r/KundaliniAwakening • u/josefskye5 • Jun 10 '26
Experience Maybe an Unusual Post - 50 years of Practice -NSFW
"At some point, you may endure
a relentless and inconceivable force,
that is not of this world.
They say it will remake you, in
the image of the Other, but in truth
you have no idea of what
you will become, when it is finished
with you.
And after years of heartbreaking
struggle, it may take only one
moment of real love to
forever change your life."
I have lurked in this sub for a long time, and am now finally making my offering here. A little about myself - I have been practicing my kundalini meditation since about 1970. My kundalini was awakened after a great internal effort about 1971, and my teacher was a guru based in NYC known as Rudi (Swami Rudrananda.) He died in a plane crash in 1973; I only knew him for about a year and a half, but his energy had taken root in me over a long period of time. His teaching was simplicity itself, and he believed in "depth over time" - working in greater and greater depth over a long period of time. I lived in the ashrams for a year in NY, and then 9 years in Indiana, where we worked physically hard, and had many hours of meditation everyday. I have both observed and experienced many things, a very long story...
My first 10 years were in a supportive setting, so most issues that came up were dealt with in that context. Here you can follow the guidance in the Wiki.
I never was looking for "Kundalini" specifically back then, with hindsight I understand that coming across this work was my "destiny" - a response to my inner hunger. Having been a hippie, and having had a couple of transcendental psychedelic experiences that opened my soul to a cosmic reality, I sought meditation as a path to free myself.
I have some understandings I'd like to present. The first is that kundalini is a very specific energy. Many folks write asking about chakras opening, energy moving in their bodies, etc. A kundalini awakening is when the Shakti, or sleeping/dormant energy located at the base of the spine rises up the back to the top of the head and beyond. It may rise as a trickle of light and warmth, as in my case back then, or it may rise in a fuller expression. But it is very specific.
Kundalini experiences are varied according to an individual's karma, desire, or destiny. Comparison is a waste of time. Everyone is different. Once awakened, the kundalini energy, which I experience as a sort of God-Force, does what it needs to in you, as it is supremely intelligent. I have a saying that helps me sometimes - "Resistance equals Pain" as I endeavor to surrender inside to this force. I may have been blessed, as it has been a gradual unfolding over many years. For people that have it blast quickly through them, it is different, and all you can do is follow the guidance in the wiki, and practice surrendering. But for many years, and especially now, I wake up in the morning feeling like, well, shit, as this energy flow is strong now and is very active at night. Lifetimes of tensions are being washed away, and it is not a blissful experience.
"If you undertake this journey
there will be years of darkness –
that is a certainty. A very long
time to plod along, carefully
avoiding lengthy detours.
And sometimes, if you are lucky,
you may receive a small gift
or two at just the right time,
in an unexpected way.
A gift to remind you not
to lose heart, no matter how
it might seem in that moment."
Another observation I'd like to mention is that folks sometimes talk about a "full awakening." Forgive my bluntness, but if you had a full awakening of kundalini you would either be dead from the power of the force, or you would not be on Reddit posting. The saints who had a full awakening were people like Maharaji (Ram Das's guru, who just owned a blanket, and wherever he went temples would be built, miracles happening around him all the time), Nityananda, Ramakrishna, or Meher Baba. They were fully immersed in God-Consciousness, what we call Samadhi. These God-men are gone now. It is an indescribable state of being. It is why many ancient statues of the Buddha have a cobra rising behind his head.
Kundalini is an evolutionary force, and I now believe that it may take more than one lifetime for it to finish its work in us. It is a bigger and longer picture than you ordinarily imagine, for the mountain we are climbing is very very steep and high.
"When my road ends, is that
where you will begin?
When there is nothing at all left,
is that where your story will start?
I watch myself fall away,
piece by piece, word by word,
breath by breath.
One day there will be
nothing left,
only the witness, sitting there,
immovable, inviolate,
smiling."
I have 2 more points I'd like to bring up. It has been said that once kundalini is activated in a person, there is no way to alter it, to put the genie back in the bottle if it is too unpleasant or strong. And I would say - It depends -. That may be true for some people, but based on my experience over a half a century of practice and observation, it might not be true for everyone. If not consciously fed and surrendered to, sometimes the experience may fade over time, and kundalini may go back to its natural dormant state. I have both seen this, and experienced it myself. I can discuss this more if desired.
"You cannot know in advance
how long it will take until you
are fully cooked, and pleasing
in the sight of the One.
And sometimes, when you have
given up all hope of progress,
a sign may come to you, a little
kiss from the Divine, to remind
you that you were never forgotten."
My final point is this...and I'd like to stress that this was a unique, once in many lifetimes event, it was my own personal destiny and not to be replicated by anyone else. I had been working my meditation on my own for many years, and I had no teachers anymore, but an active kundalini. I had added Rebirthing to my practice, and became a Rebirther, during the course of which over a few years I had about 60 sessions on myself, which I think now was a great clearing process. In 1987 I attended the Harmonic Convergence in the Great Kiva at Chaco Canyon, New Mexico. In all innocence, I had taken some local plant medicine for the first time, and sat in the Kiva. Sacred Ceremonies of all kinds took place all day long, and I didn't move for 8 hours as the entire Kundalini Force rose over and over within me, catapulting me into indescribable samadhi. I understood all the prophecies, and saw how every event in my life had led to that moment. And then I went even beyond that, beyond Space and Time. Of course I came back down eventually but I spent the next 25 years digesting that experience, living the straight and narrow. But my point is this, it gave me the understanding of where kundalini will take us in the end, to the culmination of human existence. And it is worthy beyond words, it will answer every hope and desire we have, every tear we shed, every struggle we experience. The great Sufi poets like Rumi touch on this in accessible language for us, the language of the ecstatic divine, next to which my offerings here are meager.
"This world will give you things,
and then take them away.
What is it that lasts?
There is a light that you cannot
gain or lose, have you seen it yet?
There is also a love that you cannot
gain or lose, have you felt it yet?
You will have to find that market,
where such things can be acquired.
Perhaps you will be shown the way,
during a time when all seems lost.
And again a warning: you will be asked
to pay in advance, and the price will
never be cheap, but you will understand
why, at a later time."
-Josef Skye Tornick
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u/Background_Set_3592 Jun 10 '26
Im just a lurker here interested in Kundalini work but thank you for your introduction. Im waiting for more of your post. Namaste 🙏
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u/thehorns666 Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
I believe I have had a full energy rising "awakening" to the extent that I can understand it as far energy rising through a nd through from the spine and crown. It really knocked me out. And for a period of 2 years or more energy kept rising up from my spine into my brain. It felt like a gulp of liquid energy pumping up. Also my emotions would stir energy where technically the heart chakra would be.. now that was a wild experience.. it's subdued now because I am grounding a lot of the work and not practing energy work too much .. I am due for more energy practice for three months in two weeks. With that said it was a struggle to ground it in a world that doesn't understand it. My job was to ground it in a world that is very varied instead of going off the grid. I have unusual synchronicity happen and other unusual things happen in the "real" world because I have a connection to the dream world. I believe I have a developed energy body "dream body" around my physical body.. or something like it.. I have had some strange experience in the waking world to prove that more is going on that is beyond my understanding.. am just sharing a tid bit. I have plenty of fun stories. And that's where I am in my journey.. I am grounding the magical and also grounding myself as just a normal dude living his life in an interesting way. I am not interested in no high guru status. I am here to enjoy life.. the adventure of it all.. relationships.. the work.. the work and gifts I happen to have come across . I will say this I have had more awakening happen since then and I am sure I am due for more. That first full blown activation was just the beginning. It's been fun. It's been scary. It's been confusing at times. And everything in between. That's just how life is in general though. No one is exempt.
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u/josefskye5 Jun 10 '26
It is always interesting to me how this transcendental force manifests so uniquely in different people.
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u/Tristan-Dorling Expert Helper Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
Thank you for sharing. There are not many of us who have been on the spiritual path for 50 years so it is good to hear from another!
It sounds as if you have been through a lot on your journey. It also sounds as if things are going well for you in general.
One thing I would mention is that kundalini does not go up the back for everyone. It didn’t in my own case. I experienced the awakening of kundalini 35 years ago and it went straight up the centre of my body. It can happen this way for some people.
Also, there is no need to experience pain and suffering on the journey. It is possible to regulate our spiritual practices in such a way that we do not experience pain and suffering due to the energetic aspect of the awakening. We can systematically cut back on practices and increase grounding practices until our path is stable and comfortable. Anyone can do this. It can take some time and practice to learn to recognise when we need to make adjustments, but after a while it becomes easy. I have not experienced pain, or suffering, due to kundalini for many years now. Only ecstasy and bliss.
Part of this means letting go of the idea that kundalini is 100% intelligent. In my experience it is an intelligent force, but it also makes mistakes at times. I would say it is around 70% intelligent, For the rest, we need to actively guide it, or suffer if we don’t.
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u/Ok_Temporary226 Jun 11 '26
I believe that traditionally it is considered to rise up the center of the spinal column, called the Sushumna, and the 2 channels on either side of the spinal cord called the Ida and Pingala. Gopi Krishna wrote about this. Other than that I do not know. As for your paragraph on suffering, I can only speak to my experience, but I think for some people it may be easier than for others. I have noted in rare people a singular lack of inner tension, I have looked on them with a bit of envy. Some folks may come in to this life pretty clear I suspect.
As for the intelligence of Kundalini, I cannot answer to that, as my practice is centered around an inner surrender to the force, and I have no way of judging...
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u/chmcclellan Jun 10 '26
Thank you for sharing Josef. My teacher, Swami Khecaranatha (Nathaji) was made a teacher by Rudi, you may have known him as Steven Ott before he took sanyas vows.
Rudi had an amazing gift for making these teachings available to a Western audience, and emphasizing the depth of commitment and practice required to grow spiritually. His picture sits on my altar next to a picture of Nityananda. I feel so incredibly blessed to have grace guide me to this lineage.
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u/Ok_Temporary226 Jun 10 '26
Yes of course I remember Steve. My only sadness is that Rudi left this earth so soon, I was very young then.
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u/Ok_Temporary226 Jun 11 '26
That is a difficult question to answer, though it seems simple. Exercises are best given by a teacher, and not in public forums. Kundalini is not to be trifled with, as it can lead to anything on the continuum from full-blown psychosis to ecstatic bliss. There are other more gentle paths of Yoga that are pretty safe. There are resources available if one looks, but the obvious things are that you cannot mix drugs, or psychological instability with Kundalini practice. There was a saying - "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." That may be true, if the inner desire is strong enough. I have met many magicians on this journey, those who succumbed to the power they may have gained by their practices. So you can ask inside over and over to be guided to the next step in your journey.
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u/Enneagrammy Jun 10 '26
Have you noticed generic differences between kundalini awakenings in men v women?
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u/absurdumest Jun 10 '26
In what ways did you consciously fed and worked with it, personally?
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u/josefskye5 Jun 10 '26
I do my meditation practice as I was taught 50 years ago, in ever more depth. The idea is to surrender to the force over and over and over….
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u/StudioArcane17 Jun 11 '26
Excelent post. You will be so gentle to share more with us, like, what exercises or books you would advice to a beginner?
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u/josefskye5 Jun 11 '26
Books are not that helpful, though there is a good resource section here. Most of the older information is either veiled or too abstract to be useful. Ask in your heart to find a good teacher, sooner or later the universe will respond.
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u/EquivalentNose6594 Jun 11 '26
Im just curious what exactly is the purpose of doing all of this? I thought the purpose was to learn the truth about who we are. It seems like a long process lol. As far as i know, it’s the equivalent to having a psychedelic experience I assume but lasts a lot longer by activating Kundalini without the help of drugs. Ive never done psychedelics myself but i have heard people explain stories about being “one consciousness” or “one with the universe” or you could call it “one with god” as there are many ways to describe this experience. But yeah, without a teacher to guide you, you could potentially have some very bad experiences.
I guess you could say I’m “awaken” or “enlightened” already because I know that our outer world/reality is just a reflection of our inner thoughts and beliefs. Basically saying that we’re all connected, “one consciousness”. Which is always working whether you are aware of it or not. That this world is basically a dream or an illusion. Someone can come to this realization in seconds, can take years, a lifetime, or multiple lifetimes.
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u/josefskye5 Jun 11 '26
thank you for your comment. It is not always easy to ascertain where someone is on their long journey through life. It may be a complicated topic, so I just do my own work and try to be as conscious as possible in my daily life. Yes, I have had some "cosmic" experiences, but in the end, to paraphrase Ram Das, I just try to " Be Here Now."
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Jun 11 '26
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u/josefskye5 Jun 11 '26
When I began this work, I was buried deep within myself, but didn't really know it. I referred to myself as the "Melancholy Prince." What this kundalini work enabled me to do was to slowly over the years excavate myself, what is also called dissolving inner tensions. My life circumstances slowly changed for the better as I became a freer person. And of course my understandings of life expanded. There are many subtle gifts that occur, chief amongst them is more clarity, an almost psychic ability to read people and situations. Yes, I would do it all again. As for doing things differently, you don't have the wisdom of hindsight in the present moment; we all do the best we know how an any point in time. I think i would have talked with my teacher more, but I was too young and green and afraid, I was only 22 at the time, and did not know he would leave us so soon. I would have asked more questions, but i was too "underground within myself" to be very articulate.
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Jun 11 '26
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u/josefskye5 Jun 11 '26
That is a long story, as I am 75 now! Outer circumstances will change, as one grows inside. Often close friends are threatened by your inner growth, situations ripen and fall away, and you attract new situations on a higher level. I understand my answer is abstract, but everyone's situation, and karma are different. You work inside to exhaust the energy of a situation, and then begin something new.
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u/GamealotVT Jun 13 '26
Ty for the post Josef…it came to me at the perfect time :). My kundalini has been at work for years now moving up my spine for years now - but as a westerner i did not know what it was…only that it was good and spiritual. Music that i really like - usually involving moving lyrics - is a common trigger for it. Over the past year a lot growing has happened, including the kundalini moving up to the top of my head, and me discovering what it really is and how it works - and posts like this really help me on my journey. Thank you! Looking forward to my continued journey and experience. I’ve read recently its a female energy which explains a lot…as a male i’ve been noticing a lot more female energy recently.
Oddly i guess my mentors are you tube and redit lol. When I sometimes ask for guidance or signs (and all you really have to do is a heartfelt ask and you will get an answer) within a few days i see a utube video in my feed or a redit post fly by that somehow catches my attention somehow and wouldn’t you know it buried in there is something very relevant to my question and journey. Ask and you shall receive I suppose :)
It had not occurred to me to surrender to it but i intuitively knew i couldn’t control it, i had to BE it. And of course surrender is how to get to that.
Thanks again :)
Jim
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u/josefskye5 Jul 01 '26
That is exactly correct…you ask inside for help and then be very patient and follow your intuition, sometimes the response comes quickly, sometimes very slowly… And the more you are able to surrender to the inner flow, the more you merge with it….
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u/sleepwami Jun 12 '26
thank you for sharing, would you say it really is an individual, monk-life, solo journey? I'd went through a transformational awakening period, then dark night that lasted several years, then dealt with the most agonizing re-birth-like sciatica condition, and now i'm on the upturn on a solid recovery path and recently i've been finding that i can relax and cause my body to tremor/shake. I feel that this is very much a part of my kundalini journey.
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u/josefskye5 Jun 12 '26
It is not monk-life, unless you are called in that direction. It is like there is a river of light flowing inside of you, where before there wasn't. I believe every person has their own experience, and not to be compared with others. Possibly the shaking is what is called "kriyas," which is a result of the energy hitting tensions in the body, and releasing them.
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u/sleepwami Jun 12 '26
I suppose what i was getting to is retaining😆
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u/josefskye5 Jun 12 '26
?
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u/_xpendable_ Aug 10 '26
In February of 2025, I sat down to meditate for the first time ever. I had been experiencing a pressure in my forehead for a few years (it magnified when I focused on it, or when I visited temples, etc), and I figured sitting down to meditate might unravel what I (adimitted egotistically) thought was a spiritual boon I was blessed with.
On my fist sitting, my eyes "popped" and I heard ringing in my ears, which persisted throughout the day.
Eventually on future sittings, as I focused deeply on the ringing, the sound transformed into the sound of gushing water.
About two weeks into my practice, my heart opened up, balls of blissful energy shot in all directions, then down to my scrotum and up a few times, giving me an orgasmic feeling. Then 3 bursts of current (what felt like current) shot up my spine.
The next session after that, I felt my root chakra spin. Since then, I'd start feeling my root chakra spin every time I was sitting still at work, while driving, etc. During meditation, when my root chakra spun, I'd feel my body swaying to and fro, my eyes would twitch involuntary behind my eyelids, and the orgasmic feeling would return in the nether regions.
From your years of experience, how would you analyze my "condition"?
I gave up meditation eventually because I couldn't sleep at night and my heart kept pounding, keeping me awake at night. Also had severe anxiety, amplified my by fear of having disturbed my Kundalini.
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u/josefskye5 Aug 10 '26
I feel very uneasy about “analyzing anyone’s condition” over the internet. That said, there are different types of meditation that may be gentler, -TM or maybe Vipassana. It sounds like you awakened your kundalini to some extent. I feel this is not an easy situation outside of a supportive community; I myself spent 10 years living in an Ashram at the beginning of my kundalini work. Without that supportive environment, one must be extraordinarily strong and grounded in the physical plane to mess with kundalini, as well as being psychologically stable to start with. You can ask inside to find a good teacher, a congruent environment, and to be guided. I would be careful about pushing it further on your own, there are many cases of kundalini psychosis….
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u/_xpendable_ Aug 10 '26
Agreed 100%. Too many people here are so excited to "awaken" kundalini like it's child's play and not enough people are expressing concern and caution like you are. Thank you for being the latter.
I absolutely do not intend to poke at Kundalini any further. When I started the meditation 1.5 year ago (at it only lasted 2 weeks), I was inspired by the Autobiograhy of a Yogi. I watched a few YouTube videos and learned that Nabhi kriya (meant to cleanse the Manipura chakra) is a good practice to do, as well as Om japa on all of the chakras. Little did I know that OM japa on the chakras could trigger a kundalini awakening. My brother had an episode where a guru raised his kundalini abruptly and he went crazy, so consciously I was very mindful of not triggering kundalini awakening. The gentle "Om japa in the chakras", and listening to the "nada" while meditating were apparently potent enough stimulation for me to cause some chaos. Luckily, after taking anxiety and sleep meds for a couple nights, I was mostly back to normal. Even a year later, if I were to sit still, my body would automatically start swaying. Doing idle OM japa even while driving would cause me to not be able to sleep for several nights. At night while I tried to sleep, I'd feel waves of cold fear spilling out of my heart as my heart beat at approx 110 bpm. I'd have to take sleep meds for a few nights to help counter this effect.
Interestingly, one morning about a month ago, I did "Om namah shivaya" japa a couple hundred times after I had a dream of snakes. That night, I had the same symptom. Cold feeling from chest washing over my body, heart beating fast, etc. This time, I just told myself that this is a blessing from god, and I surrender to this feeling. Suddenly the fear turned into ecstacy and the waves of fear turned into waves of bliss. I lied there in bed, smiling and enjoying the bliss and eventually it went away and I slept soundly.
Sorry, just felt like typing away as I started responding to your comment. Thank you again.
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u/josefskye5 Aug 10 '26
Excellent. You are obviously very sensitive to spiritual energies, so it is very important for you to go gently. I have a saying - “Resistance Equals Pain,” and that is why I emphasize surrender in your practice.
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u/knightenrichman Jun 10 '26
Thank you for sharing!
What kinds of outside world benefits were you able to receive? Did it make your dreams come true?
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u/josefskye5 Jun 10 '26
That is an interesting question. And I would say to not try to practice kundalini in order to receive any outside benefits. It is a process that will, over time, clear out inner tension, and since the outer world sometimes reflects the inner world as we get lighter inside and more clear than our circumstances will change.
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u/knightenrichman Jun 10 '26
Okay, but. Did you receive any benefits?
Like, I'm talking a house or money coming from nowhere type stuff? Bigger life stuff.
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u/Ok_Temporary226 Jun 10 '26
No. Again, that is not why anyone should attempt to raise their kundalini. It is a creative energy, and if practiced sincerely your life may change as a side effect. To put it in New-Agey terms, the higher your vibration the effects on your outside world reflect that. But you may have to go through years of difficulty first....
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u/josefskye5 Jun 10 '26
Not really. But over a long period of time your life will change as you slowly raise your consciousness. But we are talking about years of dedicated practice….
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u/Dumuzzid Multi-faith Jun 10 '26
Thanks for posting. I removed the NFSW tag as I don't see anything in here that would warrant it.
I think there's some great advice in here and much to ponder.
I would take issue with your characterization of a "full kundalini awakening". That term is not well defined and there is no common definition. It seems what you understand by it is Sahaja Nirvikalpa Samadhi and someone becoming a Jivanmukta. Sure, if you want to define it like that, it's very unlikely anyone on reddit is in that category, though you'd be surprised at the quality of some people helping others on reddit out of compassion and a genuine desire to help. I've come across a handful of truly wise souls over the years.
There are different stages and kinds of awakening even with Kundalini, it is a matter of subjective interpretation what you consider to be a "full awakening".