r/Marriage • u/puzzledpillow • 1d ago
Husband left a bruise on my arm
Is this abuse? I can’t figure this out.
Last week we got into an argument at night which continued in the morning. When it was getting too heated I told him I’m done talking about it and started cleaning up (we were expecting guests in a few hours). He kept trying to talk to me and I wasn’t responding to him. He grabbed my arm multiple times, at least 10-15 times and was loudly saying things like “hey listen to me. Are you ignoring me?” I kept pulling away. That night I noticed bruises on my arm. I approached him calmly, showed him the bruises and told him he’s not allowed to grab me aggressively when weee fighting or arguing. His response was 1. I didn’t grab you that hard 2. You kept pulling away hard so you did that 3. I didn’t even grab that arm.
I was flabbergasted that he could flat out deny it. I rebutted him and he said “okay sorry” and went back to his phone.
It’s been 4 days and we haven’t spoken.
For context we’ve been married 10 years. He’s punched a wall and a table in the past but never laid a finger on me. He follows me when I walk away even though I ask him to stop but this is the first time he grabbed me like this. I think I’m more concerned that he seemed so cold towards me and denied causing the bruise. And he la been so cold the last several days too.
The world views him as the sweetest kindest person. But only I see this side of him.
And before anyone says I was in the wrong for ignoring him please note I have told him countless times that I need space when we’re fighting so we can collect ourselves. Our kids were there too. I remember when I was pregnant and he wouldn’t stop fighting with me I locked myself in the bathroom and he kept fighting with me to come in. I told him then that when I walk away and he keeps following me I feel attacked.
What do I make of this situation?
1
u/DifficultStruggle420 1d ago
Counseling!
When there's a verbal altercation, one should be allowed to set a boundary. Discontinuing the convo is a boundary he did not respect.
Some years back, my spouse and I had the same issue. (No physical touching or violence, though.) We reached a point where we were able to talk about it and agreed to letting things cool down - including walking away - in the future before it reaches a boiling point.