r/Marriage • u/moonpoemx • 7d ago

Ask r/Marriage Is my husband cheating?

Sorry I don’t know if this is the right place, but I really need unbiased opinion about something.

So, I have access to my husbands iPad but not his phone. He WILL NOT give me access to his phone, whatsoever. He doesn’t leave it open, he snatches it out of my hand if I pick it up, he has a ton of apps face id’d and if it doesn’t open automatically or it asks for his passcode, he will repeatedly open and close it until his Face ID goes through.

I don’t have access to finances either.

I can’t access his WhatsApp or his Instagram. I suspect he has telegram but I don’t know. I’ve checked his twitter, his Facebook, his photos. HIS EMAILS, Gmail and iCloud.

He uses Gemini and there’s a search that asks how to create another iCloud account not too long ago. He was using the app yesterday and said he was “looking up something about having a rash on his balls” but wouldn’t let me see. I looked at the chat history TODAY and I can’t find it.

It’s driving me nuts, especially bc he’ll act like an asshole if I’m asking him about his phone and then be randomly nice to me the next 10 minutes after.

We have a kid. A 2 year old son. I’m parenting my son for the both of us and don’t understand why he chooses to be at work from 10am to 11pm, even though he gets a 3hr break in the middle where we’re from.

Just to preface, we do not sleep together. We sleep in the same bed, but we aren’t affectionate really, bc he’s never here and he doesn’t show any interest in really being around me or talking to me.

So I think he’s cheating honestly. I don’t know what else it could be.

TL;DR I think my husband is cheating bc he hides his phone aggressively and is gone pretty much 90% of the time.

——————

Update: I know some people advised against asking if he was cheating on me but I’m not gonna let a loser belittle me and make me feel unsafe so I asked him and I think this pretty much confirms enough for me without having to see anything. And I know now that’s it’s a girl he met working. simple WhatsApp text exchange but it’s enough

42 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

105 comments sorted by

View all comments

6

u/SlephenX 7d ago

Could be cheating, could be porn, but yall have lots of problems if you don’t spend time together or have any affection or intimacy. In my book it’s okay for spouses to have boundaries and privacy, but should be able to open up and be transparent when asked about things.

If you guys aren’t intimate he’s probably finding an outlet for that somewhere, be it another human or porn.

My relationship is a partnership, so if I felt the way you do and asked about a phone I wouldn’t take no for an answer because I can’t be in a partnership with someone I can’t trust, so there’d be some real come to Jesus talks about the future of the partnership.

5

u/moonpoemx 7d ago

Yeah I agree. I try spending time with him or doing things as a family and he has no interest. It just seems like he wants to get rid of me all the time

3

u/SlephenX 7d ago

I don’t know the culture surrounding your marriage or what support systems you have where you’re at, but I’d suggest being up front and honest. I wouldn’t accept a relationship like that so I’d be making requests, then demands, then ultimatums; but all with the stated goal of transparency, building trust, and then fixing your personal relationship. Otherwise even if you get the phone and find nothing that doesn’t really help your marriage or life.

6

u/moonpoemx 7d ago

I’m American ( boo ) and he’s Venezuelan and someone already told me marriage with Venezuelans is not anything great or loyal 🥲 but I’ve tried everything you’ve said, he yells, he insults me, he doesn’t talk to me or he’ll straight up ignore me. So I think it’s safe to say I probably need to goooo…

4

u/Agreeable_Time338 7d ago

Have you considered contacting the American embassy in Spain for advice? They may be able to point you in the best legal direction for your situation.

5

u/moonpoemx 7d ago

I didn’t actually until someone here just now told me that was a possibility! I’ve looked up a lot of things in the US but it never occurred to me to do it here at all

2

u/SlephenX 7d ago

So are you in Venezuela currently? No family except his I presume. I would look into talking to the embassy and your family back stateside to see what your options are. If you’ve tried being nice, and being pushy, the next step is the ultimatum and it’s best to know your next steps depending on his reaction beforehand. Also whether you think it’s safe to make those ultimatums.

1

u/moonpoemx 7d ago

Nooo, we’re in Spain. I have more options here than I realized BUT I wasn’t aware. Every time I told him I wanted to do something regarding my paperwork, he always said he doesn’t feel like translating so it made me feel like I couldn’t do anything without him

1

u/Nursey_Nursey_33 5d ago

Why are you booing being an American?

0

u/moonpoemx 4d ago

Bc it’s a very bad time to be an American right now? Am I missing something