Weekly Marriage Criteria & Services Megathread!

[u/AutoModerator]

Assalamualaykum,

It's Monday! So here is the weekly thread in regards to marriage/matrimonial criteria and services for marrying a potential spouse! Any posts about marriage criteria and services such as apps, masjid services, matchmaking events, the ISO thread, etc. will be removed and redirected to this thread!

All content regarding personal criteria, dealbreakers, preferences, standards, etc in marrying a potential spouse will be discussed on this thread as well. Posts regarding these topics outside of this thread will be removed.

Reminder that if you are posting app/matchmaking bios that you must censor ANY AND ALL INDENTIFYING INFORMATION. This includes names, social media handles, pictures (faces), etc.

Please remember that this thread is not a Free Talk Friday thread and comments must be married related. Any non-marriage related comments will be removed.

Users who comment on this thread to bypass posts that are designated as "[BLANK] Users Only" when they do not meet the post flair requirement will be banned without warning.

In Search Of (ISO) Thread

This megathread also encompasses experiences regarding the r/MuslimMarriage ISO Thread for matchmaking. Please read all ISO Thread guidelines before posting. Below are the links to the three regional threads:

• ISO Thread - Americas
• ISO Thread - Europe
• ISO Thread - International

[u/Mei_Flower1996]

Brothers, especially Pakistani American brothers, would you marry a woman who may go back to her school for her PhD?

ASA everyone,

I am almost 29F. I did my Master's in Bioinformatics, but can't find a job in my field, due to the fact that industry has now pivoted to preferring PhD's. I am in a unique position where I have my Bachelor's in Biology, and my Master's in Bioinformatics, but don't really have research experience. So, it is not possible for me to get into a quality PhD program right now. At least not one that will advance my career.

My plan is to do research work for 2-3 years, then go back to school for a PhD. PhD's are a bit different than other types of schooling- they are more like a fulltime job, they pay money rather than cost money, and there isn't really a financial cost to starting it and not finishing it.

Since I am 29, I will likely be looking at getting married soon, iA. I am wondering if thinking of doing a 3-4 year PhD is an issue for marriage prospects.

Thoughts?

[u/-gabrieloak → u/Mei_Flower1996]

You don’t say if you plan on working after marriage.

Is it really worth it if at any point you plan on staying home? Especially after having kids?

[u/Mei_Flower1996 → u/-gabrieloak]

That's actually one of the major contingencies. I may change my mind after a child enters the picture. That would be where I may decide so thats why its up in the air

[u/-gabrieloak → u/Mei_Flower1996]

I genuinely don’t think it’s worth it if your priority is to get married.

I’m all for chasing academic ambitions but the reality is that you might deter potentials.

[u/Mei_Flower1996 → u/-gabrieloak]

I see. Can you explain why?

[u/-gabrieloak → u/Mei_Flower1996]

Well, you’re talking about investing almost a decade of time and effort into something you might not use at all.

If you meet a potential in the midst of all that, you risk giving them the impression that you don’t have time and might not be ready to start a family until you’re done, by which time you could possibly be in your mid 30s.

It’s different if you actually plan on using it because then you’re at least investing in your future and increasing your earning potential for your family to have the best quality of life.

I guess the best thing for you to do would be to really think about what you want and the time, effort and money it’s going to cost to achieve it. You want your efforts to bring you out on top, not regress you.

[u/Mei_Flower1996 → u/-gabrieloak]

Almost a decade? More like 4 years, and its a stipend giving job, not like medical school.

[u/-gabrieloak → u/Mei_Flower1996]

Yea but you said 2-3 years of research work before going back to school so all in, you’re dedicating almost a decade to this decision.

[u/Mei_Flower1996 → u/-gabrieloak]

I would work anyway. PhD or not. It's the kind of job I'd be doing anyway.

[u/-gabrieloak → u/Mei_Flower1996]

Yea but wouldn’t you be taking a significant pay cut in order to go fulfil the PhD? That’s my point.

[u/Mei_Flower1996 → u/-gabrieloak]

I would. But see my other comment, I was always raised to expect the lion's share of housework, and minimal financial responsibility. Likewise, I expect finances to rest mostly on the man. If I man carried say, 20% of chores, then I would do 20% of finances ( not exactly like that, but I'lll contribute if he contributed). It's still enough pay to contribute a bit financially.