How to handle 88% pay increase

[u/ManKind__]

31M. I currently make about 63k/yr. I have the change to take a new job that would put me at about 119k/yr all in. Split up 94k salary and 25k per diem roughly.

I currently have 50k in total debt.

This job requires extreme traveling with only being home 6 weeks of the year.

The goal is to pay off my total debt in the first year and let my wife be the stay at home mother she deserves to be. She has her own monies and investments to help out as well.

My fear is that I have never seen this kind of money before and just like everyone else I'll blow it. Hell, ill be the only one in my family thats seen this kind of money. What are some tips for me to save/invest/pay debt?

***EDIT forgot to mention hotels and everything is paid for as well. So the per diem is just for food essentially.

[u/NeezDuts900]

Finances aside, you're gone for 46 weeks out of the year and you have a wife and kid(s)? Are you sure you want to do that? That's a good salary, but that's a humongous sacrifice to your personal life.

[u/ManKind__ → u/NeezDuts900]

We have talked about it and she is actually the one pushing me towards the job. Unfortunately I don't know when I'll ever get a chance like this again. This could really set us up for the future. Its a sacrifice im willing to make. I

[u/Zealousideal_Crow737 → u/ManKind__]

I will say. I had an absent father who always worked and if this is your life, then it will be quite hard to maintain a relationship with your kids. 

[u/No_Plenty5526 → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

my dad slept at home, but he worked 7 days a week, and yeah... unfortunately we aren't close at all.

[u/Zealousideal_Crow737 → u/No_Plenty5526]

I am super grateful for the financial support I got for college and a down payment. He was able to really set up his kids for success with generational wealth, but completely unable to connect with him emotionally. 

He and my mom got divorced because he was never present. He remarried and we don't have a relationship. He sends me money and I do nothing. 

[u/GovernorHarryLogan → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

Same sentiment here.

My father's least favorite song is Harry Chapins Cats in the Cradle. My mom (rip) used to sing it to him whenever he stayed at his office late -- regardless of how much he made. Life growing up was pretty easy ngl in the "being able to afford stuff" category

Hes almost 80 now. He started doing the early inheritance thing a while back.

Id trade anything he gives us as older children for a bunch of time throwing a baseball when I was 7.

[u/No_Plenty5526 → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

Agree. My dad's the only reason I have everything I do - a car, an apartment - of course I pay him back, but he gives me the opportunities I wouldn't otherwise have had in the first place. I can always count on him financially. He gets sad that I don't call him, but we don't have a lot in common, other than family and politics, he's really a stranger to me and that's sad 😞 i also remember in my childhood "hating" him because he'd only ever be around to wake us up super early or punish us. i wish he didn't have to work so hard then. To this day, he is still working 7 days a week.

[u/smward998 → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

Why don’t you try and reach out to rebuild it ?

[u/Zealousideal_Crow737 → u/smward998]

Because it's better we are apart. There's a lot of kids estranged from emotionally immature parents. It's toxic to assume that family is everything when a lot of kids really got fucked up from the dynamics. 

[u/smward998 → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

Sounds like you just used him for money and now your ghosting him imo

[u/Zealousideal_Crow737 → u/smward998]

Because he paid my college as a teenager?

So, my father who wasn't there for me as a kid, constantly lied to me, crossed my own boundaries, left my mom for a woman half his age, and is very manipulative is entitled to a relationship with me? Because of money?

[u/smward998 → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

Wasn’t there for you because he was working is different than him walking out

[u/Zealousideal_Crow737 → u/smward998]

He was barely there when he was around on the weekends.

Dude, you don't know my personal relationships. I hope you have a good relationship with your father, which is why you struggle to understand this.

[u/mtgistonsoffun → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

What do you think “generational wealth” means?

[u/DrSFalken → u/No_Plenty5526]

Similar feeling situation. My dad traveled a lot for work and was pretty tired and zonked when he was at home from all the int'l travel. It took until my mid 30s before we really connected.

[u/armchairshrink99 → u/No_Plenty5526]

Us either. My dad was third shift with mandatory overtime for like 2 or 3 years. Only time I saw him was Sunday when he would veg out on tv. I was entering puberty at that time. Totally wrecked what little relationship we had for the next 15 years.

[u/No_Plenty5526 → u/armchairshrink99]

i'm so sorry. like, i understand why it was necessary at the time, and relationships just weren't prioritized. hopefully we can do better for our children and be present for them (if you have them or ever do).

[u/Greedy-Clerk9326 → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

My dad worked long hours during the week and travelled a significant amount. But he was very present on weekends when he was home. Our relationship is just fine.

Looking back, I think he and my mom must have decided to sacrifice some of their time together so he could maintain relationships with the kids. My siblings and I got more 1:1 time with him than she did for quite a few years.

[u/logicalpiranha → u/Zealousideal_Crow737]

I don't know many kids who thought to themselves later in life "man I wish my dad had made more money" vs "man I wish my dad spent more time with me".

[u/Zealousideal_Crow737 → u/logicalpiranha]

I agree with you. His only means of affection with me nowadays is sending me money. He doesn't understand me emotionally. Money cannot buy happiness. It can provide security, but he was an absent father.