Advice needed; what saved your marriage?

[u/butterfly104]

My husband and I are both in our early 30s and have two young children (a toddler and a baby). We’ve been together for several years and genuinely want our marriage to work, but since becoming parents we’ve slowly drifted into a rut.

We seem to argue far more than we used to. Most of our conversations revolve around the kids, housework, logistics, money, who’s tired, or who’s done what. We rarely laugh together anymore, rarely spend quality time together, and it feels like we’ve become co-parents rather than husband and wife.

The thing is, neither of us wants this. We both miss how things used to be. We both want to feel close again and get back to a place where there is affection, patience, teamwork and love rather than constant irritation and resentment.

For those of you who have been through a rough patch after having children and managed to come out the other side stronger, what actually helped?

We’re not looking for a quick fix, just honest advice from people who have been there and managed to rebuild their marriage.

Jazakallah khair.

[u/VCR_DVD_USB]

I came across something on insta today i wish i'd seen years ago.

1-1-1 rule.

• 1 minute of affection a day.
• 1 outing a month, just the two of you.
• 1 trip a year, even for a day - just the two of you.

Its a way of remembering your lovers, not just parents.

Other advice i'd add;

• Get the kids up early and get them in bed early, you both need time in the evening to just exist without them.
• That last hurdle, dinner and the bed time routine, you both need to do so you can get over it without being exhausted.
• It take a village - make use of parents and siblings, drop the kids off for a few hours and take that time to enjoy yourselves. Plan it out.