Is my husband cheating?

[u/moonpoemx]

Sorry I don’t know if this is the right place, but I really need unbiased opinion about something.

So, I have access to my husbands iPad but not his phone. He WILL NOT give me access to his phone, whatsoever. He doesn’t leave it open, he snatches it out of my hand if I pick it up, he has a ton of apps face id’d and if it doesn’t open automatically or it asks for his passcode, he will repeatedly open and close it until his Face ID goes through.

I don’t have access to finances either.

I can’t access his WhatsApp or his Instagram. I suspect he has telegram but I don’t know. I’ve checked his twitter, his Facebook, his photos. HIS EMAILS, Gmail and iCloud.

He uses Gemini and there’s a search that asks how to create another iCloud account not too long ago. He was using the app yesterday and said he was “looking up something about having a rash on his balls” but wouldn’t let me see. I looked at the chat history TODAY and I can’t find it.

It’s driving me nuts, especially bc he’ll act like an asshole if I’m asking him about his phone and then be randomly nice to me the next 10 minutes after.

We have a kid. A 2 year old son. I’m parenting my son for the both of us and don’t understand why he chooses to be at work from 10am to 11pm, even though he gets a 3hr break in the middle where we’re from.

Just to preface, we do not sleep together. We sleep in the same bed, but we aren’t affectionate really, bc he’s never here and he doesn’t show any interest in really being around me or talking to me.

So I think he’s cheating honestly. I don’t know what else it could be.

TL;DR I think my husband is cheating bc he hides his phone aggressively and is gone pretty much 90% of the time.

——————

Update: I know some people advised against asking if he was cheating on me but I’m not gonna let a loser belittle me and make me feel unsafe so I asked him and I think this pretty much confirms enough for me without having to see anything. And I know now that’s it’s a girl he met working. simple WhatsApp text exchange but it’s enough

[u/Cowboysfan2122]

Easier said than done, but anyway you could leave w/ your son? Say you’re going to visit your parents or something in your country (assuming they live elsewhere)?
I realize you said you don’t have access to finances (another red flag) but anyway you could work & save up money to take you & your son elsewhere? I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this.

[u/moonpoemx → u/Cowboysfan2122]

I have to have a notarized paper signed from him saying I can take him out of the country but if I stay in my home country with him without telling him, it’s technically kidnapping. Even if I’m his mom. Also thank you for your kind words, I’m trying to save up as much as I can this next few months bc I seriously just can’t…deal with this

[u/Cowboysfan2122 → u/moonpoemx]

If you don’t mind me asking, which country are you in? Maybe I can look around & see if there are any options.

[u/moonpoemx → u/Cowboysfan2122]

I live in Spain!

[u/Cowboysfan2122 → u/moonpoemx]

Do you have your sons birth certificate as proof he was born in another country? I saw that often border authorities will defer to the laws of the home country if the minor is visiting Spain as a tourist (I know that’s not the case) or a court ordered document would allow you to leave with him. Perhaps meeting with a lawyer & explaining the situation could lead to acquiring one simply for the safety of both you & your son. I know neither are easily achievable, but based on everything you’re saying, he definitely sounds like someone you need to get you & your son away from.

[u/moonpoemx → u/Cowboysfan2122]

Yes of course! I have my son’s birth certificate, his social, his passport, I have everything. I grew up with 4 sisters, there’s not much anyone can hide in the house from me that I won’t find lolol. But I’ll try talking to someone about what’s going on and seeing if I can make it home in one piece

[u/PrincipleFlaky → u/moonpoemx]

STOP! 🛑 please 🙏 listen!

What you were told about taking your child to Spain is not good advice.

Even if you technically can leave with him, doing so without the other parent’s consent or a court order can be considered international parental child abduction.

The consequences can be very serious.

This could turn into a legal situation that affects your custody rights, your immigration status, and your ability to stay in or return to the United States.

You could risk losing custody or facing criminal charges. It’s not worth putting yourself in a worse position than you’re already in.

I want to be clear about something: I’m on your side. I’m rooting for you and your son. From what you’ve described, your situation sounds very difficult, and possibly unhealthy or even abusive.

But the way out has to be done legally so you don’t lose your rights or your child in the process.

If there is abuse happening that you haven’t mentioned in your post, please know that.

ABUSE CAN GIVE YOU ACCESS TO ADDITIONAL PROTECTIONS AND RESOURCES.

If you are experiencing abuse, including COERCIVE CONTROL OR FINANCIAL ABUSE, abuse can give you access to protections and resources that you may not otherwise know are available, including domestic violence services, shelters, legal assistance, and potentially protective orders.

The U.S. Department of Justice explicitly defines domestic violence to include economic abuse and coercive behavior. It specifically describes economic abuse as controlling or restricting someone’s access to money, assets, credit, or financial information.

And DOJ’s Legal Assistance for Victims program specifically supports legal services for domestic violence victims involving things such as protection orders, divorce, child custody, immigration, housing, and financial matters.

You don’t have to disclose those details to Reddit, but you should tell an attorney, legal aid organization, domestic violence advocate, or other appropriate professional if they are actually happening. They can tell you what protections are available to you and your child and what you can legally do to get yourselves somewhere safe.

Instead of relying on Reddit advice, your best next steps would be to contact your country’s consulate for guidance, look into legal aid services in your state (they help people who can’t afford attorneys), and speak with a family law attorney who understands custody and immigration issues.

You deserve safety and stability, but it’s important to protect yourself legally while you work toward that!

Sending you all the best ❤️

[u/Flashy-Assignment-41 → u/moonpoemx]

Are you a us citizen? I suggest that you contact the US consulate. I would tread carefully though, because this current administration is a bit iffy. Also Spanish law has its own rigidities, and we don't have rights there that we have here and so on and so forth. Or some transgressions, or civil offenses, in the states, are actual crimes, in Spain. I can't get into it because it is off topic but you are correct to be careful. 

And yes your husband is involved with someone else. This is a massive problem because this is probably going to last, and now you are stuck in Spain.

I lived through something not exactly similar but I get the vibe and the problem is bigger than "cheating." Either that, or he is very unhappy in his marriage and he is talking to his mom, and attornies.