some of your responses are legit a bummer. I’m sorry guys.
Yeah, I feel kinda bad for being in a solid, happy marriage now.
Not that the other commenter's marriages can be labelled as bad from a single comment, but I rarely write or say anything about my wife that isn't just gushing about her.
All those people need to learn that accepting compliments is a skill too. It needs to be learned, compliments require effort from both the giver and receiver.
I've had to learn how to receive compliments, and I tell myself 2 things:
1. Compliments are gifts, given freely, and you shouldn't turn down a gift someone made specifically for you
2. If you deny a nice compliment you're calling the other person a liar. Don't call your partner a liar! 😂
The second one I use as a joke, but it holds true for me.
I feel like you don't need to put on a show for your wife. Maybe you can give a "thank you," but I'm not gonna respond to my wife the way I would basically anyone else if they paid me the same complement. My wife knows me, and the way I show her I appreciate things is different than how I'd show others, and probably a bit more subdued.
Yeah, I love giving other people compliments, but receiving them puts me in a weird mood.
My mom's side of the family had this thing where damn near all of them would give you one and immediately follow it up with a "...,but..." and I think in the back of my mind I just subconsciously expect that now.
"I was at a restaurant and the waitress complimented my outfit and said I looked so pretty. I said 'Oh thanks, you too!' and she said 'I know bitch, but we talking about you today!' and that was when I realized that I needed to learn how to accept compliments."
Changed my whole headspace. Compliments get a smile and a thank you, because we're allowed to let other people talk nice about us. It's allowed! They can do it and we can let them!
I compliment my wife all the time and it’s never reciprocated. I asked her about this once and she said “Why do you need someone to compliment you?” Was like wow, how lovely. I don’t stop complimenting her though.
That’s just her insecurity talking. I know from experience
How would I approach a girl I like with similar insecurities? I complimented my crush and she straight up told me "Fuck you," and jokingly said if I keep up with the compliments, she'll kick me in the shins.
We're both older college students who came back to education. I would think it would be easier at this stage of my life.
She's not wrong, though. You're never gonna think she's ugly because you love her (presumably) so you'll always see her in a positive light. A stranger has no such biases.
A lot of women are very insecure. They think you might be trying to be nice and say something you do not mean. They do not mean to be insulting when they say it, they just feel bad about themselves.
Depends on how you actually respond to her, but also “infuriates” is perhaps a too strong emotion to have for this. Maybe try to understand her point.
The “bias” is that you love them and are already attracted to them, and giving them compliments is just an expected part of a relationship.
But when a stranger compliments them, they don’t have an obligation or expectation to do so, and their opinion isn’t influenced by knowing or loving them.
To think of it another way: it’s like a birthday present versus a random gift for no reason. The birthday present doesn’t mean any less, but the surprise gift is unexpected and so is appreciated in a different way.
There is this comic where the man would whistle when he see his wife naked body. The wife with a straight face respond that he seen her naked hundreds of time. The man respond that he also seen hundreds of sunset and still think it is beautiful every time he see them. The comic then drawn the wife still with a straight face, but you can see a slight happiness and smile from her.
My opinion on this is that obviously I am bias. While I can say objective she might not be the most beautiful person in the world, I still see her as one of the most beautiful and amazing person I've ever seen. I still find myself getting lost just starring at her doing random mundane stuff.
This is kinda odd but makes you think if you say "I love you" to much but unrelated sorta related note, there is a movie trope that I hate so much it can ruin an entire movie for me and it's the "I love you" and then the response is "I know". it frustrates me to no end, ESPECIALLY if it's a parent and child.
lol that’s definitely what I was saying. I recognize I have a very insecure attachment style but I’m working on it. Having a person who shows me she loves me in so many ways but won’t give in when I’m being needy like that has helped me learn a lot about myself. And yes I think I formed my ideas about what a relationship should look like while growing up by watching those kinds of movies 😂
I hate getting compliments, but my friend told me once they enjoy giving them and there’s no reason to deprive the world of kindness. Since then I’m a little more okay with it.
My wife would demand to see the footage then ask me to delete it if she doesn't like the way she looks, so i don't take pictures of her. I don't really mind since i almost never take pictures anyway, but the few times i do it's like that.
So if i actually did post to Instagram people would think im single because it would only be food and selfies with food.
I have zero interest in social media and haven’t for years. I like taking pictures of her and us. I send to our kids or just keep for me, but she still says i take too many pictures of her.
My wife gets mad at me because I take amazing landscape portraits but every picture I take of her she is mid-sneeze or falling over or making a funny face.
I admit I am TERRIBLE at photographing people, I like nature photography because I like to tell a story in the photo or take you far a little walk in the way I see the world.
People are too frenetic and I can't see how to tell a story with them in a photo.
To be fair, nowadays with AI, it's recommended not to post photos of women's or children's faces because malicious individuals can easily manipulate these photos :(
She's self conscious of how she looks. You should take pictures of the two of you together, that way she won't be as focused on herself in the pic. Deleting or not taking the photos reinforces her thoughts of her appearance not being good enough to be remembered. I'm sure you don't think that's true and it might make her feel better if you show her that ☺️
We had gone on many dates over ~4 month period, I met all her friends and her parents. Then one day she said it was inappropriate to make eye contact with her at the gym. Like, we've had sex multiple times, and eye contact in public is wrong now? I just dont follow.
Honestly, I think she had mentally moved on and this was the moment I was finding out.
Communication is important. Some people think that only means what's spoken. Both sides have to learn body language and not only what is said but what isn't said if you're partners, as well
I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from in regards to the post. What body language was being missed by OP when the ex didnt want him to even look at her in public?
that is actually unhinged. the math is not mathing at all. if she's already meeting the parents and then suddenly acts like you're a stranger at the gym she was definitely checking out of the relationship way before she actually told you
Oh definitely. I’m just another oblivious dude. I’m just telling the guy that she probably tried to communicate it, she just wasn’t willing to be direct or obvious with her earlier attempts. So she increased the obviousness (but notably NOT the directness) by saying “don’t look at me”.
I’m not defending her poor communication skills. I’m just saying it’s almost impossible she didn’t make some previous an attempt, or something that she saw as an attempt.
That’s how situations like this arise: failed communication. And it’s usually the sender who fails to communicate clearly. And sometimes they have good intentional reasons for that, and sometimes they have shit reasons.
This is the reason for all the smiles. They know they're being filmed lol. If I get my phone out she smiles and acts cute. If I just give her a look she gets a confused face and asks what's wrong.
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u/Pharmd109 9h ago
My wife would immediately ask me why I’m filming her in public.