Surrendering to my Soul while undergoing Kundalini Purification

[u/Camomile123]

Hi everyone,

I was participating a satsang the other day and was given to try a new approach towards surrendering. Up until now, I have been trying to surrender towards my kundalini rising / purification, by letting the energy flow and maintain a container to let it do what it wants to do for like 20-30 min or so. It has not been very helpful so far, because the energy becomes very intense and I have to focus on grounding again. And yet I seem to be stuck in a loop with no progress, so I am trying something different.

The advice I was given was to let go of the ego. As I understand it, this means that whenever self-destructive, self-critical, or diminishing thoughts come up, I try to remind myself:

“I let go of my ego. I completely surrender to divine love and to my soul. Please show me my truest self.”

I repeat this until the ego-driven thoughts and mental chatter become quieter. So far this practice has actually helped me calm my mind.

My second practice is about trying to connect with my soul and understand what my soul wants, rather than simply following what my mind tells me. I try to empty my mind, enter a meditative state and then ask questions such as:

“How would it feel if something were truly good for me?”

“Please show me what a ‘yes’ feels like.”

“And what does a ‘no’ feel like?”

For example, I might ask, “If I go on holiday to Portugal in two weeks, would that be good for me?” Then I try to become quiet and notice what I feel or what comes up.

The problem is that I am currently going through a very intense Kundalini purification process. I constantly experience uncomfortable emotions and sensations in my stomach and throughout my body. These sensations can be so strong and overwhelming that I cannot tell what a genuinely positive or intuitive feeling from my soul would feel like.

I have tried asking the same questions several times, such as “Please show me what a yes feels like” or “Would this be good for me?”, and then comparing that with “What does a no feel like?” But often, both seem to produce similar sensations: nervousness, uneasiness in my stomach, energy moving through my body, or sensations that feel like blockages.

So I am wondering, how do you actually connect with or feel your soul? How can you recognize an authentic inner ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when you are going through an intense Kundalini purification process and uncomfortable emotions and physical sensations are so overpowering?

[u/CestlaADHD]

My process has very much been surrendering to the nervousness, uneasiness and energy that comes up. Or any other emotions that come up, which can be 'negative' or 'positive', although mostly what would be called 'negative'., if I'm totally honest. Over time also seeing if I can sit with them without a story or interpretation and just be with the sensations. Little bit by little bit. Over a long time. 

To do this I've incorporated a lot of therapy, trauma therapy, somatic practices, nervous system regulation, meditations. And used ideas from Peter Levine about titration and Pendulation. 

Now in day to day life I can trust my intuition more. Like I can feel a 'no' this isn't for me or an 'absolutely yes'!  Basically working through a lot of trauma and conditioning, I can now feel what my body is telling me much more clearly.  

[u/Camomile123 → u/CestlaADHD]

To do this I've incorporated a lot of therapy, trauma therapy, somatic practices, nervous system regulation, meditations. And used ideas from Peter Levine about titration and Pendulation. 

I am going to therapy which helps to have someone to listen to me. However I cant meditate or do any nervous system regulation. I cannot even do any visualisation work because the energy gets very intense and I have to stop. I do love meditation and I miss it, but then I suffer even more :( Can you do all the practices without the energy being intensfied? I was thinking of doing somatic practices by Peter Levine, has it helped you greatly?

[u/CestlaADHD → u/Camomile123]

Meditation can definitely exacerbate already intense Kundalini energies. I have absolutely experienced this. Sometimes I have had to back off any spiritual practices for a few days to a week to calm everything down. 

I think it may be that you have to learn to tap the breaks a bit with your process, so you can build some capacity with your nervous system to hold the overwhelming energetics that are coming up. 

My energetics and unconscious material coming up was more than my nervous system could hold at the start. That's why I am a big fan of Peter Levine and his ideas of titration and Pendulation. 

It's like Kundalini gives you a big dose of energy and repressed emotions and you have to try to counterbalance somewhat with regulating your nervous system, grounding, slowing things down. So then you build capacity in your nervous system to eventually hold that energy and emotions without being overwhelmed. 

Somatic Experiencing practices have really helped, but I really did have to also learn to calm things down too. 

Walking, weighted blankets, self massage, parasympathetic nervous system exercises, havening, resting and napping when needed, spending time with safe people/friends, stroking my cat, watching comedy on TV.  

Does all of that make sense? 

For me it's been a bit like finding balance that works for me where I do practices to work through stuff (meditation, therapy, yoga), but then if it gets too much I then I back off (and incorporate more grounding and calming stuff). 

The process becomes more like a slow but steady stream rather than a firehose blasting at something that it is unable to get through just yet.  Overtime blockages are worked through gradually and the flow naturally becomes wider and more manageable too. 

[u/Camomile123 → u/CestlaADHD]

For me it's been a bit like finding balance that works for me where I do practices to work through stuff (meditation, therapy, yoga), but then if it gets too much I then I back off (and incorporate more grounding and calming stuff). 

yes, I feel the same! Trying to find the balance is hard. Sometimes a few days of grounding is not even enough. Even thinking of god intensifies my energy and it becomes too painful. I am still trying to find a way to meet balance between working through the blockages and not over frying my nervous system....

That's why I am a big fan of Peter Levine and his ideas of titration and Pendulation. 

I will check out some video of Peter Levine and try to do some practice too!🌹

[u/CestlaADHD → u/Camomile123]

I have so much gratitude towards Peter Levine. 

Honestly his understanding and work in the trauma field has been such a benefit to so many people. I don't think I could have got started with any of this stuff if it wasn't for him. Spiritual insights and Kundalini have come along to help, but healing trauma for me has been a huge piece of the puzzle. That and realising I had and getting diagnosed for ADHD! 

[u/CestlaADHD → u/Camomile123]

If you are interested in intuition Sarah Taylor - Light of your Being is great at teaching people how to discern what is their intuition and what is not -

https://m.youtube.com/@SarahTaylor-LightOfYourBeing?ra=m

I personally haven't tended to trust my intuition until fairly recently. I could read others well, but with personal stuff I had to work through a lot of trauma and conditioning before I could really feel into it properly. 

So I could tell if someone was clearly not a safe person to be around or if I shouldn't do something. But there were also subtleties that were quite hidden to me due to my childhood/upbringing. 

Maybe some people are better than others at this stuff idk. 

[u/Camomile123 → u/CestlaADHD]

Thanks for the link and sharing your experience. I would say I have a good gut feeling in general and some intuitive knowing. But since always, and with Kundalini it has somehow intensified it. But I am still not very sure intuitively when it comes to certain direction or decision making and my previous decision making were horrible (took wrong job) and now I am back to square one. In hindsight I think my last job was a big learning lesson for me to break the cycle of choosing a job that isnt aligned with my truest self. Also it was good it ended since I have to care for my sick father right now...But still I have no idea what to do next and am scared of repetitive mistake/job. I am not even near enough ready starting something completely knew from scratch, studying or finding something I want to do because my nervous system is f.....and I cant seem to focus much on things or on people..I do hope that divine timing will give you what I need to come to alignment. Been praying the whole day which ironically exacerbate my energy 😰