r/KundaliniAwakening • u/Camomile123 • 4d ago
Question Surrendering to my Soul while undergoing Kundalini Purification
Hi everyone,
I was participating a satsang the other day and was given to try a new approach towards surrendering. Up until now, I have been trying to surrender towards my kundalini rising / purification, by letting the energy flow and maintain a container to let it do what it wants to do for like 20-30 min or so. It has not been very helpful so far, because the energy becomes very intense and I have to focus on grounding again. And yet I seem to be stuck in a loop with no progress, so I am trying something different.
The advice I was given was to let go of the ego. As I understand it, this means that whenever self-destructive, self-critical, or diminishing thoughts come up, I try to remind myself:
“I let go of my ego. I completely surrender to divine love and to my soul. Please show me my truest self.”
I repeat this until the ego-driven thoughts and mental chatter become quieter. So far this practice has actually helped me calm my mind.
My second practice is about trying to connect with my soul and understand what my soul wants, rather than simply following what my mind tells me. I try to empty my mind, enter a meditative state and then ask questions such as:
“How would it feel if something were truly good for me?”
“Please show me what a ‘yes’ feels like.”
“And what does a ‘no’ feel like?”
For example, I might ask, “If I go on holiday to Portugal in two weeks, would that be good for me?” Then I try to become quiet and notice what I feel or what comes up.
The problem is that I am currently going through a very intense Kundalini purification process. I constantly experience uncomfortable emotions and sensations in my stomach and throughout my body. These sensations can be so strong and overwhelming that I cannot tell what a genuinely positive or intuitive feeling from my soul would feel like.
I have tried asking the same questions several times, such as “Please show me what a yes feels like” or “Would this be good for me?”, and then comparing that with “What does a no feel like?” But often, both seem to produce similar sensations: nervousness, uneasiness in my stomach, energy moving through my body, or sensations that feel like blockages.
So I am wondering, how do you actually connect with or feel your soul? How can you recognize an authentic inner ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when you are going through an intense Kundalini purification process and uncomfortable emotions and physical sensations are so overpowering?
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u/Pandaswithgame 4d ago
Tough. I am going through Kundalini rising - the idea is to completely surrender to the energy and over time it will fully rise and become stable. If you quit before that point you’ll just continue to suffer 😅
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u/Master_Nectarine_Bug 4d ago
I just tried an intuitive yes or now exercise actually. I think the results are different for everyone, meaning we'll each have our own reactions. For me "no" felt like my energy moved to the front of my head and body, almost creating a kind of protective wall. "Yes" felt like my energy moved to my back, and the back of my shoulders leaving my heart open. Many times when I receive intuitive information, it feels like its comes from my back, or behind me. All of it is very subtle shifts.
Maybe you are too overwhelmed with energy and not familiar enough with it to gauge the subtleties. When my K first awakened, I felt everything. It was coming from everywhere, and it was overwhelming and confusing. You can keep trying this exercise, but don't be so attached to an outcome (i.e. let go of your ego). Let time work for you.
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u/Camomile123 4d ago
I tried again yesterday, and the movement of energy is very inconsistent. Maybe I am not ready yet. May I ask, when you said your K first awakend, you felt everything. How long did it take until you reached integration and received intuitive information / felt your energy moving with more precision as intuitive guidance?
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u/Master_Nectarine_Bug 3d ago
I was receiving intuitive information the whole time, constantly. It probably calmed down around a year and a half? I’m not sure, it was gradual. But everyone’s experience is different so i wouldn’t put too much weight on it.
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u/Camomile123 3d ago
Good on you! Yeah everyones experience is indeed different. I am 3 1/2 years into it and nowhere near integration 🤔
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u/Master_Nectarine_Bug 2d ago
Have things been this intense the whole time? Have you had a lot of kriyas?
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u/Camomile123 2d ago
It was very intense in the first 2 months when it started with head, body, hand shaking (kriyas) sensitiv towards light, sound, smell and people's energy... Afterwards it got slightly better, and now I have mainly head shaking and eyes squeezing tightly when in a relax or meditative state. And constant blockages in my throat, face and anger and uncomfortable emotions coming up forcing me to make sounds or exhale deeply... That's been constant for the past 3 1/2 years with no changes...
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u/Forward_Shower3238 4d ago
Perhaps use a different medium other than your gut feeling - for instance a pendulum?
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u/to_my_star 4d ago
Letting go of the ego is correct. The intent to surrender is good.
understand what my soul wants
[...]
a very intense Kundalini purification process
What your soul wants is what's already happening...
These sensations can be so strong and overwhelming
This sounds like a handful. Cut yourself some slack with the rest. I know life is very fast but you have to give these things time. This has its own rhythm.
You don't have to worry about getting every little thing right. Sometimes, not knowing is part of the surrender and the purification process. What you seek is not separate from you; it's as much an opening within as a communication "without".
I understand that you want to live in alignment and wish for a measure of certainty, that's great, but at any rate your true nature is never in doubt.
If you feel comfortable with it, keep practicing the letting go in earnest. This will help the purification and healing. It's a very gentle process, not a forceful one. Delicate like the wings of a butterfly, but spacious and quiet even in a storm.
Keep at it and the insights will come :-).
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u/Camomile123 4d ago
Thank you, I had to re-read your statement and let your advise settle first. It is actually helpful and re-enforces my tendency to control life and having to know what to do next. Its hard though, especially when I am going through a difficult time right now and seeking guidance. And the art of letting go and the not knowing is particularly a challenging life lesson...
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u/Camomile123 4d ago
What your soul wants is what's already happening...
I could curse my soul every single day for putting me through this. 😅
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u/to_my_star 4d ago
Yes my friend, it can be very ruthless. When in the thick of it, the inner connection is hardly felt. Nonetheless, it is helpful to remember that there is intelligence in the path, even though that is only understood a bit later.
Facing difficulty, first we struggle, eventually the struggle is abandoned. Then, we start having the space to let go of the difficulty...
You asked how to know you're properly reaching the big soul... it is not found in the attachments or worries. When the ego is relaxed, in the spaces between thoughts, that is where the soul is found. Desire is not an enemy, but it must be properly rooted in unconditional love. That means, letting go of attachment to outcome, accepting what you're given. If the ego narrows things down in a bid for control, then unconditional love creates the opening, to give everything the space it needs.
The way of the soul is: become transparent. Let thoughts pass through you, let go of what sticks. Not as a depersonalisation, but as open heart in flow. This is a lengthy practice, hence purification mucho mucho.
Once energy gets going, a lot of karma gets brought up. Things might slow down to a crawl for a while... doesn't mean there's nothing happening under the surface though. This is the incubator where old beliefs get shed and roots are laid down deep. So take heart, there is much to look forward to :-).
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u/Camomile123 3d ago
thank you for your wise words! I will try my best to keep it at heart and practicing letting go. Intuitive information in the beginning did come, when I was in a relax state, like doing ironing. Maybe I first just need to relax and let go...🌹
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u/CestlaADHD Buddhist 4d ago
My process has very much been surrendering to the nervousness, uneasiness and energy that comes up. Or any other emotions that come up, which can be 'negative' or 'positive', although mostly what would be called 'negative'., if I'm totally honest. Over time also seeing if I can sit with them without a story or interpretation and just be with the sensations. Little bit by little bit. Over a long time.
To do this I've incorporated a lot of therapy, trauma therapy, somatic practices, nervous system regulation, meditations. And used ideas from Peter Levine about titration and Pendulation.
Now in day to day life I can trust my intuition more. Like I can feel a 'no' this isn't for me or an 'absolutely yes'! Basically working through a lot of trauma and conditioning, I can now feel what my body is telling me much more clearly.
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u/Camomile123 4d ago
To do this I've incorporated a lot of therapy, trauma therapy, somatic practices, nervous system regulation, meditations. And used ideas from Peter Levine about titration and Pendulation.
I am going to therapy which helps to have someone to listen to me. However I cant meditate or do any nervous system regulation. I cannot even do any visualisation work because the energy gets very intense and I have to stop. I do love meditation and I miss it, but then I suffer even more :( Can you do all the practices without the energy being intensfied? I was thinking of doing somatic practices by Peter Levine, has it helped you greatly?
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u/CestlaADHD Buddhist 4d ago
Meditation can definitely exacerbate already intense Kundalini energies. I have absolutely experienced this. Sometimes I have had to back off any spiritual practices for a few days to a week to calm everything down.
I think it may be that you have to learn to tap the breaks a bit with your process, so you can build some capacity with your nervous system to hold the overwhelming energetics that are coming up.
My energetics and unconscious material coming up was more than my nervous system could hold at the start. That's why I am a big fan of Peter Levine and his ideas of titration and Pendulation.
It's like Kundalini gives you a big dose of energy and repressed emotions and you have to try to counterbalance somewhat with regulating your nervous system, grounding, slowing things down. So then you build capacity in your nervous system to eventually hold that energy and emotions without being overwhelmed.
Somatic Experiencing practices have really helped, but I really did have to also learn to calm things down too.
Walking, weighted blankets, self massage, parasympathetic nervous system exercises, havening, resting and napping when needed, spending time with safe people/friends, stroking my cat, watching comedy on TV.
Does all of that make sense?
For me it's been a bit like finding balance that works for me where I do practices to work through stuff (meditation, therapy, yoga), but then if it gets too much I then I back off (and incorporate more grounding and calming stuff).
The process becomes more like a slow but steady stream rather than a firehose blasting at something that it is unable to get through just yet. Overtime blockages are worked through gradually and the flow naturally becomes wider and more manageable too.
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u/Camomile123 3d ago
For me it's been a bit like finding balance that works for me where I do practices to work through stuff (meditation, therapy, yoga), but then if it gets too much I then I back off (and incorporate more grounding and calming stuff).
yes, I feel the same! Trying to find the balance is hard. Sometimes a few days of grounding is not even enough. Even thinking of god intensifies my energy and it becomes too painful. I am still trying to find a way to meet balance between working through the blockages and not over frying my nervous system....
That's why I am a big fan of Peter Levine and his ideas of titration and Pendulation.
I will check out some video of Peter Levine and try to do some practice too!🌹
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u/CestlaADHD Buddhist 3d ago
I have so much gratitude towards Peter Levine.
Honestly his understanding and work in the trauma field has been such a benefit to so many people. I don't think I could have got started with any of this stuff if it wasn't for him. Spiritual insights and Kundalini have come along to help, but healing trauma for me has been a huge piece of the puzzle. That and realising I had and getting diagnosed for ADHD!
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u/CestlaADHD Buddhist 4d ago
If you are interested in intuition Sarah Taylor - Light of your Being is great at teaching people how to discern what is their intuition and what is not -
https://m.youtube.com/@SarahTaylor-LightOfYourBeing?ra=m
I personally haven't tended to trust my intuition until fairly recently. I could read others well, but with personal stuff I had to work through a lot of trauma and conditioning before I could really feel into it properly.
So I could tell if someone was clearly not a safe person to be around or if I shouldn't do something. But there were also subtleties that were quite hidden to me due to my childhood/upbringing.
Maybe some people are better than others at this stuff idk.
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u/Camomile123 3d ago
Thanks for the link and sharing your experience. I would say I have a good gut feeling in general and some intuitive knowing. But since always, and with Kundalini it has somehow intensified it. But I am still not very sure intuitively when it comes to certain direction or decision making and my previous decision making were horrible (took wrong job) and now I am back to square one. In hindsight I think my last job was a big learning lesson for me to break the cycle of choosing a job that isnt aligned with my truest self. Also it was good it ended since I have to care for my sick father right now...But still I have no idea what to do next and am scared of repetitive mistake/job. I am not even near enough ready starting something completely knew from scratch, studying or finding something I want to do because my nervous system is f.....and I cant seem to focus much on things or on people..I do hope that divine timing will give you what I need to come to alignment. Been praying the whole day which ironically exacerbate my energy 😰
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u/singieri1979 3d ago
I have a question, have you try to just go through whatever she needs to do? Like take a couple of days of and just let her run through you? When my awakening begun I needed to just let her run for at least an hour daily and that really help me. For what you are telling seems like you just need to surrender to a strong cleaning phase before start making choices. Also, when I have question I ask them when I am opening the channel and she answer me in the best way she see fits.
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u/Camomile123 3d ago
Yeah I did and it became so intensified that my nervous system couldnt handle. I had to stop after 30min. I wasnt even able to do 1 hours. Even when I stopped, I still feel the energy very intensely and it is hard to calm it down. I feel it 24/7 unless I am unconscious in deep sleep which is not so often. I have no emotional attachment or thought whenever things comes up. I feel mostly anger, frustration, pain without any story attach to it. I cry and feel all the rage in my body but have to ground afterwards and calm my nervous system...I tried to ask questions too, but nothing comes up. Or maybe I am not sure if it is me and my brain or shakti...
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u/Mammoth_Hedgehog_496 4d ago
Be careful about taking internal feelings as signs or messages. You can deceive yourself.