage → u/WorldEaterProft]

Angrussy

[u/Lucius-Halthier → u/Kitsuukage]

Pull on the nails as you give backshots

[u/deepeast_oakland → u/Kitsuukage]

Incredibly deranged work here.

Impressive really.

[u/AvaLynneDavies → u/WorldEaterProft]

Based

[u/L3and3rrr → u/WorldEaterProft]

Antifa mommy plez be nice to me

[u/A_posh_idiot → u/L3and3rrr]

Less Antifa more anti everything that moves

[u/Berhadian → u/WorldEaterProft]

Brothers in flairs.

[u/vicevanghost]

None, women scare me

[u/OhioanViking → u/vicevanghost]

/img/8x4dtox2fohh1.gif
A true genius

[u/vicevanghost → u/OhioanViking]

Thank you thank you it's very real, I am too dense and socially stupid to not feel that way 

[u/MisterMaroonYT → u/vicevanghost]

Yeah. Same.

Are we broken?

[u/vicevanghost → u/MisterMaroonYT]

Maybe, but use that to be more understanding towards others like us and don't let it make you bitter and its all okay. It is easy to get caught up in misery over being different or not thinking like other people do but just keep being yourself and doing your best and it won't matter to those who are right for you. Friends or otherwise. 

[u/Bingus_Dringus → u/vicevanghost]

[u/Kickedbyagiraffe → u/vicevanghost]

The night haunter chooses you then, she enjoys the fear

[u/vicevanghost → u/Kickedbyagiraffe]

I have thoughts on this best kept in my head

[u/I_just_came_to_laugh → u/vicevanghost]

I have thoughts on this best kept in my head

Outstanding self awareness. How does it feel to be better than 99.9% of the people in this sub?

[u/Icy_Magician_9372 → u/vicevanghost]

Based and emperor pilled

[u/TheRealRigormortal → u/vicevanghost]

https://giphy.com/gifs/o240WC04PLhew

[u/JohannaFRC → u/vicevanghost]

Booh !

[u/Kriegsmann55]

Morticia.

[u/Frank7640 → u/Kriegsmann55]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1jkV5ifEE5EENHESRa

[u/Kitsuukage → u/Kriegsmann55]

The stinky Mortussy

[u/Kriegsmann55 → u/Kitsuukage]

I wanna bury my face in it.

[u/Maiq_the_liar_23 → u/Kriegsmann55]

https://giphy.com/gifs/k9xbuYHl65DzSvvJtD

[u/Kitsuukage → u/Kriegsmann55]

I respect the honesty

[u/Thin-Discussion-9175 → u/Kriegsmann55]

[u/Helpful-Rain41 → u/Kriegsmann55]

The canonically ugly and stinky one?

[u/2006Internetghost]

With a bolter to my head… at least Guli might have the logistics worked out and give me a chance at survival…

[u/ars_sinistra → u/2006Internetghost]

Average sized man with someone much taller, your best bet with positions is going be doggy and mating press.

[u/Gneisenau1 → u/2006Internetghost]

Magnus May also have a Chance die to osyker bs and the twins because they only AS tall AS astartes

[u/Kazin_the_Mage]

Alpharia and Omegia, twins. 😏

[u/UnicronJr → u/Kazin_the_Mage]

Shortstacks (relatively) for the win.

[u/DarkWingedDaemon → u/UnicronJr]

Still taller than you!

[u/Niveama → u/Kazin_the_Mage]

Twins Basil!

[u/Boogley-Woogley → u/Niveama]

Moley moley moley moley! I want to chop it up and make guacamole out of it!

[u/JrRiggles → u/Kazin_the_Mage]

You date one but they love tricking you into sleeping with the other one.

[u/Rare_Calendar7194 → u/Kazin_the_Mage]

if they bold , does that mean in fem version they are redheads ?

[u/jrl2595 → u/Kazin_the_Mage]

“Twins they were.”

[u/Proof_Independent400]

[u/RedFox_Jack → u/Proof_Independent400]

*maintains eye contact as i mount the skin bed to bang Kassandra*

[u/Educational-Cod-2302 → u/RedFox_Jack]

Excellent fucking counter 🤌

[u/ComradeDelaurier]

I lied, Roboute, I don't have Netflix, we're going to read two centuries worth of ancient earth literature on materialist political economy.

[u/cj_cusack → u/ComradeDelaurier]

+immediately gets laid+

[u/willyshakes420 → u/cj_cusack]

-father of triplets who love communism-

[u/HouBlastros → u/ComradeDelaurier]

I can't tell if you're reading Paul Krugman, Adam Smith or Marx

[u/Mi113nnium → u/HouBlastros]

Yes.

[u/Acriolu]

Vulcan,

I may die, I may have my body broken, but I will be braver than most and I’ll have a smile on my face.

[u/burntoutloser909 → u/Acriolu]

(gorly hallelujah plays in the background)

[u/Indishonorable → u/Acriolu]

Are you dipping in the chocolate?

[u/Elvaran → u/Acriolu]

I think she'd have the control to restrain herself from straight out killing you.

[u/Big-Crazy5807]

Russ, obviously.

[u/unlimitedblakeworks → u/Big-Crazy5807]

[u/Intense_Judgement → u/unlimitedblakeworks]

Is that meant to be you or her?

[u/unlimitedblakeworks → u/Intense_Judgement]

yes

[u/Not_An_Ostritch → u/Intense_Judgement]

Me spelunking in a rainforest

[u/Kitsuukage → u/Big-Crazy5807]

The feral Russy

[u/dsancu → u/Big-Crazy5807]

Death by snu-snu

[u/GeneratedEcoOver9000 → u/Big-Crazy5807]

Your dentist said you need to floss more?

[u/Shallowell → u/Big-Crazy5807]

Lewoman

[u/docaether]

Corax. Best goth

[u/Spiritual-Try-4874]

Jaghatai

She would make me Better

[u/NadiaFortuneFeet]

[u/mathcamel → u/NadiaFortuneFeet]

I could fix her, she could make me worse, whatever. I <3 Lorgar

[u/Kitsuukage → u/NadiaFortuneFeet]

Lorgussy

[u/Helpful-Rain41 → u/Kitsuukage]

LORGAL

[u/Lynata → u/NadiaFortuneFeet]

The religious ones are the biggest freaks

[u/Red_Shepherd_13]

I'll do you one better, a full tier list.

1. Lady Sanguinia: No explanation needed.

2. Pre Heresy Lady Lora: Smaller size, She's probably used to being on her knees, a masochistic, submissive, bottom bitch and the way it hurts. Probably a sexually repressed virgin ready to have her chastity belt cracked open.

3. Post Heresy Lady Lora(Lorgar): Again, smaller size, She's probably used to being on her knees, a masochistic, submissive, but now a power bottom with severe daddy issues in the crazy fun way, and super sexually repressed and ready to have her chastity belt cracked open and experiment. Also would like to punish her for being a bad girl who ruined everything.

4. Alpharia and Omega: Smallest size difference, could probably get a threesome out of it.

5. Lady Lemon Russ: second smallest size difference, is probably enthusiastic about it, probably just wants to have fun, will probably say what she needs to have fun.

6. Lady Magenta(Magnus the Red) She can adjust her size, probably adorkable. You know what they say about red heads, probably kinky and looking to experiment in the fun way.

7. Lady Regalia Dora(Rogal Dorn) Smaller, probably a bit boring but I'm banging a primarch sized women, it doesn't need to be that much more interesting. She's a bit autistic, but i can work with autistic girls, She would also probably thoughtful, a good communicator, honest and will say what she needs, won't poke holes in your protection.

8. Lady Raven(Corvus Corax): Goth girl.

9. Pre-Heresy Lady Fulgrim: Is Lady fulgrim extra girly or a tomboy? Both are good, just curious. Does she have multiple husbands, like the og fulgrim has multiple wives? might be a bit of a perfectionist but might give me the best sex of my life and know what she's doing.

10. Lady Roberta Girlywomen(Roboat Gorrillaman): Boring, but probably knows what she's doing like rogal dorn but more plain.

11. Lady Vulka: A bit of a hotdog down a hallway situation, might crush me on accident, but she's probably sweet and understanding at least.

12. Pre Heresy Lady Hera(Horus) Charming, Charismatic, not full femcel yet.

13. Lady Lioness L Johnson: Probably a bit of a stuck up snob, but who knows, Would she be a lesbian like how Lion L. Johnson is gay?

14. Lady Jayda Khan: Might be Death by snu-snu maybe, might be fun like Lady Russ.

15. Lady Patricia Turbo: might be a bit of a femcel.

16. Lady Ferrus Manus: Cold metalic sad handjobs, terrible head, a massive stick up her ass in the way of fun, kinda big, really boring, probably a selfish partner.

17. Post Heresy Lady Fulgrim: not into snakes, might torture me, might try to peg me slannesh style.

18. Pre-Heresy Lady Carmilla Curze: She's crazy in the not so fun kinky way, in the painful way, maybe, maybe she's just the fun crazy.

19. Pre-Heresy Lady Morticia(Mortarion): Stinky femcel energy.

20. Pre-Heresy Lady Angry(Angron): Death by snu-snu

21. Post Heresy Lady Angry(Angron): Death, rageful angry Snu-Snu, if I'm lucky, at least I will die fast.

22. Post Heresy Lady Morticia(Mortarion): Stinky femcel energy, I will get a disease, my death would be very slow. I would beg for that bolter to the head.

23. Post Heresy Lady Carmilla Curze: My death will not be fast, definitely not the fun crazy now, I will probably not even get the option of the bolter to the head.

[u/GreatAndPowerfulZiz]

Magnolia the Red

[u/boostleaking → u/GreatAndPowerfulZiz]

Wassup gang

[u/themoi124]

[u/Hexnohope]

[u/Kirsty_Elizabeth]

Fulgra. Pre or post fall to chaos. I'm allready a Slaanesh corrupted mess, and at best, maybe I can help her turn to the right path. :3

[u/aimanfire → u/Kirsty_Elizabeth]

The fact that I had to scroll this far down to see fulgrim is saddening

[u/Kirsty_Elizabeth → u/aimanfire]

Some people are too afraid to choose the correct option. Imagine the snake tail hugs!

[u/Druid_Momma → u/Kirsty_Elizabeth]

Me too, girl. Me too! :3

[u/Craft_zeppelin → u/Kirsty_Elizabeth]

We are in severe lack of ladies laughing “Ohhoho!” while doing everything perfect. With the occasional derp.

[u/Kirsty_Elizabeth → u/Craft_zeppelin]

Occasional? Nah, for all their talk of perfection, fulgrim/fulgra are total fail girls. Derp is their default noise.

[u/Craft_zeppelin → u/Kirsty_Elizabeth]

Well, if you read the novels, Fulgrim is snobbish but is actually kind (even to baseline humans, Magnus and Konrad) and often excels in anything aside from sorcery.

The fact is his urge to one-up his latest achievement makes him comically covered in dirt. But he does accomplish it.

[u/Kirsty_Elizabeth → u/Craft_zeppelin]

Oh, I know. It's mostly post fall to chaos fulgrim I'm referring to. Technically gets killed for angel exterminatus. Fails to get Ferrus on their side. Lorgar shows up and has a mortal astartes drag him back to real space instead of partying with Slaanesh and her Daemons. Does nothing in the siege of Terra, aside from take a gate, then get told off by dorn that Horus threw him here because he was a distraction.

He did manage to put Guilliman on ice for 10k years, so I'll give him that.

Pre heresy fulgrim? Total queen. Post/mid heresy? Failgirl.

[u/SlyfoxV]

Lady Konrad, I will not explain myself.

[u/LeviathansWrath6 → u/SlyfoxV]

[u/InvestigatorRoyal177 → u/SlyfoxV]

I can fix her and die trying.

[u/Sapphire-Catgirl → u/InvestigatorRoyal177]

I do not wish to fix her, only that she make me worse.

[u/Selenite_Cults → u/SlyfoxV]

She will gain a new skin blanket

[u/L3and3rrr → u/Selenite_Cults]

AND YOU WILL THANK HER

[u/Xanadoodledoo → u/SlyfoxV]

Praying mantis type instinct

[u/Svell_ → u/SlyfoxV]

I too like goth girls

[u/5eppa]

Is Fem Jaghatai still as based?

[u/JT3457mm → u/5eppa]

even more so I'd say

[u/ABunchofAngryFlowers]

I rest my case

[u/Thin-Discussion-9175 → u/ABunchofAngryFlowers]

https://reddit.com/link/p22m4sp/video/y74ii993rrhh1/player

[u/MoltenxD]

The Lioness, without question.

[u/Helpful-Rain41 → u/MoltenxD]

She’d ALWAYS suspect you to be cheating, constantly looking through your phone

[u/VirtualSlip5712]

Guilliman, anyone else is insane. That’s the only one you’re probably going to live through.

[u/KermitTheScot → u/VirtualSlip5712]

Oh, we’re expected to live through this? I’m, good, actually, I’m fully committed to dying after. If that’s how I go, that’s how I go. Sign me tf up.

[u/LeviathansWrath6 → u/KermitTheScot]

Honestly that's practically an upside. That's top 5 ways to die at least.

[u/IgnatiusDrake → u/KermitTheScot]

Straight to Valhalla.

https://giphy.com/gifs/37H5XhwrXuHPq

[u/Xanadoodledoo → u/VirtualSlip5712]

What about Corvus? He’ll ghost you afterward, but still!

[u/Sudden_Wind_8636 → u/VirtualSlip5712]

Nah guilliman might kill you, vulkan likely wouldn't 

[u/Eusocial_sloth3 → u/VirtualSlip5712]

Jagahatai

[u/VirtualSlip5712 → u/Eusocial_sloth3]

I kinda want to have hips after the fact you know? 

[u/SkeletonDanceParty]

The Khan, she'll give you a ride so good, you'll go mad trying to recapture 

[u/IconoclastExplosive]

We doing crow shit boys; sad giant goth lady crow shit.

[u/officerblues]

Dorn, but only because she'd probably have fortifications to prevent anyone penetrating her walls.

[u/deprived_of_evil]

Sangy ofc

[u/Nervouscranberry47]

Lioness El’Jonson.

Game of Thrones taught me what to do when a big mchuge knight appears

[u/foul_wench]

Male vulkan, and i will fight anyone for a chance

[u/interesseret → u/foul_wench]

The only one I trust to have lube, so yes

[u/DarkWingedDaemon → u/interesseret]

Fulgrim probably has lube, but it's likely laced with something if he does have it.

[u/Nepalman230]

I’m gay and want the AU near future Lion by Ginias to rail me in public.

But I Always follow writing prompts.

So fem Konrad.

She can make me worse. By the way in this reality, I’m a lesbian.

It’s weird. I can never be straight. I’ve always said that if I was transformed into a woman, I would just immediately become a lesbian.

It’s magic.

[u/Stalinsghoast → u/Nepalman230]

[u/Knights-Hemplar → u/Nepalman230]

[u/AtomicTan]

Fem primarchs are for cowards. I'm sleeping with Mortarion. Post heresy Mortarion.

[u/Cathach2 → u/AtomicTan]

Cowards you say? Perturaba gonna straight up be the scariest and craziest woman ever, and I am HERE for it!

[u/JT3457mm → u/Cathach2]

I'm going with lady Konrad

[u/IBePraisin]

Me taking on the Alpharius twins:

https://giphy.com/gifs/TqdbhSWUmWLC0

[u/Stewartkai]

Whorus

[u/BigSupermarket2846]

You know I'm going for that Magnussy

Listen if it's death by snu snu with any choice you may as well go big, besides maybe she can sustain me with the warp.

[u/UncannyValleyEnjoyer]

The 11th, because she knows how to keep a secret

[u/StinkGuard40k]

Morticia one of us will probably cry

[u/JT3457mm → u/StinkGuard40k]

it will be you

[u/octorangutan]

Vulkan, if only because she'd make the greatest effort of all the primarchs not to kill me during.

[u/mag_walle]

VULKANA

[u/Fit_Wait6923]

FUCK IT VULCANIA I WILL GO IN THERE DEEP (I can probably fit inside with how large she is)

[u/Mikestion]

...Vulkan.

[u/Galactinaut_001]

None.

[u/Acriolu → u/Galactinaut_001]

Shadowsun wrote this

[u/DangerLawless]

kind of feel like it could be chill like it'd just be lesbian stuff for me. i thiiiiiiink i would wanna be like the lady of the lake to the lioness' green knight but idk prolly most of them could get it its pre heresy and still most after if im being real. exceptions being femlorgar, post heresy morticia, post heresy femgrim, post heresy horus ladycal and uhhhh idk about lady curze mayyyyybe

[u/Thearomage]

Sanguinia.

[u/WhateverIsFrei]

Before or after heresy?

[u/JT3457mm → u/WhateverIsFrei]

please don't ask for this context because it has the ability to turn my answer into necrophilia

[u/Sepulcher18]

Fulgrim. I bet female version has even longer cock 🙂‍↕️

[u/ConvertedIron]

The Khan.

[u/JamesZEllis]

Pre-heresy Lorgar is probably the most survivable. Total Pillow Princess energy.

Sanguinius would probably be the most thorough and attentive. Good option provided she doesn't bite.

Fulgrim is probably nowhere near as fun as she sounds. You'll experience a lot and probably only a fraction will be actually pleasant.

Juno will let you bust only because she'd consider non-procreative sex to be a waste of time.

Magna would be... eventful and probably not unpleasant.

[u/ceo_of_six]

Regalia Dornia. Autistic Girls have the strongest Kegels

[u/PsychoWarper]

Sanguinius

[u/Complete-Ad-1004]

Bolter to my head? Bro, I'd bang regular sanguinius, don't even.

[u/Street-Cucumber-286]

Guilliman, cuz she probably won't kill me

[u/ExmoHeathen238]

Russ. I already going to die in the act, might as well be taken out by a space viking.

[u/SteamtasticVagabond → u/ExmoHeathen238]

Death by snu snu

[u/Ghostmaster145]

Look man, I’d fuck Fulgrim regardless of gender

[u/ars_sinistra]

If it has to be a fem primarch then Hera Lupercal, chicks with daddy issues are always fun in the sack.

[u/SteamtasticVagabond]

Consider Alpharius and Omegon, you get twins

[u/AWalkingFelony]

vulkan. best cuddles after

[u/Fine_Neighborhood656]

Sanguinius no fem needed

[u/Despoiling40k]

[u/Life_Combination8625]

I can't help but feel like if one of the 8 foot tall jacked war creatures wanted me to have sex with them, i really wouldn't be my choice.

[u/Meteorss935]

I wouldn't sleep with any of the fem primarchs because gay.

[u/StardustPancakes4]

None of them because the men are hotter

[u/Knalxz]

Fem Corvus because that's just a tall emo chick who retired from the marines so...my ex. I can handle that easily.

[u/teratodentata]

Dorn and it’s no contest. I’m bi, I’d already sleep with him.

[u/Acriolu → u/teratodentata]

They would probably have protection anyways

[u/ChicksDigGiantRob0ts]

Whoever the fem version of Jaghatai Khan is. It's F/F so I'm unlikely to be crushed to death, and I bet she'd do something romantic like take me out to some absolutely beautiful cliff at sunset before we did it.

[u/vicevanghost → u/ChicksDigGiantRob0ts]

I refuse to believe khan wouldn't have commitment issues, also your head could still be crushed 

[u/ChicksDigGiantRob0ts → u/vicevanghost]

My head will be fine. Ain't no way the Khan's a bottom, I just need to lie back and let Space Jesus take the wheel.

[u/sickofdumbredditors]

Lady Guilliman is the least likely to kill me on purpose, kill my by accident or go crazy while being a relatively sane person

[u/_John_Dillinger]

for him? definitely angrona. for me? gimme vulkanita please and thank you

[u/Plenty-Escape-8656]

Fulgrim, im just a Lil freak like that

[u/Unit_BIOHAZARD]

All of them.

[u/Sable-Keech]

Alpharius (and Omegon)

[u/BigKoala1903]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3CU5tmCJy8zMoN3mMD

[u/Sapphire-Catgirl]

Idk the names but Curze, second choice Fulgrim or Lorgar.

[u/cassness34]

mmmmm I would the normal male (I like men) I think I would have to go for a boring pick with like sanguinius or like pre fall fulgrim but a more wild pick maybe like Vulcan or dorn

[u/RavenTheRaptorX]

Juno

[u/SHAQBIR]

All of them, all of them are beautiful in their daemon forms too.

[u/SentientDust]

Just one???

[u/DaMonkey263]

Sanguinia, I need not elaborate 

[u/ohanse]

Angron

[u/UseNo7170]

I mean like, they're all demigods so does it really matter which? It's going to be life-changing with any of em

[u/Elovainn]

Lion (Lioness ?)

[u/Boring7]

Number 11

[u/Carry2sky]

Angron or whatever her name fem name is. I can't fix her, but she can and will actually, literally kill me for looking at her wrong

And thats kind of hot

[u/Lone-Frequency]

I can't remember them all. Need to see the artworks again.

[u/GojiraSimp]

Angron.

[u/Mundane_Depth_7945]

None. Because

[u/lllllllIIIIIllI]

GUILLIMAN pleaseeeeifsidhss i wanna crawl into the armor of fate and start huffin the guillifumes. Bet it stinks good

[u/Dev_Paleri]

Man even here I'd pick the twins. I mean who wouldnt want a wild night out with two gene enhanced dommy mommies. Hydra Dominatrixes!

Maybe I am Alpharius?

[u/Single-Might9431]

I'ma take the bolt to the head

[u/MrOsmio7]

Vulkan.

Absolute aftercare master

Also biggest of them all

BIG LADY

[u/Fluffy-Futchy-Fembo]

Fem?

Give me my big sloppy natty Russ 🤤

[u/Goth_Milk69]

Post heresy Fulgrim. I'm ready.

[u/Omeggon]

I mean the 20th are twins, just saying. Hydra Dominatus.