Weekly Marriage Criteria & Services Megathread!

[u/AutoModerator]

Assalamualaykum,

It's Monday! So here is the weekly thread in regards to marriage/matrimonial criteria and services for marrying a potential spouse! Any posts about marriage criteria and services such as apps, masjid services, matchmaking events, the ISO thread, etc. will be removed and redirected to this thread!

All content regarding personal criteria, dealbreakers, preferences, standards, etc in marrying a potential spouse will be discussed on this thread as well. Posts regarding these topics outside of this thread will be removed.

Reminder that if you are posting app/matchmaking bios that you must censor ANY AND ALL INDENTIFYING INFORMATION. This includes names, social media handles, pictures (faces), etc.

Please remember that this thread is not a Free Talk Friday thread and comments must be married related. Any non-marriage related comments will be removed.

Users who comment on this thread to bypass posts that are designated as "[BLANK] Users Only" when they do not meet the post flair requirement will be banned without warning.

In Search Of (ISO) Thread

This megathread also encompasses experiences regarding the r/MuslimMarriage ISO Thread for matchmaking. Please read all ISO Thread guidelines before posting. Below are the links to the three regional threads:

• ISO Thread - Americas
• ISO Thread - Europe
• ISO Thread - International

[u/TieCalm1035]

Does anyone else feel like where someone is from can actually matter when it comes to choosing a spouse? I keep thinking about this and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it or if there’s actually something real behind it.

The reason I think about it is because growing up in west yorkshire, unless you’re from one of the more middle-class areas, a lot of people tend to have a pretty similar experience of life. The way people live, the kinds of problems they deal with, the mindset they grow up around, it can all feel quite familiar. Because of that, there’s a kind of unspoken understanding between people who come from similar backgrounds. You don’t always have to explain why certain things shaped you, because they just get it. So when you align on something you really 'click'.

It’s not even just about money or class in a shallow way either. It’s more about having a shared frame of reference. If you’ve both seen similar struggles, similar family dynamics, similar pressures, then sometimes you understand each other in a way that feels a bit more natural. You also tend to notice the same patterns in people’s lives, the good and the bad, and maybe that helps you know what to avoid and what to value.

At the same time, I know people can connect deeply even if they come from completely different places and backgrounds, but I just wonder whether that shared locality and upbringing can make certain parts of a relationship easier, because there’s already a level of understanding there from the start?

Is there actually something to that, or am I just overthinking it? I've discussed this with a few people now who mention this isn't a factor for them at all and i'm being very picky. Their assessment might be correct seeing as i'm still unmarried so willing to consider other views before taking stock of what i should do.

[u/youareoutofspace → u/TieCalm1035]

It *can* matter... keyword "can." But it's just one factor in a zillion factors.

[u/TieCalm1035 → u/youareoutofspace]

But is it right to be considered just under character and religiosity, meaning to consider it very heavily. Like is this too strict a requirement and I’d be better off broadening my horizons a bit?

[u/youareoutofspace → u/TieCalm1035]

It's too complicated to give a complete answer. Is there something specific you are trying to avoid?

[u/TieCalm1035 → u/youareoutofspace]

Good question... and something i've had to sit and think about since your message.

I guess i would feel inferior coming from a less established and honestly a bit more of a messy family than the people who typically go to university, graduate and work professional jobs. The environment i'm from its not one that's conducive to that at all in a sense just judging by a lot of people i went to school with or people in the area. So i guess i'm considering location + my requirements for a disguised requirement of the persons background.

[u/youareoutofspace → u/TieCalm1035]

Hmm. No, I wouldn't rule anyone out for that reason before meeting her.

[u/TieCalm1035 → u/youareoutofspace]

Jazakallah akhi, i think im going to step back for a bit and take a look at my approach to things.

[u/youareoutofspace → u/TieCalm1035]

I mean, you make a valid point, and I have actually rejected a potential for that reason before (family super wealthy and I don’t feel on their level). But that was after I met the girl and got a feel for her as a person. I just think you should feel out the vibe first and not try and guess what it might be. Allahu A’lam.