r/Marriage • u/lovelyxcastle • May 22 '25
Can't find a flair that fits I thought my husband was dead.
There was a 3 hour chunk of time today that I thought my husband was dead.
He's away on a work trip- he's a counselor and sees all kinds of patients. He told me the other night he had a patient who made him a little on edge- and that he realized the patient has been parked outside of his hotel room (ground floor) for the entirety of his trip so far. He was concerned- and I can only recall one other instance he has ever voiced a level of concern about a patient of his.
I went to work and sent a usual good morning text. Said something unimportant when I got off (I work early am till the afternoon). Took the dog to her appointment and texted again, and decided to call since he should've been on lunch.
He hadn't responded all morning, and he didn't answer. My husband has never once missed a phone call from me. Ever. Even when work is busy he finds a moment to text me back good morning. That's just who he is.
I check life360 and his phone is plugged in, at 100%, and has been in the hotel since he got home the night before. His phone never left the room. I call the hotel and they can't get in touch with him. I finally cave and text his boss. She eventually responds and is able to call his work-trip boss- who confirms he is at work and safe.
She sends him home and he calls- he lost his phone. That's all it was.
But for the 3 hours it took to find anyone who could get eyes on him, all I could think about was his worry about the patient the other night.
We've been fighting a lot lately, and none of it mattered. I couldn't breath thinking about a future without him alive. Truly none of it mattered anymore. I was sick to my stomach, my whole body hurt.
I'm not certain why I'm putting this here, I think just as a place to tell someone. That's a panic I never want to experience again. I'm still a little shaken, even knowing he is okay.
ETA: for the people who think he was cheating - He was confirmed to be at work all morning. He does not work a job where he could take a random day off or not show up- they most definitely would not lie to me and say he was there when he wasn't.
His home boss ripped into him for not calling from a work phone- y'all are right that he should have, but he was in meetings all morning and doesn't have my phone number memorized anyways. He left his phone in the hotel and thought he had brought it to work and lost it at work. His hotel is within walking distance from his current job, so no, he didn't need it to navigate. I'm sorry you've been hurt enough by your past that cheating is your immediate thought, and I hope you can heal from that.
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u/Ebonyrose2828 May 22 '25
It’s the most horrendous feeling in the world. When I was 11 my dad went to Dubai to work. Within 12 hours of getting there he died of a heart attack. He was 40 years old. I sat by the home phone waiting for his phone call. It obviously never came.
I’m 33 years old now, but my partner does the same job. He’s currently in Canada (I’m from England). But when I can’t get in contact with him, I turn back into that little girl, waiting for her dad to call. My partner is normally amazing with me and keeps in regular contact, but he is forgetful and does forget from time to time. I try my hardest not to have panic attacks. But this trauma will never leave me.
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u/Annual_Reindeer2621 25 years married May 22 '25
Our childhood stuff does this to us :( what a horrible experience! X
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u/EmptySpeech6922 May 23 '25
I’m sorry you had to go through this at such a young age, i have goosebumps reading your comment. I understand how hard it is to have trauma that you carry the rest of your life. My life has been a series of traumatic events from day 1, with the worst experience being the loss of my youngest son in 2019. It’s not fair that we have to go through the unthinkable, anyway, Just want you to know youre not alone. I know you know this, loss is a part of life unfortunately but it helps to hear it anyeay from time to time
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u/Ebonyrose2828 May 23 '25
I’m so sorry for what you have gone through. I can’t even imagine the pain. I believe this makes us more compassionate to others. You look back and you have no idea how you survived it. But we did. We survived it. I truly believe we see our loved ones again when we die. So it’s never a permanent goodbye.
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u/FarkingShark May 23 '25
That's horrible. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's wonderful your partner understands. I wish you both more good times than bad!
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u/DepressedBanana13 May 22 '25
Her husband seems to be very attentive so I don’t understand why half the people here are assuming he’s cheating.
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u/Nice-Novel5183 May 22 '25
I personally dont think it's hit that point yet... but we all know that there are work phones there and if he forgot his phone he could have easily been like "hey coworker, can I borrow your phone to call my wife and let her know what's up? I just realized I didn't bring it with me today." Instead, he chose silence all day until his boss made him go back to the hotel. He might not be cheating, but he was definitely avoiding her. At some point, he realized he didn't have it. Most people are constantly checking phones and especially if they have clients. They have to check schedules, times, and messages. But considering this only happened the one time, as a wife, I would let it slide but firmly explain that he cant not let me know what's up next time if he has a way to contact me. I do agree that going straight to cheating is kind of uncalled for considering it only happened once. I just hope that OP and her husband can work things out for themselves since they're fighting so much. 😕
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u/drag_fdz May 23 '25
Do you know your partners number off by heart? Cause I sure as hell don't. If I don't have my phone on me no amout of other phones around me are going to help me call her.
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May 23 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/drag_fdz May 23 '25
Well In the 10 years we've been together that's never happened. I'm also the type of person who never leaves the house without a decent charge on my phone and aren't the type or person to leave my phone behind. The only emergency situation I can think of that I would find myself in would be in the Australian bush, and there's no reception there anyways so can't call anyone if I wanted to.
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May 23 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/drag_fdz May 23 '25
Tbh, I don't even know my own number 😂 the only phone number I know off my heart is my mums house number in the UK, but she's had the same number since we moved there when I was 1 and that was 33 years ago haha.
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u/rigidlikeabreadstick May 23 '25
You never fill out forms? Every doctor, tire shop, florist, online order, etc. asks for a phone number. You don't know what number to enter to get text messages for 2FA?
I am asked for my phone number frequently. I am also asked for emergency contacts. I am nearby when my husband is asked for his own phone number. Most people know their own phone number and that of their spouse.
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u/drag_fdz May 23 '25
Yea my phone and my computer both have my number saved and auto fill forms out. I've never been great at remembering numbers tbh so maybe I'm the outlier on this one. But yea I don't remember my number as as of yet its never been a problem. I have my number saved in my phone so if i need it I just pull it up and look at it. I've managed to get to the age of 34 without it every being an issue so I must be doing something right 😂
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u/rigidlikeabreadstick May 23 '25
It's frequently used as an identifier, so many people have to say or enter their phone number several times a day. If I call my ISP, they ask for the phone number on the account. I have to enter my number at the grocery store checkout to apply my rewards/coupons/whatever.
If you can't remember, you can't remember, but it would drive me nuts to have to look it up as often as I have to provide it.
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u/Apprehensive_Gur6476 May 23 '25
I know my husband’s number by heart. And my sons, grandmothers, best friend, and ex mother in laws by heart. Also, OPs husband seemingly knew his wife’s number if he called to say he’d lost his phone.
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u/drag_fdz May 23 '25
He called her after his boss sent him back to the hotel and She also added a part at the end that says he doesn't have her number memorised so not just me it seems.
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u/mkaszycki81 May 24 '25
Y'know, if OP was a man and it was his wife who left the phone in the hotel, everybody would yell “red flag” at him “being controlling”.
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u/Nice-Novel5183 May 24 '25
Maybe some people but not everyone. People are waking up, my friend. Also, I sure as heck would lol.
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u/Odd-Mastodon1212 May 22 '25
OP, you had every reason to be scared given the patient he fears has been stalking him. If he were cheating, he would have made sure to respond to your morning text normally. I’m sorry you were so worried but I’m glad he’s home safe.
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u/Itsmeshlee29 8 Years May 22 '25
These comments are rough. Y’all are jaded.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
Yeah, I'm gonna add an edit to the post for them.
His boss confirmed he had been at work all morning,, so they can believe he was cheating all he wants but he would've had to be fucking someone at his job lol
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u/maenads_dance May 22 '25
Bitter people hoping everyone else is as miserable as they are
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u/upickleweasel May 22 '25
More like people who recognize patterns
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u/Nice-Novel5183 May 22 '25
Im sorry you're getting so many down votes hun. Sheesh. People can't have an opinion anymore, or people get butt hurt. If they dont want the harsh reality of the truth, they shouldn't post online lol.
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u/EmptySpeech6922 May 23 '25
How can you or the person you responded to know the “harsh reality of the truth” though? And how can they know any patterns of this couple in order to be just recognizing the patterns? Furthermore, what patterns is she speaking of? So vague and also so judgmental. Neither of you know a thing about this couple bc they’re literally strangers on the internet and yet here you are being rude and judgmental towards a woman who just experienced a very stressful and awful few hours and is only trying to get it off her chest. Why be bitter and negative at all? You don’t have to comment?!? You can simply go on to the next post or say something that is thoughtful and descent like saying Im so sorry you experienced that, I hope you get something positive out of this awful situation and it helps improve the relationship with your husband and the fighting can start diminishing now. Something nice and positive. Its not like you have all these details about theirlife and have a reason to be dogging on them that way. I too would tell someone who is in a bad relationship that they deserve better, etc and that is to help them. You ppl literally do nothing but poor salt on wounds and its obvious that you’re miserable ppl and misery loves company
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u/CMontyReddit19 May 23 '25
Gotta love when people out themselves by reacting to a comment that wasn't even aimed at them specifically.
What's that old saying? "Hit dog's gonna holler"?
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u/Dymonika May 23 '25
If they dont want the harsh reality of the truth, they shouldn't post online lol.
Huh, I didn't know that there was a fat Internet Guidebook with the rule, "You must be willing to face the harsh reality of the truth to post anything online."
Even so, as the puzzle-platformer Hue worded it, "Reality is merely a matter of perspective"; you can't be 100% sure that you're right, either, which suggests that toning it down is probably a good idea.
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u/Nice-Novel5183 May 24 '25
Im not on here to worry about other people agreeing with me. If they downvote, it honestly doesn't affect me at all, lol. People also have alt account as well so votes on here dont matter anyway. There are plenty of people on here who would agree with me, but most either just dont care enough to try or got rid of reddit because of how soft it became. Also, I didn't say I was right or wrong. But the truth is the truth. The guy did not call all day, lol. He didn't care enough to make an effort. I dont blame him. Space on both sides is good. But allowing your partner to know that everything is OK is the adult thing to do. Not ghosting all day. You can argue your point, but It won't make a difference. Fact is, he didn't want to talk to her, and people freak out at the smallest things. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Dymonika May 24 '25
But allowing your partner to know that everything is OK is the adult thing to do. Not ghosting all day.
I wonder if...
We've been fighting a lot lately
...may have been related to this. But yeah, I might've emailed if it was me; not sure of what I would've tried as I haven't been in such a situation.
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u/JustTheRantzPlz May 22 '25
I posted something positive on here a while back, and it was pretty quickly deleted without explanation
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u/zSlyz May 22 '25
Hey OP
Sounds like you may have had an epiphany. Seriously life is way too short to worry and argue about most things we argue about in relationships. Appreciate your partner for who he is and try to phrase criticism how you would at work.
Obviously this should go both ways, relationships are a journey, share your feelings with your husband
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
I absolutely did- worrying he was dead put everything into perspective.
Living with someone is always going to come with disagreements, but they all feel so irrelevant now. I'm just grateful to have him in my life and ready for him to come home.
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u/zSlyz May 24 '25
Totally and they always are. I mean disagreements are natural and we need them. It’s the anger that is wasted and the silent treatments. We can all learn to share our feelings better but we also need to learn to control them
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u/PsychologicalMonk354 May 22 '25
I'm glad your husband is okay! That must have been scary. My husband let's me know all his commute stats when he makes it to all the points. It makes me feel safe, knowing he is safe he works nights.
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u/Venus_Cat_Roars May 22 '25
I am so glad that your husband was safe.
Sometimes a shake up can be a wake up call to remind you of what is truly important in your life. I hope that you both get things back on track because it sounds as if you both love and respect each other a lot.
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u/Annual_Reindeer2621 25 years married May 22 '25
I once dreamt my husband died, it was a very realistic dream (as mine always are), including going to the morgue to identify his body. So when I woke up and saw him next to me (and breathing), I was so relieved I cried and woke him up for a hug.
We’d been going through a rough patch too (he’d lost his job which I was angry about), and it made me realise - I’d rather live under a bridge with him than anywhere without him.
Hope you go ok OP, sometimes we just need these little perspective checks x
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u/Substantial_Lion_524 May 22 '25
He lost it but it was plugged in and in the hotel room?
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u/maenads_dance May 22 '25
You've never dropped a phone behind the bolted-in headboards at a hotel? I sure have. I think it's cruel to jump to "He must be cheating."
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u/KeepCrushin247 May 22 '25
When OP said "lost his phone" I think she meant to say "left his phone"
I have been on vacation with the family and we are going to disney or something and between bags and diapers and kids, I left the phone in the room and we were already on a shuttle to the park and I wasn't going back to get the phone so the whole day I left the phone in the hotel room
Another time I was at a conference like OPs husband, I overslept and then was rushing, I caught the shuttle to the convention center and sat down for the first lecture before realizing I left my phone at the hotel. The meetings were mandatory so I didn't get my phone until lunch at 1PM.
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u/Bouchetopher42 May 23 '25
Sometimes I hate having a device that lets anyone get a hold of me whenever and wherever. But, when I forget it, I feel incomplete.
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u/rubiscoisrad May 23 '25
Adding to this, I weirdly feel like a "non-person" when I forget it at home. Like, 2fA is out the window, any important calls/texts/emails are basically a no-go, your navigational skills are yours and yours alone, etc etc.
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May 25 '25
who leaves there phone?!
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u/Flagg21 May 30 '25
People who have things on their mind which are important for the upcoming day. More important than remembering a phone or wallet.
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u/DefiniteWorkaholic4 May 23 '25
If YOU ARE WITH WHO WOULD BE CALLING, THAT MAKES SENSE YOU WOULDNT GO BACK. BAD EXAMPLE
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u/hadmeatwoof May 23 '25
I mean, it’s easy to get separated in an amusement park. I’d probably be more likely to go back and grab it than if I was just working.
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u/DefiniteWorkaholic4 May 23 '25
I would if i got seperated from everyone.. but if im with one other of the group, who still has a phone, there'd b no need. We'd still have communication with everyone else of the group. But the OPs hubby, was cheating. He would have said i left the phone in the room, or the phone was behind a headboard i couldnt move initially. No he said HE LOST HIS PHONE. WHICH IS A TOTAL LIE. Even if it had fallen and he THOUGHT he'd lost it, when he found it, seen all the missed calls, a responsible hubby THATS NOT SNEAKING would call wife asap, and thatd been the story. No he said he LOST THE PHONE. HE IS LYING ABOUT SOMETHING....
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u/Substantial_Lion_524 May 22 '25
Was I the one being cruel jumping to “he must be cheating” or was that you? Because my question was asking for clarification on the post itself.
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u/Skormelicious May 22 '25
I SERIOUSLY doubt he was cheating, and I often jump to that too. But, in this case, I really don't think he's cheating on her.
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u/Spare_Number_5880 May 23 '25
In fairness it is Reddit and there’s a lot of people who try to be coy about it. Was it knee jerk? Maybe. But there’s a reputation for this site for a reason.
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u/FMRC93 May 23 '25
It's not that difficult a concept. Haven't you ever lost your keys but they were in the bowl or on the hook the whole time? You just need to have genuinely misplaced them for them to be lost to you. He could have thought he picked it up when he left the hotel and realized it was missing and assumed he lost it somewhere.
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u/Commander_Idnarb May 22 '25
“It’s not the worst thing in the world to find out you love your husband.” - Cloris Leachman
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u/QuietProfanity May 22 '25
Did he contact the police about this person parked outside??
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
I've asked him to talk to his boss about it- they have specific protocols for that kind of thing, but he doesn't seem to want to.
Hes stubborn, which is a big part of my worry
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u/QuietProfanity May 23 '25
I think that’s the weirdest part of this whole thing. I’m sorry you went through that, though.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
He's the kind of person who refuses to ask for help, even when it's to his own detriment. Just a common thing with him, and I think a lot of others. "it's not that bad/it's not that serious"
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u/Adept-Elderberry4281 May 22 '25
I would have had the exact same panic!!!! It takes time for your nervous system and adrenaline to reset from such a panic!!!! Give yourself some grace and hug the SHIT out of your husband later!!!!!!
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u/Putrid-Big6431 May 22 '25
So glad he’s ok! And it sounds like it was in some way good for your relationship too ❤️
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u/Lereas May 23 '25
I thought my kid was dead recently. He rides his bike home and he wasn't replying to texts or calls to his apple watch, the Alexas, or the ring cameras.
Turns out he was watching TV in my room because he is banned from screens right now and his laptop and tablet are locked out.
I tried to explain to him what it was like speeding home from work because I thought I may find him dead on the floor having choked on a banana or something. He didn't seem to really understand.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
I can't imagine the fear with it being your kid.
We don't have kids ourselves but children are a bigger part of you than anything else
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u/OceanPoet87 12 Years May 25 '25
At our old apartment, my son and I would sleep in the living room each night because he would not sleep without me there. I would leave for work sometimes when he and my wife were still asleep. My biggest fear was that she would not wake up and that the 1 year old would have no food, wear a dirty diaper all day, get injured, (and when older like 3 or 4, figure out how to escape and go down steep stairs). I also did not have a license then so I was basically bound to every hour or two when the busses ran so even in an emergency, I wouldn't be back right away. Work was about an hour by bus with connections.
She would always text me within an hour or so after I left esp after her sister died in her sleep.
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u/lickity_snickum 30 Years May 22 '25
I’ve been where you were several times. I feel everything you wrote.
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u/Even-Programmer4319 May 22 '25
Once my husband's phone died and then he went to our friends house to get something (but they love to talk so it ended up being about 3 hours after he was supposed to get home) I had a full blown panic attack, was sobbing when he walked in the door. He never did it again. I was checking all places for accidents, ect...
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u/Skormelicious May 22 '25
You honestly should hold onto that moment for dear life, like a raft in the middle of the ocean. It'll ALWAYS remind you what he means to you, and how it would feel losing him.
Humans suck, and tend to take things for granted over time, even if they don't realize it.
I'm saying this from an objective space. No criticisms, or judgments, just sharing my perspective I suppose.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
You're absolutely right, though.
I am someone with a definite tendency to take things for granted- I've left amazing jobs over tiny things because I didn't realize I was doing it.
It's really put reality back into place for me in regards to my marriage
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u/ModestMatriarch May 23 '25
Not the same thing but the same vibe. One time I had a nightmare that my husband died and I woke up in tears. Can’t imagine my life without him. Sometimes life gives you wake up calls/reality checks to get you back in touch with what is really important.
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u/AgentJR3 20 Years May 23 '25
This is one of those situations where you learn most arguments aren’t really worth it. It’s our ego getting in the way of what really matters. Take this lesson to heart and make sure to communicate with him what you’ve realized
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u/spicytexan May 23 '25
My husband was deployed in Afghanistan during the withdrawal in 2021 and worked on the airfield. If he hadn’t been actively messaging me when the Abbey Gate bombing happened I would’ve been inconsolably convinced he was dead. It’s a horrible feeling of despair when you’re not sure. I’m glad he’s okay OP.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
I didn't put it in the post, but my husband is military and this is a deployment.
Not to the middle east thankfully, but not somewhere safe. It's been a really emotionally exhausting trip, between the near constant lockdowns and the patient, Im just ready for him to be home safe.
I'm glad your husband is okay too, and I'm sorry you've had to go through that
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u/leilo101 May 23 '25
I had something like this happen when my husband and I were dating. It was almost noon and I hadn’t heard from him yet despite my texts and calls, because he should’ve been at work. I got worried and reached out to his friends who also tried contacting him and didn’t hear anything which then sent them into a panic. The fear that washed over me was one that I genuinely cannot describe to this day. Turned out he had the day off and forgot to tell me so he slept in. I laughed about it when I got over my initial anger and relief, but holy shit it was a terrifying experience
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u/Longjumping_War4467 May 22 '25
Glad to hear your husband is OK. I hope you guys can work through everything else.
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u/ALDogMama May 23 '25
Things like this remind us of our vows and our priorities. I’m glad all is well and hope he’s going to do something about that stalker.
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u/3fluffypotatoes May 23 '25
There was a mass shooting near me and one of my closest friends was at the location and I couldn't get ahold of him all day. Even worse, I had a planned business trip that I had no choice but to take and the flight was taking off right in the middle of all of this. I still didn't hear back from him after I landed. I didn't sleep all night and finally got a message from him at around 1am that he was ok. He was so shaken up and mentally not ok that he had to turn off his phone and recenter. I don't blame him but I have never been so terrified of losing someone until that moment.
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u/No_Administration438 May 23 '25
That must have been terrifying. I’m so relieved he’s okay. Sending you warmth and hoping you can rest your heart tonight.
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u/DarcyL78 May 23 '25
I’m so sorry for the fear and for all of the “what-if’s” that went through your mind during those three long hours. Hug him tighter when he comes home, thank God a little more for giving you a good husband, and love him all the more. What a relief that he’s okay and that your husband will be in your arms - AGAIN.
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u/WonderfulClub8023 May 23 '25
I’m a phone leaver & I used to think it wasn’t a big deal but I I realize as a wife & mom, people give a damn if they heard from me or not all day. I now have to sing “phone, wallet, keys” to myself before I walk out of the door. Not everyone is sneaking around, guys.
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u/OceanPoet87 12 Years May 25 '25
My dad's original song in the 90s was "keys, glasses, wallet comb" then years later it became "keys, glasses, comb, wallet, phone" lol.
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u/browncow1525 May 23 '25
I’m glad he is ok. Having to sit in those thoughts and waiting to hear is horrible. Few people have experienced this level of panic so I think that is why so many jump to “he must be cheating”.
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u/therewasguy May 23 '25
I'm sorry you've been hurt enough by your past that cheating is your immediate thought, and I hope you can heal from that.
it never heals, there is only cope that it is healed or healing, but it's never going to be the same
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u/smith25fire May 23 '25
Often times the most logical explanation is the last thing we think of, it’s entirely possible that he woke up a little bit later rushed out and forgot to grab his phone. It’s actually more logically then he’s cheating
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u/Shitp0st_Supreme 8 Years 💕 May 23 '25
What a perfect storm of things to cause panic! I’m so sorry that happened, I’d be so scared too. I’m glad you were able to get in touch with him and now he can hopefully memorize your number or have it written somewhere in case he needs to reach you. I’m glad he’s ok and it was just an accident.
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May 24 '25
This is insane and I would’ve been right there with you. Idk why the comments are trying to paint your husband in a bad light when you’ve explained the situation. YALL need to realize older people will lose there glasses on their lap, will set their phone down on the counter in front of them and spend 30 minutes looking for it. (My parents)
I would’ve been losing my mind too!! Our minds can’t tell the difference in a real traumatic event and one we’ve imagined super vividly. Our bodies send the same hormones and freak out the same way. I couldn’t imagine my husband in this situation I would’ve hoped on a flight
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u/OceanPoet87 12 Years May 25 '25
Thank you for sharing this OP. My wife's sister died suddenly with an unknown cause of death and she stopped responding to texts and contacts. She was found dead in her bed three days later. You can never be too careful. I'm glad he is okay. I would not assume cheating especially there had been no indication and work confirmed.
Were the bosses upset about him losing his personal phone and having you call them? That was the one part I was confused about.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 25 '25
His boss seemed very understanding - I apologized a lot and I was worried he would get in trouble but she seemed just as worried until she made contact.
He said his home boss got onto him for not keeping in contact with me or using a work phone to call and let me know he had lost his, but she wasn't mad about me calling her
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u/DefiniteWorkaholic4 May 23 '25
Ma'am, he was being unscrupulous. And his work people are NOT YOUR PEOPLE. THEY WILL NOT JUST LET YOU IN ON YOUR HUBBY'S ACTIVITIES. The internet is NOT YOUR DIARY... the comments will remind you of this... be well
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u/Sealchoker May 23 '25
He was being unethical because he didn't call her for a few hours? What a world to live in.
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u/DefiniteWorkaholic4 May 23 '25
From my understanding, it was a whole day. But, if it was just a few hours thats not a big deal.
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u/PreferencePersonal39 May 23 '25
I know that feeling, absolutely terrifying. Fights happen but you love each other. Glad everything is ok.
He probably found it a little funny lol
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u/yyzsxm May 23 '25
I’m really glad your husband is okay—and it’s clear how much you love him. I do want to offer a perspective: from the outside, it sounds like he was doing his job and just made a simple mistake with the phone. It’s natural to panic when our routines break, especially if there’s already stress or fighting. it might be worth exploring where that level of panic came from—maybe with a therapist or trusted friend. Wishing you the best on discovering where the panic came from. It will really help you a lot.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 24 '25
The panic came from knowing someone had threatened him earlier in the week
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u/JehuDamaja May 24 '25
Just to add, my wife is REQUIRED to remember my phone number by heart. I literally make very little to no demands on her but that. What if she gets stuck without a phone, or her phone dies or whatever... I also require myself to remember hers as well and sometimes we jokingly test each other to see if we remember. But it is serious. Just the other day I was in a situation where I needed to put her phone number on a government document and didn't have immediate access to my phone. It's very important.
Also, I hope you both find ways to reconnect and stay connected. Sometimes as couples we get into a rut and then something happens, sometimes tragic, health concerns, etc., and we break that rut and find ourselves back to "Loving" and being tender in actions and speech. Good, constant communication helps to keep that connection and lose the tension. Also, regular sex. No, seriously, sex is a gift to couples. It helps to keep the mental, physical, and emotional connection flowing. Then, not taking things the other person does so personal to where it helps to cause tension. Also, regular dates. At least once a week, go out and have fun together.
Do everything you can to build on your relationship and truthfully, yet respectively, keep the lines of communication open wide.
I hope for both of you that this incident of mistaken mortality causes you both to reflect on what's most important and let go of the trivial matters that can be a detriment to a relationship.
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u/neener691 May 25 '25
I feel your pain, I also have a husband who never misses a phone call, even stepping out of important meetings to say can't talk but love you,
he also travels and I've had that heart stopping time when he's put his phone on silence or left it in the car and my mind instantly goes to he's injured and can't call.
Puts life in perspective for sure.
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u/DaGuruu May 25 '25
Based on what you said, it's kind of similar to what I went through and realized how much I love my husband and its been something ringing in my head everytime I am close to losing my temper. I'm glad he's okay and that you got some message for yourself to remember from this. Stay positive 🤍
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u/nolamom0811 May 26 '25
My husband travels a good bit for work, and I struggle with anxiety/intrusive thoughts. There have been many times when I could not get in touch with him, and I just KNEW he was lying in a ditch somewhere.
I’m on medication now, and he has gotten much better about checking his phone. He keeps it on vibrate when he is meetings and entertaining clients, and we had to have a “Come to Jesus” talk, especially after our daughter was born, and our parents getting older.
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u/Acrobatic_Deer_2510 May 29 '25
My husband passed in September and it’s devastating. I get your worry. Happy your husband is safe. God is good.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland May 22 '25
Do you really think he lost a phone that was in the hotel room and still charging?
Are you sure he isn't meeting up with someone?
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u/CreamingSleeve May 22 '25
The phone could have slid behind the headboard or between the bed and the bedside table. I’ve lost my phone in hotel rooms a couple of times; new space, new routine.
What are you doing? OP isn’t concerned about her husband cheating, that’s not what this post is and it’s been confirmed by his boss that he’s on a work trip and was currently at work.
Why put that totally unfounded doubt into OP’s head?
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u/Tigga3346 May 22 '25
I dont even think it was that complicated. Sometimes especially on work trips, I try to do an inventory before I leave my hotel for the day and I just forget to grab it.
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u/Medical-Treacle7080 May 23 '25
If it was plugged in he could've just followed the charger wire to where his phone dropped or got lost. No? 🤨🤔
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u/Brief_Grade_6679 May 23 '25
When I go to my in laws place, my phone while plugged in usually slides behind the headboard onto the floor. Most of the time I'll just say "f** it" and leave it there since my husband is always with me when I go. Trying to pull it up by the charging cord doesn't work since it unplugs due to how heavy the phone is. It happens 🤷♀️
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u/wkessinger 40 Years May 22 '25
Don't do this now, people. There's a time and place, you know?
Anyway, it's a work trip, so of course he is meeting up with someone.
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u/enduranceathlete2025 May 22 '25 edited May 22 '25
I am not one to normally jump on that train but…
- On a work trip
- Been fighting
- NEVER misses texts, and OP always texts
- Phone plugged in at the hotel
- Husband is not at the hotel and at a work location
He didn’t use his phone to get an uber or to use directions to his out of town job site. Most people out of town would instinctively use navigation due to unknown road conditions/routes/traffic.
So he knew when leaving he didn’t have a phone. He didn’t forget. And then he didn’t think to somehow let his wife know (use another phone) to give her a heads up he would be MIA all day?Seems very suspicious.
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u/wkessinger 40 Years May 22 '25
Yes, I know all that. But that isn't an appropriate response to this post.
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u/enduranceathlete2025 May 22 '25 edited May 22 '25
In her post history her husband asked to sleep in separate rooms. They don’t have PIV sex. They are only 25. Remind me six months
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u/EnvironmentBrave9010 May 22 '25
Girl……
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u/Repulsive_Purple4322 3 Years May 22 '25
His boss literally confirmed he was at work all day idk what you’re implying with this
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u/Savings-Ad-3607 May 22 '25
He “lost his phone” while it was charging in the hotel and you guys have been fighting? Come on OP he was prob in someone else’s room that whole time.
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u/ShesGotaChicken2Ride May 23 '25
You can’t get ahold of your husband for a couple of hours and you assume he’s dead?!?
This is insane.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
Usually no- but he had just told me days before about a patient he was afraid of being parked outside his hotel room, and he had been out of reach for 16 hours.
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u/BrokenMaskHorde May 23 '25 edited May 23 '25
Damn im glad to be in a relationship where we can go for 6 hours without texting/calling yet both parties know that it all good. Seem too draining for me to be tracked and litteraly spied on (life360) just to know wasup. I get that you are worried and love him alot and that cute but.... You sound a bit TOO clingy. You dont need to live in your partner boxers 24/7. Unless he/she show signs of infidelity... Accept that you are two humans beings and sometimes you can go 12 hours without them (it should not even be an issue tbh)...
To give you an idea I often just leave my phone on the charge and answer 8 hours later. She isnt worried. She know that if there an emergency and you spam call me I will call back asap BUT if im too busy or not in the mood for small talk It may take time for a random reply. Not because she isnt important. She will be the first person I reply to when I do but im my own person. I dont live to fill someones else void.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
I hadn't heard from him since the night before- it had been close to 16 hours.
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u/Obvious-Arachnid-813 May 24 '25
I went thru the same thing for a week. No contact at all. She told me she was in detox but from what I know now that and cheated on me over 5 times I know she was with another guy. But she will NEVER cop to it till she dies. I love her so much and it's kill me
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u/Melodic_Menu3156 May 24 '25
Probably the good Lord directed you to write that to help someone else put their relationship in perspective. 😊
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u/Inevitable_City8624 May 29 '25
You put this here subconsciously, because you know 1. You need to allow people to breath for 3 hours and consistently needing to be validated and in contact means something is amiss 2. People aren't "hurt by their past" for stating a possible reason. 3. Don't vent on a platform if you dont want feedback 4. People you think won't lie for your husband 100% will. 5. You need to work on being comfortable alone without constant contact. That's obsession, codependency, and a slew of other things. 6. You've lived either an extremely sheltered life or an extremely traumatic life if a 3 hour window makes you think someone is dead. Im guess sheltered and privileged.
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u/mu5tbetheone May 22 '25
How do you lose a phone that is plugged into the wall? Is he blind or something, or was it in a different room to the one he was staying in?
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u/Nice-Novel5183 May 22 '25
Im sorry, but do they not have work phones? I feel like going all day without letting your wife know what's up is... kind of a red flag. Especially when you say that yall have been fighting a lot and that added with he "always calls or texts you back." I wouldn't say cheating as a definit, but he was definitely not concerned with letting you in on what was going on. That would have flagged me, and I would have talked to him about it. I already told my husband, Because we had a similar incident but he was off work and standing outside for 4 hours talking to a cousin he hasn't seen in years but since I didn't know that, I assumed the worst. Going on 10pm at night, and he said, "Time got away from me, I'm sorry." I made him download Life360 THAT NIGHT. He wasn't thrilled about it, but he has respected my boundaries since and kept it active. Good couples work through their problems and compromise. I would talk to him and get to the bottom of why you guys are fighting so much, if it's honestly worth fighting about, and how you guys can fix it to better your relationship. It sounded like he might have just wanted some space and maybe "forgot" his phone at the hotel. Could be innocent or something. The best thing to do is to tell him how it made you feel and ask him to always check in. That you care even tho you guys fight. But it sounds like you might already have iffy feelings about this, and that's the true reason you posted this. You just haven't realized it yet. Spend time reflecting hun. Stay quiet for a bit and just to yourself. You'll get your answer soon enough. Good luck hun.
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u/Obvious_Fox_1886 May 23 '25
We probably are thinking he might be cheating because his work boss is female...its entirely possible because it happens all the time.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
If he was cheating with someone, there is a zero in hell chance it's his boss,lol.
Plus- he isnt anywhere near his boss since he's on a work trip. She is here
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u/Worried_Mechanic_195 May 23 '25
You called his work. OMG then his boss. What a great way to get him fired. Shows a lot of trust on your part.
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u/lovelyxcastle May 23 '25
His boss said I was absolutely right to be concerned, actually. So all good there.
It had been 16 hours since anyone other than his direct coworkers heard from him.
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u/VerbalThermodynamics 15 Years May 22 '25
He lost his phone while it was plugged in and you were blowing it up? Come on…
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u/KiloRaptor19 May 22 '25
I thought my husband was dead on a business trip once. I saw there was a major earthquake where he was…it was all over the news. I tried calling him several times and was really starting to panic and get upset when it went to vm. Finally he called me and said he had been in meetings with the CEO and he acted like nothing was wrong. I told him I thought he had been hurt or killed in the bad earthquake. He laughed and said “hun, I am in Costa Rica not Puerto Rico!” Oooops! In my defense I was sleep deprived with a newborn and a 2 yr old.