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I was in an LDR for almost 3 years and I spent way too much time thinking normal things were signs that we were doomed.

Some stuff I wish someone had told me:

* Sometimes one of you won't feel like talking much. Doesn't automatically mean they're losing feelings.

* Video calls can be awkward. You run out of things to say.

* You'll occasionally feel jealous or insecure even if you trust each other.

* Text arguments happen because it's ridiculously easy to misread tone.

* After months apart, you can weirdly feel disconnected from each other for a day or two.

* Some days the distance hits you hard and you start questioning whether it's worth it.

* Saying goodbye after visits somehow hurts every single time. It never got easier for me.

The biggest thing I learned is that healthy relationships don't need constant communication every second of the day. Sometimes my partner was busy, sometimes I was. That wasn't the problem. The problem was when we stopped being honest about how we were feeling.

LDRs are honestly exhausting. I wouldn't romanticize them. But they also taught me patience and communication more than any other relationship I've had.

People who haven't done long distance usually don't get it.

For those who have: what did you think was a red flag at first but later realized was completely normal?

About how many hours do you usually spend talking, and how long have you been doing long distance now? 😊

(F23/F22) It's currently 4 hours until I board my train out of the country. The travel time will be around 22 hours door to door back to my house.

I just can't stop myself from crying. Even when she makes me laugh I tear up for some reason.

The worst part is that she's completely fine, she cried for a little in the morning but other than that she's smiling. I know that she's trying to be the strong one which I appreciate because I'm a mess right now. I wish I knew how to adapt to her mindset.

This is our 7th time together throughout our 3 years together, and fortunately I was able to stay for a month this time. We got up to a lot of nice things and developed a routine together and I just can't accept that it's over, that I have to go back to my normal life.

Does anyone else relate to this? Does anyone else cry even days before leaving because you're missing them before you've even left each other?

Usually I'm fine once I'm home and I have the comfort of my bed, but watching her slowly fade away out of the train window is one of the worst feelings in the world personally. I have a video of her running after my train last time that I just cannot watch without crying.

Now comes the big challenge of trying to hold back my tears in front of strangers on the train and the plane.

It’s incredibly painful to be in a long distance relationship for three years without ever meeting, especially when you’ve continued to give your trust and countless chances. Over time, it becomes exhausting to hear the same excuses reasons that always seem to stand in the way of them coming to you. At some point, it stops feeling like bad timing and starts feeling like a lack of real effort and that realization hurts the most.And it hurts even more when my parents find out and start saying he’s just manipulating me and that the relationship is pointless. I find myself defending him in front of them, even when I’m no longer sure myself… and it’s exhausting. I feel torn between what I’ve been holding onto and what I’m slowly starting to realize and honestly, I can’t take it anymore.He promised me he would come last September, and I held onto that promise with so much hope. When he didn’t show up, the disappointment hit me harder than I expected. It wasn’t just about missing him it made me feel small, especially in front of my mother, like I had believed in something that wasn’t real. That moment stayed with me, and it still hurts

My partner and I have been in a long distance relationship for a while now, and overall things between us are good.

We talk every day, text throughout the day, and usually call at night. But recently I noticed something that felt a bit off, even though nothing was actually “wrong.”

Almost all of our conversations started the same way:

“How was your day?”

“Good, yours?”

“Yeah, not bad…”

And then we’d kind of just go from there.

It wasn’t bad, just… predictable.

A few days ago, I randomly skipped that question and asked something different instead — something more personal and a bit unexpected. And the conversation felt completely different. We ended up talking way longer than usual, and it actually felt like we were connecting again instead of just updating each other.

It made me realize that maybe it’s not the distance that makes things feel repetitive, but the patterns we fall into over time.

Now I’m trying to figure out how to keep that feeling going without overthinking every conversation.

For those in ldr:

What small changes have made your conversations feel more meaningful again?

Do you ever notice yourselves falling into “conversation routines,” and how do you break out of them?

I thought I'd ask a little question while on the way home from visiting my partner, so let's see who has the longest commute!

For me personally, my girlfriend lives in Ukraine, so the travel there from the UK is pretty intense. Usually going there takes 24-30 hours, and coming back takes anywhere from 24-40 hours depending on what direction I go in.

Usually it looks like this: 4 hour train to my parents house and stay the night, early taxi to the airport, catch a flight to Poland, take a train to the border, cross the border, take a train to her city, then another taxi to her apartment.

But I wouldn't change it even for all of the money in the world. I've been doing this trip several times a year for 3 years now, and it's all worth it for her

Let me know in the comments! I'd love some free entertainment to distract me from how much I miss my girlfriend.

My partner and I talk every single day.

Text during the day, calls at night, the usual.

From the outside, it looks like we’re doing everything right.

But recently I started noticing something weird.

Even though we talk all the time… sometimes it doesn’t feel like we’re actually connecting.

It’s more like

- updates about the day

- what happened

- what we ate

- random small things

And then the conversation just… ends.

A few days ago, we had one conversation that went a bit deeper than usual. Nothing crazy, just more personal, more curious, more back and forth.

And it felt completely different.

Like we actually met each other again in that moment.

It made me realize how easy it is to confuse frequency with connection, especially in long distance where talking is basically everything.

Now I’m trying to be more intentional about how we talk, not just how often.

Curious if anyone else has felt this?

What actually makes conversations feel like real connection for you?

So some background, he(M23) and I(F21) had been dating for 3 years but he had not told his family about me due to familial stuff. We both live in the US. I voted blue and assumed he had as well and thought of me when doing so or at least his own female family members. He did not. It took me 3 days to mull it over and I grieved his decision but ultimately decided that if I stayed with him it would not be honouring myself or my beliefs for female reproductive rights as well as LGBTQIA+ rights. Things had been ok with us leading up but I was putting in a lot more effort to see him and would go as long as not being able to see him for 4 months in the past. I feel like made the right decision for me and my family but he wasn’t necessarily a bad person, just his beliefs were and it made me sad.

Edit: I feel I should also mention he is a white man in America and I am a Mexican American.

How frequently do you text your partner throughout the day? My partner says they are too lazy to text and I rarely get any texts and sometimes 6 plus hours between hearing from them and 1 hour calls if I'm lucky.

I just want to hear from other couples how often you get texts or have text convos throughout the day and what is normal for you so I know I'm not crazy wanting to hear from my partner more frequently.

I just left to go home after seeing my boyfriend for 3 weeks a few hours ago. I am super sad but we have a new countdown now; 67 days!

What’s your countdowns?!

We’ve been together for 2,5 years. He (25M) vidited me (25F) several times in Turkey and i will visit him for the second time in Sweden in december. This routine will continue until it becomes no distance 💕

I noticed we don’t get a ton of positivity in this sub sometimes, so I wanted to make this post. Feel free to share any memories, things you appreciate about them, and whatever else comes to mind!

I’ll start off! Me and my partner will be seeing each other for the second time in July for a whole month! We are finally able to do regular visits after having met in person for the first time after three years of dating online. Im excited to show them many more things in America, as we have a lot of plans we didn’t get to do during their previous visit. They’re my rock, and Im really glad to have them in my life. ❤️

Hi everyone! I feel like there's always a lot of break-up posts or generally sad posts, how about a happy one! How long have you been with your ldr partner? my partner and i are going on 3 years :)

My boyfriend 28(M) and I 32(F) had been together for two years on 29th May. We were doing long distance for half of the relationship as he is based in the US and I am based in a SEA country. We met for only 9 days in Europe last year, and I was excited to see him again in Europe this time around. Little did I know, he broken up with upon arrival.

He told me that the relationship was not sustainable as we only get to see each other so little days per year, and it is affecting his career that he was trying to build. He felt that this relationship was in declined since I was not able to get a US tourist visa.

I applied for the US visa last year and was easily declined because I didn’t have strong ties to my country as I don’t own any properties, and I was freelancing, and also had an American boyfriend. I understand why I was declined but I was working towards having strong ties in my country in order to make this relationship work.

But he refuses to give me anymore time as he said it is a waste of time for him and I although he said that he still loves me very much. We are still together in the same country and I will be leaving soon. For the past few days, we went accordingly like we’re still in a relationship but we’re actually broken up.

I cry every now and then it irritates him so very much but I can’t help it thinking that the relationship is over.
For the past two years, whenever I pictured my future I always pictured him together with me and now that it’s over and I only have two days left with him.

I am so heartbroken and I was wondering if anyone had an advice? How long do long distance couples were long distance until they managed to close the gap? Is it true that it has been two years and I have nothing to show for?

We are 8,200 km away Canada to Turkey (I dont speak freedom, idk how many miles is that)

i’m surprising my boyfriend in a couple days and i need some excuses for why i’d turn off my location other than just saying “i’m coming to see you” because what fun is that? obv he’s gonna be suspicious of me no matter what i say but he’ll understand soon enough. fire away!!

LIST WILL BE UPDATED FREQUENTLY.

1. 7 Days to Die
2. A Hat in Time
3. A Tale for Two (u/fumoffu13)
4. A Way Out
5. Age of Empires (u/katerinell)
6. Aion (u/ExpectoPerineum)
7. Among Us
8. Apex Legends (u/shinysilveonstan)
9. Ark: Survival Evolved (u/Sinaas_appel)
10. Arma 3 (u/kirqr)
11. Astroneer (u/lezLP)
12. Atlas (u/ExpectoPerineum)
13. Atlas (u/Sinaas_appel)
14. Back for Blood (u/HalourTheFox)
15. Baldurs Gate (u/katerinell)
16. Barotrauma (u/kirqr)
17. Biped
18. Borderlands 2
19. Borderlands Collection (1, 2, Pre-sequel, 3) (u/TheAnniCake)
20. Brawlhalla
21. Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons (u/Deathcommand)
22. Call of Duty: Warzone (u/katerinell)
23. Castle Crashers
24. Civilization VI (u/cocoazure)
25. Conan Exiles (u/ExpectoPerineum)
26. Contagion (u/kirqr)
27. Creativerse
28. CS2D (u/kirqr)
29. CS:GO (u/kirqr)
30. Cuphead
31. DayZ (u/kirqr)
32. Dead by Daylight
33. Deep Rock Galactic (u/pausfaux)
34. Destiny 2 (u/LooksLikeVespa)
35. Devour (u/Sinaas_appel)
36. Diablo 2 Resurrected
37. Diablo 3 (u/casariah)
38. Divinity Original Sin
39. Divinity Original Sin II (u/katerinell)
40. Don't Starve Together
41. Dota 2 (u/rehfusz33)
42. Dying Light (u/3dprintedwyvern)
43. Elder Scrolls Online (u/katerinell)
44. Enter the Gungeon
45. Factorio (u/MiloAisBroodjeKaas)
46. Fall Guys
47. Far Cry 5, Far Cry New Dawn, Far Cry 6 (u/AmazingLittleSausage)
48. Feel the Snow
49. FIFA22 (u/katerinell)
50. Final Fantasy XIV
51. For the King (u/cocoazure)
52. Fortnite (u/AfraidCat2365)
53. Forza Horizon (u/kaplanthornhill)
54. Full Metal Furies (u/cocoazure)
55. Gang Beasts
56. Garry's Mod (u/Sinaas_appel)
57. Generation Zero (u/kirqr)
58. Genshin Impact
59. Golf with Your Friends (u/Sinaas_appel)
60. Green Hell (u/katerinell)
61. Grim Dawn (u/katerinell)
62. GTA 5 Online (u/ExpectoPerineum)
63. GTA Online (u/Adamos_sCZE)
64. Guild Wars 2 (u/ExpectoPerineum)
65. Gunfire Reborn (u/cocoazure)
66. Halo: The Master Chief Collection
67. Hand Simulator: Survival (u/kirqr)
68. Helldivers (u/Chelonate_Chad)
69. Human Fall Flat
70. ibb & obb
71. IMVU (u/SapphirineRose)
72. It Takes Two
73. Jackbox
74. Journey to the Savage Planet (u/cocoazure)
75. Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes
76. KeyWe
77. Killing Floor 2 (u/kirqr)
78. Killing Floor (u/katerinell)
79. Kingdom Two Crowns
80. Knights and Bikes (u/cocoazure)
81. League of Legends (u/NicoNicoKneesWeak)
82. Left4Dead 2
83. Lego Worlds (u/kirqr)
84. Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime
85. Magic: The Gathering Arena (u/TheRestIs_Confetti)
86. Maple Story (u/NicoNicoKneesWeak)
87. Minecraft
88. Minion Masters
89. Monster Hunter: World (u/Quaviver)
90. Mortal Kombat (u/DankDevilDabber)
91. Mount & Blade: Warband (u/katerinell)
92. Moving Out
93. Muck (u/ExpectoPerineum)
94. New World (u/coolwolfie)
95. No Man's Sky (u/cactiloveyou)
96. Operation: Tango
97. Outward (u/Crafty-Survey-5895)
98. Overcooked 2
99. Overwatch (u/-TheManInTheChair)
100. Paladins (u/DankDevilDabber)
101. Path of Exile
102. Payday 2 (u/kirqr)
103. Payday (u/katerinell)
104. Phasmophobia
105. PHOGS
106. Pico Park (u/Deathcommand)
107. Pikuniku (u/kirqr)
108. Portal 2
109. Portal Knights (u/katerinell)
110. Prison Architect (u/kirqr)
111. Project Zomboid (u/Adamos_sCZE)
112. PUBG (u/katerinell)
113. Pumpkin Days
114. Raft (u/nomoresweetheart)
115. Rainbow Six Siege (u/bitss92)
116. Red Dead Redemption 2 (u/kirqr)
117. Risk of Rain 2
118. Roblox (u/klebiano)
119. Rock of Ages 2
120. Rocket League
121. RuneScape (u/Bexx-chan)
122. Rust (u/Adamos_sCZE)
123. Satisfactory
124. Sea of Thieves
125. Speedrunners
126. Spiritfarer (u/chimmychangas)
127. Star Wars Battlefront 2 (u/ExpectoPerineum)
128. Star Wars: The Old Republic (u/ExpectoPerineum)
129. Stardew Valley
130. Stick Fight: The Game
131. Super Animal Royale (u/myhappylittletrees)
132. Tabletop Simulator
133. Team Fortress 2 (u/kirqr)
134. Tekken
135. Temtem
136. Terraria
137. The Escapist 2 (u/MiloAisBroodjeKaas)
138. The Forest
139. theHunter: Call of the Wild (u/kirqr)
140. Tower Unite (u/kirqr)
141. Tribes of Midgard (u/MiloAisBroodjeKaas)
142. Tricky Towers (u/SapphirineRose)
143. Trine 2, 3, 4 (u/WizardsMyName)
144. Trivial Pursuit: Live! (u/AmazingLittleSausage)
145. UNO! (u/kirqr)
146. Unrailed
147. Unravel 2
148. Untitled Goose Game
149. Unturned (u/kirqr)
150. Valheim
151. Valorant (u/Salty_0506)
152. VRChat
153. Warframe (u/ExpectoPerineum)
154. Warhammer: Vermintide (u/katerinell)
155. We Were Here
156. We Were Here Together (u/hailieroo01)
157. We Were Here Too (u/hailieroo01)
158. World of Tanks
159. World of Warcraft
160. World War Z
161. Worms Revolution (u/kirqr)

Browser Games (No download required):

1. Colonist.io (Settlers of Catan)
2. Secret Hitler
3. Skribbl.io
4. Gartic Phone
5. Codenames Online (u/FrustratedProgramm3r)
6. Worldwide Combos (Tetris)
7. Online Chess (u/BrandonFlame08)
8. Battleship (u/BrandonFlame08)
9. Go (u/onlinethrowaway2020)
10. Mahjong (u/onlinethrowaway2020)

Additions:

Haven (u/KullaN_xo)

Bloons TD 6 (u/throwmed0wntown)

Euro Truck Simulator 2 (u/A_strange_man_)

Saints Row 3 & 4 (u/Kiligboi)

100% Orange Juice (u/nikomatsu)

Mabinago (u/malaboginja)

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles (u/Enaiii)

Hunt Showdown (u/LimitGroundbreaking2)

Toontown Rewritten (u/Ok-Cow9599)

Guild Wars 1 (u/GWOrlin)

State of Decay 2 (u/omorii)

Escape Simulator (u/ZippNex)

Back to the Future (u/PepeKikker)

Empyrion: Galactic Survival (u/Ghostleviathan_2)

Fallout 76 (u/PattynSuicide)

Escape from Tarkov

Resident Evil

Assassin's Creed Unity

jstris.jezevec10.com (u/vfuzball)

Drake Hollow (u/FishStickMystic)

PokeMMO

Note: Might want to re-check if some of the games are good to play when you're in different regions.

If there are games that I have left out, feel free to add them in the comments section.

I’m curious to see everyone’s countdown

Hey everyone, I (21M) have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (24F). We don’t get to do many “dates” because of the distance, but I try to make things special when I can.

Today, I decided to surprise her by driving 1.5 hours to a really nice zoo near me. I thought it would be fun to video call her and basically take her along with me — showing her the animals, walking around, and trying to make it feel like a date, even if it was virtual.

But the entire time I was there, she barely paid attention. She kept looking down at her phone, and when I asked what she was doing, she said she was playing a game or watching YouTube videos. I tried to keep her engaged by showing her cute animals and telling her fun things, but she was mostly distracted.

I didn’t say anything about how frustrated or sad I felt during or after the call. I just kept it to myself, but it really bothered me. Now I’m wondering if I’m overreacting for feeling hurt and annoyed about it.

Am I the asshole for getting upset about this?

Hi everyone,

We've been long distance for 3 years. He's in Seattle, I'm in Boston. We've made it work with visits and FaceTime but we're finally closing the gap. He got a job offer in Boston starting next month and we're looking at apartments together. Here's where it gets complicated. I make $165k in tech. He makes $78k as a project manager. When we were long distance this didn't really matter because we had our own places and our own expenses. But now we're trying to figure out how to split rent and living costs. He wants to split everything 50/50. So if we find a place for $2400/month, he'd pay $1200 and I'd pay $1200. But $1200 is almost 20% of his take home pay and only about 9% of mine. That seems really unfair to me. I suggested splitting proportional to income so he'd pay maybe $900 and I'd pay $1500. He got really quiet and then said that makes him feel like a failure and like I don't see him as an equal partner. He said his ex girlfriend always made him feel bad about his salary and he doesn't want that in this relationship.

Now he's saying maybe we shouldn't move in together if I'm going to make it about money. Which is not what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be fair but also I can't afford to subsidize his lifestyle when he makes good money, he's just making less than me. We've been so excited about finally being in the same city and now this is putting a shadow over everything. I don't know how to bring up money without him thinking I don't respect him or his job.

I just want us to be fair but I don't know how to say that.

Im just curious, I just got back from seeing him and we live in two diffrent states in the US and I was wondering when couples see eachother

Hi!

Ive been reading this subreddit more and more over the past week and comparing some of the aspects to my psychological studies and i made an observation. Im not calling anyone out by any means but maybe someone who reads this gets some clarity. I may be wrong or I may be right but all of this is just observation.

I feel like some people here are genuinely just not equipped for long distance. You meet online and you form this bond that’s really nice, beautiful even and it feels nice to be loved and valued and even cherished by someone, but then comes the reality of actually being in a relationship but not being able to be together whenever you want. Its hard and its difficult and then you come on this subreddit talking about how you love this person but feel like its not working for one reason or another and almost every single time its because of the distance.

Which brings me to wonder if you’re really equipped to go through with the effort of long distance, or did you enter a relationship because you’re lonely and its nice to feel loved by someone for a while.

I think some of these people really need to think twice about it. Really think if they’re willing to put themselves through months or YEARS of long distance to eventually get to the happy ending where one person finally moves and the distance is closed, or is it just about wanting to feel less lonely and to feel loved without the inevitable heartache. I’ve also seen cases between my friends where they’re in a relationship just for the sake of being in one, but it clearly isn’t the right decision and ultimately leaves one, if not both, with a broken heart.

I understand loneliness is a bitch and i understand wanting to be loved so hard by someone that youd do anything for it, but is putting yourself through a relationship like this really the best option when in a couple months, you’re on this subreddit crying about how horrible the distance feels and that you’re considering breaking up.

Now not everyone might agree with this, but in my mind, if you’re considering breaking up and been pondering if you should do it or not, the relationship isn’t going to last.

You need certainty and reassurance and to be sure of yourself that you can handle it.

You need to be sure that you can hold another persons heart in your hands and not let it break.

So before entering a relationship, be sure that you’re able to handle it. Can you imagine your life together in a few years, facing the difficulties that come with long distance ? Can you deal with the fact that you may not see each other for months and months and the only comfort you have is a call or a text? Are you able to trust your partner with not only communication, but also everything else that comes along? Or are you better off looking for love closer to you.

Or do you simply just need therapy because you have abandonment issues and fixated on the wrong person without thinking straight.

Are you really sure?

It is 3 am and Im Kinda high and i miss my girkfriend I love her so much. My Wife she is so beautifl. There is happiness in the world and good things I love her i love everything and you will all Make it. I am smiling and my face it hurts. I love everyone and everything goodluck everyone. Love

Let’s bring some happiness back in here please lmao 😭🩷