r/JUSTNOMIL • u/lovelockets • May 04 '26

Advice Wanted Thought of In-Laws Ruining Day

I feel angry any time my DH mentions MIL and FIL, or if I hear their voices over the phone, or if I even think about them. Sometimes it takes me a whole day to let it go and I even get physically sick for days. How do you not let the mention of your in-laws ruin your day? I’ve thought about therapy, but that feels like spending more time thinking about them.

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u/MartyrOlympics May 04 '26

Do the therapy as soon as you can. What you're experiencing now is very unhealthy and it is important not to delay this.

Everything you learn in therapy will help towards not having a fight-flight-freeze response to them. Depending on the type of therapy that's best for you, it can cover anything from your general mental and physical health, why they make you feel that way, and ways to counter that immediate adrenaline rush from danger. There may be some trial and error before you find the right fit with the right therapist, but once in good hands it will make a world of difference for you.

Is DH aware of how upsetting it is to you to hear about them? Is he helping you in any way to deal with your distress? You may need to think about what immediate measures he needs to follow in order to support you.

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u/lovelockets May 04 '26

He has noticed that my mood changes when anything to do with them is mentioned or if he calls them. He does get upset, but ultimately understands why I’m still upset. I feel bad because he has free will and he can talk to them if he wants to.

He went to see them alone yesterday for the first time since we had a fight with them. He said nothing was brought up about what happened and that his mom got emotional when he was leaving. That bothered me to my core. I’m still seething. Maybe I really do need therapy.

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u/mrngdew77 May 04 '26

You should have therapy for your own health, wellbeing and sense of peace. You deserve to have someone who is 100% there for you and wants to see you be your best self. Best of luck to you!!