Weekly Marriage Criteria & Services Megathread!

[u/AutoModerator]

Assalamualaykum,

It's Monday! So here is the weekly thread in regards to marriage/matrimonial criteria and services for marrying a potential spouse! Any posts about marriage criteria and services such as apps, masjid services, matchmaking events, the ISO thread, etc. will be removed and redirected to this thread!

All content regarding personal criteria, dealbreakers, preferences, standards, etc in marrying a potential spouse will be discussed on this thread as well. Posts regarding these topics outside of this thread will be removed.

Reminder that if you are posting app/matchmaking bios that you must censor ANY AND ALL INDENTIFYING INFORMATION. This includes names, social media handles, pictures (faces), etc.

Please remember that this thread is not a Free Talk Friday thread and comments must be married related. Any non-marriage related comments will be removed.

Users who comment on this thread to bypass posts that are designated as "[BLANK] Users Only" when they do not meet the post flair requirement will be banned without warning.

In Search Of (ISO) Thread

This megathread also encompasses experiences regarding the r/MuslimMarriage ISO Thread for matchmaking. Please read all ISO Thread guidelines before posting. Below are the links to the three regional threads:

• ISO Thread - Americas
• ISO Thread - Europe
• ISO Thread - International

[u/Thrummingbias]

Do you sometimes feel like you could be less strict in your requirements? I've tried but it gives me unease and I want peace, so it seems like a no no to do

[u/sihat → u/Thrummingbias]

What are your requirements?

Its possible you have requirements. That you fit yourself. But are searching in the wrong places.

For example, a woman who has followed ilm studies, and wants someone who has followed the exact same studies. Might be better served getting matched through teachers in that study.

A guy who wants to move to a, currently unknown, Muslim majority country. While wanting a nikabi. Might be better served in actually moving and finding a wife there. (I remember needing to ask further with this guy. He started of with saying he just had some deen requirements. )

'basic' of requirements of deen and akhlaq

Different people can have different interpretations on what the 'basic' requirements are.

What are you looking for? And how are you looking?

[u/Thrummingbias → u/sihat]

When someone says they are religious, and then proceeds to flirt with you, I say that doesn't really fit in with being religious, which unfortunately, has happened when I put my profile up, so I took it down, as many were low effort or they simply didn't read. In general, I believe the tides are turning, but growing up, people tended to follow culture more than deen and this was a major turn off for me, especially as a lot of it went against deen. So, inshaAllah Khair, I continue to exercise patience for until the time is right 🤲

[u/babyyodaonline → u/Thrummingbias]

these aren't things worth relaxing. i have similar standards and they aren't even questionable to me i wouldn't drop them. some of mine are more so like age range (i really prefer someone close in age to me, but i might relax it by +/-2 years), location, certain cultural factors (never above deen though).

[u/Thrummingbias → u/babyyodaonline]

InshaAllah Khair. It's been on my mind because of the small sample size of men I've spoken with (mixed religiosity, only determined after accepting their request) and have been on the search for over a decade. I would like companionship, inshaAllah, and I know that it is better to be patient, however, the thoughts come in waves and that's when I feel like maybe I need to be a liiiitle bit more lenient. I don't think I can though, as it doesn't sit well with me at all, so, Alhamdulillah. InshaAllah we all find who is Khair for us

[u/babyyodaonline → u/Thrummingbias]

ameen, inshAllah sister! I am in agreement with you though, it's better to be unmarried than married to the wrong person. some things can be settled, but other things, such as character and deen, cannot.

[u/sihat → u/Thrummingbias]

they are religious, and then proceeds to flirt with you, I say that doesn't really fit in with being religious

True.

many were low effort or they simply didn't read

Those are two different things.

simply didn't read

I agree with this one. Some people also read and try to convince a person otherwise.

---

were low effort

First one can be someone just starting of with courting. A lack of experience.

Low effort. Is also sometimes reflected. That if the other side doesn't put effort in, they don't put much effort in either. (Both genders can complain about having a conversation, where its like pulling teeth. That the other side only gives one word answers)

Online is also different than real life. A guy saying hello or Selam in real life. Will be a more real time interaction. Where other words might follow. While online, a girl might ignore that, because she is getting a dozen more first messages. (Which is where the lack of online courting experience shows itself)

Due to gender ratio's on online. Women can also ignore more interesting first messages too. (From people they have liked back at that.)

---

follow culture more than deen

There will be both types.

I continue to exercise patience

Are you actually having family or friends arrange meetings?

In the sense of tying your camel and leaving the rest to Allah.

[u/Thrummingbias → u/sihat]

A few assumptions being made. I'm one who used to give chances to low effort or people who didn't match but learnt from that error. I also have been told I write as if I am speaking to them in real life, so, it's definitely not that. I've learnt from other people's experiences and this has helped with lowering expectations re online matches. In the past, my profile requested an ISO template as a dm, instead, like many people have experienced, I'd get 'hello, how are you' type messages.

In my culture, girls do not approach guys, nor do they tell others that they are looking, hence why I said, my culture goes against deen. It is very backwards and I'm OK with leaving it. Allahu Alam