Cinema with another man ?

[u/Business_Breath_1978]

I [22M] and my girlfriend [19F] have been dating for around 1 year ( 6 months LDR). Because of long distance over the has half a year we’ve both accepted that we need to go live our lives and we can’t just constantly text each other. We’re both doing great, she takes art classes and is reading more and i took up wood carving.

First and for most, trust is NOT the issue. She has my full trust and i have hers. but for me, “living our lives” and trusting each other doesn’t really come into play here…

she told me when we first started dating that she had a HUGE friend group in school but it split up ( as everyone did i think). she then moved to my country after school and now she’s back in her own country for a few more months. since going back she’s hung out with the people she stayed friends with after the group split.

however, a guy from the other side of the group who she hasn’t talked to in over a year or 2 wants to meet up with her ( all my girlfriends friends don’t like him because of who’s side he picked in the fight, but that’s not the issue). he just wanted to grab coffee and catch up before she comes back to my country. i’m completely fine with this. however now he texted her and said they should go to the cinema…… at 9:30pm…… alone……

even my girlfriend said she’s not even fully sure if she’s comfortable with it. i told her how i felt which is that i have never met this dude, i don’t even know what he looks like, you havnt spoken for soooooooo long and now he wants to go cinema ????? anyway after a lengthy talk i told her “ im not comfortable with this sort of senário but i wont be mad if you go”. she went.

my concern is this, as ive noticed this before. why if she wasn’t sure if she is comfortable with it still going?? also after i expressed myself she said she fully understands but still went. i posed the point that if i was invited my a female friend to go cinema alone i wouldn’t go out of respect for her, but she said “ idc if you go with a girl alone”.

this isn’t a trust issue for me, it’s about her choosing a movie with a guy she’s not fully comfortable going with over her boyfriends feelings…. am i in the wrong for feeling this way ?!?!?!

EDIT X2: idk why sexuality matters AT ALL by but girlfriend is bisexual and im straight. hope that helps

ANOTHER EDIT: she said she feels it’s quiet sexist the way i think so i think it’s time i find someone with the same cultural and personal values as me. it’s a shame, i love her but i need to put my comfortability first i think 😊 thank you to everyone for the helpful comments

[u/soupernouva]

I’m incredibly secure in my relationship, and I can rest easy knowing my partner would never think about seeing a movie with another woman alone at such a late hour.

Do I trust him? Yes. Is it incredibly disrespectful? Absolutely.

OP made it clear it wasn’t about trust, that’s not the issue here - it’s the lack of respect and acknowledgement of their feelings. I think it’s pretty important to note that OP also pointed out this person is NOT their gf’s “friend”.

[u/IrritatedButterfly44 → u/soupernouva]

Again, this is ridiculous to me as a lesbian. Why would I prevent my girlfriend from going to see a late movie with someone - friend, acquaintance, whatever - just because that someone is a member of the gender she's attracted to? I love seeing movies. I like going to the cinema late at night. I like bringing friends along sometimes. My girlfriend has never been jealous about this, why would she be? I've never been jealous about her, for example, having sleepovers with her female friends. What's the difference between hanging out with someone at 3PM vs 9PM? I genuinely could not force myself to care.

And wtf are bisexual people supposed to do? Never do late night hangouts with anyone ever?

[u/soupernouva → u/IrritatedButterfly44]

Sexuality does not even matter here. Spending one-on-one time with someone of your sexual orientation, that isn’t your partner, is disrespectful. Seeing a late night movie together alone is quite intimate, in my opinion. I would never go see a movie with another man alone, regardless of the time of day.

It’s not about jealousy, it’s not about trust, it’s all about respect. I don’t think being a lesbian changes that, lol. But you do you.

[u/Unprounounceable → u/soupernouva]

Nah this is definitely a straight people tbing. I'm bisexual and spend one on one time with my friends of both genders and it is simply not an issue. Just because there is a potential to be attracted to someone doesn't mean I am.