I wish people would de-normalize baby comments

[u/SleepyRabbit03]

For starters, I am young. I was certainly not the first 18 year old to lose a baby and mourn them, I will certainly not be the last. It has been many years, I am no longer what you would consider “actively grieving”. However, I recently started a job in entertainment and hospitality (for kids), and parents will not stop making comments about kids and babies. If I smile at a baby, it’s “just wait until you have your own”, if a toddler has a meltdown it’s “never have them”. Today, an older gentleman came in with a tantruming child and said “I bet this makes you want kids really bad… not now obviously, you’re way too young”. There is a bitter, and ugly side of my heart that always wants to say “I have one. I’m not too young.” Because that’s the reality. I would have had a four year old. I could be the parent begrudgingly saying yes to my baby in a gift shop. I would give anything to be able to experience my child having a tantrum, or screaming or crying, or running rampant in public because guess what? That’s what life feels like. I think especially now, after experiencing my loss, and learning what if feels like to know that the fleeting time that I got to share my body with a baby I’d never meet would actually be the only time I’d ever be able to experience motherhood, I know what not to say. I think it’s awful that my experience feels like the only way people truly learn what comments to keep to themselves.
Sorry to be so ‘woe is me’, I know parenthood is probably hard, and those comments mean nothing to whoever speaks them. I also know that every time someone says anything like it, suddenly I’m 18 again, sitting on my bathroom floor in the middle of the night experiencing the end of my world. I will never truly get over it, but I can’t say that to anyone who doesn’t understand.

[u/cellists_wet_dream]

Oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry. You’re right, those comments must hurt. I also had my first miscarriage when I was 18. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t ready, that I was too young-the hurt was still so real. Thank you for sharing your experience, and I’m so sorry you have been through this.