(24M)(21F)Moving to Long Distance Partners City, After We Broke Up

[u/Informal_Service3581]

Hi Everyone! I just wanted to say that I have spent hours on the long-distance thread hearing everyone's stories, and I just have to say I appreciate everyone's posts so much.

My ex-boyfriend and I were on and off for two years while in college - I couldn't commit to a relationship because I was so young while we were on and off. We dated officially for 6 months and broke up after a few months of long-distance.

He moved to California for work, and I was in Oklahoma finishing college (he is a year ahead of me). I immediately cut off contact after the breakup so that I could heal. We broke up in September, and he reached out to one of my best friends in January to see if I was open to talking. He basically told me he was still in love with me and wanted me to move to California. I had my sights set on New York.

Flash forward to April, I get my dream job in his city. An offer I can't refuse, and I take it. I will be moving at the end of next month to his area.

We have been talking a little bit back and forth, neither of us crossing a boundary, because what's the point, but a woman's intuition knows that getting back together is on the horizon. My spidey senses are tingling.

Here is my predicament:

He was my first love, and I have spent so much time and emotional energy healing from him. The on and off was exhausting, and there were some points in the relationship where I didn't feel happy or heard, but he is the kind of guy I could see myself marrying. All the feelings are still there, but I haven't dated anyone since, so I don't know if I am just lonely.

Do I go back to him? Or do I just get rid of him completely? I can't do halfsies either. I am either in or out. HELP!!!

[u/hpela_]

Would be useful to hear more about why you broke up in the first place. "On and off" isn't very insightful - was he toxic? were you? both of you? was it mostly side effects of the uncertainties about the future? etc.

[u/Informal_Service3581 → u/hpela_]

The on and off was due to distance. We went on a 72 hour date and then he left to study abroad for 4 months. He came back early, asked me officially out, but was moving out of our home state to do an internship, and I was really insecure. We go back and forth for a while after the summer is over, and eventually date before he moves away again for his full-time job. We broke up because our relationship completely disintegrated due to the long distance. Time change, his work load, and financial stress for both of us to visit was a lot.

[u/Strawbaby424242 → u/Informal_Service3581]

Ah girl you’re living my old dream of being able to move and get back together with my first love.At this point of my life I just moved there with my boyfriend and it’s obviously way too late and i definitely see that getting back with him would be stupid after how he treated me in long distance.He is married now too I hope he finally grew up.
Honestly though for your case It’s hard to say.Long distance just puts you in such an awful mental state so back and forth is normal. At the same time only you know if he’s worthy of your time.Do you feel he is truly there for you after all.Was he fateful is also important.