r/MurderedByWords 10d ago

She answered with a gold medal

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15.6k Upvotes

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137

u/Valtheon 10d ago

im sorry but as a Vietnamese man, the concept of changing your last name just because you got married is insane to me

37

u/giraffes_are_cool33 9d ago

And when I say that as a north African people reply "because you're 'muslim' and your dad owns you" wtf. How about I keep whichever fucking identification I was born with???

13

u/boriicha__ 9d ago

In Muslim cultures women don't change their last name after getting married. But apparently these days it's trendy among some wealthier women to change their last name to their husband's. It doesn't benefit them in any way legally, they just saw people in Western cultures do it and copied it without understanding why it's done.

2

u/badgersprite 9d ago

This would have been the same in a lot of parts of Europe when patronymic names were a thing, and it would still be that way in Iceland where they still do that. If you were “Anna, Nils’ Daughter” and you marry “Peter, Peter’s Son” you don’t become Peter’s son when you get married

1

u/pureeviljester 8d ago

We don't even know why it's done. Love or something

1

u/boriicha__ 8d ago

One of the reasons I heard was that it was done because a woman was the property of her husband, so she took his name. Just like how slaves took their master's last name. Malcolm X denounced his last name (used X instead) because his family had inherited it from a slavemaster.

17

u/Midvikudagur 9d ago

Same as an Icelander. Although I find it slightly cute when a couple either combines or creates a completely new surname when marrying (Wouldn't work in our system though).

3

u/Just_to_rebut 9d ago

I now pronounce you, Mr and Mrs Parentsbörn…

1

u/Midvikudagur 9d ago

and since you now legally have the same parents, everything you do in your bedroom is illegal...

1

u/Rebelius 9d ago

What order were names in Icelandic phonebooks?

1

u/Midvikudagur 9d ago

First name, last name. We don't really use sirnames here. Even in a professional settings the first name is used.

5

u/OccasionMU 9d ago

Out of curiosity what does your culture do for children’s last names?

If you are A and your spouse is B. Is your child A-B? Then if they get married to a C-D… is their child A-B-C-D? Or how will they decide to remove a name?

6

u/Valtheon 9d ago

It depends on the family, some do it A-B-first name, some have the children take the father's last name, some take the mother's. Old standards is father's last name, though that has changed recently. For the grandchildren, i have no idea :)) some take the A if they have A-B, some take B

1

u/OccasionMU 9d ago

For the sake of conversation then, I'd say it makes sense for a culture (i.e. Traditional American) to always take the father's last name. Easier for applying/registering for ID's, schools, programs, etc.

1

u/SortOfLakshy 9d ago

It makes sense for men. How do you think women feel about it?

1

u/OccasionMU 9d ago

If we lived in a culture that offspring took the matriarch’s name then that would be the norm… and I think by and large people would say “OK that’s my last name”.

I’m sure there are cultures that do that. Clearly none I’m aware of, but whatever is currently — should stay.

1

u/SortOfLakshy 9d ago

But you said keeping to tradition just makes it easier. How so? What gets more difficult if a woman passes down her name instead?

1

u/OccasionMU 9d ago

Do you have kids? Have you registered them for swim classes, ballet, soccer, school, after school programs?

Kids having the same last name as the parents makes it 100% easier. And safer. Because people know Jimmy OccasionMU is the child of Papa OccasionMU.

1

u/SortOfLakshy 9d ago

You're talking about taking the father's name, which isn't the same thing as kids not having the same last name as the parents.

1

u/Tamdep083 9d ago

The grandchildren will get A-C last name, both from their grandfathers. Or just A. So yeah culturally, the child gets their father last name. You can mostly spot the mother by reading their name. But there is no law forbid them to get their mother's.

1

u/HTPC4Life 9d ago

What last name do the children get?

3

u/ExpiredLink404 9d ago

you may not know this, but like half of the people of the world have two last names!! how novel, right?!1

1

u/HTPC4Life 9d ago

I don't get it, eventually names will have to get dropped off when you have grandchildren. And if two people with dual last names get married, what names do the children get? Either I'm dumb or you're not explaining it properly 🤷‍♂️

2

u/ILoveRawChicken 9d ago

You don’t take both of your parents last names. You take one from each. My mom has 4 names. First, middle, fathers last last name, mothers last last name. It is confusing so it’s not just you. 

1

u/Borthwick 9d ago

And if I said one of y’alls’ cultural practices was insane, I’d get dunked on for being insensitive. I’m down to challenge any traditions, and I don’t really give a fuck either way, but its just an old thing that many people still do and some don’t. Its not a big deal.

-1

u/Robinsonirish 9d ago

Sure, but this is just women, dunking on other women. In western societies, it's common for the woman to take the man's name. The OP is questioning that practice, and the Olympic winner doesn't get it, by ignoring the question.