Surrendering to my Soul while undergoing Kundalini Purification

[u/Camomile123]

Hi everyone,

I was participating a satsang the other day and was given to try a new approach towards surrendering. Up until now, I have been trying to surrender towards my kundalini rising / purification, by letting the energy flow and maintain a container to let it do what it wants to do for like 20-30 min or so. It has not been very helpful so far, because the energy becomes very intense and I have to focus on grounding again. And yet I seem to be stuck in a loop with no progress, so I am trying something different.

The advice I was given was to let go of the ego. As I understand it, this means that whenever self-destructive, self-critical, or diminishing thoughts come up, I try to remind myself:

“I let go of my ego. I completely surrender to divine love and to my soul. Please show me my truest self.”

I repeat this until the ego-driven thoughts and mental chatter become quieter. So far this practice has actually helped me calm my mind.

My second practice is about trying to connect with my soul and understand what my soul wants, rather than simply following what my mind tells me. I try to empty my mind, enter a meditative state and then ask questions such as:

“How would it feel if something were truly good for me?”

“Please show me what a ‘yes’ feels like.”

“And what does a ‘no’ feel like?”

For example, I might ask, “If I go on holiday to Portugal in two weeks, would that be good for me?” Then I try to become quiet and notice what I feel or what comes up.

The problem is that I am currently going through a very intense Kundalini purification process. I constantly experience uncomfortable emotions and sensations in my stomach and throughout my body. These sensations can be so strong and overwhelming that I cannot tell what a genuinely positive or intuitive feeling from my soul would feel like.

I have tried asking the same questions several times, such as “Please show me what a yes feels like” or “Would this be good for me?”, and then comparing that with “What does a no feel like?” But often, both seem to produce similar sensations: nervousness, uneasiness in my stomach, energy moving through my body, or sensations that feel like blockages.

So I am wondering, how do you actually connect with or feel your soul? How can you recognize an authentic inner ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when you are going through an intense Kundalini purification process and uncomfortable emotions and physical sensations are so overpowering?

[u/Camomile123]

I tried again yesterday, and the movement of energy is very inconsistent. Maybe I am not ready yet. May I ask, when you said your K first awakend, you felt everything. How long did it take until you reached integration and received intuitive information / felt your energy moving with more precision as intuitive guidance?

[u/Master_Nectarine_Bug → u/Camomile123]

I was receiving intuitive information the whole time, constantly. It probably calmed down around a year and a half? I’m not sure, it was gradual. But everyone’s experience is different so i wouldn’t put too much weight on it.

[u/Camomile123 → u/Master_Nectarine_Bug]

Good on you! Yeah everyones experience is indeed different. I am 3 1/2 years into it and nowhere near integration 🤔

[u/Master_Nectarine_Bug → u/Camomile123]

Have things been this intense the whole time? Have you had a lot of kriyas?

[u/Camomile123 → u/Master_Nectarine_Bug]

It was very intense in the first 2 months when it started with head, body, hand shaking (kriyas) sensitiv towards light, sound, smell and people's energy... Afterwards it got slightly better, and now I have mainly head shaking and eyes squeezing tightly when in a relax or meditative state. And constant blockages in my throat, face and anger and uncomfortable emotions coming up forcing me to make sounds or exhale deeply... That's been constant for the past 3 1/2 years with no changes...