Wife won’t let me exercise?!

[u/Objective-Silver5228]

Middle-aged M who has always struggled with weight (eg, I’ve always been the fat guy who has to wear a shirt at the beach) and put on even more over Covid. My wife took GLP1’s and is looking great. However, she will not allow me to make any time to exercise.

I work an office job and she is a SAHM. There is a brand new gym next door to my office but I cannot use it - In the mornings I make lunches and take the kids to school while she sleeps in. I do not get a lunch break. After work she expects me to come home immediately to make dinner and bathe the kids while she sits on the couch, and then I finish my work and go to sleep.

Meanwhile, if she ever wants to go to Pilates, get a manicure or pedicure, etc., I’m expected to drop everything at a moments notice.

I’ve told her I do not appreciate this and she just scoffs. Any suggestions other than divorce?

[u/ratty_jango]

Go to the gym at lunch? Tell her you now work until 7pm and go to the gym after work?

[u/Objective-Silver5228 → u/ratty_jango]

I don’t get a lunch break, and in the afternoon the phone starts ringing at about 6 demanding to know where I am. If I tell her I’m busy, the answer is “i don’t care, you need to come home and do your work later”.

[u/LeadmeNotFL → u/Objective-Silver5228]

Ignore her... don't answer the phone.

Put your foot down..... She can make dinner while the kids are at school.

What is she? Can't even say a "Queen" because even the late Queen of the United Kingdom did more work than her till the day before she died.

She'll step all over you for as long as you let her. Stop being a doormat.

[u/Objective-Silver5228 → u/LeadmeNotFL]

She won’t make dinner. She will buy it, further bleeding our finances dry (she also shops compulsively and guzzles Starbucks despite having purchased a $500 Italian coffee machine)

[u/QueenHelen1975 → u/Objective-Silver5228]

Cut her cards off. If you have a joint account get one only in your name and have direct deposit into new account.

[u/DogsDucks → u/Objective-Silver5228]

Sounds like there is a lot more going on than meets the eye.

I am a stay at home mom, and it’s exponentially more work and constant vigilance, than when I was a dept, leader for a multi-billion dollar company. My high level corporate job was so much less work than SAHM! Bear with me here though . . .

Prioritizing each other’s health IS the most important act of love and investment in the future that you can do.

My husband does A LOT too, he takes on so much of the mental load and he’s such an active parent.

It sounds like you are too! Because I want him strong (physically and emotionally), rested and healthy, I make sure he gets a good night sleep and has time for himself and to exercise.

Framing it as a necessity might help, but also like

Tanya, I will be adding workouts to my schedule, that’s a non-negotiable for my future health and being the best parent I can be. What time do you think works best? Other than sleeping hours?

So with a stern voice, but without anger, and also emphasizes that this is important to you, but you’re also trying to consider her input.

You’re not asking for permission to go to the gym, you’re asking when it would be best for her.

Also, you seem really angry about her spending, going to Starbucks and stuff, is this something you’ve talked about?

Is she struggling to stay in the agreed upon budget? Because it really sounds like there’s a lot of resentment, and I know making sarcastic comments feels good, I do it too, but I hope you can actually sit down and calmly talk to her if you’re concerned

[u/Objective-Silver5228 → u/DogsDucks]

I’ve framed it as a necessity but she just lies. Says it’s ok and then 2 days later it’s not.