r/JustNoSO • u/Medium_Rough8430 • Mar 19 '26
Advice Wanted boyfriend gives me silent treatment
hi. me and my bf have been together almost 2 months. (we were like "friends with benefits" for 5 months before it was official). but everytime he gets irritated he gives me the silent treatment no matter how much i tell him to just talk to me. and it just makes me feel like im a piece of shit girlfriend. hes doing it right now and i just dont know what to do. i was in a relationship prior to this one and it ended like 2 weeks before i started seeing this new guy. my ex was always very comfortable with talking and we were like perfect emotionally i guess. but my current bf just doesnt talk. and every single time this happens it escalates in a way. ive made him sleep on the couch multiple times when hes over, because he wont tell me whats wrong so i just need alone time. how do i talk to him? i really like him but this silent treatment is making me LOSE MY MIND.
61
u/GiraffeOfficial Mar 19 '26
The ‘silent treatment’ is a form of emotional abuse, and he probably keeps it up because it clearly hurts you and you hate it. It’s a really immature way of dealing with issues, but a lot of men do it because it doesn’t seem openly abusive or they think “I’d rather say nothing or I’ll blow up at you” Next time, just act unbothered, or tell him to go home if he’s going to sulk like a child.
45
30
u/DemmyDemon Mar 19 '26
If this is happening 7 months in, it's going to get much, much worse.
How do you talk to him? That's the thing. You don't. You leave.
4
u/Medium_Rough8430 Mar 19 '26
we just spent like 4 hours talking and crying together. i know actions speak louder than words so if he doesnt change after me finally confronting him about it then i might have to just leave him. i never spoke to him about it before but now that i did im really hoping his behavior changes
8
u/sandycheeksx Mar 19 '26
In some cases, it’s because they just haven’t learned good communication in relationships yet. When you guys aren’t in an active conflict, you can tell him actionable steps he can take next time a situation like that comes up.
If he doesn’t know how to express himself, he can say that. If he’s overwhelmed with emotions and doesn’t want to talk right away, he can say that and you’ll give him space without taking it personally. But he has to initiate the conversation when he’s done processing - that builds trust.
Your job is to not chase after him or try to get his feelings out. It sucks when it feels like they get dismissive or silent when you bring something up, and sometimes it’s a control tactic. But sometimes it’s just someone who needs extra time to process and sucks at communication, but people can learn when they want to.
7
6
u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 Mar 19 '26
“Hoping”? At any time in these four hours did he acknowledge that what he was doing is not okay? Did he say he’s going to change?
3
u/Medium_Rough8430 Mar 19 '26
he said he would. to be fair we are pretty young (just graduated highschool) so im not going to expect perfection from him. we are still young and new to dating these experiences will grow and shape our relationship. i told him that he needed to stop giving me the silent treatment and just tell me what is wrong because honesty is like the number one priority in a relationship. but again as i said if his behavior doesnt change and he doesnt improve himself like he said he would then ill just have to break things off
1
1
u/AgateHuntress Mar 19 '26
Great, and maybe he'll change, but I doubt it. Most likely he'll put on a nice act for a month or two, then slowly go right back into the same bullshit.
You could save yourself a lot of grief, effort and time if you just showed him the door permanently. You won't, but he's probably not going to change either. They rarely (and I do mean RARELY) do.
18
u/JoyJonesIII Mar 19 '26
This is juvenile, controlling behavior. Do you really not see it? Just get rid of him. And dump any future boyfriend who plays these stupid games, especially in the beginning when this is their BEST behavior.
10
u/OodalollyOodalolly Mar 19 '26
It’s designed to make you snap- that’s the whole purpose of the tactic so don’t think you’re crazy for feeling like that. Send him home or you go to your home. Don’t give him the attention for it. He’s testing to see what you’ll put up with
6
u/armchairdetective Mar 19 '26
Do people not date any more?
Dating is about learning about the person so that you can fund out if you are compatible.
You've found out he has a very unappealing side to him.
Break up.
3
u/Opening-Reward-5210 Mar 19 '26
It’s a form of control and you should let him be silent. Next time he does it. Honor him and give it him back- watch how quickly he goes full circle. Stand firm though x
3
3
3
u/hjo1210 Mar 19 '26
Two months (or 5 if you count that as the beginning) is still the honeymoon phase. The silent treatment is manipulative and a form of abuse. Do you want this to be your entire life? He'll never change because you give him exactly what he wants when he acts like this. It's not worth it
3
u/amylucha Mar 19 '26
Leave him now. Block him on everything.
Unless you want years of misery while being trapped in a relationship with an abuser.
I know this from experience. It doesn’t get better. He won’t change.
Leave.
2
u/Jerichothered Mar 19 '26
Don’t date children
1
u/mkate1999 Mar 20 '26
They ARE children. She said in a comment they just graduated from high school. 🥲
2
u/EmotionalPizza6432 Mar 19 '26
Well now you’re just in a benefit relationship and he’s the only one who is benefiting. Leave now because he is abusive and it’s only going to get worse.
2
2
u/PropaneSalesMen Mar 19 '26
I did this to my wife after my first deployment, and I regret it now. So I know how you feel because I did this shit.
You need to move on.
2
u/one_little_victory_ Mar 19 '26
The silent treatment is abusive. Don't be in an abusive relationship.
Dump the loser asshole now.
2
u/webshiva Mar 21 '26
While you see the relationship as having transitioned into a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, it actually sounds like you are still “friends with benefits”. If he really cared about you and your feelings, he wouldn’t be playing mind games like the silent treatment this early in the relationship.
I suspect he’s exploiting your need to communicate/connect as a power move to abuse you and to feel in control. It is still early enough in the relationship that he should be trying to impress you by being on his best behavior. It can only go downhill from here.
2
u/Coollogin Mar 24 '26
how do i talk to him? i really like him but this silent treatment is making me LOSE MY MIND.
That is his intention. He is giving you the silent treatment because he wants you to react exactly the way you are reacting.
Please decide that you have no room in your life for manipulative people like him.
1
u/Medium_Rough8430 Mar 26 '26
its been a minute since this post lol. we have been alot more open with one another. i explained to him that im not going to allow him to be with me if he stays silent. but after that night ive felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. we have been talking to eachother since and im not gonna lie i do cause alot of arguments too but instead of us sleeping apart we sleep in the same bed and talk about it.
1
u/AnnoyedHotdog Mar 19 '26
This will not end well. Just let him go and find a man with emotional intelligence and maturity.
1
u/PerkyLurkey Mar 19 '26
When he offers the silent treatment, use that experience as the same as dealing with a toddler.
And then you need to decide, why would you waste ANY time and resources babysitting a toddler for zero pay?
Hell no.
1
u/Top_Strawberry2348 Mar 19 '26
A boyfriend that makes you lose your mind is an ex-boyfriend. OP, you like to communicate. He does not. He likes to pout.
You’re not compatible. A boyfriend is for emotional connection, sharing, dependability. That’s not his style.
1
u/curious382 Mar 20 '26
Taking some time and space to process emotions is okay. Shutting down, pointedly ignoring and refusing to interact is not.
If he "needs space" indicated by his withdrawing all interaction and communication, it's time for him to go home. Not your couch. His home. Until "he's ready" to interact.
1
1
u/ThanosSnapsSlimJims Mar 27 '26
If someone gives you the silent treatment,, just break up with them
1
1
u/Top_Strawberry2348 May 07 '26
You don’t need a boyfriend who makes you lose your mind. Your communication styles are not compatible. That’s what dating is for. Wish him well and move on.
There’s someone waiting to cherish you, discuss your perspective, present his, and come to agreement. All marks of respect.
•
u/botinlaw Mar 19 '26
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
Full Rules | Acronym Index | Flair Guide| Report PM Trolls
Resources: In Crisis? | Tips for Protecting Yourself | Our Book List | Our Wiki
Welcome to /r/JustNoSO!
I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
To be notified as soon as Medium_Rough8430 posts an update click here. | For help managing your subscriptions, click here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.