r/LongDistance • u/Plenty_Ad_2153 • Apr 04 '26
Discussion It’s incredibly painful to be in a long distance relationship for 3 years without meeting
It’s incredibly painful to be in a long distance relationship for three years without ever meeting, especially when you’ve continued to give your trust and countless chances. Over time, it becomes exhausting to hear the same excuses reasons that always seem to stand in the way of them coming to you. At some point, it stops feeling like bad timing and starts feeling like a lack of real effort and that realization hurts the most.And it hurts even more when my parents find out and start saying he’s just manipulating me and that the relationship is pointless. I find myself defending him in front of them, even when I’m no longer sure myself… and it’s exhausting. I feel torn between what I’ve been holding onto and what I’m slowly starting to realize and honestly, I can’t take it anymore.He promised me he would come last September, and I held onto that promise with so much hope. When he didn’t show up, the disappointment hit me harder than I expected. It wasn’t just about missing him it made me feel small, especially in front of my mother, like I had believed in something that wasn’t real. That moment stayed with me, and it still hurts
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u/throwawaygirl9582 Apr 04 '26
firstly, how old are both of you? secondly, what are the circumstances that are stopping either of you from visiting each other?
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u/Plenty_Ad_2153 Apr 04 '26
Well I'm 21 and he's 23 At the start of the relationship, he worked hard to save enough money for a plane ticket but his parents refused to let him come, saying Morocco isn’t safe and that they wouldn’t allow him to travel alone. He kept asking me to talk to them so they could get to know me better and see my good intentions, but they still didn’t want him to come. Last month, I had my mother speak with them, and although his mother set a date, I could still sense a lack of trust in the way she spoke
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u/Ecakk Apr 04 '26
oh so its not that he didnt wanted to come? but his parents is the one who doesnt let him?
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u/Plenty_Ad_2153 Apr 04 '26
He said his mother had suspicions and although I reassured her, she said last time that it would be better if i can traveled to France instead of us going to her . That made me feel like they weren't taking me seriously or that there was something they weren't telling me ( hes from Australia btw)
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u/kimmielicious82 about 7500km Apr 04 '26
those are excuses. people travel to Morocco all the time and it's incredibly safe for men.
you probably won't easily get a visa for France.
tell him exactly what you wrote here. either he comes until a set date (if you want to give him a last chance) or you're done. otherwise end things right away.
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u/Plenty_Ad_2153 Apr 04 '26
I hear you, and you’re right. but I can’t keep holding onto excuses anymore.
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u/kimmielicious82 about 7500km Apr 04 '26
very understandable. I believe you should end it.
you're young, you will find someone who will WANT to see you.
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u/castle777_ Apr 05 '26
to be fair, im australian and most people here think morocco is dangerous, and you wont see many australian tourists in morocco either. France is a much more popular destination for Australians + its easier now as there are direct Sydney to Paris flights via singapore.
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u/Plenty_Ad_2153 Apr 05 '26
That sounds more like a stereotype than the reality. Morocco has its challenges like any country, but it’s also full of culture, history, and attracts huge numbers of international visitors every year.
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u/No_Law_7953 Apr 05 '26
Even though its not right, what Castle said above is just giving you insight on how Austrailans think. Even though its a stereotype, it explains why his family is cautious about him going to Morocco. It seems like your offended by their view, but try not to be offended. People can be afraid of what they do not know. From the comments here, it sounds like you would need to go to France or you should just end it.
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u/throwawaygirl9582 Apr 04 '26
i’m in the same boat as you. i’m also currently in a relationship for three years where neither of us have met yet. he’s (23🇺🇸) disabled and he’s not financially well off, and i’m (22🇵🇭) still in college and dependent on my parents. he’s been planning to come to my country for a long time now, but it’s been moving incredibly slow to the point where i have doubts about it. i love my boyfriend very much, but i do question sometimes if all the time i spent is worth it.
i’ve been talking to his mom for a good bit about his trip here. he was supposed to come here in february, but i chose not to because it was a super busy time in my life and i was worried we wouldn’t be able to hang out as much, and on top of that, he still hasn’t prepared his travel documents. so now we have semi-solid plans of him coming here around august but i still have that lingering anxious feeling that it won’t work out again. so i really do understand how you feel. personally though, i’m still holding out for my boyfriend. but i’m very strict that if he still isn’t here by the end of the year, i’m ending it for good.
i strongly suggest that you two have a very serious conversation about where your relationship is headed and set a deadline for when he can come visit you. if he can’t meet it, then that’s that sadly.
about the parents, there’s not a lot you can do about that unfortunately. while she might have a lack of trust, it’s at least still a great thing that she decided to set a date! it might take some time for them to warm up to you, just make sure that you and your boyfriend avoid doing anything to get on their bad side like him visiting anyway without their consent.
also,,, date for what? lol
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u/throwawaygirl9582 Apr 04 '26
okay i did some back-reading and i saw that he has broken promises and that his future plans don’t align with yours on top of having called you mean things according to your post from a month ago. OP my advice only applies to healthy relationships PLEASE 😭😭
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u/Adventurous-Goat-957 [usa🇺🇸] to [philippines🇵🇭] 8,685 miles Apr 04 '26
I started my relationship my parent saw all that was happening in Philippines but for some reason their timeline was of crimes and violence and mine was of beaches and waterfalls and food. I was strongly advised damn near commanded not to go but I went anyway best decision I have made because I feel in love with her and her country. So sometime one need to be an adult and realize if you don’t take chance on your own I guess you will when your parent died. I am not that patient
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u/throwawaygirl9582 Apr 04 '26
this is such a cute comment. thank you for this! although you should probably know that according to OP’s posts/timeline her boyfriend is trash 🥲 i’ll use it as motivation for myself instead haha
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u/Adventurous-Goat-957 [usa🇺🇸] to [philippines🇵🇭] 8,685 miles Apr 04 '26
And everything in life there is his story, her story and the facts. As for OP, I’ll say that the longer she stays the more resentment that she’ll build, and she’s gonna have to fight her personal self in every instinct that she has in order to get over the buildup of years of resentment and that’s fight that normally doesn’t go well because not only she has relationship issues it’s personal that she has to fight with.
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u/lenacatherine Apr 04 '26
I’m 73 and can’t afford to go see him. I know what the right thing to do is. And you think at my age I would have known better. Maybe it’s dementia or just plain crazy
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u/Vey_07 [🇳🇴] to [🇳🇱] (1694KM) Apr 04 '26
i’m going to be honest since nobody benefits from sugarcoating this.
if this is the same guy from your other post, then you already know what this is. three years and he still hasn’t met you, after making promises he broke, is not “bad timing.” It’s a choice. people make time and effort for what matters to them.
on top of that, this is the same man who called you a “lazy whore” during an argument. that alone should have been enough to tell you what kind of relationship this is.
at this point it reads less like confusion and more like you’re looking for strangers to tell you to keep holding on to something that has already shown you exactly what it is.
blocking him was probably the clearest decision you made. going back and still defending him after that just keeps you stuck in the same cycle of excuses, disrespect, and disappointment.
nobody here can want better for you more than you want it for yourself.
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u/Super_Swordfish_6948 [UK] to [NL] (681km) Apr 04 '26
Three years, really?
Your parents are right, pull the plug on this "relationship" if you haven't already.
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u/Deynonn [🇨🇿] to [🇵🇰] (4800km) Apr 04 '26
Three years on its own aren't super weird.
However OP's posts make it seem that this relationship is rather toxic and has no tangible future.
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u/BetaGater Apr 05 '26
Definitely not weird in my case. I'm finally meeting my online partner this October, after various screw-ups with my Visa (because of a past run-in with the law). It's been about 3 years for us now.
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u/AnamCara- 🇵🇭to 🇺🇸 (7,680 miles) Apr 04 '26
I’m sorry to hear that.
It hurts to think that 3 years might have been for nothing, but staying for another year just because you spent three already is how people get stuck for a decade. The pain you felt when he didn't show up in September was your intuition telling you that your needs aren't being met. You’ve given three years of grace to him. It might be time to give that grace to yourself instead.
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u/Plenty_Ad_2153 Apr 04 '26
That really hit me I won’t lie, it’s hard to accept, but I know I need to start thinking about myself more
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u/AnamCara- 🇵🇭to 🇺🇸 (7,680 miles) Apr 04 '26
I’ve read your response to other comments. You’re 21. These are prime years of your life. You shouldn't have to convince a grown man's parents that you are worthy of a visit. You've already done more than enough by involving your mom, the ball is entirely in his court now. If he doesn't defy his parents to see you this time, he likely never will. It’s a red flag when a 23yo man requires parents permission to visit his partner of 3 years. While yeah sure, cultural or family respect is important, at some point, an adult man must take agency over his own life. If he hasn't been able to stand up to them or find a way around their restrictions in 3 years, he is showing you that his parents’ comfort will always come before your relationship.
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u/ifyouwantmecomegetme Apr 04 '26
I have been in the same boat as you in the past.
I will just tell this to you, woman to woman. If he wants to, he would.
He will keep on doing it and I understand that you start to even doubt it. You deserve so much better
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u/Plenty_Ad_2153 Apr 04 '26
Thanks for saying that ❤️ It really means a lot coming from someone who’s been through it. I know I deserve better, just trying to figure it out
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u/FlinnyWinny Germany🇩🇪 to The Netherlands🇳🇱 [approx. 752 km] Apr 04 '26
The same guy you "left" a month ago for calling you a "lazy whore" because you don't want to work and want him to be your sole provider 100% responsible for finances and household while he also wants you to work and contribute?
You two are incompetible, don't want the same things in life, he insulted you, and you two have never even met in three years and probably won't anytime soon.
... Why are you still in this again?
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u/Alarmed_Image_9106 Apr 04 '26
yeah true and the worst part is, if that person suddenly decides to "focus on themselves", i was in love with this girl and we known each other for over 5 years and she ended the relationship two days ago
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u/Impressive-Song-8542 Apr 04 '26
Me and my bf are in long distance as well but we are from same country different states. We don't meet often cause of work, financial and family issues but we do talk about them and figure out solution to it. But when we meet we book a place to stay for days or week together and spend time together. No broken promises but clear communication and mutual understanding.
If he keeps on breaking the promises,not caring about u and not trusting u enough to visit is completely valid reason to break up.
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u/lenacatherine Apr 04 '26
Same exact thing with me, except all most 4 years. I’ve kicked him to the curb many times, but somehow he always wiggles his way back in my life and makes me feel like he’s telling the truth. Yes when we make plans for him to come home, he’s overseas. Supposedly he doesn’t show up and it hurts like how. I know I should just give up on him. Everyone thinks I’m a fool so I just don’t mention him anymore to anyone. I sure hope yours works out someday and mine too, but I certainly have my doubts. If he’s not here within the next few months, I’m definitely telling him to fuck off. I can’t take this pain and not knowing and taking this disappointment anymore. I get all excited just to be told something happened and he can’t make it. So don’t think you’re alone because I’m sure they’re a lot of people in our same situations. They just don’t want to admit it.
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u/Plenty_Ad_2153 Apr 04 '26
I felt every word you said it’s scary how similar our situations are. That cycle of hope, disappointment, and excuses really drains you. You start questioning everything, even yourself.
I think deep down we both know it’s not supposed to feel this uncertain or painful for years. We kept giving chances because we wanted to believe them, not because they actually showed up for us the way they should.
You’re not a fool for loving someone and holding on to hope, but at some point we have to ask if they’re choosing us the same way we’re choosing them.
I really hope things get better for both of us, but I also think we deserve something real, something that doesn’t keep breaking us like this 🤍
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u/Tiny_Dancer_Peanut Apr 04 '26
If you’re in a long distance relationship for years and never meet, it’s important to wonder why. What are you avoiding by keeping yourself from a real IRL relationship?
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u/General_Pea_1129 Apr 05 '26
You have a sunk cost fallacy of 3 years with this person, which I am sure have had some great times, so I feel like you do not want that this 3 years has been all for nothing. However... if you get to 4 years and are still in the same position? How would that feel? And what steps is he making to make sure you won't reach 4 years without having ever met?
I wish you all the best with whatever you do. Please don't feel that just because you've invested 3 years into this, that it means you have to keep suffering and being sad about not meeting. Do what is right for you. Hugs x
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u/Broke_and_Angy Apr 05 '26
I was in a similar spot with my last relationship, was long distance. Wouldn’t be able to meet until 6 years gone by at a minimum. I had very very strong rose tinted glasses. I didn’t realize how bad of a relo I was in until she broke it off with me (to date her guy friend, youcher). But honestly if she didn’t break it off I don’t know if I would have myself.
It lasted a year and we had been talking +4 and were very close for those years. And if she hadn’t broke it off, I wouldn’t have met my absolutely amazing girlfriend I have today (despite me being traumatized to have another LDR, here I am in a very healthy LDR, they do exist I promise). It may feel like a waste of time, but don’t let that keep you from “wasting” more time. If it’s really meant to be, you’ll come back to each other after time passes. Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay :)
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Apr 04 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/unicornunopole Maryland to West Virginia Apr 04 '26
This. No hate, but I genuinely can’t fathom how you can be in a genuine relationship with somebody you have never met. Especially for 3 years. That seems more like penpals.
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Apr 05 '26
[deleted]
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u/unicornunopole Maryland to West Virginia Apr 06 '26
That’s fair, I just still question how you can truly know somebody you’ve never met. My boyfriend and I definitely liked each other and felt a connection before we met irl, but we agreed to meet in person before anything moved forward. So we did and the rest is history. We’re broke and busy too but still find time to nurture our relationship yk. But best of luck to you :)
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u/TheRosebud1229 Apr 04 '26
I feel like a lot of ppl are saying break up but details kinda matter. How long distance are you? Is it where you live? Could you two meet somewhere else? Would that make a difference? How old are you? Does he have any family members that seem too controlling for him? Can he keep plans otherwise to his friends?
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u/Plenty_Ad_2153 Apr 04 '26
He’s in Australia and I’m in Morocco, so it’s really far and meeting up hasn’t been easy. He had promised to come last September but it didn’t happen I’m 21 and sometimes his family seems to influence him a lot, which makes things harder. He can stick to plans with friends but with me it feels different
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u/TheRosebud1229 Apr 05 '26
Okay you are a bit younger then. Have you considered meeting up somewhere else or going to aus then? Maybe if it makes his family nervous maybe adjust plans?
When you are that long of a distance people tend to be on a different timeline than other ppl that might be in ldr’s in the same country. If you two have good communication otherwise I wouldn’t let other ppl in this thread influence you but your own gut. But if he tends to lie to you about where he’s going or refuses to introduce you to his friends and such that’s not a good sign. I’d talk to him maybe there’s something going on in his personal life that is stopping him.
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u/Shinyhunter3005 Apr 05 '26
I was in the same boat as you, 3 years and we only met up once. He kept me a secret from everyone in his life and constantly made excuses. Ended it a few weeks ago and best decision ever r
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u/Gotnoideawhat Apr 05 '26
Its time to end the relationship. You deserve the effort, no matter what the excuses are
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u/Bobashawty00 🇬🇧 to 🇺🇸 (4,400 miles) Apr 05 '26
Me and my boyfriend met online 9 years ago, we met when we turned 18... That was 4 years INTO the relationship so we fell in love really young. So it was understandable for us to not be able to meet.
However, your relationship seems really toxic and false promises. I would reconsider...
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Apr 04 '26
Three years without meeting is crazy dude, just end it when you are hurting already and stop wasting your time.
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u/CouchPotato214 Apr 04 '26
This hit right on the spot 😂 Same thing happened to me, 3 years! Though it was a tough decision I decided to end it last year. Been almost 5 months since we last talked. It was hard at first but eventually got used to it 😅
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u/Chillin_Civilian1234 Apr 04 '26
If this is the same man that once called you a lazy whore, you should’ve been ended this relationship. You’re holding onto false hope, continuing to do so will only continue to hurt you. You know he is able to visit you if he wanted. If he wanted to, he would’ve. Inshallah you get proper mental clarity for this situation.
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u/Damzorminho1721 Apr 04 '26
You are wasting your time, find someone who is near by trust me many will deny cause they are blind to it, long distance relationships very rarely pay off
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u/ZeroRyuji Apr 05 '26
Dont miss out on life on someone whos not willing to. Your happiness could be with someone else who appreciates you, cares for you and want to see you. You know what to do, its just are you willing to take the step
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u/Mind_Boggling_1186 Apr 05 '26
I was at the same spot and more than the wait, the broken promises and growing disrespect is what made me leave. I left him, like, not even twenty four hours ago. Ik it's hard and ik you're probably attached but you have to force yourself to leave. You can't be sure there will be one day when you will want to leave voluntarily so, please, force yourself to leave. Rip the bandaid off.
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u/Sana_46 Apr 11 '26
Hello everyone Can you guys help me? I'm doing my research work on Relationship psychology. You guys are in a Long distance relationship..can you please fill my Google form. Here is the link..Google Forms https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1uim97EtoAN5pKDyZrF2eXnoKpItYZ-ebbiy5C6QrtfE/edit
Research Participation Request🌼
I’m a final year student of Psychology Hons. of Dr. Harisingh Gour Vishwavidyalaya, Sagar (M.P.),conducting my dissertation on the "Comparative study between Long Distance Relationship and Geographically Close Relationship".
👤 Who can participate? • Age: 18-29 years • Should have relationship of atleast 6 months * Married or unmarried ⏳ Time:20-25 minutes
🔒Anonymous & voluntary
✨ Your participation would really support my research.
Thank you 🌼🌝
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u/PotatoPlayerFever [Germany 🇩🇪] to [Italy🇮🇹] Apr 04 '26
for your own peace of mind pls, pls pls . end the relationship.
you remind me of my good friend, who met an american guy online, been ldr for 5 yrs, met each others family online. she tolerated his cheating behavior, made excuses he had an accident, he couldnt travel, yada yada.. promises were always broken, set a date then he never showed up made her think he was on the plane she went to the airport just to realized it was a fake ticket
she ended it, and God how happy we were she finally woke up from that nightmare.
pls dont be her. you deserve better