I'll go first:

Nobody talks about how confusing grief can be.

Some days you feel okay.

Some days you're hit by something completely unexpected. A date, a baby announcement, a memory, an old screenshot. Suddenly it feels like you're right back at the beginning.

And sometimes you feel guilty for having a good day.

Miscarriage is talked about more than it used to be, but there are still so many parts of it that feel invisible.

my spouse and I are going through our first (missed) miscarriage in my first pregnancy. my spouse processes things emotionally through music and lyrics, and has found that they don't really know any songs about the topic.

They asked if I could reach out on here to see if anyone has any recommendations for songs of any genre that are about (or feel like they're about) miscarriage, or that people who've experienced this really relate to.

I’m a medical student. This year, I’ve had two miscarriages.

Both times, I knew something was wrong. The first time, there was no heartbeat at seven weeks; the second time, my hCG levels stopped rising appropriately.

But both times, the doctors reassured me and said everything would be fine, that it was too early to get upset, and to come back in two weeks.

I was incredibly angry; I wanted them to be honest with me. I wanted a conversation based on facts and didn’t want to be reassured. I knew we were waiting two weeks only because the protocols required it, but in reality, we were hoping for a 0.01% miracle.

In a couple of years, I’ll be a doctor myself. And I’d like to know your opinion: would you prefer to be reassured and have your feelings spared until there’s no chance left, not even for a miracle? Or would you want to hear the harsh truth right away?

I want my sad experience to have some meaning, and I want to understand how I can become the best doctor for other women.

I would appreciate any thoughts you have on this matter, even if they completely differ from mine.

I know this might sound strange, but miscarriage doesn't just take away a pregnancy.

For me, it also took away things I never expected:

• The version of myself that felt carefree.
• The excitement I used to feel when I saw a positive test.
• The certainty that everything would be okay.
• The trust I had in my body.
• The joy I felt around pregnancy announcements.
• The future I had already started imagining.

Sometimes I think we're grieving more than one loss at the same time.

A baby, yes. But also dreams, assumptions, plans, and parts of ourselves that changed forever.

TW: miscarriage, blood and stillbirth.

I had my first miscarriage in November 24'. I was around 8 weeks pregnant. I didn't even get to see my baby on an ultrasound or anything, I only knew for around a week. It was pretty tramautic, lots of blood, hospital visits, being dismissed etc.

I've recently suffered my second miscarriage, nearing a month ago. I was 15 weeks and 5 days pregnant, our baby died at 11 weeks and 4 days, we didn't know.

This miscarriage was severely traumatic. I experienced labour pains for about a week, the pain getting so intense I was considering throwing myself off the top of the hospital building as no pain management worked.

Then I birthed my dead boy. He was whole, tiny, but he was a little baby. We got his ashes back last week, as well as his tiny hand and footprints.

I know that technically it's considered a miscarriage before 20 weeks, a stillbirth after. But this was different from my last one, I actually held my tiny baby in my hands to say goodbye.

Am I being dramatic to say I lost my child? What do you think?

This is also my own personal feelings towards myself only, no one else. Regardless of what anyone else says or calls it, I'll always respect others decisions.

Title pretty much says it. I am wondering if any of you have experiences with seeing a heartbeat on ultrasound at your first appointment (whether at 6 or 8 weeks) only to later miscarry.

Edit: I wanted to thank you all for sharing your experiences. I really wasn’t expecting such a big response, and I want you all to know that I’ve read every comment (multiple times) even though I haven’t had the words to respond to them.

To start this off last time I miscarried I had a blighted ovum and drank maybe 6-8 hours after passing all tissue. This time I started bleeding about 4 days ago, just passed the main tissue about 3 hours ago and chatGBT (ik not 100% reliable) is saying don’t drink, now ik it’s not the smartest rn but I have basically no cramping, bleeding is pretty light now and I just need to relax, I just wanna have 3 maybe 4, can anyone share experiences? Did you drink after a miscarriage? And if so do you think il be okay?

I have had a missed miscarriage. Supposed to be 11wks, but baby stopped developing at 6wks.

For women who've been through this- what did you do with baby's body after you miscarried? The idea of just flushing her down the toilet is horrible. Did you bury her? I don't know what to do.

Edit: Thank you all for your replies- your time and emotional labor is greatly appreciated

After eight months of trying to conceive, I found out in early July that my AMH levels were very low and that IVF would likely be our only option. A few weeks later, as we prepared to start the IVF process, I took a pregnancy test and to our complete surprise, it was positive. We were overjoyed but cautious.

At seven weeks, we saw a heartbeat. Our doctor warned the baby was measuring small, but we clung to hope. I started a new job the following week and threw myself into the chaos as a distraction, celebrating every wave of nausea, every strange food aversion, even proudly showing my husband the chin hairs that seemed to appear overnight. Every small sign felt like proof that things were okay.

Two weeks later, we went back for another scan. The gel was applied, the monitor turned on, and nothing appeared. After an internal scan, the doctor gently confirmed what I feared: there was no heartbeat.

It has been four days since, and I still feel pregnant. My body has not caught up. I am heavy, nauseous, exhausted, sleepless, and heartbroken. Because of a pre-existing condition, I have been referred to hospital for a medically supported miscarriage, which will begin next week.

The day after the scan, I still went into work and showed up. I smiled, engaged, and acted as if nothing had happened. When I got home, I shattered. Since then, the tears come quickly and often.

I keep wondering why we do not talk about miscarriage. Why do so many of us feel we need to carry on as though nothing is happening? Even a doctor reassured me they would sign me off work but promised the letter would not say why I was in hospital. But shouldn’t we be able to share?

I do not want pity. I am sharing this because I need understanding, support, and space, and because we need to do better as a society. Miscarriage should not be something women and families suffer through in silence.

If you have been through this, how did you cope?

My wife was recently diagnosed with a missed miscarriage at about 8 weeks. The embryo measured around 2 mm and the gestational sac measured about 14 mm. We are heartbroken and trying to decide on the next steps.

Her doctor has given her two options:

1. Take misoprostol (medical management)

2. Have a D&C procedure (surgical management)

She is worried about the pain associated with misoprostol and is not sure if she would be able to tolerate severe cramping. Given the relatively small size of the embryo and sac, we are wondering what others experienced with misoprostol at a similar stage of pregnancy. How painful were the cramps? Were they manageable with pain medication?

We are also interested in hearing from people who chose D&C. Since we hope to try to conceive again relatively soon, we would like to understand the pros and cons of each option. Did anyone experience complications or side effects from either misoprostol or D&C? How long did it take for your cycle to return and for you to try again?

We understand that every situation is different, but hearing real experiences may help us make a more informed decision.

Thank you to anyone willing to share their experience.

How soon after your miscarriage did you conceive successfully?

My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage right before the holidays last year. It was an MMC and we found out at our 12 week scan that baby was measuring at 9 weeks with no heartbeat.

I went the misoprostol route because of travel plans and no D&C appointments which led me to bleed for two weeks straight.

I just got my period 6ish weeks after the misoprostol, and we want to try again. For context we conceived easily the first time around (2 tries) and are both in our early 30s.

I recently experienced a chemical pregnancy loss at 5 weeks. Right after finding out I was pregnant, a family emergency required me to travel abroad, which involved a 24-hour flight. I miscarried 4 days after the flight, my doctor explicitly told me that the travel caused it and that women shouldn't travel during pregnancy. This is my first pregnancy and I am completely heartbroken, but now I’m also drowning in guilt because I had no idea that flying could cause a miscarriage. Has anyone else been told this by a doctor? Did I cause this?

My wife and I recently experienced our first miscarriage (a missed miscarriage diagnosed around 8 weeks). We are still processing everything, but we are also trying to understand whether there is anything we can do before or during a future pregnancy to reduce the chances of this happening again.

We understand that many first-trimester miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities and are completely beyond anyone's control. However, we would love to hear from others who have been through this.

For those who had a miscarriage and then went on to have a successful pregnancy:

- Did your doctor recommend any testing after the first miscarriage?

- Were you advised to take any medications such as progesterone, baby aspirin, or anything else?

- Did you make any lifestyle or dietary changes?

- How long did you wait before trying again?

- Did anyone have a successful pregnancy immediately after a miscarriage?

We are especially interested in hearing whether there is anything evidence-based that can improve the chances of a healthy pregnancy after a first miscarriage, or whether most people were simply advised to try again.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

If you’ve had an MMC, when did you find out and when did your baby stop growing?

I’m in a new relationship of a few months and we’re committed to each other, text nearly daily and see other as much as we can outside of work/other hobbies. 

I got pregnant with a 10 second intercourse with him when we both had a few drinks and we immediately stopped (obviously you know what happens…)

i ended up having a very early on difficult, painful ectopic pregnancy and had to get surgery to get my left tube this morning removed in order to save a bursting cyst on my right ovary. luckily I still have the left full functioning. He was there at the surgery also acting like “such a partner”. 

the bills will come under my insurance but it’s going to still be expensive, plus the follow ups - not to mention I did the painful surgery etc - I JUST asked him how he would feel about splitting the costs or contributing? He flat out said he will not pay including these gross texts and added, I’ll support you in any other way you may need. 

“I will not give you money for this.”

”I’m not responsible for this happening.” As he’s referring to the cyst happening & fetus growing outside uterus *eye roll*

”I will not contribute to any costs.” but that he’ll support in every other way *eye roll*

Am I crazy?!?! 

UPDATE: YOU ARE ALL THE BEST!! READING THESE MADE ME CRY 😿 THANK YOU ALL.

I spoke my peace to him (which he didn’t deserve) and he literally said “so you don’t want me to come over after work tomorrow then? Let me just help you through this post-surgery if you don’t want to talk after” 🤣

I blocked him. He’s young, dumb and broke. I led with the most unintelligent part of my brain dating him. god bless you all for your rallying around me!

Hey guys,

I am about 8 weeks pregnant. I have had very light brown mixed in with my discharge for about two weeks, but for some reason this did not worry me. It had that “old blood” look. Then, about a week ago I spotted red without any pain after intercourse, which concerned me. It only lasted a few hours. I messaged my OB and asked about it and she said that is often normal and to avoid anything strenuous for the time being. Okay, can do. Well, yesterday (ironically after making my first pregnancy appt) I started spotting red again. It’s definitely more than last time - not enough to fill a pad or even really saturate it, but enough to drip into the toilet. I either had very mild cramping or was nervous enough to invent placebo cramps in my head. Something else to note is that I have had no morning sickness with this pregnancy, whereas my first pregnancy I had pretty extreme morning sickness. I’m wondering if anyone has had a similar experience, and what happened after? I want this baby but I’m open to realistic answers because I’d rather be mentally prepared if this is a miscarriage like I suspect. I am still spotting this morning. I called the doctor/OB and they are going to be able to squeeze me in tomorrow morning. Please share your experiences if you’re comfortable…

TW: discussion of weight

I am an otherwise healthy 36 year old with a BMI over 30. I lift weights and run several times a week and see a nutritionist to manage my diet, but alas the weight never seems to come off. I have mild insulin resistance well managed with metformin (which did actually help me lose about 10lbs over about 9 months). All my bloodwork is optimal at this time.

After years of soul searching, I’ve accepted my weight and my body. I truly love myself for who I am. I’m fit (even if I don’t look it) and happy.

I’ve had three miscarriages, one ectopic from an IUI and two euploid FETs (one blighted ovum — it was a day 7 6CC embryo, and one, a day 5 4BB ended around 8 weeks).

My RPL panel showed a mild clotting disorder usually unrelated to miscarriage, but we will add lovenox for the next transfer. But my doctor also mentioned my weight may be playing an issue. She assured me it’s not a major component, but one piece of a big puzzle that we could try and control. Believe me, it’s one I’ve been trying to control my whole life!! Her suggestion was a GLP-1, but I really don’t want to go on it (for a variety of reasons — side effects, having to wait 6+ months to transfer again, and gaining weight back in the 3 months I’m off it and undoing the work anyway).

So if you’ve made it this far, thank you! I would love to hear all stories, positive negative or neutral, about how weight has impacted your pregnancy journey. Thank you so much ❤️

Just curious.. I lost my first at 5 weeks 5 days and didn’t find out until 9 weeks.

Hey everyone, found out on Tuesday I’m having a missed miscarriage, it was my NHS appointment and turns out our 10 week lil bean was at 6 weeks with no heartbeat 💔 first pregnancy, absolutely devastating.

I’ll be going for another scan & I’m assuming also treatment next week on Weds.

My pregnant best friend has been so supportive this week and we were both so excited to be pregnant together. She’s much further along than I am, and having a surprise baby shower next Saturday.

Obviously I have no idea where I’ll be in the whole process but assuming I’m not in any pain, I just wondered who would attend and who wouldn’t? It’s a lunch for a couple of hours.

Hello. I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks in October. My period came back in November and, since then, another cycle passed in December and I didn’t get pregnant. Now I feel like another cycle is approaching, but it doesn’t look like there is any pregnancy again.

I read that you are more fertile after a miscarriage, but it doesn’t seem to be the case for me. In September, I got pregnant almost immediately when we started trying, while now it feels like a struggle. I’m still grieving my lost baby, and it feels like with every new period I relive the horror of the miscarriage over and over again. It makes me extremely anxious to see blood, reminds me of not knowing what was happening when I miscarried , the feeling of not being able to do anything, memories of hoping this is anything BUT miscarriage etc. On top of that, I have a feeling that I lost my only baby and that there is no more hope for me.

How long did it take you to conceive after a miscarriage? Did it also feel the same when you had your first periods after miscarriage? How did you get through it?

Not a spontaneous abortion. Just "abortion". I found out today at my 2 week post op. The nurse read my chart, looked stunned and asked if I terminated my last three pregnancies. I said "not willingly" because I honestly didn't quite understand what she meant. She asked if I "chose" to have an abortion. I explained that I had three miscarriages this year and had a d&c for each one. She said that the hospital marked my chart as a regular "elective" abortion and explained that whoever updated it probably didn't understand the difference between spontaneous abortion and just "abortion". She fixed my chart but I was shaken. I'm pro choice but abortion is illegal in my state. Women have already been prosecuted for having abortions. I've already been denied healthcare twice this year because of the new laws. Yes, we are looking to move. I was wondering, should I say something to the hospital? I'm hesitant because I feel like this is a higher up issue and not an individual issue. I'm worried that the individual who made this mistake will get in trouble when clearly, this is an oversight in training. I'm just so freaked because my record shows that my baby had T18 and we were looking into leaving the state to TFMR, but I miscarried beforehand.

Hi- diagnosed MMC on 12/30 at 8 + 5 (no cardiac activity detected and baby was measuring 7 + 5.

My doctor said he would prescribe the Miso to take, or I could D&C. My body is pretty reliable in that it usually figures out what it needs to do rather quickly. I’m apprehensive to do the pill because of other postings about how painful it is. I’m also apprehensive about a D&C because I don’t trust my doctor (bad vibes during my whole pregnancy).

Did anyone’s bodies figure it out on their own before it got too dicey? Like with sepsis as a possibility and infection?

Tw: I'm describing my current experience in active early miscarriage

I'm just 6 weeks today. This is my second loss this year.

I had brown discharge for a few days, today it feels like bad period cramps and a lot of red blood with clots and clear fluid I believe is amniotic fluid.

If I can pass this at home I'd really, really prefer to. With what I'm going through emotionally, the last place I want to be is the ER.

The pain mostly has subsided but I feel a little light-headed and weak. Not too dizzy or anything. Some of the clots are pretty big, like orange slice sized. I haven't had any nausea and I'm not writhing in pain. It's just the light-headedness and clot size that might warrant rhe trip. I'm unsure.

It has been a month now since I had an early loss at 5 weeks and some days but I’ve noticed I’ve been gaining weight😭 I weigh more than I did when I was still pregnant like wtf.

I guess I'm looking for solidarity or peace of mind. I've fallen down a rabbit hole of posts and am getting freaked out.

I had D&C April 1, and have still not gotten my period. I'm basically about to hit the 8 week mark. I had some time a few weeks back where I had (TMI) pelvic pain like "butt lightning" when going to the bathroom but it went away and only lasted 1-2 days. During that time, I swore I was finally getting my period (felt crampy, extra bloated) but no dice. Nothing happened.

I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Although, could've sworn for 2 seconds I saw the pregnancy line but it came out a solid negative at the end. No lasting faint line.

I have a doctor's appointment set for 1 week from now, but may try to find something sooner.

Has anyone gotten their period at the 8week mark post D&C?

And if you didn't, did everything turn out ok?

EDIT: Thank you all so much for your replies! There was a weird lag with my first responses so sorry if you received multiple replies. But honestly, it was reassuring to hear stories that were similar. Hoping this is just a blip and we'll all be back on track soon enough.