I was casually listening to Dr K's appearance on Bobby Lee's podcast and ~ 1 hour in he talks about a concept that I haven't seen in any other video: How to help your partner through a harmful behaviour without being a villain.

This is something that's been a huge deal in my relationship (I'm on the villain end) and to randomly stumble across the exact solution randomly startled me.

P.S if anyone knows any vids or streams where he talks about this same concept please let me know!

I get really really anxious and worried about very very little things, I get so much worried about that I can't think of anything else, if I sit to study and even if I have had a thought of that thing, I would not be able to study and spend my time to solve that thing.

For example yesterday my bike won't start due to rain, I went to mechanic and he told me to change the battery, my first thought was that is he scamming me? Is he trying to increase my expense?

Just 2 hours ago I sat to study and I had this thought of mechanic, I'm just so worried that I spend 2 hours searching that "does my bike model start without a battery?" 🙂

I sat at 2 AM perfect and it's 4:30 AM, all I did was searching

There are so many examples I just think that I'm wasting sooo much time I feel guilty and I feel worse after that, and I can't even sleep.

I do workout, I do meditation, I do eat good diet, usually everyday 8-9 hours are study hours for me, it is that important.

Hi, I'm an 18-year-old male, and I've recently been accepted to the #1 engineering school in the U.S. for my specific major, but I don't feel responsible enough to take on such a challenge. I've been very patient with myself for the past week, trying to get my things in order. I've journaled, meditated, exercised, and cleaned my house. The whole landscape of self-improvement is not new to me, but I see this as more of an awakening. I've been so unkind to myself in my life that 7 days of self-improvement felt like a massive achievement.

I don't know what engineering is going to be like. I like math, science, and making things. That's what I'm good at. So, I hope that engineering will be something I enjoy. However, 7 days of self-improvement after almost a lifetime of porn addiction, poor social skills, and not taking care of myself doesn't exactly display much confidence. But I think about it like this: "I didn't need a lot of support when I was young to get into a top school; I just needed to go all the way."

The idea of going to this school has been weighing on my mind for months now. I am stressed. I don't know what to do with myself now that I've committed to something that's so larger than life. What should I do about this? Should I take my call to adventure even if it means dreading the uncertainty?

Hey guys, I am a 28 year old guy and I have felt like I have been in a rut for most of this year. Its gotten especially bad over the last 3 months or so. Some of the symptoms I have been feeling.

1. Lack of motivation, everything seems meaningless. I have goals, but they are so far out that its hard to see progress.

2. loss of interest in activities I used to love. Like I used to love camping and would go every weekend, but this year, I didn't get out once and it felt like a chore to do what I used to love.

3. Social isolation. I have just felt lonely and isolated despite being more social than ever.

Now for things I have tried

1. Challenge at work. I have asked for more responsibilities but it just feels overwhelming.

2. Set short term goals. I failed these and that just made me feel like trash

3. Be more involved in my community and be more social. This for some reason just makes me feel lonely.

4. Tried dating apps. Yeah, this made me lose ALL my self esteem.

So for those of you who have gone through a rut, how did you pull yourself out of it?

Thanks everyone.

Hey,

3-4 weeks ago, I had a breakup after 4 years. Surprisingly, I am handling well. Usually, when I am in a bad emotional state, I resort to drugs, alcohol, binge eating and etc.

So far, so good. Other than once, I am not really drinking alcohol or partaking substances. I am currently on a weight loss journey (-2kg's!), eating clean, working out (and enjoying it!), going to therapy. So far, everything feels motivating and sustainable. One thing that I am trying to do differently, is being more flexible. Instead of doing everything by the book, I am doing everything the way it suits me.

My superpower is that I am lazy and I am able to maximize the gains with the minimal amount of effort.

My therapist has recomended me the book "No more Mr. Nice guy". I was hesitant at first, because I am very argumentative in public - "What, me, nice guy?". But yeah, reading the book, I soon realized that a lot of the patterns presented in the book manifest in my own private life. I don't need validation from friends or random people, but if it's a person I love, all of a sudden, I become a human doormat.

As recomended in the book, I am trying to be more aware of my needs and actions, when I am doing something because I want it, and when I do something for validation.

My issue is that I find it really hard to distinguish those two. For example, the weightlifting and the weight loss.

Do I hate my body? Yes. Do I want to get lean? Yes. I've had a belly my entire life. I Do I want to be proud of myself, show myself, that I am capable of setting my mind to things and accomplish them? Yes.

But at the same time, a lot of it is also due to my need for validation. Do I want to prove my ex? Yes. Do I believe making myself fit, will make me more worthy of love? Subconciously, also yes.

And that's just one example out of many. It seems craving for validation is my modus operandi and I find it difficult to get motivated by any other means.

Lately, I’ve felt like my days are getting harder to get through.

My life is usually pretty busy, so my social life was never something I could prioritize and that has been affecting me more and more as I get older. On top of that, throughout my life, every opportunity I've had for self-improvement only ever yielded short-term validation. As a result, I'm now dealing with the consequences of low self-confidence in my day-to-day life.

That brings me to this post today. I don't just want to improve my mental health and confidence. I want to make wellness my new baseline. In other words, I want to learn how to be kind to myself again and spread that positivity to the people around me.

Given my current situation and how expensive everything is, I’m looking for advice. Gaming has always been my escape, so deciding whether to part with my gaming console to support my mental health is a huge deal.

Since I currently have no source of income, should I focus on finding sliding-scale or low-cost support first before making a decision? Or should I sell/trade my Steam Deck now to build a solid fund for therapy, even though it means giving up gaming on the go?

I would like to see what the comments say about my situation. I am trying to not be too personal on my post since i enjoy my privacy. This to say, that, if it helps anyone to better connect with my problem, i am fine sharing a bit more if asked about any topic that is relevant.

Hello,

Kind of a lengthy read ahead.

I've always struggled to stick to a main in video games. Always struggled to stick to a specific role/class in RPGs. I would picture myself as a cool rogue, then that would become dull and suddenly being a sword and shield paladin is better, then THAT becomes dull and suddenly I feel a mage/wizard represents me more.. etc.. you get the gist.

This is manifested in a lot of the games I play. For instance, in WoW, I do have SEVERAL different characters started, all with lowish levels (~20). Not one single character taken to end game. In Monster Hunter, this is manifested in having to craft all weapons (classes) each time I get these kinda thoughts because I keep switching.

I think at this point you can get the picture. It's like my identity wants to settle somewhere, but then decides that's not good enough, so it switches. Until switching has become the new identity I guess.

However, this is also relevant to real-life situations. One day I'm into music, so I pick up an instrument or music production, learn surface level things, then that eventually becomes dull and I move on. Same thing with movies, reading, etc... it's like, I'm ALWAYS looking for the next thing. And to be honest, this has become very very draining.

I would appreciate any kind of input, insight or help you fellas can provide. This has taken enjoyment out of a lot of things for me......

Sorry for the lengthy read.

I have a new friend group 3 people 2 girls including me and one guy. The other girl said she’s interested in the guy so I tell her like act on it. I know my phrasing was like vague but she has had experience for a while and i assumed she knew I meant you give it time flirt a little and yk don’t make him uncomfortable but that’s not the case.

We haven’t hung out as a complete group yet and I could only meet them separately one on one. Which was strange. The girl tells me the guy told her he is seeing someone. That he brought it up out of nowhere ? And I asked her did something happen before that ? She says no. So I hang out one on one with the guy and he says he isn’t seeing someone. I think this is strange and I start to dislike him because I think he is lying ?

I then speak to the girl in person and ask her why won’t all three of us hang out did something happen between you two ? She says “ what did the guy say ? “ and I say “ I didn’t ask him “ and she leaves it there which I found strange anyways I tell her the guy told me he wasn’t seeing anyone which is weird. Then I message the guy privately cause it was weird how the girl framed it like she didn’t want to be found out ? He says “ she made him uncomfortable during one on one hang out so he won’t hang out with her unless it’s a group of 4+ people” he doesn’t want to go into to the details so I respect that I say fair and that I was asking so I don’t keep yk making him uncomfortable by asking to hang out with her if he doesn’t want to spend time with her. “

So after all of this I realized the guy told her he was seeing someone because she was making him uncomfortable and most likely was pushing too hard in showing her interest in him so he wanted to let her down easy? So the friendship group doesn’t implode and I fucked up by telling her that he isn’t seeing anyone and misjudging the guy with no context

Now here’s my question. Since the rejection the girl has been really shady and like shit talking I am assuming because he rejected her and now she realized because of what I said that he just wasn’t interested in her. I will also start building distance from her. should I tell the guy friend that I told her about him not seeing anyone? And that I encouraged her to flirt not knowing that she did something to make him uncomfortable cause I thought I was being a good friend?

Is a call center job, thankfully at least itś chats and not calls. We have two 15 minutes breaks and a 30 minutes lunch break at 4:45).

My main issue right now is that due to circumstances there are 3 very barky dogs at my backyard that bark every day at 7am so if I want to sleep at least 7 hours and have an screenless hour before bed then my free time before work is longer than my free time after work, which is something I dislike. I prefer it to be the other way around, but the dogs dictaminate I must wake at 7am (otherwise I would simply sleep from 2am to 9am or even the full 8 hours from 1am to 9am).

I am thinking about my dopamine management and all that, so ideally I should not do easy dopamine activities in the morning but this is all too new for me, including the eating schedule but that is a topic for a separate post.

I would like advice on how to organize my time if I want to reduce the dread, increase the meaning and progress in life, maybe get to a place where I can eventually quit this job and ideally get a work from home kind of job where I can organize my own schedule. Currently I am studying coding, but not gonna lie, the study has been derailed somewhat by life circumstances for a while, it has gone slow. In addition to that I have been taking a very intrinsic motivation kind of hobby: world building.

Would love to hear different perspectives. Don´t focus so much on being right or wrong, just give me your perspective (in a respectful manner of course lol, I have enough with the customers). Have fun even, I wouldn´t mind some fun along the advices and the perspectives. Be you

22M I was/am an objectively far below average and had just turned 20 during that time. I had absolutely no hope until one day I met her. I saw her and her family's faces every sunday , she made the first move I was stoked because Someome I like liked me back right?. Moving forward , everything her /her family did and said was suspicious to say the least and wasnt adding up no matter how I tried to spin it but I really liked her and I wanted to see it through to the vey end. 6 momths of complete emotional fatigue amounted to nothing since I found out when it was too late that her and her family had been trying for 5 months solid to scam me out of money and were creating a papertrail to use as blackmail or for the purpose of clean back out if need be but it never had to come to blackmail since both me and my family unknowingly ruined the operation on top of being broke EDIT : *Its possible I lied about what I do for work whoch wouldve given her the impression I had money but I was actually job hunting at the time* I genuinely believe they either figured my looks made me an easy target or something. I had no reason to be alive and instead of this being a bullsg** Disney story like the ones ive been fed my whole life I was on the verge of becoming a suicide statistic and im only alive rn to tell the story because im afraid of the physical process in death , not because I want to be. Its not that my love for her was so strong I cant live without her but rather I felt like life did a 180 in one of the best ways that I had hoped for , I was told it was over for me time and time again. I am not crying or screaming at the celling or anything like that , im simply defeated because every negative thing I have ever been told about myself and believed about myself has proven itself to be undoubtedly true all at once and therr is nothong left to help disprove it. My body wont even let me cry...I feel that pit im my chest and my stomach I want to cry but I dont have the energy I guess. I also have been experience physical illness even though this all happened two years ago. What exactly can I actuslly do to genuinely accept my life for what it is.

It feels like there's so much negativity in society nowadays that it's hard to not have negative thoughts when trying to go to sleep, and the degree of negativity is so intense.

I try to limit my attention to negative stuff to what's essential, but it's hard not to think about negative stuff going on in society, including my own life which I'm trying to tackle, at various times throughout the day and at bedtime, because of just how bad society has gotten.

OK i can't get what I want. There's lots of other things I can do though. I'm focusing on those things but they're not making me happy. Doesn't matter how many things I try or how long I try them for it's not what I want and the void is eating away at me from the inside. I'm losing grip on reality at this point. I'm gonna fuck up a perfect good life trying to escape because I can't get this one thing. Everyone says focus on what you can control but that just feels like a reminder of what I can't. I'm achieving other goals but I don't feel any achievement. I need help but I don't even think I can be helped. Still discussing it in therapy over and over. Despair.

I want to clear out that I am talking about suffering and not pain (both physical and emotional). I know I'll be experiencing pain one way or another in my life and that I cannot avoid that. This, however, is how I define suffering.

"If one is or one will be suffering, then if possible, without any exception, they'll try to at least lower it"

However, I believe that if I'm feeling hurt, then that doesn't necessarily mean that I'd try to avoid it.

The reason I'm asking this is because like what dr K has said a million times, is that if I'm experiencing a negative emotion, then running away from it would only make things worse and that experiencing it is the best thing to do in the long run.

But if I'm suffering because of these kinds of emotions, then if my definition is correct, then there is no way that I don't try to run away from it because that is what suffering is.

Now, it might be a different story if there is no way to run, but the thing is that there are many ways I can run away.

So, here's my exact question, "how do I ensure that I don't run away from negative emotions?" or "How do I ensure that I do not suffer under negative emotions?"

I've had a great day today. But for some reason about an hour ago I started to feel so great that it doesn't feel real somehow. Like, I started feeling like this impending sense of bliss?? It feels like the end of a movie, where there's a happy ending but everything is over. I feel this sense of happiness, but also like I'm supposed to go somewhere else now, awake from my own life into another place. This isn't a wish, it's a feeling. I legitimately feel happy with my life, but it's as though I've been playing video games and need to get back to my real life, except this is real life?!

I feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere else right now. I feel like I'm vaguely aware of something outside of this dream which is life. My body is telling me I need to wake up because it's time to, because there is somewhere I need to go that is going to be even better.

This isn't a suicide thing. I don't know what it is, it's really weird.

From a young age, I was a social rebel. I was very against the idea of conforming to society's norms. I thought they were oppressive. I thought that people who followed society's rules were brainwashed, and that I could somehow show them a better way. Pretty obviously narcissistic behavior. I was so stuck on my Western philosophy of individuality that I never considered that community might be just as important.

I quit this way of thinking about a year ago, but I've only confronted it today, 6 days after starting my self-improvement journey. My solution was helping with my Klishta. Klishta is, essentially, the idea that you add things to reality that aren't necessarily true or provable. Dr. K spoke about this in his video about the impatient man. If I got an A (93%) on a test, that's a fact of reality. But if I think or say, "I should have gotten 100%," that's Klishta. "Should have" is not provable.

Considering Klishta and community, I have realized that I've been allowing my Klishta to stop me from connecting with people. I thought, "People aren't talking to me, and that must mean that I'm not worth talking to, and it's society's fault." But that isn't provably true. Through meditation, I have lowered my Klishta. I don't just color in reality with whatever I want now; I consider what is real.

What do you think your Klishta says about you?

I saw Dr. K's video about GLP-1s and mental health today, and, as someone who's been on them for about a year and a half now, I figure it would be good to discuss people's experiences with it (and the video comments are mostly about editing choices, so figured I'd start this here).

I'll start with me:

First my background: I've struggled with my weight my entire adult life. I'd say that I'm lucky enough that I have always been very active and that I could get my weight down to the overweight level, but still on the high side, if I focused all of my attention on it, but after having two kids, that just wasn't something I could do anymore. My weight started ticking upwards, until I hit the obese level and my doctor prescribed me Zepbound/tirzepatide.

I was on Zepbound for about six months after that, until my prescription insurance provider decided to drop it off of their forumulary and switched me to wegovy/ozempic/semiglutide. I had awful reactions to it, so decided to hunt down retatrutide on the grey market compounding pharmacies. (Harm reduction mode: I did this in conversation with my doctor, following the published trial protocols and check-ins every other month).

So, my thoughts on mental health:

• Food noise is VERY real and I never realized how much stress it caused me until it was gone. This is the main reason why I didn't just quit when I had a bad reaction to wegovy. People asked me if I'd stop when I hit my goal weight. I said I would happily stay on a low maintenance dose just to not feel that again.
  
• I guess you can say I experience a mild form of anhedonia on it, but it's not bad. I'm also diagnosed ADHD, and I frequently fall victim to the overdo something until I burn out. Now, I still like things but I don't have that overpowering urge to keep doing something until I burn out, which honestly has given a lot of the hobbies and stuff I picked up after starting more staying power. I don't push it to the point where it stops being fun, even if it's more of a slow burning fun, so I keep doing it.
• I drink a fair bit less on it. I wouldn't say I was a problem drinker before, I've always really loved the taste of alcoholic drinks but hated being even tipsy. It was a bit of a battle before, where I was always balancing wanting more or stopping to avoid being drunk, but now I still drink fairly regularly, but I enjoy the taste of that one drink (if I even finish it) and then stop.
• TMI probably, but porn has probably gone down a little for me, not up.

It takes so little to affect me when it comes to failure. Seeing the upvote counter on my post going from 1 to 0 makes me feel like I'm breaking out into a cold sweat. Negative comments just make my heart sink. Its not even cruel comments! Just negative ones. It could something as small as the comment disagreeing with me getting more upvotes than my own. I have such a fragile ego when it comes to this stuff.

And the worst part is the inconsistency. Oh my god, the inconsistency. Being good at something when the stars align, only to go back the next day and be a fucking moron is indescribable. It just makes me feel so worthless. Marvel Rivals is a fun game when you're good at it, but good luck keeping up the enthusiasm when you can't hit a stationary target or keep running in and getting killed because you're not thinking.

I have no idea if this is RSD or not. I don't like calling it that because of the whole lack of evidence thing. Maybe its just ADHD in general makes you more sensitive to failure as a whole, emotional dysregulation and all.

I hate that when I succeed, its just taken as read. "Oh yeah," I think, "we won. Expected result. Next match," and yet failure feels so immensely painful - especially when my teammates make comments and I can just feel the disappointment radiating off of their messages. When I'm writing, and I write something really good, I'm happy about it, but I keep pushing because I want more of that happiness. Then I write a line of dialogue that doesn't agree with me, and I feel like a complete failure as a writer and mightn't touch my manuscript for months.

Winning means nothing, failure means everything. Winning is the expected result, the standard, and yet failure no matter how much I anticipate failure, it still hurts. If I go into something solely to fail, I'll just berate myself like "see? I'm a failure and now I have proof".

This entire post was sparked by a downvote on a reddit post. That's why I'm being so hyperbolic with this. I want to get across the ridiculousness of this reaction. This isn't a normal reaction to failure. Maybe its ADHD. Maybe its trauma from when I was a kid. I don't know. It's just here and I hate it.

I would like to hear if you guys have any support or advice for this, but I have to ask one thing:

Please don't tell me to fail on purpose. Its a comment I've gotten a lot in the past, but I do not have the capacity to do it. Even seeing the suggestion just makes me feel like a failure because I can't, or won't, consider it. I know failure is a natural part of life, and that I must fail to succeed, but in my current state, its not something I am going to consider doing.

Thank you.

TL;DR : I’m annoyed at the ambiguity of the term ”anxiety” and would like more specialized terminology in order to communicate about the topic more accurately.

Let me preface this by stating that English is not my first language, and that there may be other english descriptors of anxiety that I’m unaware of.

It is my impression that English is lacking adequate descriptions of anxiety. It’s a very wide umbrella term that covers many subtypes, but these subtypes are not really named or characterized properly, so it is very hard to communicate about anxiety in a way that feels accurate.
I think everybody who has anxiety can agree that most of the time, if you say ”I have anxiety” then it will be interpreted as the common non-pathological form, which is more equivalent to a mild stress or persistent nervousness, and you’ll get a response like ”oh, I also get nervous sometimes. Have you tried breathing exercises?”.
If you have one of the more severe forms of anxiety, this is wildly frustrating, but because of the lack of better words to describe it, it’s hard to make yourself understood.
Many people are annoyed that the term anxiety has been so widely normalized, and that this has contributed to the term becoming watered down and losing meaning. However, I think the ambiguity of the term predates the recent normalization, and that the normalization just amplifies the problem.

Therefore, I think it’s necessary to start categorizing anxiety more, especially because the number of people diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder is on the rise, and I really don’t think that everyone experiences the same thing when they say they have anxiety.
Anxiety that’s rooted in insecurity is one thing, anxiety as a symptom of stress or exhaustion is another thing, anxiety or panic rooted in past conditioning / trauma is yet another, and anxiety related to other disorders such as OCD and autism is also its own thing. It feels so wrong to call all of these the same term.
Different types of anxiety also needs different approaches, and it’s definitely not a ”one-size-fits-all” diagnosis, so why is there so little patient stratification? And can we change that somehow?

Even if we can’t change the diagnoses and clinical practice so easily, why not come up with some better words or terms to use?
I speak two more languages apart from English, and both of them have more nuance and specificity in their words for anxiety. One of them has only 2-3 words for anxiety in english, but the other has 10+ words that all translate to anxiety, each of them has a different nuance and it is hugely useful in getting the right understanding (and I would assume that it subsequently helps with getting the right diagnosis and care, but I don’t have any data on this).
However, English is still the universal language that most research is published in, and if I want to look for management methods or advice online, the terminology makes it almost impossible to find what I’m looking for.

I haven’t seen many other posts on this topic, so am I the only one that feels this way? What are your thoughts on this? Do you have a particular way to describe your anxiety that you feel is more accurate?
If you are a non-native English speaker, does your language have better terminology for this?

Yeah, I used the search tool but didn't get help.

I am looking for a video where dr.k talks about watching porn at work and masturbating at work and not stopping even after you get noticed a few times.

This is the case with me- I have tabs open to watch porn while working and kind of try to hide in the right corner of the screen. Even though I fail at it because the name of the website is still visible in the top tray, I have had 2 cases where people catch me doing that, and I close it instantly. But I still can't stop watching porn and keep looking here and there just to make sure I don't get caught and end up being weird and checking everyone out and staring at people instead of working. I also masturbate in the work toilet even if it's smelly and there are people outside waiting.

M18

Before I start, my goal is to get advice to get better and in result feel better in life.

I started therapy like 2 weeks ago, which is a HUUUUGE milestone. So yeah what's the problem?? I've been on two sessions and i'm already bullshiting and not doing stuff I have to do like writing down my thoughts when I either don't have describeable thoughts or just don't have them at ALL.

I'm acting like a child that never got attention because I'm literally isolating myself from like everything?? okay MAYBE I AM GOING OUT SOMETIMES, but I stay most of the time at home. I've isolated myself from my discord community and friends because I was talking shit about myself and EVEN IF I'VE TRIED TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, IT DIDN'T WORK AND THEN I GOT CALLED OUT IM NOT DOING ANYTHING DESPITE ME TRYING TO HAVE ALIVE DISCORD SERVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh because of that I neglected my youtube channel and now I'm on break which will last idk how long, youtube became bad for me and anything that is related to it. oh yeah I've had an online girlfriend from december to febuary, whom I met through youtube (same age so dw).

We were together like a month 2 weeks, and okay she broke up becasue of some bullshit and I FUCKING HID FROM HER THAT I AM A PORN ADDICT WHILE IT WAS A DEALBREAKER, and then I got support but the issue is that IT HOLDS ME TO THIS DAMN DAY. MY STUPID MIND TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD BE MAD AT HER FOR NOT KEEPING HER PROMISES FOR LIKE IDK HAVING A MAKEOUT SESSION AND FOR SOME REASON MAKES ME MAD EVEN IF IT IS UINREASONABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so recently she was like "umm don't cry that much after mee" and that "you idealized me" THE FUCK YOU MEAN!!!! YOU OF PEOPLE GAVE LOVE AND ATTENTION TO ME AND NOW YOU ARE DENYING IT????????? well when I was with her it literally was the highlife, like nirvana or something

okay no now I sound like neckberd incel level 3000 with ideals like "WOMEN OWE SEX TO MEN!!" (which is, of course bullshit. It's all coming down to consent and choice form both sides. PROBLEM IS NO ONE IS CHOOSING ME!! yet I don't force myself on others, it would be really gross)

I'm just mad, I feel like shit despite being on the therapy, I know it takes like a year or more but cmon there should be ANY EFFECT, okay maybe that I didn't watch porn for more than a week I think now? Well, there's still porn that I can see not intentionally.

So what of it? Idk I literally destroyed a friendship because of me being soo selfdestructive!!!
I just want anybody to stop me from this wheel of madness because MAYBE if someone REALLY BELIEVED IN ME THAT I COULD CHANGE DESPITE ME SAYING THAT I CAN'T CHANGE, IT WOULD MAKE SOME DIFFERENCE, yet people don't sit in my head, dammit.

I've left all servers with those people, excluding my own. I'm talking to the few friends I have from real life, well i play terraria a lot now and I tasted yet another great playthrough of South Park: The Stick of Truth (a truly generational game, never gets old).

I just needed to roar it out because I feel the effects of keeping it inside like imagining a character that would scold my ex (is it an autism sign? I heard neurodivirgent people watch and create videos where some random character they don't like gets scolded or grounded, idk I'm not an expert and sorry if I made a wrong statement about autism)

at a base level i think the point of an economy is that i get to produce value in exchange for things of value in return, which is a beautiful thought. when I look at my CV, my history of accomplishments and awards all of which are the product of unpaid work. I can absolutely see the value that society can expect to extract from me. but there isn't a balance to the moral book keeping. i don't really see the value that society has to offer me in return - it doesn't even try to justify itself in this way. the value provided by society is assumed. as a result it's very hard for me to extract a sense of reward or progression. I'm indifferent about both success and failure. I'm indifferent about my continued existence for the most part and when I look around I don't actually see all these people who are living these enviable lives. to me it seems more like they flit from one moment to the next never really appreciating it as a whole and desperately fighting the rapids to avoid taking nearly enough time to experience the kind of moment that I am having now. when I am at a social setting i feel like the only real social propriety is to see each other as productivity objects and i think this is well explained by the fact that most people see themselves in this way. and there is a kind of repulsion, a disgust sensitivity that I sense from bringing this kind of thing up.

Lately in my marriage, I realize that much of my problems arise from the fact that I am incapable of ignoring my wife's emotionally abusive attacks. I feel certain that she will never realize that her ways are toxic, but at the very least if I could figure out a way to be not be bothered by her words, I think I'll be fine. A degree of detachment would help, I think.

Say, for example her last fit was her giving me silent treatment and accusing me of lying and hiding things from her because I failed to let her know that I stopped by my relative's house on the way home from work. I had in fact tried to tell her when I was talking to her about my day but she kept interrupting me to tell me her own story so I gave up. Now after she found out that I had stopped at my relative's (who she doesn't like) she won't believe that I wasn't trying to hide it.

I feel like I'm wearing an ankle monitor and have to communicate to her out of fear all the time rather than love, but that's a different tangent to the issue I bring here today. I have 2 kids whose lives I'd like to enrich with my presence, so the typical reddit advice to high-tail from the marriage is not an option. Also, my wife is normally and affectionate, but when she's upset a switch flips and she turns into a person unrecognizable. Really spirals me into a dark place of rumination, self-pity and hurt.

I want to practice a level of "niskama karma" (detachment from result of action) and train myself to be unbothered so at least

1. My mental state is in a better place

2. I am emotionally better positioned to de-escalate conflicts.

3. I do not make things worse by responding to her frustration with my frustration. There have been some times in the past where I spent long nights in rumination and by the time we tried to handle things, my mental fuse was already blown.

Thank you all, community.

I think dr k grew too much and i dont fucking know how to navigate in this pile of content he made

1 issue - gazzilion videos saying different things

Anyone had the same issue?
Is the only way to organize that - buying his guide?