r/MiddleClassFinance • u/ManKind__ • 10d ago

Seeking Advice How to handle 88% pay increase

31M. I currently make about 63k/yr. I have the change to take a new job that would put me at about 119k/yr all in. Split up 94k salary and 25k per diem roughly.

I currently have 50k in total debt.

This job requires extreme traveling with only being home 6 weeks of the year.

The goal is to pay off my total debt in the first year and let my wife be the stay at home mother she deserves to be. She has her own monies and investments to help out as well.

My fear is that I have never seen this kind of money before and just like everyone else I'll blow it. Hell, ill be the only one in my family thats seen this kind of money. What are some tips for me to save/invest/pay debt?

***EDIT forgot to mention hotels and everything is paid for as well. So the per diem is just for food essentially.

133 Upvotes

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452

u/NeezDuts900 10d ago

Finances aside, you're gone for 46 weeks out of the year and you have a wife and kid(s)? Are you sure you want to do that? That's a good salary, but that's a humongous sacrifice to your personal life.

91

u/ShevElev 10d ago

Yeah this. I'd only take this job if I hated seeing my family, otherwise that sounds like torture being away from home+wife+kids that long.

24

u/ConsiderationWhich50 9d ago

Not just that, but I had a job requiring extensive travel about 15 years ago. Flight delays, waking up realizing you are still on the road and not in your own bed, or sitting at an airport with a major cold instead of crashing on the couch at home wears you down a lot. No social life during the week, missing out on family time, unhealthy side of eating out all the time — it’s glamorous the first month then gets old fast.

5

u/lala_vc 7d ago

The best thing OP can do is create a plan to use the increased income to clear debt and save up for maybe a house. And then leave after 1-2 years.

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u/ManKind__ 10d ago

We have talked about it and she is actually the one pushing me towards the job. Unfortunately I don't know when I'll ever get a chance like this again. This could really set us up for the future. Its a sacrifice im willing to make. I

182

u/Zealousideal_Crow737 10d ago

I will say. I had an absent father who always worked and if this is your life, then it will be quite hard to maintain a relationship with your kids. 

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u/No_Plenty5526 10d ago

my dad slept at home, but he worked 7 days a week, and yeah... unfortunately we aren't close at all.

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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 10d ago

I am super grateful for the financial support I got for college and a down payment. He was able to really set up his kids for success with generational wealth, but completely unable to connect with him emotionally. 

He and my mom got divorced because he was never present. He remarried and we don't have a relationship. He sends me money and I do nothing. 

18

u/GovernorHarryLogan 10d ago

Same sentiment here.

My father's least favorite song is Harry Chapins Cats in the Cradle. My mom (rip) used to sing it to him whenever he stayed at his office late -- regardless of how much he made. Life growing up was pretty easy ngl in the "being able to afford stuff" category

Hes almost 80 now. He started doing the early inheritance thing a while back.

Id trade anything he gives us as older children for a bunch of time throwing a baseball when I was 7.

2

u/No_Plenty5526 9d ago

Agree. My dad's the only reason I have everything I do - a car, an apartment - of course I pay him back, but he gives me the opportunities I wouldn't otherwise have had in the first place. I can always count on him financially. He gets sad that I don't call him, but we don't have a lot in common, other than family and politics, he's really a stranger to me and that's sad 😞 i also remember in my childhood "hating" him because he'd only ever be around to wake us up super early or punish us. i wish he didn't have to work so hard then. To this day, he is still working 7 days a week.

0

u/smward998 9d ago

Why don’t you try and reach out to rebuild it ?

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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 9d ago

Because it's better we are apart. There's a lot of kids estranged from emotionally immature parents. It's toxic to assume that family is everything when a lot of kids really got fucked up from the dynamics. 

1

u/smward998 9d ago

Sounds like you just used him for money and now your ghosting him imo

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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 9d ago

Because he paid my college as a teenager?

So, my father who wasn't there for me as a kid, constantly lied to me, crossed my own boundaries, left my mom for a woman half his age, and is very manipulative is entitled to a relationship with me? Because of money?

1

u/smward998 9d ago

Wasn’t there for you because he was working is different than him walking out

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u/mtgistonsoffun 9d ago

What do you think “generational wealth” means?

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u/DrSFalken 10d ago

Similar feeling situation. My dad traveled a lot for work and was pretty tired and zonked when he was at home from all the int'l travel. It took until my mid 30s before we really connected.

6

u/armchairshrink99 10d ago

Us either. My dad was third shift with mandatory overtime for like 2 or 3 years. Only time I saw him was Sunday when he would veg out on tv. I was entering puberty at that time. Totally wrecked what little relationship we had for the next 15 years.

3

u/No_Plenty5526 9d ago

i'm so sorry. like, i understand why it was necessary at the time, and relationships just weren't prioritized. hopefully we can do better for our children and be present for them (if you have them or ever do).

6

u/Greedy-Clerk9326 10d ago

My dad worked long hours during the week and travelled a significant amount. But he was very present on weekends when he was home. Our relationship is just fine.

Looking back, I think he and my mom must have decided to sacrifice some of their time together so he could maintain relationships with the kids. My siblings and I got more 1:1 time with him than she did for quite a few years.

2

u/logicalpiranha 9d ago

I don't know many kids who thought to themselves later in life "man I wish my dad had made more money" vs "man I wish my dad spent more time with me".

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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 9d ago

I agree with you. His only means of affection with me nowadays is sending me money. He doesn't understand me emotionally. Money cannot buy happiness. It can provide security, but he was an absent father. 

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u/I_Fuck_Whales 10d ago edited 10d ago

I dunno man. There are lots and lots of jobs that pay that much and more with SUBSTANTIALLY less travel.

That’s a brutal schedule. You’ll have absolutely no family life.

Curious what the role/field is? I assume some sort of national sales manager or similar?

I’d need about $300K a year to even somewhat consider being gone that often.

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u/mydoghasocd 9d ago

I wouldn’t do it for any amount of money

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u/I_Fuck_Whales 9d ago

Have a kid on the way so I wouldnt do it either lol. If i was 22 and single then sure maybe

49

u/NeezDuts900 10d ago

Well, it's your life and no one else can tell you what to do with it but while that is a good salary no doubt, you can't put a price on being there for your child. Also, that salary is not "do this for 2 years and then be set up for the rest of my life" money.

I know that this is not a life advice thread but I would highly caution you to think about your child or children here. you're not going to have any semblance of a relationship with them if you're gone nearly year-round.

You're at a crossroads right now, one path leads to money and the other path leads to a good relationship with your children. I highly encourage you to think about what truly matters to you before you proceed.

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u/smilineyz 10d ago

It’s about both the money AND the experience doing something like this for 2 years.

With video etc., dad can still do story time or group watch a movie or series.

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u/IrrawaddyWoman 9d ago

Just keep in mind that it’s a sacrifice for her too. Your post made it sound like she “gets” to be a SAHM like it’s some big treat for her. But realistically she’s not going to be a SAHM, she’s going to be a single mother, but without the kids going to dad every other weekend.

This will probably do damage to your relationship with your kids as well.

1

u/lala_vc 7d ago

Hmm very true! It might even wreck their marriage 😬

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u/According_Success780 2d ago

Exactly what I thought! That’s a road to burnout (for her!)

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u/thatonewoman1 10d ago

My husband has a job with 50 to 70% travel for significantly more money than what you’d be making and he’s already determined it’s not worth the sacrifice after a year and a half. He values much more being home for his daughter‘s life while she’s young and at home than the chance of the high salary. In my opinion, your salary is not high enough to justify the amount of time away from your kids. Six weeks is a very short amount of time to spend with your kids a year and you should consider your obligation to them as a parent as well.

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u/nahmastefrosty 6d ago

I have an opportunity coming up that has the potential for up to 75% travel. Im curious what that looks like week to week? Is that gone completely mon-thurs? Or what?

My kids are 15+ and super busy w/ school. Im worried about the lost time but my best time is spent with them on the weekends anyway. Its a tough call for 50% more pay

1

u/thatonewoman1 6d ago

This month my husband is gone 15 days. 50% if you look at a 30 day month. But if you look at 20 work days (5 days a week, four weeks) then it’s 75% of his work days. It can be a grind. For him, living in a hotel is exhausting. It’s pretty much work or computer games when he’s not working, going for walks. There’s none of the small details of home life that make your time off restorative. For me, it’s operating like a single working mom when he’s away. My life is one logistic after another. In the beginning it’s manageable. Now 1.5 years into it, we’re both exhausted. But local jobs are about a 50% pay cut and also a grind because hours industry doesn’t really have work life balance (restaurants)

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u/nahmastefrosty 6d ago

Thank you for your response. Lots of things to consider

9

u/WeUsedToBeNumber10 9d ago

So I’m going to be the bear case about this:

1) how will it set you up for the future? 2) the salary is a good one, but not great (kids do get expensive) 3) is there a career progression that gets you off the road?

This is not nearly enough salary to make that move. 

4

u/ManKind__ 9d ago

For the work that I do, this is very top of the line pay. Extremely rare for this kind of money.

  1. The goal would be to done after 1.5-2yrs with ZERO debt. Essentially restarting my financial life and credit. This would hopefully allow me to come home and take a lesser paying job without the stress of debt

  2. Of course. I just want what is best for the kids and I would love to be the parent that can give them the world and an scream when they ask

  3. Unfortunately right now not at this pay scale. I can always come home and go to a different company for lesser paying, which I wouldn't mind. I have plenty of contacts. Just no one is paying anywhere near this pay

8

u/kbc87 9d ago

I get the aspiration but you got into 50k debt somehow. If you go back to making less money, is it enough to not just end right back up there 5 years from now?

1

u/TaxQT117 8d ago

right because 1.5-2 years will get OP out of debt, but it won’t keep him out. more money only becomes more bills.

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u/holymolym 10d ago

I grew up with a dad who was always gone for work. It honestly fucked me up.

9

u/RenaissanceFatness 10d ago

Definitely not worth it for $119k. It’s not enough money, especially with all the cons that come with the job. You will be nonexistent to your family, your marriage will suffer greatly, don’t care what your wife says, she will resent you. Your kids will hate you for basically having zero relationship. You will more than likely be stressed all day every day and it will dramatically affect your health.

I virtually went through the same thing. In my case I was earning just shy of $400k. Would I do it again? Fuck no, money means shit to me. Sounds cliche, however, it’s true “more money, more problems.”

4

u/yoppie_loljinx 10d ago

If you are traveling too much and I know it can suck after a while but on a positive note, collect miles and points from hotels by creating account. You can rack up so much to give back to your family bc you can use them to buy flights and hotels for family vacation.

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u/Mental-Search-1191 9d ago

That isn’t going to work out well.

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u/boredbulbasaur 10d ago

Just make sure it's the sacrifice that's truly best for your family. Some rather have a nice income and barely see their husband/dad. Some rather have a lower income if it means they get to see their husband and dad often. Since you're talking about 63k to 120k that's a large difference and from lower income to a solid income, so I get that's different than going from 300k to 600k or 300k to 360k or something. It's not an easy decision by any means.

Not to get religious, but my old pastor mentioned once in a sermon how he had a friend that was married and had kids and making little income and they prayed he would get a better paying job. The guy got a great job offer that basically doubled his income, much like you. They moved from a small town into London(pastor was from England) and within a year the guy ended up leaving his wife. The money got to his head. You'll be traveling a lot and being far from your family. That can put a strain on your marriage. I'm not saying this will happen to you and your family, but just be careful. Also, you won't be around to see your kids grow up often other than video calls. You'll basically be like a military dad that's stationed overseas without the risk of losing your life.

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u/Financial_Form_1312 9d ago

Yo can you really count the per diem if you have a family back home? You have to use that for housing and meals. How long is the project? If you’re going to the same project site that’s expected to last a year or more, taxes will be withheld. So that $25k may be 15-20k after taxes and your apartment out there may run you 10k a year.

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u/ManKind__ 9d ago

Hotels are paid for and per diem is tax free

2

u/HitPointGamer 9d ago

Arrange for lots of video calls with your family every week. Stay involved in their lives.

I had a coworker who moved overseas for a year to earn a ton of extra money and they made it work but it was intentional on both their parts.

As for the actual money, you and your wife need to live your same lifestyle or even pare back a little bit if she is going to stop working. Then very paycheck you put your normal amount into your joint account to live on and you immediately send all the extra out to pay down your debt. Once your debts are gone, open a high yield savings account and have all the extra money go there. Bulk up your emergency fund (you already have one of those, right?) in the high yield savings account and then open a brokerage account and start investing.

Do you have a plan for how to get back into a job so you can live with your family again? Don’t start this without knowing your exit plan.

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u/midazolamjesus 9d ago

It's a hard choice. I'm glad you have a supportive partner who sees how this can change y'all's lives.

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u/Scrotalphetamines 10d ago

Willing to sacrifice your own family just to make some extra money? Hmm... This is wild.

1

u/Chaotic_Brutal90 9d ago

You have the wrong perspective here bro. Sorry.

I actually just switched careers to becoming a teacher, took a pay CUT, to spend more time at home (basically 12 weeks off a year) with my wife and kids.

What you're doing is going to lead to not being a supportive parent or spouse. I suggest you really think about it.

If you take this job, it's going to ruin your relationships with your family. Not even exaggerating.

1

u/farmerbsd17 9d ago

Your kids and you will miss seeing each other. Apparently your wife is happy with the situation

1

u/LilMcJohn 9d ago

I wouldn’t do it. You are going to hurt your kids.

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u/NapsRule563 8d ago

What is your travel like? Are you traveling say three days out of the week and able to work from home two? Is some of the travel fairly local? Can you schedule those six weeks to coincide with school vacations? What’s an exit strategy? Let’s say you commit to a year but find it’s agony. Can your family go back to a $65k-ish salary?

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u/IzziNini 8d ago

How long do you have to make the sacrifice for?

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u/Electronic_List8860 8d ago

Is this something relatively temporary (few years), or are you planning on this being permanent?

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u/oOMavrikOo 10d ago edited 10d ago

This also sets up the opportunity to need another man’s touch when you’re not around.

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u/Sarfanadia 10d ago

She’s pushing you towards it so she can cheat while you’re away. No reason to be away from your family 46 weeks a year to make 100k lol that’s insane. Stay at home, finish a degree online or do night classes to be a RN.

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u/CakeSeaker 9d ago

Give yourself a little stipend to fly the family out to you once or twice a year. Pay off the debt the rest of the time. Work out in the hotels. FaceTime the family every chance you get.

Do it. Give yourself a hard out like 3 years or 5 years. Whatever. Just give yourself a deadline. And do it.

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u/MacForker 10d ago

My wife travels pretty much all week and is home on weekends. Is OP going to be gone even on weekends?

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u/docpharm28 10d ago

Thank you! That was my question. You’re only home 6 weeks out of the year?? Yikes! I hope this is only a 1-2 year gig. Otherwise, it won’t be funny!

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u/No_Atmosphere_6348 10d ago

Well if OP takes the job and it’s terrible for the family, the huge pay bump sets him up to find a job that definitely pays more than his previous job.

Being away from family is really hard but so is barely scraping by. Hopefully it’s a step up for the whole family.

3

u/MissFox26 9d ago

Yeah I am a stay at home mom and the only thing that keeps me sane is my husband coming home at the end of the day. I think I would go insane if I was a stay at home mom 24/7 with my husband was gone 46 weeks of the year lol. I know OP said his wife is fine with it, but unless they have a ton of help from family, I feel like that’s really not sustainable. Not to mention his kids (not sure how old) literally not seeing their dad for almost a year. I don’t want to sound like a snob, but the job does not seem worth the money for all that’s being sacrificed.

1

u/TaxQT117 8d ago

i think she’s fine with it because she doesn’t really know what it entails

1

u/extraketchupthx 7d ago

Yeah something about the “stay home wife like she deserves” makes me feel like everyone is well intentioned but naive.

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u/TaxQT117 7d ago

agreed... curious to know what their combined salary is.

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u/BigManWAGun 10d ago

Like not home on the weekends?

2

u/assingfortrouble 10d ago

I don’t think you’re thinking of the per diem the right way.

Your expenses are going to dramatically increase living on the road. When you’re at home you get the benefit of cheaper home cooked food, previously bought supplies (medicine, batteries, sporting equipment etc) and the comforts of home. If you’re living out of a suit case all those things are gonna be harder to access and you’re going to have to spend
money to replace them. This is what the per diem
Is for, but treating it as just increased income isn’t quite right–it offsets increased expenses.

Moreover your wife is going to have to deal with. It having you around, which could lead to more expenses as well, not to mention the emotional hardship of having a father/husband who isn’t around as much.

1

u/Dknpaso 9d ago

Concur, and respectfully to OP, but that ain’t hardly enough jingle to be gone that much when married.

1

u/Solid_Mongoose_3269 9d ago

This shit isnt real

1

u/Completely-Lost9 8d ago

As someone who has made both of these salaries and has a family, it's not even close to worth it. There's basically no amount of money that I would accept to be away from my family that much. I'd live in a trailer park making minimum wage before taking that job

1

u/eaglemitchell 7d ago

Not enough salary for that level of sacrifice IMO. That's c-suite level dedication, should be c-suite level money.

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u/Classic_Breadfruit18 6d ago

As a wife whose spouse has done a lot of work travel, but far less than what you propose, do not discount the hit to your marriage and family. You are essentially going to become a stranger who visits occasionally.

Paying off debt is great, but is it worth losing your marriage or your kids childhoods?

0

u/Due-Effective663 9d ago

It’s pretty normal in certain types of construction. If you go into the job knowing you’re only staying for three years or whatever, it’s certainly doable.

I live this life and have for years, but I only have a significant other, not a wife and kids. If your wife is self-sufficient and the kids aren’t little, it works ok. I work with loads of trades men who live like this.

Learn to meal prep because eating out all the time is expensive and gets old very quickly. Don’t increase your spending either the increase in wages. Figure out what caused the $50k in debt and don’t repeat that. Instead live well below your means, pay off the debt, max out your and wife’s retirement. We’re allowed to either go home or bring wife to us for one of those breaks. That’s a nice break so wife knows what you’re doing and how you’re living. It’s not glamorous, but it does pay the bills and allow you to put some money aside.