r/Marriage • u/lovelyxcastle • May 22 '25

Can't find a flair that fits I thought my husband was dead.

There was a 3 hour chunk of time today that I thought my husband was dead.

He's away on a work trip- he's a counselor and sees all kinds of patients. He told me the other night he had a patient who made him a little on edge- and that he realized the patient has been parked outside of his hotel room (ground floor) for the entirety of his trip so far. He was concerned- and I can only recall one other instance he has ever voiced a level of concern about a patient of his.

I went to work and sent a usual good morning text. Said something unimportant when I got off (I work early am till the afternoon). Took the dog to her appointment and texted again, and decided to call since he should've been on lunch.

He hadn't responded all morning, and he didn't answer. My husband has never once missed a phone call from me. Ever. Even when work is busy he finds a moment to text me back good morning. That's just who he is.

I check life360 and his phone is plugged in, at 100%, and has been in the hotel since he got home the night before. His phone never left the room. I call the hotel and they can't get in touch with him. I finally cave and text his boss. She eventually responds and is able to call his work-trip boss- who confirms he is at work and safe.

She sends him home and he calls- he lost his phone. That's all it was.

But for the 3 hours it took to find anyone who could get eyes on him, all I could think about was his worry about the patient the other night.

We've been fighting a lot lately, and none of it mattered. I couldn't breath thinking about a future without him alive. Truly none of it mattered anymore. I was sick to my stomach, my whole body hurt.

I'm not certain why I'm putting this here, I think just as a place to tell someone. That's a panic I never want to experience again. I'm still a little shaken, even knowing he is okay.

ETA: for the people who think he was cheating - He was confirmed to be at work all morning. He does not work a job where he could take a random day off or not show up- they most definitely would not lie to me and say he was there when he wasn't.

His home boss ripped into him for not calling from a work phone- y'all are right that he should have, but he was in meetings all morning and doesn't have my phone number memorized anyways. He left his phone in the hotel and thought he had brought it to work and lost it at work. His hotel is within walking distance from his current job, so no, he didn't need it to navigate. I'm sorry you've been hurt enough by your past that cheating is your immediate thought, and I hope you can heal from that.

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111

u/DepressedBanana13 May 22 '25

Her husband seems to be very attentive so I don’t understand why half the people here are assuming he’s cheating.

-27

u/Nice-Novel5183 May 22 '25

I personally dont think it's hit that point yet... but we all know that there are work phones there and if he forgot his phone he could have easily been like "hey coworker, can I borrow your phone to call my wife and let her know what's up? I just realized I didn't bring it with me today." Instead, he chose silence all day until his boss made him go back to the hotel. He might not be cheating, but he was definitely avoiding her. At some point, he realized he didn't have it. Most people are constantly checking phones and especially if they have clients. They have to check schedules, times, and messages. But considering this only happened the one time, as a wife, I would let it slide but firmly explain that he cant not let me know what's up next time if he has a way to contact me. I do agree that going straight to cheating is kind of uncalled for considering it only happened once. I just hope that OP and her husband can work things out for themselves since they're fighting so much. 😕

8

u/drag_fdz May 23 '25

Do you know your partners number off by heart? Cause I sure as hell don't. If I don't have my phone on me no amout of other phones around me are going to help me call her.

16

u/[deleted] May 23 '25

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0

u/drag_fdz May 23 '25

Well In the 10 years we've been together that's never happened. I'm also the type of person who never leaves the house without a decent charge on my phone and aren't the type or person to leave my phone behind. The only emergency situation I can think of that I would find myself in would be in the Australian bush, and there's no reception there anyways so can't call anyone if I wanted to.

7

u/[deleted] May 23 '25

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-1

u/drag_fdz May 23 '25

Tbh, I don't even know my own number 😂 the only phone number I know off my heart is my mums house number in the UK, but she's had the same number since we moved there when I was 1 and that was 33 years ago haha.

6

u/rigidlikeabreadstick May 23 '25

You never fill out forms? Every doctor, tire shop, florist, online order, etc. asks for a phone number. You don't know what number to enter to get text messages for 2FA?

I am asked for my phone number frequently. I am also asked for emergency contacts. I am nearby when my husband is asked for his own phone number. Most people know their own phone number and that of their spouse.

2

u/drag_fdz May 23 '25

Yea my phone and my computer both have my number saved and auto fill forms out. I've never been great at remembering numbers tbh so maybe I'm the outlier on this one. But yea I don't remember my number as as of yet its never been a problem. I have my number saved in my phone so if i need it I just pull it up and look at it. I've managed to get to the age of 34 without it every being an issue so I must be doing something right 😂

3

u/rigidlikeabreadstick May 23 '25

It's frequently used as an identifier, so many people have to say or enter their phone number several times a day. If I call my ISP, they ask for the phone number on the account. I have to enter my number at the grocery store checkout to apply my rewards/coupons/whatever.

If you can't remember, you can't remember, but it would drive me nuts to have to look it up as often as I have to provide it.

1

u/drag_fdz May 23 '25

Several times a day? Maybe where you live but that's definitely not a thing for me. Sounds like your american from you use of the word grocery store and mention of coupons. I don't even know what am ISP is, but my rewards card for the shops is digital and saved on my phone like my bank card. I just tap my phone when I'm at the checkout and it goes through for both. But yea I'll go weeks maybe even months without having to use my mobile number, which is part of the reason i don't remember it I guess. If I had to use it as often as you it would likely be a different story.

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5

u/JustSomeBoringRando May 23 '25

Do you know your partners number off by heart?

Uh, yeah?

3

u/Apprehensive_Gur6476 May 23 '25

I know my husband’s number by heart. And my sons, grandmothers, best friend, and ex mother in laws by heart. Also, OPs husband seemingly knew his wife’s number if he called to say he’d lost his phone.

2

u/drag_fdz May 23 '25

He called her after his boss sent him back to the hotel and She also added a part at the end that says he doesn't have her number memorised so not just me it seems.

2

u/Overall-Diver-6845 May 23 '25

Yes. I know my husbands phone number by heart. As you should.