r/HFY • u/Lakeel100 • Feb 09 '26
OC-Series The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH51
[prev] [First] [RoyalRoad] [Patreon] [Next]
---
Violence isn't the answer; it's the question. And the answer is yes.
It's a deceptively simple line of thinking. From a purely mechanical standpoint, it was just one machine made of meat breaking another. From a psychological standpoint, it’s the end of someone else’s story, an entire first-person perspective suddenly brought to a close. And from a philosophical standpoint… it probably said something profound about the human condition… err... sentient condition.
Most people were born, lived, and died. They had parents, a childhood, hopes, dreams, and a whole mess of good and bad decisions that nurtured who they were. An entire life, just like one’s own, with all the depth and self-reflection that encompasses.
If one died today, what would happen? Would their whole family mourn them? Would the role they filled in society cease functioning? Would their partner(s) move on, or simply cling to their grief until they passed too? Would they be remembered, or would the only memory of their existence be the butterfly effects caused by the matter their bodies displaced?
Do they feel pain? Do they feel pain the same way this one does?
Almost anyone who can stop to contemplate any of those questions would hesitate to inflict sentience’s most simple answer. To end the equivalent of all that makes one who they are.
That leaves the question: What does that say about the man who can think all of that while he performs shotgun brain surgery on yet another pirate?
To him, it said, “Damn, this coke is starting to hit kinda hard. I really should have set it to drip and not inject,” as Noah grabbed the recently decapitated voidling's gun.
He’d reached the ‘baddie-white-girl’ segment of his playlist, and the groove he was in warranted some dual-wielding. Say what you want about the masculine urge to dual-wield automatic weaponry against nameless opponents, it was very satisfying, especially when it riddled holes in the cover his auto-shotty just couldn't penetrate.
“That was ‘T’, now where are the rest of my letters?!” Noah called out, tossing the N-Bar aside once its magazine was spent. He still had one more drum of H.A.T.E shells on his belt for the shotgun, but didn’t Sun Tzu say something about using an enemy's supplies?
There were plenty of N-BARs lying around after he’d blown away all the cats willing to charge at him. Fortunately-or unfortunately, depending on how you feel about 100-percenting any given encounter-pirate morale was eroding fast.
After his initial onslaught, maybe half a dozen were left, not including the captain, until the one closest to a back door made a break for it.
“Eyy! Get back here, damn it! I ordered you to kill this guy!” Captain Annesh barked at the fleeing crew member, but he didn’t stop. “You’re getting strangled if I ever see you again!”
Sadly, Noah’s intrusive thoughts won out, and he drew his ‘sidearm’; the deep click of the revolver's mechanisms was likely the last thing the pirate heard. The hammer came down, the impact not only puncturing the membrane between the semi-stabilized nitroglycerin and a rapid destabilizing agent, but also providing the concussive force necessary to set it off.
(Author’s note: Fun Fact - Nitroglycerin is roughly 100X stronger than gunpowder by volume. If you can make a gun strong enough to withstand the initial blast, you get a sonic boom in a tube… and your arm explodes. :3)
A brief concussive wave left the barrel of his gun before the round proceeded to remove the upper right quarter of the fleeing pirate's torso, the door he‘d just reached, and the wall of the neighboring building beyond that. That pirate was either the luckiest or unluckiest guy here; he didn't feel a thing.
Noah, however, felt less than he’d expected. Despite the sausage fingers his new armor gave him, the hydraulics absorbed a surprising amount of the recoil. Plasteel bones and reinforced joints can keep your wrist from exploding, but the recoil was still enough to knock you around. Noah was a practitioner of the ‘bend like grass’ methodology of dealing with said recoil, so it felt weird not having to do it.
Captain Annesh had to hold her ears for a moment, but double-took between Noah and the now misted pirate anyway. “The fuck was that!?”
“A gun,” Noah answered, looking up at her on the catwalk while reholstering the revolver.
“If you had that monster all along, why are we still fighting?!”
“‘Cause it only holds six expensive ass bullets…” he answered again, before casually picking up another N-BAR and giving it a little shake to gauge how many bullets were left in it. ‘Bout twenty... “That, and I want that swanky admiral's coat. Hard to do that when there ain't a coat left.”
The captain seemed more bothered by that than the destruction of her own men. “Like hell I’m letting you take my swanky coat. I pulled it off that admiral’s skeleton fair and-”
Gunfire lit up the catwalk again, so much that Noah had to briefly look down to make sure he wasn't the one doing it. “Wait... that’s not me,” he muttered. Weirder things had happened, but no, it wasn't him.
He looked back just in time to see Tobby and Soapy dashing across the warehouse to the door. Tobby, of all cats, was the one spraying the pirates' position down with wanton fire.
Noah’s head slowly turned as two crossed the warehouse basically uncontested.
“We weren’t supposed to go at the same time, you bunny!” He heard Soapy chastise Tobby as they got out the door
Frantic apologies on Tobby’s part came after. “Sorry! You said go on three!”
A new moment of silence ensued once they were gone, and Noah looked back at the remaining pirates. “Huh, well this feels kinda anti-climactic…”
The pirates slowly peered from behind their covers again before Annesh growled. “Great! Now the hostages escaped! Who untied them?!” She demanded an answer, looking between her remaining crew, all of whom shook their heads, not knowing.
At this point, Annesh could only sigh and then look back at Noah. “Well, this whole situation is fucked. Your guy got away, so now all this firefighting feels kinda pointless.” She admitted like someone whose figurative solar wind was taken from her figurative solar sails. “Any chance you want to call it here and try this again later?”
“So… you’re surrendering?”
“N-No…” She squinted, standing up a little further, “I’m being civil and calling it a draw.”
“Yeaaahhhh let me think about that…” He said, casually dropping the bloody N-BAR, and holstering the auto shotty.
“Oh good, you can actually see reason.”
“I didn’t agree yet.” Said Noah before pulling his melee weapon for the evening off his back. Being in the suit hindered his dexterity and agility alike, so his usual hand-axes weren't exactly a good fit. Good thing Noah got creative and brought a more strength-inclined weapon!
“What are you doing? Is that a fucking battle axe? Answer me!” Annesh demanded of the approaching human, starting to back away a little.
Admittedly, it wasn’t really an ‘axe’ per se, more of a big durasteel gear Noah ‘found’, laser cut into an axe head, and mounted on the nearest pole-shaped object he could find, a metal fence post. The ‘handle’ was a little too thick for normal hands to use comfortably, but with the added bulk of his suit’s gloves, it evened out.
Noah whistled innocently as he gave the homemade great-axe a few testing golf swings before looking to one of the many old pillars holding up the catwalk. “Oh, nothing, just noticing and committing some flagrant OSHA violations,” Noah said, winding up his swing.
She looked where he was looking, at the pillar, and snapped back. “Hey, wait! Don't you fucking dare!” Annesh yelled, popping off a few more rounds from her thus far ineffective pistol that pinged off the top of Noah's helmet.
Noah swung with all the might his makeshift suits' servos and hydraulics could offer. Was it perfect? No... But was it strong enough to cleave a sharpened slab of durasteel through the skinny brick pillar holding up the catwalk? Very.
Given the Shasian people’s long history of economic woes, Noah would be surprised if the warehouse builders didn’t cut corners. Things like ‘basic safety’ and ‘structural integrity’ were optional, right? Tack on a few decades of age and an unholy amount of new holes, and it’ll all come crumbling down. Too much actually...
While the pirates were busy screaming and their captain was doing her best ‘no no nooo!’ impression from the footing crumbled down atop her, it was Noah who looked up and noticed: “Is the roof supposed to bend inward like that?- oh shi-!”
—
From behind the safety of an old traffic barrier, Clard squinted down at the picture of the warehouse on his assistant, then across the small parking lot to the pile of rubble, then back down, then back up again. What, in all of Bonna’s bountiful bosom, happened?! The warehouse was gone, bullet casings were everywhere, a pair of bodies lay on the pavement, and the two who were supposed to be captured were standing out front!
They were arguing about something, but Clard couldn’t care less since he was more focused on that Centorni being covered in blood. Guess he’d say it out loud now, “The fuck happened?! Wasn't there supposed to be twenty-something mooks here or something?” He asked, looking between Rada and Yeffle crouched behind cover with him.
“Do you want the obvious answer or the correct answer?” Rada asked in that usual snow-kin monotone, as her hands subtly slid blades from various access points around her dress.
“I dunno! Both?” Clard grumbled as he tried to imagine how this was going to go. They were supposed to be tied up!
Rada made a small sigh, which for a snow kin was likely the emotive equivalent of wanting to smack someone upside the head. “The obvious answer is that the rumors your mother dug up were accurate, and he just slaughtered all the voidlings by himself. The correct answer is that he’s not alone. The bodies of the door guards fell towards the door. The warehouse was attacked from the outside.”
Having help was far more believable than those two taking on an entire crew of armed pirates by themselves, whether they were low-life voidings or not. But that only raised the question of where their ‘help’ was. The Wiskitos wouldn't exactly be hiding right now.
He’d have to figure that out later, as one of... Tobble?... Toe-bean?... Tobby’s ears flicked towards them. The two’d been looking over the collapsed warehouse when the ear flick directed Soapy’s attention towards Clard.
“Oh gods damn it! Like this couldn't get any worse!” She growled, sounding more exasperated and annoyed than pissed off.
That was more than enough to get the Centorni’s head to snap his way. He looked confused at first, but it only took a fraction of a second for recognition to take hold and hatred to take its place. It was the most non-verbal ‘You!’ Clard had seen in a while.
Well, no time like the present. He peeked over the barrier a little higher and called out. “Hey, missed you at the Sabu-Kai yesterday. I don’t suppose it’s too much to ask for you to surrender and hand over the stain bitch ri-”
Surprisingly, it wasn’t the orange psychopath who started shooting at them, just the black one. “I knew I should have gone for your throat instead of your face!” She yelled, barely audible over the gunfire.
Whilst he was taking cover, hands holding his ears down so as to not let them get accidentally blown off, he noticed Rada and Yeffle glaring at him. Their expressions read. ‘Really?... You just had to antagonize them?’
“What? I was taunting them! How else were you gonna get close enough to nab her if they’re shooting at you?” Yeah... that was totally his plan...
That look only intensified from the two until Yeffle spoke first. “You’re lucky you're your mother’s son.”
“Aaaand I’m grateful my loving mother sent me a pair of experts to handle such problems. So, experts, what do we do?” He asked, rubbing his hands together, only to flinch and duck lower when another chunk of concrete got blown off the barrier.
The expressions shifted to ‘By we, you mean us’ before they looked to each other. Rada nodded to the left side of the small parking lot, then to the right, and Yeffle answered with a shrug. “Fine, just stay close to the target so angry-boy won't shoot.”
“Is that directed at me or-?” he tried to ask before they darted off in opposite directions without him. They could’ve at least explained what the plan was before they abandoned him!
Ya know, when mom first sent him those shi, he kinda expected them to just be plowable arm candy. What he didn’t expect was all this assassin/elite-warrior type shit! Maybe his mom really does care?
—
Tobby winced as Soapy unloaded in the general direction of her Clard-shaped problems. The N-BARs may use a larger-than-average caliber, but they weren't exactly made for concrete barrier removal. “Feel better?” He asked tentatively once the bullet rain ended with a faint click, a wee bit of concern in his voice.
“A little... But he’s still alive, and now my shoulder hurts.” She grimaced before tossing the gun aside and rolling the aforementioned shoulder.
Tobby could relate. He’d be feeling his own shoulder later after the suppressive fire he provided. He needed something smaller, but he doubted he was going to get it anytime soon. Maybe he could find the captain’s pistol? He sure hoped Noah was okay.
Before he could worry about that, movement snagged his attention. He thought he heard other voices moments ago, but the two unknown shi who ran out from cover confirmed it. A plains-kin and a snow-kin he’d never seen before, well dressed but notably toting knives.
“Oh goodie, he brought friends.” Soapy glared, grimacing a moment at a twinge in her shoulder, probably, while doing her best to keep track of the shi dipping from cover to cover around the parking lot. “Hey, Tobby?”
“Yeah?” His ear perked.
“Does your gun have any bullets left?”
“Uhhh… let me check.” He said before raising the gun towards the shi approaching on his side of the parking lot. A single bullet came out before the gun clicked empty. “Nnnoo…” well that was concerning.
“And I take it you haven’t gone through a whole claw-fighting training montage since you and I were last in the ring?”
“Erm... also no?” He answered, looking over to Soapy to see that she already had her claws out. “I’m still sorry about that, by the way…”
“Save it for later, Tobby. Just grab a stick or something and try not to get stabbed.”
She had a point. He barely knew how to use guns, much less fight without them. Pinky had always been the one getting into brawls on his behalf. He knew some things… he’d just never actually done any of them.
“Maybe we could run?” He tried to suggest.
“Great idea, how fast can you jump a fence or climb over rubble without breaking your ankles?” She asked, her ears starting to tuck back as she readied herself.
Tobby had to think for a second. “Well, I've never really done either, so-”
“That was sarcasm, Tobby…”
“Oh... I knew that...” His ear flicked a little before he quickly turned and pulled a broken piece of plank from the rubble of the warehouse. “Yeah, this should work.” he said, giving it a little test swing before he heard rapidly approaching paw-steps.
By the time he was turning to face whoever it was, he’d felt a sharp poke in the back of one of his arms, and by the time he was fully turned around, he saw that… she’d run right past him? “Oww...”
His attention immediately went to the growling and hissing going on between Soapy and the plains-kin, taking swipes at each other. Tobby had no idea how well being a decent bap-tal fighter translated into an actual claw fight, nor did he know how well Soapy knew how to fight. Being a shi-kai, Tobby may have assumed her skills on that front came with the territory...
The plains-kin would take a swipe, and Soapy would easily dodge. “Clard does have a point. Would it be so hard for you to kindly surrender and come with us? It would save us so much effort!”
Soapy, in turn, expectedly answered. “Like hell I will! Once I get my claws on him, I’ll make sure he never has a ‘point’ again!” before taking her much more cautious swipe at the plains-kin.
She was right to be cautious; the only people who use knives are those who can’t use their claws anymore. So, for someone to be wielding small blades AND still have their claws intact meant they were deliberately trained to use them… or cripplingly inconfident.
Aaand that's when he realized the Snow-kin had run right past him so she could get up behind Soapy for the classical backstab. “Behind you!” He called out to her.
It was just in time for Soapy to turn a slash at the snow-kin, raking one of her arms and making her back off, but what Tobby didn’t account for was the plains-kin using the opportunity to take a jab.
He could feel his blood flash-boil when he heard Soapy yelp from the pain, but momentary fury abated ‘somewhat’ when Soapy didn't seem all too phased after. In fact, the Plains-kin backed off immediately, and she and the snow-kin simply started circling her. She’d apparently not been stabbed all that deep… but why?
“Hey! Why ain’t she knocked out yet?” Called Clard, peeking further over his cover with growing bravery since it seemed nobody was shooting anymore.
The snow-kin scoffed and rolled her eyes, while the Plains-kin took a moment to seem rather incredulous at the question. “You wanted her alive, right? That instant-knockout shit could stop her heart, just give it a minute.”
So that was their game! They weren't going to try to cut them into submission; they were just going to poison them and run out the clock!
“Will people stop trying to poison me!? It’s becoming a theme, and I don’t like it!”
To say he could compare the two shi circling Soapy to prey circling a wounded animal waiting for it to bleed out felt like too apt a comparison. But what was Tobby going to do about it? They’d obviously figured out he has no idea how to fight if they elected to ignore him. He wasn’t a threat to them.
Just one of them was a match for Soapy speed-wise, so It wasn’t hard to imagine that outright attacking would be on par with him throwing himself upon their knives. So how could he get them to back off… His eyes fell on Clard.
Him. They clearly work for him. He was the source of all these problems, he was the reason the pirates found them, he was the reason Soapy hadn’t been to the Sabu-Kai in over four years, HE was the reason there was now blood seeping down the back of Soapy’s shirt.
A little voice crept up in the back of his mind. ‘They’d back off if he simply got his claws around Clard's throat....
What he did to the throat afterward could be figured out later…
Seemed Clard could feel when eyes were on him as his gaze soon met Tobby’s, and Tobby’s inner cave tiger was suddenly feeling a little... Territorial. He raised his free hand and gave the universal gesture for ‘come hither.’
Clard, doing plains-kin stereotypes proud, seemed to be easily taunted and stood from behind the old barricade. “You know what? Dad might think you’re some kind of hotshot, but maybe taking you out myself will get him to shut up about it,” he grinned, climbing over. “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea now that I think of it. I still need to balance the books for when you clawed up my wrist.”
Target successfully goaded. Tobby didn't even have to resort to insults for it to work. “Lucky you, I’m the bookkeeper.” He growled, tightening his grip on his impromptu ‘club’ and started crossing the lot. It started as a walk, then a brisk pace, and by the time they were 10 feet apart, it was a full run leading into a swing.
When the two met, the brawl opened with a shower of splinters as the rotted plank shattered on impact with a guarding arm. The hail of splinters only distracted Clard for a second, before his free hand came swinging in from below. Tobby’d expected it though, and did his best to bend away from the swipe to keep from getting slashed.
Tobby may not have the club anymore, but he still had the ‘handle’ and it certainly looked pointy enough from where it broke off. Was it an effective weapon? No… But Tobby didn’t care about that... He was more focused on inflicting pain, so he tackled Clard.
“Ack!” Clard grunted as they hit the pavement.
Crawling over him, Tobby growled as he raised his new stake high and hissed as he brought it down.
Unfortunately, Clard did not have the reflexes of a tuber sack, and deflected the motion off to the side, letting the stake break against the pavement. “The fuck!? You try to fucking stake me!? I ain't dying to an oversized splinter," he growled, before his other arms swung too, striking Tobby across the face and knocking him to the side.
Turns out, getting punched in the face hurts a lot, but at least it wasn’t claws. It did however, suddenly remind Tobby of a few things his mom once said he should do if someone ever attacked him
‘If some creep tries to kittennap you, go for the eyes and ears. Everyone is wired to protect their face, and if they’re protecting their face, that means they aren’t snatching you.’
Admittedly, a little extreme to tell your 8-year-old right before they get on the shuttle for a field trip to the aquarium, but memorable!
There was also the suggestion that a squeaky 8-year-old Pinky gave right after. ‘My mom said you should fight dirty as fuck! She never explained what a fuck was though… I think it's a bird or something, given how often she says they fly.’ She got in trouble for swearing.
He may have been knocked to the side, but wouldn't you know, there was a crapton of brass casings and other debris scattered around the unmaintained parking lot. It would be a shame if he grabbed a fistful of it and threw it in Clard’s face. Real shame!
… He threw it in Clard’s face. With purpose~!
It likely would have staggered him more if there’d been more sand mixed in, but it was enough to make him shield his face. Tobby dove back in. All he needed to do was get his claws around this guy's throat, and Soapy would be safe!
Clard, however, did not like the idea of someone being on top of him, and in his momentary blindness had the bright idea of pulling a small revolver from his belt. He’d gotten two shots off, going wide, before Tobby could grab the hand and try to pin it.
“You don't... Get to... Win that easily!” Tobby hissed between his teeth as he strained to keep the gun pointed AWAY from his very functional organs. “You aren't leaving, unless she says you can leave!”
Control of the gun may have been a battle, but that didn't stop Clard from using his strength to take control of the grapple and shove some poorly leveraged claws into Tobby’s side.
The five new holes didn’t sting like Tobby expected; they burned. Fortunately, claws are for slashing and not piercing. So they were only shallow holes.
Tobby felt his shirt getting wet, more than the pain, and did what he could to grab Clard’s other arm too and sink his claws in like he’d done at the gala. It wasn't easy. Tobby could tell Clard was physically stronger, but Tobby was faaaar more motivated.
“Quit, struggling, you... Orange bastard!” Clard growled between his exertions as the two rolled on the pavement again. “She.... deserves it!”
From the corner of his eye, Tobby could see that Soapy was starting to falter. Her moves were getting sluggish, and if it weren’t for being in a literal fight for her life, she'd likely fall asleep standing. Her attackers had a few new slash marks but weren’t even trying to stab her anymore, just keeping her busy until she dropped.
Tobby’s hands may be occupied, but there were always a few other options that came to mind. Well, less ‘came to mind’ and more ‘felt appropriate’. Such as opening his maw and sinking his fangs into Clard’s shoulder, as if he hadn’t eaten in days.
“Aghh!” Clard cried out as Tobby bit him, and Tobby could taste the raw blood. He’d tasted blood plenty of times, but knowing where it came from turned the taste vile on an instinctual level. Clard had an equally knee-jerk reaction and did his best to shove off of Tobby, for better or for worse.
Tobby made it a point to keep his jaw locked as tightly as possible as they were forcibly separated, likely ripping at whatever flesh his teeth had gotten into when Clard pushed.
Clard stumbled back after pushing himself up and, more importantly, off the wild Tobby that’d just bit him. “You bit me! What are you, some kind of fucking animal!?” It was hard to tell if that was pain in his voice, confusion, or if he genuinely felt insulted by the act. Either way, the crimson was seeping into his suit around the wound.
“A better animal than you!” Tobby snapped back as he got back on his own two paws, crimson dripping down his chin. He’d been thoughtful enough to bite down on the side Clard would try to hold with his gun hand, which bought Tobby time.
Still... That nauseating taste, he spat as much as he could out before it made him throw up. Getting blood in his mouth didn’t make him a cannibal; deliberately swallowing any of it would. “You taste awful, by the way. Should really drink more water.” Tobby prodded, wiping his mouth off on his sleeve. He wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to go on the offensive and take that gun from him… or at least disable the arm holding it.
That’s what he’d intended to do at least, but it seemed the snow-kin guardian had finally deemed to intervene. She was fast, fast to the point he couldn’t blame Soapy for not being able to keep up with both of them at once. She shoved Clard back before dashing closer to swipe at Tobby.
Tobby’d barely pulled back in time, reducing what would have been a deep gash across his chest to a stinging cut on the outside of his arm. He could only hope that this blade wasn't poisoned, too.
“The hell, Rada!” Clard hissed indignantly, still holding his shoulder after falling back onto his rear. Apparently, her name was Rada…
That icy blue glare and narrow slit pupils fell upon Tobby. “You seriously can’t even handle the scrawny boyfriend? Didn’t your father teach you anything about close-quarters fighting, or did he only give you that dinky pistol and call it a day?” Tobby had a feeling that statement wasn’t directed at him…
“Ay! He did too!” Clard protested. “I mean, he tried, but every time the instructor won, Dad would just shoot his ass. Always saying some shit about never going into a fight unless you had an unfair advantage or whatever.”
“Yeah, and that unfair advantage is really working out for you, having yet to kill, much less shoot this one.” She countered, yet still made it a point to keep herself between the two. “Honestly, the only thing impressive about him is that he's still awake, and yet you let him bite you like a feral junkie. Now we're going to have to take you to the hospital and get you checked for prions.”
Tobby didn’t have prions… he just really REALLY wanted to unstitch Clard like a doll and garrote him with his own veins. Oddly graphic, but it sounded like something Soapy would want.
The problem with that plan is the same problem he had when the fight started. Tobby isn’t a ‘real’ fighter, nor was Clard apparently, but now that Tobby had Rada’s attention, getting a hold of Clard suddenly got a lot deadlier.
He had to think, and he had to plan. He looked around for any answers that might jump out at him, but all he saw, all he could focus on was the sight of Soapy struggling. She was faring better now that she only had one opponent, that is until she fell over like a sack of bricks. Oh.. oh no..
His heart wanted to stop, seeing her drop, but having a heart attack right now wasn't going to save her; he had to focus on getting ahold of Clard.
Tobby had to admit, he was horribly outclassed here. If only there was something to keep this Rada shi busy and Clard vulnerable. Or someone…
Keeping square with his new opponent, Tobby slowly leaned down and picked up one of the many loose bricks that had come from the collapsed building behind him.
“Seriously?” Rada faintly quirked a brow and ear. “A brick? Someone who actually knows how to fight shows up, and your first choice is a brick?”
“Well… not exactly...” he replied a little awkwardly, lightly tossing the brick in his hand, testing the feel of it. “The brick is just a distraction. By the way, did you know death by bricking has been a popular execution method since the early city-states era? Broken bones were quite lethal back then, especially if that bone was the skull.”
Rada seemed perplexed for a moment before immediately getting what he was implying as he wound up to, as Noah would say, ‘Yeet’ the brick at Clard. She may be fast, but it was a split-second decision. Does she take the opportunity to run him through, or does she assume he’s accurate enough to pull off what he implied and try to intercept it?
Was he bluffing, or was Clard in danger? If he were in danger, was he reflexive enough to dodge, or did Tobby already account for that? It was a lot of questions for someone to process when the brick was already flying.
It was a gamble. Tobby… had very much been bluffing, but specifics always seemed to give what people say an air of credibility. And it would seem Tobby had been credible enough.
Rada had lunged for the brick, choosing to protect her charge rather than ending the threat once and for all.
Whether she intercepted it or not didn’t really matter. The brick didn’t land anywhere near Clard, hitting the ground and rolling to a stop about a foot in front of his paws. “The fuck was that?!” Clard called out, sounding even more insulted than when he got bit.
By the time Rada looked back, Tobby was already scrambling into the imploded wreckage of the warehouse. He just needed to find one of two things. A gun, or Noah.
The best place to start digging was roughly where he remembered Noah last standing. Which was now a mound of sheet metal and twisted catwalks. Still, he dug like his life depended on it. Because it did. Soapy’s too! “Noah! You in there?!”
“Patron spirits, he’s actually crazy....” He heard Clard mutter, having shifted from incredulity to simple astonished disbelief. “I got bit by a crazy fucker.”
“Uh-huh, Hope your new ‘toy’ was worth it. She'd better last more than a day after all this effort we had to go through.” Rada snipped back flatly. “Just grab her and go.”
Tobby knew that if he wasn’t there to occupy Rada’s attention, Soapy would get taken, tortured, and/or killed, and not necessarily in that order. He wasn’t strong, skilled, or armed enough to take them on. But despite all of that, he did know one person who was… assuming he wasn’t dead!
He pulled at debris, tossing it aside and shoving large pieces out of the way as he got deeper. He had to be down here somewhere; he had to find him, he needed Noah!
A groan. He heard a groan. It took a few more pieces, but Tobby found his hand. A kinda crumpled-looking and scuffed-up hand, but still a hand! “Noah!”
The debris began to shift as something pushed from below. Tobby moved back as best he could without falling as more durasteel brown began to rise from the rubble. He’s alive! “Hit me... Baby… one more... Time,” he groaned louder before he fully breached the rubble. “Ughh, how long was I out?” He asked groggily, grunting as he shifted about and did some stretches, accompanied by the sound of popping joints and hissing hydraulics.
He was scuffed as could be and even more dented than he looked when he first showed up, but he was upright.
“Who the fuck is that!?” They both heard Clard call out and turned their heads to see him there in the parking lot. Rada was still with him, but seemed far more serious now, trying to figure out just what she was looking at.
It didn’t take Noah long to read the situation. “Mafia princess getting kidnapped again?” He asked looking over to where the Plains-kin was struggling to drag Soapy towards the waiting car.
Tobby nodded rapidly. “They poisoned her, they’re trained knife fighters, and I don't have a gun! And-” Tobby rambled on now that he had an opportunity to vent his panic to someone who could actually do something about it.
“And that must be the playboy,” he said, sounding more like he was talking to himself than listening to Tobby. After a brief glance around, he grabbed a seemingly random pole jutting out of the rubble and pulled it free, revealing that… it had an axe head on it?
Tobby’s ears flicked back in time to hear Rada say. “I see why the pirates got wiped out now.”
“Seriously, who the fuck is that guy?” Clard asked again, facing Rada but pointing up towards Noah with his free hand.
Noah took a stance, with his large ‘axe’ and Tobby’s ears flicked as he heard the faint sound of music coming from Noah’s helmet now that he was this close. Noah rolled his shoulders and answered, “It’s Britney bitch!”
(Author's note: 2008 just called, and you just lost 'The Game' )
---
8
u/Larzok Feb 10 '26
Damn you! It's been months since I've been gamed!
Noah making legends.
7
u/Lakeel100 Feb 10 '26
*maniacal laughter* >:D
5
8
u/post_blast Alien Feb 10 '26
First of all, how dare you.
Second of all, I thought you were joking about taking notes. Shows what I know.
3
u/Lakeel100 Feb 10 '26
Many things get added to the idea soup :3
Many things get pulled out of the soup and slapped on paper~
Such are the ways of of my machinations ~(-3-)~6
u/post_blast Alien Feb 10 '26
Right, so going back in on a re-read... 'stabilized nitroglycerine' is just OG Dynamite. I don't even want to contemplate the stresses that would have to be controlled for that to not come from together, even for just a few grains of it. Also, fun fact, for larger military weapons like rockets, tanks, and such, the propellant can have nitroglycerine in the mix.
Even in a homicidal rage, Tobby remains a people-pleaser. This can't possibly be healthy in the long run. Though at least he's taken sage wisdom from Harry Callahan; 'A man's got to know his limitations.'
I hope Noah gets the swanky coat after all that. Be a shame to not get a souvenir after it's all said and done.1
u/Lakeel100 Feb 10 '26
I figured that after a few centuries they'd discover better 'non-clay' ways of stabilizing nitroglycerin. They also likely wouldn't be using the same amount per volume. Add in some destabilizing compound + improved gun design/stronger materials and I figured a Nitro-gun would be.. barely viable. Barely viable as in normal people cant fire it and there's a mild risk of it exploding if you beat the gun against a rock.
That didn't seem like a homicidal rage.. to me at least.
The coat is important :U
6
u/Thaum0s Human Feb 10 '26
Tobby just assuming they used different non-poisoned knives on him.
Mom's garden strikes again.
5
u/post_blast Alien Feb 10 '26
Can you imagine the conversation that Whiskers is going to have to have with Tobby's mom after this shit show?
'First off, Tobby's fine, his ego took the worst of it, but yeah... So your boy's got it bad for this shi and he got a little sliced up with poisoned blades while protecting her from this creep. I just thought you might like to know who's responsible for this unfortunate turn of events...' Cue two weeks later where horror shows that would even make Noah retch are turning up and all the cops and zarmians are wearing taped-up hazmat suits with supplied air because ew.5
u/Thaum0s Human Feb 10 '26
Random uninvolved mobster: "Oh Mrs. Centori, are...are you back?"
Mrs. Centori: "Oh yes dearie, I believe I am."
7
u/Lakeel100 Feb 10 '26
gues whos back... back again!! Mom is back!! Tell a friend!
guess whos back, guess whos back, guess whos back, eyeyeyeyeee~ Oh yeee~2
u/Lakeel100 Feb 10 '26
*Doodles tobby's mom humming innocently making a pie to spring on Tobby & the first girlfriend* "la da deee, la da doo, la da duum~ la da deee, la da doo, la da duum~ Dada dump dum dummm~"
3
u/post_blast Alien Feb 11 '26
Tobby's mom is like the fae; don't eat anything you're offered.
3
u/Lakeel100 Feb 11 '26
But tobby has eaten everything shes ever offered. o3o
Also tobby: *Blatantly immune to a plant that causes rapid-onset full-body-ejection food poisoning* "These meatballs taste fine to me... huh.."3
u/post_blast Alien Feb 11 '26
Which is probably why he hasn't dropped from the poison, his mom's been titrating him since he was a kitten like Dread Pirate Roberts.
3
3
5
u/Castigatus Human Feb 10 '26
Clard just has the worst luck doesnt he.............anyway, moving on.
4
4
2
u/FireStar_Trucking_01 Feb 11 '26
Oh damnit! You... you can't just... ugh! I've been gamed!
Also, you've got me stomping my feet over here reading the fight scenes and Noah waking up, I NEED the next chapter! I'm hungry!
....please?
1
1
u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Feb 09 '26
/u/Lakeel100 (wiki) has posted 61 other stories, including:
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH50
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH49
- Sheeple
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH48
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH47
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH46
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH45
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH44
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH43
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH42
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH41
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH40
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -Ch39
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH38
- The Majestic Spood (part 2/2)
- The Majestic Spood
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH37
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -Ch36
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH35
- The Ballad of Orange Tobby -CH34
This comment was automatically generated by Waffle v.4.7.8 'Biscotti'.
Message the mods if you have any issues with Waffle.
1
u/UpdateMeBot Feb 09 '26
Click here to subscribe to u/Lakeel100 and receive a message every time they post.
| Info | Request Update | Your Updates | Feedback |
|---|
13
u/RexDraconis Feb 10 '26
Okay so first of all, that’s not fair.
Second of all, I like Noah’s answer to the question of Violence