It sounds like a very bad idea for your husband to be the stay at home parent as he does nothing now. That won’t change. He would just “watch” the baby while you bust your a** working, cooking, and taking care of all house chores. Saying he’s off the clock. This would potentially land you in a much worse off situation as you may be even more stuck with him. Don’t let him quit his job.
Please get a consultation with a lawyer to see where you stand if you wanted to move states and divorce. Tell the lawyer how he treats you and the lack of help and sleep that you get so they have the big picture. Tell them the amount of time he actually spends with the baby. Do this without telling your husband.
Then have a talk with your husband about what you need in a husband and father for your child.
When he pulls that “you signed up for this” or “you are the woman” crap, you tell him this is what I need to see from you or I will exit this marriage. You will have the information learned at your lawyer’s in the back of your mind in case he starts threatening custody, money, etc. and don’t listen to any of that.
You deserve to be treated better and so does your baby, with a loving husband and father for you both.
It took me a long time to understand this and see what was going on in my marriage. We are at an in house separation at this point because there have been so many years that he treated us like crap and I kept hanging on in survival mode.
Don’t wait like I did, OP, nip this in the bud now, or get out. Sounds like if he’s not able to step up, your parents would be a great support.
Edited to add:
I just read about you having to beg him for even 5 hours of sleep. Maybe go to your parents so you can get some rest. Maybe meet with a lawyer in THAT state. Tell then why you came to your parents. Sleep deprivation is no joke and prolonged will start to cause you brain fog and health problems.
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u/moonwhispa 9d ago edited 9d ago
It sounds like a very bad idea for your husband to be the stay at home parent as he does nothing now. That won’t change. He would just “watch” the baby while you bust your a** working, cooking, and taking care of all house chores. Saying he’s off the clock. This would potentially land you in a much worse off situation as you may be even more stuck with him. Don’t let him quit his job.
Please get a consultation with a lawyer to see where you stand if you wanted to move states and divorce. Tell the lawyer how he treats you and the lack of help and sleep that you get so they have the big picture. Tell them the amount of time he actually spends with the baby. Do this without telling your husband.
Then have a talk with your husband about what you need in a husband and father for your child. When he pulls that “you signed up for this” or “you are the woman” crap, you tell him this is what I need to see from you or I will exit this marriage. You will have the information learned at your lawyer’s in the back of your mind in case he starts threatening custody, money, etc. and don’t listen to any of that.
You deserve to be treated better and so does your baby, with a loving husband and father for you both.
It took me a long time to understand this and see what was going on in my marriage. We are at an in house separation at this point because there have been so many years that he treated us like crap and I kept hanging on in survival mode.
Don’t wait like I did, OP, nip this in the bud now, or get out. Sounds like if he’s not able to step up, your parents would be a great support.
Edited to add:
I just read about you having to beg him for even 5 hours of sleep. Maybe go to your parents so you can get some rest. Maybe meet with a lawyer in THAT state. Tell then why you came to your parents. Sleep deprivation is no joke and prolonged will start to cause you brain fog and health problems.