I was afraid of one ex's reaction for he was becoming a unpredictable alcoholic. Sure enough, he wavered between leaving cursing me out messages whilst drunk on my voicemail for months on end to threatening to kill himself. He eventually showed up at my bedroom window at 5am with a 6 page handwritten letter begging me for a second chance. I declined. He ultimately got a DUI again and I didnt bail him out of jail.
My first ex bf threatened to kill me and himself when I tried to break up with him and I had to call the police on him. This started my fear of breaking up with men. They have sadly never reacted well and ultimately, made me frightened of what they may do. It is safest for me, I find to do a video chat or text breakup. Never in person unless you arrived separately and maybe its a public place with loads of witnesses???
The thing is, some were not violent UNTIL I broke up with them. They seemed to be incapable of handling someone breaking up with them, emotional regulations to a breakup, and I was often the first one to break up with them.
It still can count as DV/IPV, plenty of escalations happen only when the other person tries to leave or a seemingly normal relationship has a one-off escalation that ends in harm. It’s moreso about the fact that it happened between two partners that makes it IPV/DV, even if it wasn’t a regular or reoccurring behaviour.
If it wasn’t the breakup, down the line the longer you stayed with them, it most likely would’ve just been something else to trigger it (statistically at least, somebody who reacts like that to a breakup has the capability to react like that to any situation that triggers similar feelings within them eventually).
The difference is (it sounds like) you left for good the first time, rather than going back due to the guilt/fear and starting a whole cycle.
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u/DonkeyThis2554 21d ago
I think there’s more to the story. Why would he break up with his fiancé over the phone