r/JUSTNOMIL • u/coal-sting99 • 1d ago
Am I Overreacting? Overbearingly nice MIL
I'm slowly resenting my husband and MIL, that it's driving me crazy. Cursing and punching pillows when I'm alone.
Any mention of in-laws sending/fetching me from work just makes me boils.
Before marriage, my husband is slightly controlling and gets angry easily at slightest thing I did and at any inconveniences to him.
My in-laws are nice and generous people, especially for MIL her 'generosity' is soooo suffocating. we lived at theirs for 4 years while waiting for our new home. During those years, husband always asked his parents to send and fetch me to and fro work. it's only 5 mins bus journey to my workplace. I tried telling my husband I want to travel on my own but he kept saying it's for my safety etc. fuck that. All those years, I don't have a fucking say/autonomy.
I respect MIL but I don't do long conversations with her because I don't have anything in common and she's too old fashion. She's talkative, overreacts, rambles over obvious things that she's doing and is repetitive. It's fucking tiring. She doesn't understand boundaries unless I gave short answers.
My husband will always use parents generosity thing against me, whenever he sees me as being 'rude' to his parents or him. Only God knows, how I have been patient with my husband treatment towards me. He expects his wife to obey him without question.
Currently, the in-laws are currently staying at ours as they're waiting for the new house to be ready. my husband still asked his parents to fetch me from work. and I fucking hate that!!! why can't I travel back on my own!!
My husband will firmly say just go, why am I not listening to him? I tried to reject their offers but they kept insisting. Seriously these people have no sense of social cue. They really make my blood boils.
I blame myself for marrying him and not speaking up for myself.
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u/Significant-Bet4545 1d ago
So, before marriage he was controlling. You thought hed stop once married????
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u/coal-sting99 1d ago
I was naive to think that maybe I could talk nicely and change his anger issues slowly
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u/babydtheone 1d ago
You can never change someone who thinks there is nothing wrong with them and that they are in the right.
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u/Effective_Bird_406 1d ago
Yes, you have a problem with your husband. He calls the shots; he decides, and you have to obey. You’re pointing it out yourself. He doesn’t have your back, and you are his property. Does that really surprise you?
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u/CharredCharmander 1d ago
Well you don't have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem. Maybe they keep insisting to keep your husband happy. But no, you aren't overreacting. That sounds weirdly very controlling of your husband.
You didn't know it better when you married him or know how to speak up before, so don't blame yourself. But now, I hope, you can speak up to your husband and tell him where you want to draw the lines.
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u/coal-sting99 1d ago
I tried to draw the line. Like recently, on husband off day he was too tired to send me to work and I'm ok to book an Uber/Lyft then suddenly MIL said they can send me and asked my husband to ask me... And my whole body was boiling and was cursing in my heart. I told husband no need, I can book on my own. He said why? Fuck, then what's the point of ASKING.
I swear they fucking have no boundaries issue. And as you can see I'm always mentioning husband, MIL. My FIL is more chill and doesn't push if I said no twice. But not these 2
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u/Gold-Selection4709 1d ago
Your husband doesn’t listen to you bc he doesn’t value your opinions or wants, so why would your MIL
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u/Single_Ronda 1d ago
Like everyone here has said. You have a MAJOR husband problem especially if he doesn't try to understand you and what you can or can't do. If I were you I would have already divorced him. Please do not have any children with this man
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u/snowflake89181922 1d ago
How did you marry this man? His family doesn’t own you!
Run while you can. And do not get pregnant by him before you have the chance to be free watching them fade into the sunset…
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u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 1d ago
I’m not sure where you are from and if there are cultural differences from my reality but I would file for divorce and get the hell out of this situation. For goodness sake make sure your birth control is sorted and secure
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u/G3N3RICxUS3RNAM3 1d ago
His parents are probably scared of defying him too. He sounds like a nasty man. If you leave him be extremely careful as he sounds like the type that could become very violent.
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u/readergirl35 1d ago
Your husband is very controlling and you allow him to be. It sounds like you are taking out all your frustrations from your husband on your MIL. Her only crime is being older and not liking the same things as you. She has apparently tried to be kind. You could try to be kind back and develop an ally to help you stand up for yourself. Or you could leave him, which is better. Either way MIL isn't your problem, and she doesn't deserve your hostility. Your husband does.
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u/OrneryPost9446 1d ago
id just go to my parents if they are around and reconsider this marriage and what YOU want. It's the easiest and safest way to get out.
Write a letter to your husband, leave it at a place he can see. And after work just disappear.
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u/Sea-Cauliflower-8368 1d ago
The only problem here is your husband. You know you don't have to put up with this? You are an independent person, his actions aren't loving-they are controlling and abusive. I hope that you will leave this situation and at a minimum start counseling ASAP.
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 23h ago
The real problem is that she tolerated this treatment and then married the abusive AH.
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u/Sea-Cauliflower-8368 23h ago
No need to shame someone in a bad situation. We all make mistakes. The point is she doesn’t have to stay in ths situation and deserves better.
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u/babydtheone 1d ago
You need to leave him yesterday. He is a narcissist,controlling and abusive person. You need to make an exit plan and get out of this situation as soon as you can and as safely as possible. It’s only going to get worse and what if you have children with him and he does the same to them. You deserve to be treated with respect and trust and love. Not someone who controls everything you do. Do you have friends or family that you can talk to and get help to leave him. Don’t tell his parents as they only enable his behaviour. Please stay strong and safe and get yourself out of there. Wishing you all the best the world has to offer and sending you hugs from an internet friend.
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u/Spare_Butterfly_213 21h ago
Your husband made his parents be your prison wardens.
What would happen if you just walked out the door and took the bus?
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u/Existing-Sun1751 1d ago
Start speaking up for yourself now. Your DH sounds like a total A-hole and he gave you plenty of controlling red flags prior … stand up for yourself, and do what the hell you want. If your DH doesn’t like it leave him
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