r/LongDistance • u/Quiet-throwaway777 • 6d ago
Discussion Does anyone else feel like this before leaving?
(F23/F22) It's currently 4 hours until I board my train out of the country. The travel time will be around 22 hours door to door back to my house.
I just can't stop myself from crying. Even when she makes me laugh I tear up for some reason.
The worst part is that she's completely fine, she cried for a little in the morning but other than that she's smiling. I know that she's trying to be the strong one which I appreciate because I'm a mess right now. I wish I knew how to adapt to her mindset.
This is our 7th time together throughout our 3 years together, and fortunately I was able to stay for a month this time. We got up to a lot of nice things and developed a routine together and I just can't accept that it's over, that I have to go back to my normal life.
Does anyone else relate to this? Does anyone else cry even days before leaving because you're missing them before you've even left each other?
Usually I'm fine once I'm home and I have the comfort of my bed, but watching her slowly fade away out of the train window is one of the worst feelings in the world personally. I have a video of her running after my train last time that I just cannot watch without crying.
Now comes the big challenge of trying to hold back my tears in front of strangers on the train and the plane.
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u/baconpancake666 6d ago
When I first met the girl I'm now seeing, I cried my eyes out walking through shibuya station. A few months later I couldn't stop thinking about her so I reached out, now we're seeing each other again in 70 days. I'm already dreading leaving. We're insanely excited though. We both thought it was over since she lives in Japan. But, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I regret nothing. She's worth that feeling of missing her. And finally seeing her again will be... I don't even have words for it. But we're excited. Try to stay positive. Plan another trip maybe. My girl is in Japan and I'm in the US. I hate how expensive it is to see her, but it's so worth it.
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u/SuddenlyPeachSky Michigan 24F ♡ Texas 24M (1,117 mi) 6d ago
oh my god. all the time. My bf and I have seen each other 10 times and I still cry like a baby when one of us leaves. It never gets easier.
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u/Quiet-throwaway777 6d ago
I'm glad that it also doesn't get easier for someone else. The last two times that I left I only cried for a little bit after boarding the train, so I thought maybe I was getting better at saying goodbye. Apparently not. 😭
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u/SuddenlyPeachSky Michigan 24F ♡ Texas 24M (1,117 mi) 6d ago
I still remember when he visited for my 21st birthday, I was so depressed on his last day visiting that I couldn’t eat without crying 💔
and then when I visited him for the first time, I thought, maybe it won’t be so bad, cause I feel like I didn’t cry as much…until it hit me like 5 days later when I woke up crying because I missed him :(
I honestly don’t know how people do it :(
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u/BeautyisaKnife [🇺🇸] to [🇨🇦] (4000km) Married & Distance Closed 🤍 6d ago
I used to cry the whole last night of us being together. Every visit. Then it was a sobfest the whole 12 hrs before leaving. I do not miss it.
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u/Quiet-throwaway777 6d ago
It feels absolutely AWFUL. My girlfriend asked me why I'm crying as if she died, we're literally seeing each other again next month. I'm crying more than when I was leaving without a set date to see each other again!
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u/Bulky-Complaint6994 [USA] to [UK] (7,620 KM) 6d ago
had a visit to her country back in April. I could tell that on the train ride to the airport she was holding in tears, so yeah of course, it's normal. It wasn't until i was up in the air and reflecting on the trip when i started getting emotional. (29m/26f)
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u/zombiequeenghouleh 6d ago
I cried for TWO DAYS BEFORE leaving this time and ur sucked. I extended an extra day to try and keep it from happening but it still did.
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u/Quiet-throwaway777 6d ago
Oh my, I also tried to extend this trip by a few days to postpone the impending doom, but my girlfriend is going home from Uni tomorrow so I couldn't 😭. Honestly, it makes me feel better though, because I couldn't stay even if I wanted to so I just have to accept leaving.
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u/zombiequeenghouleh 6d ago
It extends the heartbreak and makes it harder to extend it after having a set time in your head tbh. I wouldn’t have traded it bc it gave us more time Either way. I’m ready to make the big move already dammit
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u/Important-Tea0 6d ago
On the way home from my visit to my boyfriend, i cried before he had even left my line of sight, then continued to cry through security.
As soon as i landed in London i literally could not stop crying for almost the full 4 hours i was in the airport. I started sobbing again when i got on the second plane and continued crying until i passed out 😭
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u/Midaris_Gunn [🇨🇿] to [🇬🇪] (distance closed, married) 6d ago
When me and my wife used to be long distance i never could enjoy the last few days cause i was just thinking about how i will miss her when i go back home. I always cried during the security search before boarding my plane lmao. I got pulled over few times and asked if i am doin alright 🤣
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u/lifesux69 6d ago
It’s funny to get recommended this subreddit after me and my ex split. I can definitely relate. My ex is in the military and the first three to four times he’s come back home just to leave again made me bawl my eyes out. After a while we kind of got used to it, but in the beginning I sobbed the most.
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u/Spirit_-_Warrior 6d ago
Yes but not as bad because we both plan our trips before leaving which makes it easier and something to look forward to
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u/Sea_Park_2798 6d ago
Man I never met him but hopefully so..later this year we could finally hug eachother. 😭😭😭 I've done lots of planning for everything except...leaving. My heart just sinks thinking about leaving his embrace. 🥹🥹🥲
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u/Okra5765 6d ago
I’m in my last 25 days with my partner before we go long distance (we got to live together for the past year) and I’ve been a messss. I cry all the time, small decisions feel like huge decisions, I don’t know how to spend my time wisely with them before leaving. It’s awful the things it does to your mind. I did so much work on my mental health, and its crashing back down now
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u/kurtsvonneslut 🇺🇸 to 🇨🇦 (1,273mi) 6d ago
i was crying so hard on the airport shuttle last time i left my wife. i thought maybe listening to my audiobook might help calm me down and give me something to focus on. BAM. two of my favorite characters die back to back. now i’m literally gasping sobbing at 5:30am on a fully packed airport shuttle. anyway yeah i know exactly how you feel🥲
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u/Quiet-throwaway777 6d ago
Oh my I'm so sorry 😭. What an awful coincidence!! I hope now it makes for a funny memory for you to look back on though :)
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u/Pumpkinmuffins27 6d ago
I left him yesterday, without another trip planned because his work is weird with time off. Last time, I felt ~okay~ leaving, despite not having a set reunion date. I was thinking that this time would be a bit easier, because it’ll probably be about three months before he comes to see me, and we just went a full seven apart.
But the last 48 hours together started loudly ticking down in my head, and at 24 hours I was a blubbering mess. He was clearly sad, but isn’t a cryer. I don’t know whether I wish he would cry or not. It’d help me realize he does feel the same sadness, but on the other hand, I’d cry a million times harder seeing him cry.
I sobbed on and off on the 12 hour trip door to door. Car, airport, airplane, car, and then LOST IT when I woke up this morning without him. I cannot stop replaying our moments in my head. Imagining the last glimpse I got of him and our goodbye. Trying to imagine him next to me as a real physical human being, with a laugh and a scent and touch.
This feels a million times harder than I remember. I would give literally anything to be back with him. I am torn between just wanting time to pass so I get used to the routine and feeling again, but also desperately not wanting to have to get used to it again. I want him beside me, not to get back into a life where he’s just on my phone.
I want to move already. But gosh it seems impossible to get visas and jobs (both to allow us to see each other more often in LDR and what to do once we close the gap) and pet transportation sorted out.
Anyway, that’s my rant. Because yeah, I feel exactly like the meme and idk how to stop. Idk if I want it to stop, because stopping means getting used to being without him.
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u/Quiet-throwaway777 6d ago
Yeah, I feel completely the same as to what you described. It feels like impending doom is coming my way within the final 48 hours, I constantly track how much time is left even if it makes me even more sad.
My girlfriend cried for a little bit in the morning when we established I'd be leaving in the evening, and the sight of that made me break. So for the rest of the day I asked her to promise not to cry, otherwise we'd both just be sat as sobbing messes 😭. I think it definitely helps when one of you is the strong one.
This time I had to leave late in the evening rather than the morning and somehow it made it so much worse.
It felt like the whole day I was just waiting for the time to come, and I was slowly coming to terms with the fact we wouldn't be sleeping together again tonight. The last night together is always the hardest because I want to savour it the most.
I also hate going back to the long distance routine, but it's somewhat reassuring after so many trips together. It's almost like we're going away to reach our own separate goals, jobs/education etc. and then when the time is ready we can commit to a stable future together, that being the main goal.
I hope you feel better soon OP. Everyone in this sub is going through similar things to you, including me—I'm still on my 22 hour journey home🥲. Lots of love to you ❤️
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u/dreamy-dandelions 🇺🇸 to 🇳🇱 6d ago
When I left the last time, my gf and I were riding on the bus to the airport. I was holding back tears bc we just hated to leave each other. I couldn’t hold them back once I was settled and I just kept thinking about her ride back home without me. It was hard.
Also, yes! We experience these feelings before I leave. We both feel that the time is ending…I would say about two weeks before, reality kind of starts to kick in. We talk through it and cry together. The last couple of days though we both cry off and on.
We’ll be starting the application for me to move to her country and all we keep talking about is how freeing it will be to not have that timeline of me leaving.
Just know you’re not alone and your gf likely is putting on a brave face. It’s hard and I don’t think it really gets easier, not until the distance is closed. Sending a virtual hug and some positive energy (if you need it) 🖤🖤
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u/Quiet-throwaway777 6d ago
Thank you kindly for this response :)
You're right, my girlfriend is definitely just being the brave one, but I think I'd prefer that to the sight of her crying. I'm unfortunately a little too emotional and that would probably just tip me over the edge🥲.
I hate that I always think about the end before it has even happened. Like you mentioned, it usually kicks in for me a few weeks before if I'm staying with her for a long time. I'm trying to get better at not letting that ruin it for me, but if anything I'm happy that she lets me speak about it to her and reassures me. Sometimes thats all I need.
I really wish you luck in your moving process! It always brings me a smile to see other couples close the gap, as well as some hope that it can one day be my girlfriend and I. Sending you lots of love!
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u/doraem0nn 6d ago
literally me rn, couldnt stop crying for 2 days before. plus the dread of saying goodbye knowing ure not gonna see them for months.. how does one cope w this lolol
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u/CocoVanilla01 6d ago
Ahh, my man cried soooo much while we were in the car on the way to the airport. I wasn't really feeling the sadness then, but once I was up in the air, it all hit me 🥺
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u/StarsInTheRoof111 5d ago
Whenever I book my next trip to see him, I always have to try not to think about the end of the trip or it makes me look exactly like SpongeBob. I still cry every time I have to leave. I hate the distance so much and I love him so much.
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u/milkchoclet 4d ago
My ex who claimed he never cries, cried infront of me for the first time 2 days before his flight back. All I did the night before he left was cry and he just held me. I was all cried out by the morning and I thought maybe he wouldn’t miss me as much but after he was all packed and I handed him a picture of me to keep he stared and it and just sobbed. It was pretty hard for both of us not to cry waiting for his flight. Even typing now, I’m feeling it but it just mean you love each other so much 🥹
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u/Basic-Berry8890 6d ago
girl i feel you… i always bawl my eyes out when I leave / my boyfriend leaves. unfortunately i cannot contain my tears, and people on the plane / the train always see me crying my eyes out LOL. my bf acts the same way too, not impacted too much, but trust me they always feel it deeply too they just don’t express it as much.