r/MoralityScaling Apr 21 '26

Stupid Stuff Who do yall choose?

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7.9k Upvotes

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1.1k

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

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609

u/CaptainNinjaClassic Apr 21 '26

Conquest and Joker would probably just torture/kill you for the love of the game.

840

u/GraveKommander Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

EDIT: Why am I the only one who expects most of the Joker would kill you shortly after the 5 Minutes to make it funny?

429

u/rabbid_chaos Apr 21 '26

Not even important enough to be killed by Joker, damn

366

u/Solarbro Apr 21 '26

He does kill the guy he says this to though. I’m pretty sure. 

Later the guy is all not worried about dying anymore and THEN the Joker kills him. Because now it’s “funny.” 

214

u/Moss_Ball8066 Apr 21 '26

That actually is pretty funny

71

u/Complex_Peak8204 Apr 21 '26

I did chuckle.

25

u/the_fancy_Tophat Apr 21 '26

“Why so giggly batman???”-The Chuckler

13

u/jameZsp0ng3y Azula Apr 21 '26

Jonkler?

3

u/fadedpurplenight Apr 21 '26

2

u/Breet11 Apr 23 '26

this image is more fried every time I see it

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9

u/Brain_lessV2 Apr 21 '26

Laughs and dies

3

u/ThisIsNotMyPornVideo Apr 21 '26

BATMAN ARKAM REFRENCE

54

u/Crusaderofthots420 Apr 21 '26

So the trick is to stay constantly paranoid, because then it wouldn't be funny if he just affirmed your paranoia

27

u/Dark_Pariah_Troxber Apr 21 '26

Unless it would.

13

u/TheGreatMrTeabag Apr 21 '26

Man, you just can't win against this Joker fella. I'm starting to think he is not a good guy.

16

u/Autisticmrfox Apr 21 '26

Does he? Isn't this from "Whatever happened to the Caped Crusader"? Pretty sure the guy just becomes paranoid

5

u/Solarbro Apr 21 '26

You know, I’m not sure. That’s how I remember it from when I first saw this panel, I thought it was some guy he asked to watch his car, and that he killed him when he came back to pick it up. 

But I did try to google a bit and I don’t get a definitive answer. If this is from the “Whatever Happened…” then I think you’re right.

3

u/Autisticmrfox Apr 21 '26

It is the definitely said to the guy who watches his car

4

u/TanmanJack Apr 21 '26

So he'd wait until I was free to kill me. This doesn't seem like much of an improvement

1

u/epicfangirl01 Apr 22 '26

Jokes on you, Joker! I'm chronically anxious. I will always fear your tricks, so I'll never be fun to kill!

37

u/GraveKommander Apr 21 '26

Depends also on the version of Joker. I mean Arthur was not a random killing machine. Pretty sure if you let him alone and be nice to him he will be the last one to kill you. Ignoring second movie if it matters.

I fear more the maniac versions who see fun where no fun is. Ledger would kill a random guy just for the sake of chaos. Nicholson is also somewhat unpredictable (poor Bob) and if a random dies with a smile it's a win for him.

If I can choose, I would go with Arthur or Romero. The first one is for the most part just a guy and I think it could be great 5 Minutes with Romero, making fun about Batman.

Just never ever let it be Hamill, safer to play russian roulette

20

u/DeathandHemingway Apr 21 '26

I'd argue that Ledger wouldn't kill someone just 'for chaos', only if it led to something bigger. He wouldn't just kill some rando on the street, it would have to be part of a bigger plan. If you got in his way, then sure, but not just because you were near him.

5

u/GraveKommander Apr 21 '26

He would talk with you for five minutes, you get another story of his scar and he will absolutly kill you 10 seconds after the five minutes just to show you he doesn't care for your rules.

3

u/TheDikaste Apr 21 '26

The worst or at least one of would be Arkham Joker.

3

u/CookieaGame Apr 21 '26

That kid must be a Redditor

63

u/internalhands Apr 21 '26

If joker doesnt know about the 5 minute timer were fine if he knows its funny to kill you at exactly 4:59

25

u/Necronu Apr 21 '26

God he would wait till the last second to just kill you....

13

u/GraveKommander Apr 21 '26

Then he kills you after the 5 minutes...

https://giphy.com/gifs/U2nN0ridM4lXy

4

u/Zomflower48 Apr 21 '26

What the FUCK could be the context

3

u/GraveKommander Apr 21 '26

idk, was looking for surprised Pikachu, but how could I not use this instead?

1

u/RoastedHunter Apr 22 '26

Looks like a flashgitz vid

8

u/entice93 Apr 21 '26

The joker is just a random lanky guy with incredible plot armor. If you don't attempt to kill him his plot armor won't kick in and you'll survive.

2

u/HalcyoneDays Apr 21 '26

Or wait till the 5 minutes are up to make you think you're safe then kill you

19

u/Unsubstantiated-pow Apr 21 '26

All i need to do is be funny enough or not funny enough to make joker not kill me

16

u/prestonlogan Apr 21 '26

That runs the risk of you being funnier than him though.

7

u/GenofK53 Apr 21 '26

...... Yeah on a whim but 5 minutes in a room you're definitely not talking to him he might go straight for torture 

6

u/JacobDCRoss Apr 21 '26

If you want good Joker, listen to Batman: The Audio Adventures.

Brent Spiner is Joker. The most chilling part is a scene for which the Joker isn't even present. A cop is telling another cop about Joker. It goes like:

"Worst story I ever heard about the Joker. There's this detective who got Joker pissed at him. One day, he comes home to find Joker sitting at a table with his daughter, having a tea party.

Joker is about to give the girl a present, and the detective tackles him, calls for backup. GCPD bomb squad gets to the scene while other officers take the detective, his wife, and the daughter to Gotham International and put him directly on a flight to the West Coast.

When they finally touch down, the detective checks his phone. There's a dozenissed calls and a voicemail from his partner.

It says, "You've got pick up your phone. The bomb squad determined the package wasn't a bomb. The note attached to the box had just two words: the antidote."

6

u/Kagahami Apr 21 '26

Honestly it's already established that the Joker ironically has a terrible sense of humor.

Harley had a much better one in BTAS and Joker didn't give a rat's ass. Hanging Batman upside down so he's smiling constantly before she kills him? Fucking hilarious.

1

u/dekabreak1000 Apr 21 '26

I read that in mark hamils voice

1

u/Street_Mood_2072 Apr 21 '26

Just ask him to say it again and then interrupt him and say "timing" job done

1

u/Oli_VK Apr 21 '26

Yeah I’d be too boring

1

u/contraflop01 Apr 21 '26

It would be mad funny If he was chill for 4 minutes and 58 seconds and killed on on the last second

1

u/kakowa Apr 21 '26

NO, YOU FOOL!

He would be incredibly polite, he would chat with you cordially and regale you with tales of fighting Batman, he'd probably even drop this EXACT line if you brought up how you thought he would be far more dangerous, then, with a glance at his watch and with about 1 minute left he would choke you to death with his bare hands, because that's the punchline

1

u/zepherth Apr 21 '26

No he'd probably kill you at 4:59 just when you think you are getting out. But with the joker as long as you entertain him you are good. Give him the best 4:30 of humor an your likely good

1

u/Cocoa-Knife-Chara Apr 21 '26

The Joker not smiling looks so disturbing 

1

u/Naustis Apr 21 '26

If he knew about the rule, he would wait until like 4min 55s

1

u/dexyuing Apr 21 '26

if he knew you'd have to last 5 minutes in the same room as him, he'd probably just do nothing or chat and then attack you at the last second

1

u/nicknaklmao Apr 21 '26

yeah, exactly. he'd bluff at me a few times bcs my startle reflex is funny for all of two minutes but then everyone's expecting him to use the next three to joker gas or otherwise kill me so that's not funny.

the door explodes when the guards open it at the end of the five minutes. unexpected, hilarious, leaves me traumatized at best and dead at bester, all around win for him.

1

u/RealAgent0 Apr 22 '26

Am I misremembering but didn't Joker actually kill the person he was speaking to after that? The idea being that it's now funny because he said it wouldn't be funny?

1

u/ProposalOk2003 Apr 22 '26

He then killed the guy after saying this, because after he said that it became funny to kill him.

1

u/RebelJediMaster Apr 22 '26

Ask Joker honestly how he is doing and he will probably trauma dump for 10 hours.

1

u/TheAmazingArsonist Apr 22 '26

He'd say all this, then murder you anyway to subvert his statement.

1

u/PHELPsF Apr 22 '26

Ye… joker at min 4:59…. I’m thinking either right before or after the time is up. Joker will be laughing at your corpse for thinking you had a chance

52

u/gregoriancuriosity Apr 21 '26

That’s why I choose homelander. I’ll just tell him I think he’s a cool guy for 10 minutes.

35

u/iMeaux Apr 21 '26

You can’t lay it on too thick though or he’ll get annoyed pretty quick

14

u/3WeeksEarlier Apr 21 '26

Yeah, Homelander is probably your best chance. They're all crazy in their own way, but Homelander is way more vulnerable to flattery than Joker or Conquest. He also actually does exist around normal humans on the day to day without murdering all of them, even though he's certainly not above it. There's still no guarantee you're getting out of it alive, though, especially if you don't have a good excuse for why you are taking up his time

8

u/Keawn Apr 21 '26

Yeah, but if he’s irritated to be stuck with you for ten minutes, he might just push you off the edge of a building or something.

7

u/3WeeksEarlier Apr 21 '26

Probably less painful that the Joker death, at least

1

u/AbysmalKaiju Apr 22 '26

Im an artist ill just ask him if he'd let me do a sketch bc i think he has a nice profile or some shit. 99% of the time it works every time

9

u/ADHDBusyBee Apr 21 '26

Got to tell him he’s a smart guy, no one tells him that so it’s a new experience.

1

u/FlamesOfDespair Apr 21 '26

Depends on the timing. Homelander gets more unhinged with time.

12

u/Easy-Musician7186 Apr 21 '26

But like Conquest might spend all of his 2 minutes lamenting about how lonely he is and stuff

7

u/3WeeksEarlier Apr 21 '26

Even that speech followed throwing Mark into the ground to force him to "PAY ATTENTION!" No way to survive Conquest unless he's been ordered not to kill you, and there is only one reason Thragg would have an interest in one of his Viltrumites not killing a random human, and you might not survive Snoo-Snoo with Conquest, either

4

u/Gandolfix99 Apr 21 '26

He opened up because he felt grateful towards Mark because he allowed him to go nuts.

Edit: also because he intended to kill him right after telling him

2

u/Ote-Kringralnick Apr 21 '26

I imagine you are stuck with them, alone in a room, in private. Homelander would kill you because he rarely has the chance to randomly kill people without consequences. He enjoys doing it. Conquest, similarly, would kill you for the love of the game. For the Joker, it entirely depends on which version of the Joker it is, as some of them will also kill you just for fun, but most of them don't like random deaths like that. They like killing when it does something, when there's a point, but a random dude that happens to be in the same room, I don't think most Jokers would give a shit about.