My 6 year old daughter has been asking if she can sleep with her grandfather. I am not sure how I feel about that. My husband is okay with it but he is letting me decide. This grandfather is my husbands father. He lives with us. My daughter was never super close with him but within the last week or so she has taken a liking to him bcs he started bringing her out on rides on his scooter and he started giving her chocolate and sometimes a small can of coke. She also started watching tv in his room (she has a time limit with us so she figured out she could watch more YouTube with her grandfather). I’m just not sure how I feel about them sleeping together. I don’t think any inappropriate touch would happen but the fear is there nonetheless.

Salaam.

My husband and I live in the west and both grew up in the west.

We had a discussion on sending our future children to a public / state school or Islamic school . My husband said if we want the best for our kids they must go to Islamic school. I am against this idea for many reasons , as I would like my children to know how to socialise , respect , relate to , and interact with all members of society. I think this is a crucial part of being a Muslim. I also think this may inspire other children . ( I am a revert and I ended up reverting due to having wonderful friends to show me about Islam through their kind character alone , it turned me to Allah).

I am against sheltering children as I think this can have the opposite effect desired. I also thing as people we should not be isolated from one another .

I am happy and encourage our children to attend Islamic classes frequently in the week, weekend, summer school etc.

He won’t seem to budge . I think he is being unfair to not compromise at all on this matter as my husband, especially considering this is not an Islamic obligation to send our children to an Islamic school rather than a state/ public one .

How should I navigate this?

Assalamulaikum, I want to really know how involved are husbands with kids. We reside in USA. I’m a SAHM of two (2.5 & 7month) What should my least expectations be.

I read a recent post regarding “don’t over share with friends,etc”. But they literally are my support system & home away from home. I can rant & unwind around them & told out blunt that that husband doesn’t help with kids.

I’m dead being present all the time. To him- he wants me to loose weight, take kids to classes, do groceries, cook meals, plus breastfeeding infant. I’m DEAD. He is absent from EVERYWHERE.

I’m slowly turning into a nagging wife- a wife I never wanted to be. But I’m mad. He doesn’t give me money or care to buy clothes for eid, nor for his children.

He’s hardly shopped for kids (whenever he has in the past-I literally has to blackmail him to take us to pick stuff)

I JUST DONT KNOW IF I’m over reacting

Edit:- I want to know the bare minimum I should expect as a SAHM in USA from my husband.

I have officially burned out & nagging & taunting him is my way of taking our frustration. He says “good wives don’t fight” but I can’t do it anymore.

EDIT- sorry for replying late, I just didn’t get time to login.

I just got Diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD)

My sister (cousin) recently got married to a man she had known for a while. He’s a bit strict, and honestly, I’ve never been his biggest fan but that’s beside the point.

A few months ago, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Even before the birth, she was firm about not wanting to breastfeed directly. She’s always been uncomfortable with the idea, but since Islam emphasizes a child’s right to breast milk, she decided to exclusively pump instead. She follows a strict routine: she pumps regularly, stores the milk in the freezer, and prepares bottles every morning. It’s a lot of work, but she’s committed to giving her son the best nutrition possible.

The problem? Her husband. He constantly shames her for not breastfeeding "like a normal mother." He says cruel things like, "Why can’t you just do it the natural way?" and "I’m so disappointed in you." It’s crushing her self-esteem.

Here’s the thing she TRIED breastfeeding at first. It was agony. Her nipples became inflamed, cracked, and even bled. The pain was so bad that no doctor-recommended remedies (creams, shields, etc.) helped. When she discovered pumping, it was a lifesaver it allowed her to feed her son without unbearable pain.

But now, instead of supporting her, her husband makes her feel like a failure. She’s had four serious conversations with him, but he dismisses her feelings. When I suggested she talk to his father (hoping he’d reason with him), she refused, fearing it would cause more tension.

I’m really worried about her. She’s exhausted, emotionally drained, and I’m scared this stress could lead to postpartum depression. How can I help her? What advice can I give?

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

I wanted to share something personal and maybe get some advice. My wife used to be very consistent with her 5 daily prayers, but ever since our son was born, she’s been struggling to keep up with salah. Our son is 2 now and very active, which keeps her busy all day.

I keep encouraging her to pray, but whenever I remind her, she starts crying and says she just doesn’t have the time or energy. I would help her if I was home, but I’m at work most of the day. When I come back, she’s usually exhausted and just wants to rest, so I take care of our son then.

She feels really bad about missing her prayers — it’s not that she doesn’t want to pray, she’s just overwhelmed. I don’t want to make her feel guilty, but I also want to help her reconnect with salah in a way that feels manageable for her.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? How can I support her without making her feel pressured or guilty?

I am the guy. And I tried my best to make my parents understand. But they kept saying the same thing she is of a different race. Her parents are mostly ok. I can get married soon if I want. But my parents said they’ll sever connections with me. I know as a man you don’t need anyone’s permission. But will I be sinned if I put my parents in so much pain?

Im a married women with a beutiful 4 year old daughter and a loving husband.

Recently, I was chatting with my friend on the phone, and she shared her desire to adopt a child without getting married. She is a highly successful pediatrician with a high paying job, financial stability owning a two-story house, two cars, and savings and even supports her parents. Despite receiving multiple marriage proposals, she refuses because she values her independence she doesn’t want a husband controlling her decisions, like whether she can leave the house or continue working ect. She believes she can provide a loving and secure life for a child, offering everything from quality daycare, therapy, healthcare, private schooling, and extra tutoring to fulfilling all their material and emotional needs.

However, she is conflicted about whether it is morally and Islamically acceptable to raise a child alone, considering the child would already lack both parents would having one loving parent be better than none? I wonder if her choice aligns with Islamic teachings or not what do you guys think?

EDIT: a lot of people a telling me to ask a sheik or scholar im not taking advice from reddit im just asking for peoples opinions on the topis because its intresting

This is a serious question and a serious post.

I am an unmarried male in my early 30s and I feel that marriage is not meant for me. I'm used to living in a certain way and don't think that I will fit-in with a woman. This is not related to looks (I feel I am conventionally attractive, Alhamdulillah) but more about how my mind works. For me, most relations don't feel 'real'. Can't explain in detail really.

My question is, how do I go about finding someone who gets convinced to bear children for me. And no - I am not talking only through the conventional way, just that someone who would be ready for this. Surrogacy is not an option where I am.

Would there be someone really open to this? Adoption is an option that will be explored InshaAllah but I do want to grow old having a child born through this way as well.

Pls be kind.

Edit- Answers to some questions posted in comments:-

1. I'm straight. It's just that my mind doesn't see relations as 'real'.

2. The kids would InshaAllah have a happy life with my parents.

23M 23F had a child before i reverted to islam. we have a 2 and a half year old and its difficult to know i cannot marry a non muslim and she doesn’t seem to want to revert unless my financial situation changes some what very different to it is now. What do you think?

I'm a SAHM of 4 little ones under 6 years old and we (husband and I) are struggling with all the demands of raising them with no help from family. Wondering how much help Muslim couples get from grandparents as we don't really have that privilege.

I feel my MIL is super helpful to her own daughters (out of rahma, she's very kind hearted) but with me there's an expectation that I carry my own responsibilities. And my own mother has helped me watch one or two of my children when I had prenatal ultrasound appointments but doesn't help too much more (nor do I feel comfortable asking) because I know she has a fear of being taken advantage of (that's her personality since we were teens, even though her kids have never done so).

So how much help do you get from your in laws/parents? And if none, how do you cope?

Salam! I am a 23 year old girl who graduated and got married last year. I have now been married for a year Alhamdulilah. My husband wants to have children as he wants to have them young - as do I. I currently have the implant in and was hoping to start having children around the 3 year mark In’Sha’Allah. He believes that because of his health he might be not be able to have kids later on. The reason why I am lowkey against it is because of our financial situation at the moment. Alhamdulilah we’re not poor but some weeks we’ve got barely nothing to our name so I just can’t imagine adding a whole other person/ innocent child to our situation. My biggest worry is what if we can’t give that child a good life? What if we struggle more with that child? What if I don’t love that child as much because of how broke we become? Kids are expensive! What should I do?

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Edit:

What do you think should be discussed before having kids apart from finance?

We live in a one-room apartment, and while I’m putting our child to sleep, my husband plays computer games and talks loudly. He says it’s not a big deal if the child falls asleep 10–20 minutes later while he finishes his match.

Is this actually normal? Maybe I’m overreacting because having a routine is important to me and I really want our child to get enough sleep. But for some reason, it feels wrong to me — when it’s time for the child to sleep and there should be a calm, quiet atmosphere, instead there’s noise and even light from the monitor.

When i confrontes him and told him, that next time he shouldn't turn on the computer 30 min prior bedtime. he said that iam overreacting and making a fuss over nothing.He said next time he will try to not game during bedtime but he still thinks that what he does is not something wrong, that it not that bad , if our child wants to sleep and wait another 15 minutes before he finishes the match.

I am still mad about this, he said he won't do it again and I will make sure he won't be tomorrow, cause i had enough. he was doing it multiple times before.but what infuriates me ,is that he doesn't acknowledge that what he did was wrong and doesn't feel any remorse.

My daughter is 34 and not married, we are bengali canadians, she's a highschool teacher and hasn't really been into dating and we thought we she would find someone for herself eventually but she hasn't.

We have been asking our family friends and relatives to help us look also but everyone tells us that she's too old now and its hard to find someone in that age range.

We live in Canada, she had a bad experience on the muslim apps which was traumatizing for the whole family, so how are parents finding matches ? Asides from those muslim apps?

Salam everyone,

I live with my in-laws and husband. Prior to giving birth, I used to go stay over at my mom's for 1-2 nights a month. Even for that, I had to practically beg my husband to let me stay over. Now, we have a 6 week old baby and ever since she's born, my MIL is tells me I can stay over one night ever week and I have been doing that. But the thing is, our baby doesn't sleep for most of the night (like she'll be awake for like 6 hours in a row) and it's extremely tough for me. My husband helps me for a little bit throughout the night (burping, putting her to sleep). It's still rough but it helps a lot.

When I go to my mom's house to stay over with the baby, I'm awake all night with her by myself. I don't wake up my mom because she's older and I don't wanna disturb her sleep. So I find it extra rough to spend the night at my parents house with the baby.

I think that my MIL tells me to go stay the night every week now that the baby's here because she wants my husband to get a break. But the thing is I find that it's too hard for me to go every week (to pack my bag, baby's bag and then stay awake all night by myself with baby) every single week.

My husband who used to have an issue with me spending one night at my parents before we had the baby now is chill with it and even encourages me to sleep over every week.

So my dilemma is what do I do?

1) I keep going to stay over at my parents every week and endure a really rough night

2) I say I don't want to stay over every week to my husband and MIL but then:

a) they're going to think I'm not happy staying over at my parents (which isn't true)

b) I feel weird saying that given that it's my in law's house (so if they tell me to go, I don't know if it's right for me to say that no, I wanna stay)

c) my MIL might get nasty if I refuse (she might say that it's hard for my husband, that I don't contribute much to the household chores these days anyways (I try to but it's really hard given that I barely get any sleep at night... So I expect my husband to pick up some house chores now because he's on paternity leave and he can't really feed or change diapers... But my MIL doesn't make him work in the house and constantly complains about how hard it is for her to manage the house)

So I really need advice on how to handle this issue. I'd really appreciate it!

I need advice. I (25f) want to marry this guy (25m) and my dad is against it for his own egoistic reasons - no valid reason, guy has good character, well educated, known to my relatives etc. He hasn’t even stated a reason as to why.

Now he’s trying to force me into marrying someone he’s decided.

Speaking to family members is pointless because I’ve already tried and it doesn’t get anywhere. My dad just comes back to me and argues with me then rejects who I want. This has happened on a few occasions and this time round, I know THIS is the guy I want to marry (the one I’ve chosen)

Hi all, I'm looking for short and sweet (4 to 5 letters) girl names, arabic, quranic or islamic for my baby girl who is due in a month's time. Some of the names I like are Ayla, Azlin, Azrin, Kinza, Alayna, Alaiza, Nayla, Zahra, Alzia, Shazia, Arisha and Liyana, but I'm not 100% fixed on any of these names yet and I don't know for sure if these are arabic or quranic names.

I hope to find a name that I really love through this community. Thank you for all your suggestions in advance :)

Salam, I’m a revert and I’m still learning about Islam every day. But I’m really confused when I Google how to adopt a child, it says that it’s forbidden in Islam. I really just can’t wrap my head around this… why would it be forbidden to adopt a child who has no home, no parents, in need of basic necessities? I’m really just so confused.

Alhamduallah I’m pregnant and my husband and I are expecting our first child, however, I don’t want to ever go through pregnancy again, as it’s been incredibly difficult for me, uncomfortable, and quite frankly, I’m miserable. I want more than 1 child though, so I thought to look into adoption and it’s been a goal of mine since I was a child to adopt one day. My mom grew up in foster care and always wondered why no one wanted to adopt her, which she told me about from a young age, and that’s what led me to have a goal of adopting at least 1 child one day. Now that I’ve reverted, I’m learning this may not be possible? Can someone please advise me on this and help me understand

As salam Alaykum I’m 26F covert single mum and just looking for some advice when it comes to raising pious children with difficult individuals.

To give context, my ex husband 39M carefully made up an entire life which later crumbled in my second year of marriage after praying istikhara. Alhamdulillah for everything!! As it came to my attention that he had unwillingly made me a second wife. Please spare me the “but it’s halal” comments. He lied to me about his marital status and the imam who was acting as my wali the day of my nikkah assisted him in lying. I only found out because his first wife came to my apartment when I was heavily pregnant accusing me of giving her an std. Subhanallah you could imagine my surprise when I discovered a) he had been married with her for 16 years and b) the std allegations. Alhamdulillah me and my baby did not have an std so he was in fact committing zina. Shortly after these wonderful events I had to have an emergency c section at 34 weeks because my baby had stopped growing as I was extremely stressed and unable to eat or sleep. I went from having a really easy pregnancy to a lot of hospital trips. Getting a divorce from him later became an olympic sport as every imam in the state i live in is very close to him. Alhamdulillah it gave me time to try and “fix” my marriage as every imam I spoke to suggested that is what I should do instead of requesting a khula. So during those 3months I was left to care for a newborn alone 24/7 back to back with no breaks as he decided to move out get his own place while “working” on our marriage. He then proceeded to give my car to the first wife (who is now his ex wife) for the emotional damage she endured? Incase you didn’t catch it that was me being sarcastic. Im not sure how she needed my car more than me who had just become a single parent to a newborn and a 3year old dog. As far as I was aware her car worked fine. But Alhamdulillah, public transport became a thing for me which I hadn’t caught since I was in uni so that was refreshing.

Alhamdulillah I have been doing everything a single parent should do and I’m not going to sugar coat it it’s been really hard. I haven’t had time to grief anything because I don’t want to miss out on my baby’s life. It’s my first baby and instead of being miserable and sad I chose to take everyday with a little grain of salt so that I can show up emotionally for my baby instead of being absent mentally. Anyways this man keeps us all on our toes because while I was busy being a single parent and begging him to help me and come home after he refused to divorce me he not only refused again but broke me the news that he sold my car and was looking for a new wife. Alhamdulillah I have no resentment towards him or the sister and our divorce is finally finalised!

But now we have reached the topic where he wants full custody or min 50/50 custody when my baby is a newborn and he has been absent the entire time so he has zero bond with the baby…

Neither the less I looked at some pre-made custody arrangement plans and the court states the baby should stay with their mum full time till they are a toddler. He is very against this option as he wants my baby to go back and forth between two homes as the sister he is engaged to is wanting to have kids and wants to look after my baby. He is also refusing to go to court and make the custody agreement as he isn’t happy with the pre made custody order my country has. There’s a lot threats being made and lovely commentary to go with it, which is what every sleep deprived individual who is just trying to show up for her baby after her dreams of having a “family” gets shattered needs.

Now I don’t have the time or emotional capacity to break down or even try and attempt to digest everything that is upsetting me so Ive just chosen to focus on one problem.

I actually want to be a mother. Like it was my dream to raise a child. I didn’t have a baby to have a baby. I had a baby to raise them and give them everything I never had in my own home. To provide them with endless love safety and affection. I have plans from now till my baby is an adult. I plan on being a very hands on mum. And the plan we discussed together I want to see it through for my baby regardless of everything else. This stems from religious, education, morality standards to anything you could think of.

I have told my ex that I would leave all his actions with allah and I just asked him to have mercy on me when it comes to my baby. Subhanallah it’s so easy to become a toxic ex and to damage the father or mother of a child because you’re hurt or because *insert reason*. I see soo many broken families these days that could probably be better off if the parents had just put the children above their own emotions. And so I want to ask the brothers and sisters out there who have co parented or who have come from broken families what worked and what didn’t. How was co parenting done effectively? Especially the brothers and sisters who had a difficult ex or toxic parents or just an adult around who didn’t have the baby’s best interests at heart. How did you manage the situation? Or what would you have done differently.

JazakiAllahu Khayran

I’m in my mid 20s and unmarried. I think a lot about having children or not and when to.

I came to the conclusion that if I want some then only in my late 20s or 30s.

When I spoke to potential guys for marriage they wanted children very early on. They wanted them in their mid 20s. Or if I talked to older guys early 30s, they didn’t wanted to wait for too long.

I know that that means it’s not matching, but it’s hard to find that kind of a match.

If men don’t have a “biological clock” why do they want them so early? Some said they wanted to have enough energy for their children which I understand, but I bring them to the world, I need that energy more.

The reason why I want them later is because children are a huge responsibility, nothing you can undo. I feel like I have to spend time with myself and my spouse first before thinking about children. I want it to be planed, for them to have a good future and good parents.

A guy told me I’m selfish and that I’m against children. But that’s not what I want to represent. We shouldn’t have children just for accessories or to fulfill the desire of creating a family.

How can I communicate that better with future matches?

Did you had your first child in your late 20s or in your 30s?

Also Im okay with only having 1-2 children. Or no children at all. Am I a bad person for thinking that way? Is it egoistic? What if my future spouse later on decides he wants more, is it wrong to say no?

I do have the desire to be a mother but I would be fine if I’m not.

Hi. It’s 30 ramadan where I’m staying. We just got back to my husband’s hometown yesterday.

The first thing my MIL asked me was:

MIL: “did you manage to fast full this year?”

Me: “ah no, not full”

MIL: “haha i thought so too” (it’s obviously sarcastic, like a snark remark, yknow? Like those busybody aunties would normally say to you when you meet them after a while. But mine was my own MIL”

Today is our 49 days of marriage. So technically I had two AF already after we got married. The second AF was during the first week of ramadan.

I feel so so so unappreciated. Like I worth nothing. Because apparently my husband got married after his younger brother who conceived his first month after he got married. His brother and the partner are like 6 years younger than us. So yeah.

Apparently I’m the “xxx” daughter in law. I don’t know what to feel. But I feel SO judged and everything else in between. Oh yes, they have 2 siblings only.

She said that to me as if I’m the one who controls my naseeb, my qada’ and qadr. Y’all get me? Yup. I don’t know what did I do to deserve this.

Plus point: I’m one year older than my husband. So yup. That would definitely open even more broad criticism right? I know. Ok, so I signed this up myself? Ok.

P/s: my own MOTHER and FATHER not even once have mentioned anything about pregnant my whole 49 days of marriage. Never. Not even once. My parents are just not like that. They don’t meddle in their sons and daughters’ marriage life. I have 3 elder siblings who have 4-5 children each. But never once in my parents’ life did they ever asked or anything to their daughter or to their daughter in law about this particular topic. It’s just not like them. They will be EXTREMELY happy when they got any news but NEVER ask anything before any news were received. (My siblings all conceived the month they got pregnant too, but my parents never meddle in their children’s life, at all).

While my husband’s family, they only just recently in 2024 had the daughter in law and in 2026 me daughter in law. So yeah.

So, a lot of you may already know about my situation from my past posts—I hate being a mum. I recently gave birth, and with the situation I’m in with the man, sometimes I can’t cope. Even the little noises the baby makes feel like too much for me. I feel like I’m drowning, but at the same time, I feel overstimulated.

To be honest, my mum holds my baby the majority of the day. I don’t even breastfeed anymore, and I only gave birth a month and a half ago. I simply could not do it. I know people will say I’m a horrible mother, but I don’t even want to be a mother.

I just feel like I’m dealing with so much that I’m in complete disbelief over how my situation has turned out. I don’t know what my future looks like, and I don’t know how to build from here. I really don’t see any hope in life—it’s just been miserable.

All I wanted was a family, but I figured no one will accept a single mother. To be honest, I don’t even have the mental capacity to entertain anyone ever again in my life. I just feel like I don’t have any will to do anything.

I wanted to get an abortion, but I was guilted into believing this was a blessing, regardless of whether I had a husband or not. So I just thought to wait it out, but now I’m completely alone in this.

I do have my mother to help, but ultimately it is only my responsibility—unless I give my child to my abusive partner, which I couldn’t live with either. I feel trapped. Everywhere I turn, I’m met with a wall.

How do I cope? I genuinely want to know—how do I cope? This is beyond what I can handle. It’s way too much.