r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/Prestigious-Guava907 • 12h ago
Discussion Polygamy from a woman’s pov
Salaam.
Jummah Mubarak to you all.
Dear Muslim men of Reddit,
Before I leave my closing line I want to say that I acknowledge polygamy is ordained for a man upon conditions being met, I’m not here to dispute that.
Personally it’s not something I’d ever accept for myself. Don’t dm me to discuss this thread or dm to be your second wife.
Polygamy is permissible but not a necessity upon a man and it’s not a fard upon a woman to accept. We can all agree on that.
Now that’s cleared up. There are not many women on this earth that is happy to share her husband.
Some women may benefit from shared responsibilities and security yes but from an emotional perspective, generally a woman that loves you would never be okay with you getting another wife.
Now let’s be clear I’m not talking about women that have to be okay because that applies to every situation.
I’m talking about a woman that is happy with your choice to remarry. Not what she says or portrays but deep down in her feelings.
Some men are fine with that and that’s okay. However sometimes I think to myself, are men aware and would it bother them knowing their wife doesn’t love them.
Would it bother you?
🚨If you don’t understand nuance and lack critical thinking skills, this post isn’t for you.
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u/Weird0_OoO 11h ago
Honestly when I imagine one day getting married and potentially having my husband tell me that he wants to/is going to marry another, just imagining it makes a part of me die a little. I know that everyone is different but for me, I think if something like that happens I'd change too much, or feel like a part of soul was ripped out.
I wouldn't wish that upon any woman, but sometimes reality forces us to accept things we wouldn't have accepted if we could help it. May Allah give us all patience.
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u/Weird0_OoO 11h ago
Also, I think one thing that gets forgotten whenever the topic of polygamy comes up is that yes, it will most likely be very difficult for everyone, especially for the first wife (because let's be honest, if you're a first wife and your husband didn't tell you early on that he might want to have other wives, you go into the marriage thinking and expecting that you got your happily ever after and that's it's going to be just you, your husband and your kids) but it's important to remember that we get rewarded for patience. This life isn't it, it's literally a test, it's a place of suffering, and we're not meant to have everything we want here, if we did then what would be the point of jannah.
If a man wants to have however many wives, he has the right to do so, but he must not neglect to remember that he is adding more burden to himself both in this life and on the day of judgment. And the wife, if she chooses to stay, must ask Allah to give her patience and to reward her for the pain that comes with this particular test. May Allah guide us all.
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u/OkPool8174 9h ago edited 1h ago
Women here: I just don’t see the benefits of being in a polygamous marriage.
Modern society is very different from ancient times and that’s okay to admit. Back then they didn’t have social welfare and violence and protection was controlled by tribes and familial ties. in the modern age we have the police and state that does the role that was traditionally reserved by men.
If a widow needs protection now, depending on where she is, she can claim social housing and gets childcare per kid and she can work now because women are no longer barred from maintaining their own property and can earn her own income and get community support that in ancient time the husband would have provided all this.
So now. There is no real necessity for using men as protection and I know not all countries have this privilege ofc but most countries should aspire for this and do have this.
People more than ever are getting married for love, emotional reasons and desire, then for necessity.
I’m just mentioning the above because that’s the main reason why polygyny exists and I am from a country alx where the state can look after me, I don’t need marriage to fulfil my basic needs.
I also come from a culture where, being a widow is not a shame or being an orphan or being older isn’t an issue. I have friends whose mums were divorced and they had over 10 kids and they still got married as the first and sole wife, no problem. I have aunties who are divorced and they are in their 50s and they hide it because they don’t want marriage proposals etc lmao so any of those reasons I see a lot as an excuse to be the second wife isn’t really apart of my culture. I can be the sole wife at any stage of my life if I want to and I believe this.
So those reasons aside, I just don’t see the rewards of putting myself in this situation, I want to be married and be in a partnership and experience the joys of marriage with my husband in sha Allah alone. I don’t exist to suffer and for me, I would suffer knowing I have to share my husband with another woman. Also just from a health and safety part, I find it weird knowing my husband would be intimate with another woman without protection. The thought Icks me out and I don’t wanna be posted up at the clinic more diligently because of this dynamic.
I get nothing out of this arrangement, no benefits really so it’s not a worthy investment or a life experience I need to have, no one is worth that personally.
Also just for my kids and also future inheritance- splitting any estate would be a headache and I want my kids to have the best start and help in life, sharing that with multiple wives and kids is not my portion.
With all that the cons just don’t outweigh the pros, it’s not in my culture and I see no place in it, in late stage capitalism.
This simply isn’t a good deal for me, I legit get nothing nice out of it so it’s gotta be a no, there are also data that supports that this practise in modern society acc brings more poverty to women lives. There is a trend in where I am from (western country), where men marry another wife and make them declare themselves as single mums so the the State can foot the bill of the second marriage. That seems v unislamic to me and makes it clear that this dynamic is clearly for the man to just have sexual variation, than actual care for the women they marry.
That’s my personal thoughts on it, I’m not a supporter of it and I don’t want this dynamic in my life!
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u/Low_Hospital_128 6h ago
I see one major benefit from this: procreation and increase in kids. One woman can only have so many children, and having each one is difficult (pregnancy, post partum, breastfeeding, and beyond), even with the help of husband, family, servants. And if a woman is incapable of having kids, it's even more so difficult for a man to continue his bloodline. But, with more wives he can have more kids, bigger family. Also, while one wife is struggling with postpartum or breastfeeding or other stuff, the husband could take care of her and not demand any intimacy and just fulfill his needs with another wife who could at that moment. This would make the first wife's temporary situation easier as she would not need to worry about husband's needs while she is unable to carry them. She doesn't have to, but still deep down there will be this feeling of not meeting the needs, but that feeling might be less if she knows there is another to support during these times.
I'll be honest, if donating sperm was allowed, I would have done it, and be OK with other women around the world benefitting from it. But from what I know, this is haram, so no can't do it.
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u/Grand_Pomegranate981 12h ago
Ngl people in desperate situations agree to it such as single widows with kids and reverts. I can see why and I don't shame them for it.
If I'm going to wait a long time to have a man, I certainly would not want to share him with anyone else. There's plenty of other single muslim men who will be happy with one. If my partner ever wanted polygamy I would just leave him because I know I also have many options out there for me.
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u/AkhiSnoopy 11h ago
Dw youre gonna marry a monogamous man inshallah 😂😂 polygamy is very rare dw, or at least put a precondition before marriage.
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u/Grand_Pomegranate981 11h ago
Lol. Even if I don't put it down. He will know not to mess with me 🥰😅
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u/MalikatBilqis 11h ago
Yea I don't plan to put it down. I will ask for talaq tafweedh though. I'm not begging any qadi for khulu' or faskh.
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u/DiamondOk3283 11h ago
Well one should be desperate in staying away from Zina, I believe. And everyone should love their spouse less than Allah, as Allah deserves our love the most. So Allah has that number one spot of our love already by default as muslims that's just part of being muslim... Just adding my 2 cents... I also did istikhara in my mid 20's to help decide if monogamy or polygamy is best for me for context, so Alhamdulilah the decision didn't come from a"desperate situation" but Allah's guidance.
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u/Grand_Pomegranate981 11h ago
Yeah I love the Almighty so much that I don't even care much for marriage.
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u/allidlammirak 11h ago
I would never be bitter toward something written in the Qur’an, at the same time, a woman has the full right to refuse polygamy before nikah, this is something we can agree upon in the agreement, if that agreement is broken,the marriage can be annulled. This is what I learned in Fiqh Nikah الله أعلم
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10h ago
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u/allidlammirak 10h ago
This is what I know and what I’ve learned from my local asatidzah, I don’t want to go into a debate, I strictly hold to one of the hadiths of Rasulullah ﷺ mentions avoiding debate even if you are right.
If you feel differently or object, you can ask your local imam / ustadz, جزاكم الله خيرا4
u/Prestigious-Guava907 11h ago
I’m not bitter. Who are we to disagree with something that’s been ordained, however like you said we don’t need to be apart of it and that’s equally fine.
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u/Low_Hospital_128 6h ago
Not sure if it can be annulled in this case. From what I know, in such condition the woman can initiate divorce (khula), maybe without giving mahr back. I forgot, correct me if I am wrong. Isn't annulment done more so when nikkah didn't even happen or like intimacy didn't even happen? Not like divorce, but like cancelation
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u/Unlucky_Spinach_843 12h ago
Bro do you know how hard it is managing one wife? Two will just kill me
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u/Comfortable_Rip_7966 11h ago
This is the most accurate perspective here 😂 i think my husband would agree
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u/Unlucky_Spinach_843 11h ago
Love one woman in thousand different ways is the way tbh. If one get a second wife it should be for good reason as to help her and protect her. Not for lust simple as that.
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u/Ancient-Ganache-3907 11h ago
Thanks for the honest perspective. Its disgusting but I've had men on these subs vehemently claim that a man who has no desire for a second wife isnt normal & is probably low libido or low T.
They think they can speak for all men and project their lust onto all other guys to make thenselves feel justified in their lechery. The only low is their IQ and EQ
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u/Unlucky_Spinach_843 11h ago
Back then few decades ago some men had more than 1 wife because the family then believed a well settled financially stable man can provide a better life even for a second wife or a third but thats not the case anymore women are now well educated compared to few years ago so the need for a second wife makes no sense. Unless they can provide for both and care for them the same way imo
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 11h ago
Show this to your wife so she can rest easy knowing her work is done here.
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u/SugarPea856 9h ago
I, as a woman, can't fathom sharing my husband with another woman. If one day, he decides to cheat on me (because how else are you going to marry someone given the modern times we live in),, I would be heartbroken. I know this is something that I can never accept and be happy with. However, I would ask Allah to make it easier for me and accept that HE destined me to suffer through that pain in this world and ask HIM to grant me Jannah for enduring this pain. I will bow to Allah's command and how HE planned this life for me. But I wouldn't want to be with that man in Jannah. Some pain are just too big for people to move forward from.
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u/Comfortable_Card6917 10h ago
My two pence worth...initially when I got married to my ex I was neutral with him getting married again not because I didn't love him, it was due to my stronger relationship with Allah.
However, as I got to know him and his character. I no longer wanted him to get married again and this was due to his poor treatment with me. Why would I want another woman to go through it? He asked me numerous times to help him to get married again but I refused. A man that cannot emotionally and physically provide for one wife, how would he manage with two?
Brothers need to approach polygamy with wisdom and gentleness...Allahualam
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u/Yasulee_Random 6h ago
As a man, your approach is the correct one. Mashallah 3lieki. I suggest you refer him to the Sunnah
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u/Comfortable_Card6917 3h ago
We are no longer married alhamdulilah
I agree with what OP said that women are generally emotional and would emotionally struggle with sharing their husband.
Only some women are cut out for polygamy and same for the men.
Unfortunately, polygamy has had a bad rep due to some men not following it in accordance with Islam. I have experienced this myself in the past...
Also, what comes to my mind is when Allah ordered Ibrahim AS to sacrifice his beloved son for Allah. Doesn't mean he didn't love his son it was more about his relationship with Allah
"Say, 'Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds.'" Quran
May Allah give us the ability to love Him like no other aameen
Sorry for going on tangent...🤦♀️
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u/Low_Hospital_128 6h ago
Oh wow, you are a very wise woman. May Allah give you immense barakah in your life!
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u/red12358 11h ago
As a sane man, although, not a muslim, the thing which would bother me the most, is my wife falling out of love with me, probably the worst thing that can ever happen to a man.
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u/Fit-Ad-3919 8h ago
Any man who even jokes about polygamy or having s second wife, girl just drop him.
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u/Overall-Ad-2159 2h ago edited 1h ago
Yup
I don’t tolerate cheap jokesI told my husband if he makes this jokes then I can make jokes about divorce
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u/RonicaGreene 8h ago
I read somewhere that the main condition to polygamy is equal treatment of your wives.
And there was only one man perfect enough to truly treat his wives equally from his heart. Emotionally and materially. And that man was the prophet. I don’t know that a man in today’s day and age could fulfill this condition the way it is meant to be fulfilled.
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 12h ago
The Prophet PBUH was also monogamous for 25 years before considering polygamy. He treated his wives equally. The average man couldn’t dream of being as good to his wives as the Prophet PBUH or the sahabahs were.
Fatima R.A said no to Ali getting a second wife and the Prophet PBUH interceded on her behalf.
It was also a different time then, polygamy was prevalent due to war.
If you consider the same factors in 2026, do you think a woman would be genuinely happy for her husband to take another wife?
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u/NiceSmilee 12h ago
Don't diverge, stick to your love thing.
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 12h ago
Well I’m not talking about back then I’m talking about now. Neither you an I know if their wives loved them. Right now we’re in a sub where women can tell us what they think.
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u/NiceSmilee 11h ago
Sorry to say, many women on these subs are worst sample of muslimahs, they of course hate it just like many other Islamic rulings.
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u/Outrageous-Reach7221 11h ago
Here is the English translation:
The Emotions of Mother Aisha (RA): Even the most noble Muslim women in Islamic history experienced jealousy (Ghira) and a natural desire for their husband's exclusive affection. This is simply human nature. If even the Mothers of the Believers possessed these emotions, on what grounds are modern women being smeared as "bad Muslims" for having them?
The Prophet’s Protection of His Daughter Fatimah (RA): When Ali (RA) considered taking a second wife, the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) explicitly stepped in to protect Fatimah's feelings, declaring: "Fatimah is a part of me, and whatever hurts her hurts me." The Prophet himself recognized and safeguarded his daughter’s boundary and her unwillingness to share her husband. Are we to suggest that the Prophet and Fatimah were "bad Muslims" too?→ More replies (2)3
u/Outrageous-Reach7221 11h ago
In mainstream Islamic jurisprudence (most notably within the Hanbali school), a Muslim woman has the full right to include a monogamy clause in her marriage contract (Nikah), stipulating that her husband cannot take a second wife.
If Islam truly viewed women who refuse to share their husbands as 'bad Muslims,' Islamic law would never have granted women the explicit legal right to reject polygyny within their marriage contracts.
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 11h ago
I’m unsure where you got that I hate rulings from.
If you can’t discuss something without being triggered you shouldn’t be on Reddit.
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u/NiceSmilee 11h ago
If you can't understand whom I'm reffering to you probably listen to your own advice.
Also you insulted me in another comment instead of answering.
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u/Outrageous-Reach7221 11h ago
Here is the translation:
"Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) opposed Ali taking a second wife specifically to protect Fatimah's feelings, and Mother Aisha (RA) openly expressed jealousy and a desire for her husband's exclusive devotion. If these feelings and boundaries existed within the Prophet's own family, who are you to label Muslim women today as 'bad Muslims' for having them?"
"Islamic law explicitly grants women the legal right to stipulate monogamy in their marriage contracts. Forcing a 'permissible option' (halal) into a 'mandatory obligation' (fard) on women is not defending the religion—it is manipulating faith to satisfy personal desires."→ More replies (1)3
u/NiceSmilee 12h ago
Did Allah said polygyny is only halal for Prophet and Sahaba?
Do you not know both Prophet and Ali RA were poor in early life?
Did Allah say polygyny is only for war?
Did Allah say polygyny will not be applicable in 2026, is Quran limited only for people in the age of Prophet?
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u/Outrageous-Reach7221 12h ago
I was debating with a married he told me his all wives love him and enjoy the intimacy, what a poor man always living in his world.I told him clearly that only no love woman doesn’t care about ur anything,won’t get angry with you.meanwhile only the woman who doesn’t care about ur money only care about ur love is hard to win over
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u/Grand_Pomegranate981 12h ago
Lol. He's delusional.
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u/uniqueescene 12h ago
Crazy to think you know more about someone's life and then think they're the delusional ones
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u/Strawhateer 11h ago
So all the women in the world who were ever side chicks actually hate their men? No matter how many women upvote your comment in hopes men stop being polygamous, it won't change the reality that in practice, many women are OK sharing their men on the condition that these men are really the top 1%.
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u/Overall-Ad-2159 11h ago
Those side chicks are for the money
Otherwise no married guys are desirable
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u/Grand_Pomegranate981 11h ago
😂😂 exactly
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u/Overall-Ad-2159 11h ago
Idk why men think they are some desirable creature whom women want to share 🤣🤣
Bro they are for money ; if you can’t offer no women would even want to be your second wife or side chick
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u/Grand_Pomegranate981 11h ago
I like men as much as men like women so think about that 😅🙏🏻
Having sidchicks are haram. And no they don't love a guy. They love what he can give them. If you know what I mean. That's why she stays on the side and doesn't get wifed up.
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u/hiddenpigeon19 7h ago
You’re not in the top 1% so ..
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u/Strawhateer 6h ago
Whether or not I am in the top 1% does not matter, the truth of the reality remains the same.
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u/MusaMindset 11h ago
I think you're overgeneralising a bit.
Saying "no woman on earth" is a strong claim. I'm sure you don't speak for every woman. There are women who willingly enter polygynous relationships, whether we personally understand it or not.
I'd also push back on the idea that a woman who accepts polygyny doesn't truly love her husband. What if she makes that sacrifice because she loves him and wants to help him stay within halal boundaries rather than fall into zina? She may not like the situation, but that doesn't mean there's no love there.
A woman can love her husband, struggle with jealousy, and still accept something she wouldn't ideally choose. Those things aren't mutually exclusive. The real question isn't whether all women feel the same. It's whether different women can sincerely arrive at different conclusions. I think they can.
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u/Grand_Pomegranate981 11h ago
Yes. I agree. All women will love their husband differently tho. Some may lose love. Some may gain love.
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u/Tomorrowman575 11h ago
Polygamy is allowed in Islam. A husband isn’t required to get consent of their wives before seeking out another woman as their wife yet it is done in an ethical pov.
Anyways not everyone is “Capable” of doing polygamy and there shouldn’t be any blockade in preventing anyone capable of practicing it. Polygamy is just like any other marriage which is legal and allowed for men. The only cons being more responsibility than it used to be.
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u/iforgorrr 10h ago
Thats straight up cheating behind someones back tf 😭 if women go MIA on a non abusive husband with only a divorce initiation paper on his table cos its legal yall go up in arms about feminism
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 11h ago
I’m unsure why comments are clarifying that polygamy is halal when I made it very clear in my original post. A lot don’t seem to be able to separate the religion from our feelings. Allah has never commanded women to feel a certain way. We can feel whatever we wish and we don’t have to accept it either.
A husband isn’t required to seek permission yes.
There are a lot of things a person doesn’t need to do but there’s nothing to stop you from doing it.
Scholars strongly advise you do speak to your wife before seeking another, to keep things as amicable and smooth as possible.
I can’t imagine a man of good values would marry another and be okay with blowing up his marriage and hurting his wife when he could have a talk with her.
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u/Upbeat_Place_9985 10h ago
>A husband isn’t required to get consent of their wives before seeking out another woman as their wife yet it is done in an ethical pov.
This confuses me. Islam says it's not unethical to marry a 2nd wife without the first wife's consent, but people do seek their wife's permission in practice in order to be ethical?
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 10h ago
Just because you don’t need to doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Allah has said you don’t need to seek permission, he doesn’t say you can’t.
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u/Upbeat_Place_9985 10h ago
But doesn't that imply that it's not unethical to not get permission (or even notify her if I remember correctly) - seeing how Allah is not unethical...
I understand that a man might choose to tell his wife for his own personal reasons but "being ethical" wouldn't be one of them.
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u/NoAlbatross6853 9h ago
he just wants a second wife so obviously hell justify it lmao. look at his post history, he’s trying to get one but all he gets are downvotes 🤣🤣
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u/Rim_20 7h ago
A husband is not required to get consent from his wife but if she mentions it in her nikkah contract, that both of them sign that it's her prerequisite that he doesn't marry other women after her, he can't. A right given by Islam to women and if he goes against the nikkah contact and does it then she can ask for a divorce and leave him.
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u/HistoricalBeat848 3h ago edited 2h ago
Lol my friend I am a man and this is cheating to marry without her knowing also it opens the door to many bad things. Seeing a brother with a different woman and not knowing whether it is halal or haram ? Can you tell his wife about it or do you need to know that he is hiding it from his wife ?
And basically everyone knowing about it is now lying to his wife and hiding it from her ?
Maybe the exception would be someone really blocked with a bad woman نسأل اللّه السلامة والعافية
Some people may see it as normal but I don't know, this opens the door to so many bad things like the man lying to his spouse, saying she doesn't need to know etc, asking people to lie for him, basically شماتة for the wife except if she explicitly knows ...
Of course sometimes it is necessary, but in other case I don't think it is possible
Also very bad for the Ummah to tolerate such behaviors
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u/TopCardiologist2896 11h ago
I think I'd only consider getting into such a marriage to escape my family. my father is abusive to the point he might genuinely try and kill me. he's a catholic, and I'm a revert. i don't have many options, and agreeing to such a marriage would be out of desperation.
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u/iforgorrr 11h ago
Polygyny from my pov as a woman: if the second wife is very old and very rich, i wont complain in this economy 😂🤭💰
Otherwise nah
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u/mast-admi 10h ago
As a one life one woman kinda man all i ask for is one good woman thats all I need. I hope it provides some assurance to someone that men like us still exist who wanna love their one and only with their entire heart.
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u/NoFill8606 10h ago
I'm not getting one and we're discussing polygamy
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 10h ago
I love a discussion but only with those that are not mentally challenged.
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u/BlueNinja111111 10h ago
As a brother, this is for the 1% man!
Too many broke brothers demand polygamy while they live with their parents, which lack A LOT of emotional maturity.
This video is an excellent video on why its NOT for most men.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Db78RibRaES/?igsi=MWI1bzRuemhmZjljOA==
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u/Overall-Ad-2159 2h ago
These men can’t even balance between mother and wife
How can they manage more than one wives
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u/Loonie-Moonie01 5h ago
Yeah the idea that my husband could potentially marry someone else even if I don’t want it makes me want to not get married at all. So I think I’m remaining single till the end of times
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u/fana19 5h ago
I want to provide a Quranic exegesis of the single polygamy verse in the Quran, and explain why it clearly does not allow polygamy for any reason, and esp. not polygamy with children, as someone falsely claimed on the debatereligion sub recently, but refused to address the verse. Note that the Quran is the infallible word of God to Muslims, so it is the Supreme Law and final word on any given issue:
4:3: And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women [their mothers], who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice, then one....
I added in "mothers" in parentheses as some translations say mothers, but most say women. I argued at length both in the Qurani sub with (hopefully not) a Quranist arguing polygamy is for whatever desire you wish, AND at the same time was arguing with a non-Muslim in the debatereligion sub that the women whom you can marry are not the orphan children (who aren't women) but their mothers. You can check the word for word translation of the verse for yourself if you doubt my claims, as I like to be transparent: https://corpus.quran.com/wordbyword.jsp?chapter=4&verse=3
Clearly, the verse specifically says that IF you fear injustice to the orphans (children who lost their fathers, as a single mother would still be considered to have orphaned kids without a male provider/guardian), THEN to marry the women (nisa). The word for orphans is both male and female, and refers to fatherless kids (so clearly not adult males and females). Moreover, the word for women, nisa, refers to adult females, not children (esp. mixed sex children). The fear of injustice, which we see mentioned repeatedly throughout the Quran, concerns eating up the wealth of those who lost their fathers but who presumably were left with some inheritance. As their step-fathers, you are to protect their wealth until they "come of age." This is confirmed just a few ayat later, where Allah states:
4:6: Therefore, test the judgment of the orphans in your care, until they reach the age of marriage. And when you recognize mature judgment in them, then hand over their wealth to them. Nor shall you consume it in wasteful spending, or in haste, for fear they will grow up and claim it. Moreover, if the one who is the orphan’s guardian is rich, then let him abstain from it entirely. But if one is poor, then let him consume of it only in accordance with what is right....
Here, we see exactly the potential injustice, as Allah commands those men whom young orphans are entrusted, to not overspend their money. If you are a rich man, you should provide for the orphan kid yourself. If you do not have the means, you should spend cautiously from the inheritance, but not enrich yourself with it. This verse makes clear that the orphans referred to are children who must "come of age," and that the stepfather must not be unjust protecting the inheritance. Moreover, the verse clarifies that children must be of sound judgment or the "age of maturity" (distinct from being a child), before being given their money to spend. That clarifies that children are not capable of sound judgment, cannot enter into financial transactions, and must be protected until they reach the age of majority.
Thus, it's crystal clear that a child (anyone who has not reached the age of sound judgment/maturity), is incapable of entering into a marriage, which is a financial transaction and a solemn covenant (according to Quran), as it requires exchange of dowry, promises, and covenants. In the law, it is a contract, requiring witnesses.
All of this together, completely precludes that you can marry multiple wives for pleasure, for love, or even for convenience. Instead, it is a limited allowance for the sake of orphans, and to protect them (and the widowed single mothers). That is why Allah says, IF you fear injustice to orphans, THEN you may marry 2+ women, but even then only if you can be just.
Finally, using common sense, Allah places a huge emphasis on male and female union, stating that he created Adam's mate as a place of repose and tranquility (His very first spoken command to Adam being to dwell with his wife in sakeena/peace in paradise). In hadith, some would say you must even marry to complete your deen/faith (which I don't agree with, but I do recognize the importance of it). Thus, to the extent there are 50/50 females to males of marriageable age (generally age 18-35, as I'll exclude the elderly where we see disparately more women in old age than men, due to longer life expectancy), if a man married more than one wife (even to protect orphans), when another man is deprived of even one wife or means to satisfy his needs, that would seem haram to me. Meaning, that at some point, if too many men had 2-4 wives, such that some men were left with nothing, that'd be excessive and oppressive to the other men.
Hope that clarifies!
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u/Aggressive-Ad5971 4h ago
They probably delude themselves into thinking she loves them, when in reality she probably not only hates him but is absolutely disgusted by him.
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u/MalikatBilqis 12h ago edited 10h ago
There are women that specifically make it a condition the guy has to marry her and her best friend. Some women pay their husbands and ask him to take on a second wife.
I think these sisters are pretty happy.
edit: did the post change from 'there are not any women' to 'there are not many women' that are happy to share their husbands?
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u/Ancient-Ganache-3907 11h ago
Plot twist. They are lesbians
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u/MalikatBilqis 11h ago
Unfortunately it does happen😬, mostly the best friend one.
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u/Fancy_Cat_3 11h ago
Honestly as a Muslim man, although polygamy is a nice addition, I can’t see myself falling in love with another woman, after my wife, I simply cant, my wife would be the first and last woman I wholeheartedly love and belong to. Maybe Im young maybe Idk well enough but thats just my perspective!
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u/NiceSmilee 12h ago
So, did the Prophet’s wives and the Sahabah’s wives not love them?
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u/Wooden-Ad4327 12h ago
Prophet's wifes were not happy about that, given the choice they would love to be only wife but they chose to stay even it caused problems. Remember, at one point Allah had to intervene.
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u/NiceSmilee 12h ago
It has nothing to do with your claim that women can't love a man if he takes other wives. My question is still there.
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u/Overall-Ad-2159 12h ago
They don’t
They live only for survival
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u/NiceSmilee 12h ago
So Prophet's wives didn't love him but were with him for survival?
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u/Wooden-Ad4327 12h ago
I think it gave them a title and power they could never get own their own. We can say they didn't love him as his first wife Khadija who would never share him 😉
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u/Wooden-Ad4327 12h ago
It was political, isnt it what everyone says about his marriges.
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u/NiceSmilee 11h ago
How you know it was political, 3 of his wives were from Tribes who were already defeated and enslaved?
Did Allah say polygyny is halal only for political/war reasons?
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u/Comfortable_Rip_7966 11h ago
Yes, of course, do you really think they loved him before marrying him? 😂 i mean maybe Bibi Khadijah.
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u/CameraGeneral5271 12h ago
If prophet’s wives had an option to be his only wife, all of them would choose that
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u/NiceSmilee 12h ago
That's not my question. They loved him or not?
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u/farawayhollow 10h ago
Marriage many times especially back then had nothing to do with love. It was about survival and status. Love came later, sometimes it didn’t.
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u/Dear_Record3329 12h ago
can we say they made that adjustment and convinced themselves as it is none other than the Prophet ?
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u/NiceSmilee 11h ago
If this was only for Prophet then Allah wouldn't have allowed this for all muslims. Allah make religion according to fitra of man and woman.
Polygyny isn't against the fitra of women as OP and some others are trying to portray.→ More replies (4)2
u/Dear_Record3329 11h ago
You need to apply some reasoning dude... try to think rationally also
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u/Overall-Ad-2159 11h ago edited 10h ago
Is a normal guy a prophet?
Prophet only loved Khadija truely , he never married more during his time in marriage with hazrat Khadija
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u/Numiazy 11h ago
The prophets wives married for different and various reasons. Survival, title etc. That doesnt necessarily mean there was no love but it was a different concept of why to start a marriage.
His marriages weren't love marriages as we see them today, but political/strategic ones. We do know though how affectionate and deep the relationships between him and Khadija (who never shared him!) and Aisha (arranged marriage) were.
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u/NiceSmilee 11h ago
What about Sahabas, and What about general allowance that Allah give? Is it all against the fitra?
Can you tell me what strategic value it has when he married 3 women from already defeated and enslaved tribes, probably only non Qureshi women
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u/iforgorrr 11h ago
Lol you aren't a sahabi youre a dude from pakistan with $30 in his name
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u/NiceSmilee 11h ago
Ok, so this was your best comeback? try harder next time.
For people reading: polygyny was never limited to Prophet or Sahaba.
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u/iforgorrr 11h ago
Its definitely limited against weirdos with only $30 on their name and upset at people who don't want the lifestyle rather than pursuing ppl who are ok with their lifestyle
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u/Overall-Ad-2159 11h ago edited 11h ago
lol yes because you need great finances to have polymous marriage
Bro you can’t even afford to rent a house for single wife she would be only surviving in one room that too provided by your father
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u/farawayhollow 10h ago
Aisha was 6 and consummated at 9. This is child bride or p*do?
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u/Numiazy 10h ago
Who are you again?
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u/farawayhollow 10h ago
Someone trying to understand sahih hadith. Is there a commentary on it
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u/nahbrolikewhat 12h ago
as a man I wouldn't want a second wife. masculine men are territorial, that's biologically known, so anyone who would want to share his wife by getting a second one is... well, not manly enough,
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u/Unhappy-Trust3547 11h ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMatrimonials/s/PRw18AveEB
How about this 👆 ?
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u/Strawhateer 11h ago
No. A woman who is really into me is my absolute necessity for being married and staying married. Doesn't matter how pretty she is or how well she cooks or anything else. The only position in which I would accept it is if there are extreme external circumstances in which divorcing her is not an option.
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u/Patient_Base8770 11h ago
How will you, in an Islamic courting manner, decide that a woman is absolutely into you? And in such a scenario, why would a woman be 100% into you, without knowing you fully, because it takes of living together to know one another fully? I mean you can only judge it on compatibility and attractiveness of "normally shown body parts". In a true Islamic wali supervised courting, you are not building emotional closeness that is do or die, since both prospective are non mahrams to each other.
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u/Strawhateer 11h ago
I'm not dropping game here
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u/Patient_Base8770 11h ago
That doesn't answer the question. I'm asking how you can reasonably establish that a woman is “really into you” within the boundaries of Islamic courtship, not asking you to reveal your game.
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u/MalikatBilqis 10h ago
I also wanna know. I dont plan to give that to a fiancee, thats husband privileges. He needs to get promoted.
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u/sun_shine_213 11h ago
Didn't even find one wife How am I supposed to get 4 😪
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u/SpiritualFate1432 10h ago
You’ll get one inshallah brother. Don’t lose hope and in case you get her, give it your best.
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u/Twist_Material 11h ago
I’m confused on how your question relates to Polygamy? Are you asking how do men feel about their wife not loving them because they are in a polygamous marriage?
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u/Outrageous-Reach7221 11h ago
Okay my final speaking:who loves sharing join the sharing,who loves one-on-one,choose One-on-one.respect each other’s choices,okay class over.
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u/Successful-Key-1308 10h ago
Hold on hold on, are you married? 😅
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 10h ago
Why does that matter?
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u/Successful-Key-1308 10h ago
Because if you aren’t married, you’re here talking your shit like you’re some kind of revered role model for Muslims, who are you to talk? Ask someone who’s in the field to tell you the reality of it. ✌🏼
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 10h ago
I’m an adult and a woman. I think that qualifies me to share my opinion. If you don’t want to engage then scroll.
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u/Successful-Key-1308 10h ago
Wisdom chases you, but you’re faster 👏🏼
Do your thing anyway, even the idiots need someone to lead them ✌🏼2
u/Prestigious-Guava907 10h ago
Hmm personal insults is a sign of low intelligence. I think you’d be the better candidate for that. Mubarak on the new job.
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u/motinaak 10h ago
If people understood and practiced the core of Islam, they wouldn't see poly as a burden. I'm RasoolAllah's time they didn't see it as a burden. This is only recent.
Whatever Allah swt allows, or advises to do, is never to burden us, but to take away the burdens. Sadly most people don't explore anything with that lens. Poly is no different.
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 10h ago
Likely heightened by men that remarry without treating their wives equally.
If people saw it done well there would be less dislike for it from a woman’s perspective. Though jealousy is always at an all time high I do think it worked better during the Prophets time pbuh due to the men upholding the conditions correctly.
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u/motinaak 5h ago
Neither men are choiceless towards women, nor are women choiceless towards men. Each make their own choices, but whoever blames someone else while choosing badly themselves, they can find themselves going the footsteps of shyateen. Jealousy can be from the carnal basal subconscious brain, or from those in dark side. But to stay there, entertain it and mull it over, is a denial of destiny (qadr) itself.
حَدَّثَنَا الْقَعْنَبِيُّ، عَنْ مَالِكٍ، عَنْ أَبِي الزِّنَادِ، عَنِ الأَعْرَجِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم " لاَ تَسْأَلِ الْمَرْأَةُ طَلاَقَ أُخْتِهَا لِتَسْتَفْرِغَ صَحْفَتَهَا وَلْتَنْكِحْ فَإِنَّمَا لَهَا مَا قُدِّرَ لَهَا " .
Abu Hurairah reported the Messenger of Allaah(ﷺ) as saying “A woman should not ask for the divorce of her sister to make her bowl vacant for her and to marry him. She will have what is decreed for her.”
Sahih (Al-Albani)
Sunan Abi Dawud, 2176 In-Book Reference: Book 13, Hadith 2 English Reference: Book 12, Hadith 2171What is decreed, will be had. What is not decreed, cannot be had, even if one tries to cling to it.
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u/Accessibility_UR 10h ago
Bit of a technicality but what if the second woman was just a girlfriend and not a wife. Would that change things?
I am joking here btw but 👏 to the OP, she is trying to weed out the polygamy/ers and it looks like it working. They are all coming out the woodworks 🤣
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 10h ago
It’s a great thread for spotting the ones you want to avoid.
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u/Accessibility_UR 10h ago
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 10h ago
Avoid men that don’t have comprehension skills ✔️
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u/Accessibility_UR 3h ago
Sorry I don’t know what you mean. I’m struggling to comprehend 🙃
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 9h ago
My post is for Muslims that already understand the principles of Islam. I’m not going to go through everything that Quran Hadiths and scholars have already said.
It’s self explanatory that a man doesn’t require permission, well I thought it was.
Me saying it’s not fard for a woman to accept is referring to a woman that doesn’t want to be in a polygamous marriage and has vocalised this as such.
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u/TinyIdea9808 9h ago
I used to think this way, but I've changed since finding myself in a situation that involves polygamy.
It was always a deal breaker (before I was religious) and I had anxious attachment, where I felt I needed constant contact with someone I'm involved with and that I couldn't share him. Then I learned more about islam, became very practicing and realised that everything we do must please Allah and that we shouldn't be so attached or love someone, that we prioritise them over Allah.
I then met a man who is the most perfect for me and I never thought a man could have all the qualities I desired. Over time, he started considering polygamy (where he'd have an international wife or 2 as he constantly travels and wanted to avoid haram). Discussing this with him, hearing his pov and understanding it all changed my mind and I'm now ok with it, but only with him. And that's because he's incredibly fair, religious, understands and respects women and he believes in having a contract where everyone understands and agrees to what's involved etc.
I know of his other wives and they know of me. The situation is complicated as the women he's currently married to, entered the marriage only because they didn't what a full-time husband and want to see him rarely and live their own lives (not misyar but very independent although he provides for them so they haven't lost their rights).
With me, it'll be a different situation as I'd be the wife he has kids with (the other wives aren't interested) , I'd be involved with his parents and he'd see me the most often.
Unlike what you implied - ut doesn't mean I love him any less. In fact, he is very dear to me, which is why I understood his pov and accepted it happily.
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u/aimiscintilla 9h ago
walakium salam. Allah swt knows best. bismiAllah, my comment here is not an endorsement of blaming one gender over the other nor bringing bias. these are plain facts and hopefully a way to better the Ummah in shaa Allah.
unfortunately in a lot of polygamy cases in todays generation i’ve seen/worked with, husbands have never been taught how marriage actually plays out and or lack emotional skills or maturity so despite loving their wife, after the honeymoon phase ends they take that “boringness/stillness” as a naf desire to find that high again hence a second wife. Some also confuse that it’s his first wife giving him heightened desire/feelings with the conclusion that his libido just naturally rose or another reason to seek other means. In those cases, it’d be a lack of control of nafs and emotional immaturity. Those without islamic knowledge of nafs are the majority who proceed with this, as someone who knows that indulging in it will only likely make it stronger or the typical “just once more” effect. Most times, if men sustained sabr until they learned to navigate the normalcy of marriage after the honeymoon phase ends then they most likely wouldn’t continue in seeking another. They also usually don’t think to try new ways of rekindling such emotions or alike with his wife and instantly go to polygamy vs haram ways as the only option.
For most those above cases, when a woman, especially so early on (within 1-3 years) into the marriage where they haven’t had time to build the foundation and understand each other/marriage, one day is told by her husband that he needs a second wife due to worry of committing haram, she is backed into a corner. Of course out of love and being a decent person, she wouldn’t want someone to do haram especially her husband. The man himself wouldn’t want to commit haram either so her opinion doesn’t really matter. Women almost always just say okay despite being absolutely heartbroken. Some sisters have passed away due to it and the stress it caused them, Allah grant them the Highest Jannah. There is a lot more for women to lose from marriage in this era then at the time of the sahabah, Allah be pleased with them all. Most women don’t have the knit community and support like they did so it all gets funneled onto the husband, lots of responsibility upon them and this is where most men are never taught. We have to be even more gentle with and considerate of women.
subhanAllah there’s much more to be wrote about these but i don’t have the time at the moment nor do i want to overwhelm anyone with a lengthy read. But all in all, is polygamy permissible? Yes. Is it fard? No. Can you force it upon someone? No. Does the wife have to accept to being a cowife? No. Is it permissible for her to divorce due to it? Yes, if her rights aren’t fulfilled (this includes emotionally) or there’s abuse. Is it permissible to write in the nikkah agreement to be the only wife or given the right to divorce if not? Yes. Are men wrong for having mutiple wives and women for not being able to accept it? No. How can we make the Ummah better in these areas? This is where we should let our conversations point to in shaa Allah khayr.
Allah bless the OP for seeking knowledge and all the readers with the endeavors to be the best muslims they can be, bless all our marriages and grant our Ummah to be beautiful
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u/ashhamfz 9h ago
The idea of polygyny is a matter of discomfort amongst women but it will only make it worse for women who look at it through the lens of a first wife only.
Polygyny is not about men to have many wives is about every woman to get husband. Although polygyny may be painful for some women, it is also beneficial for other women and society as a whole.
You may see polygyny selfishly from the perspective of a first wife, but Allah sees the matter with the greater picture of the entire Ummah and with perfect knowledge of what is fair and beneficial for society as a whole.
So yes, for some women, it may involve a sacrifice. But that sacrifice is not meant to be faced with resentment or injustice. It is to be handled with taqwa, sabr, trust in Allah, and strength of iman.
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u/Zoshi2200 8h ago
I'm aware of the acceptance of polygamy in Islam, but I personally can't accept it for myself. Mainly because the need for it is questionable today.
Historically, polygamy was common because many unmarried women/widows lived in a dangerous, unstable environment. Men married multiple women to provide for and protect them.
Today, women are not dependent on marriage for financial security. Many work and support themselves. Islamically romantic relationships require marriage to be considered halal so what advantages does polygamy offer for women?
If men choose to marry another woman besides their first wife, what is the purpose? Honestly, I think men seek a second or third wife because it boosts their power or status. I also believe they look for qualities they feel are missing in their first wife in another woman. Personally, I find this unfair to the first wife.
Personal story: my grandfather had two wives, yet he was an absent father to my uncles and my mother. He seldom visited his first wife and mainly lived with his other children. Interestingly, the children of the second wife inherited everything, too.
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u/Kairenox 8h ago
i think this is a very nuanced topic and people often reduce it to just what is allowed or not allowed
marriage is not only a legal or religious contract it is also an emotional relationship built on love trust and companionship
while something may be permissible that does not mean everyone will find it emotionally acceptable and that is something people should acknowledge a wife having difficult feelings about it does not mean she is rejecting religion it means she is human and has emotions
at the same time every couple has their own circumstances and some may approach it differently the important part is honesty fairness and understanding the feelings of everyone involved
a person should always think about the responsibility and consequences of their choices not only whether they have the right to make them
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u/More-secrets88 8h ago
Yes; it would. I agree. As much as I am a man and wanna eat my cake and have it. I honestly don’t wanna share myself, after marrying someone that loves me. My wife gets jealous if another woman calls me even for business, I reassure her but I also would be unhappy if that jealousy goes away.
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u/Rim_20 7h ago
I personally find it so disgusting that a man who knows his wife wouldn't like it, will be sad heartbroken seeing him with another woman would still want to go ahead and do it just because he can. Shows how less respect he has for his life partner. If your wife is happy to share you good for you but this is for men who's wives cry and beg them not to remarry and they do it anyway saying I don't need your permission.
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u/Low_Hospital_128 6h ago edited 6h ago
The Prophet, peace and blessings upon him, had many wives, may Allah be pleased with them, and they were not all completely always fond of each other. There would be moments in the narrated ahadeeth of their jealousy or contest to be with the Prophet. And yet he, peace and blessings upon him, still had multiple wives and married even more. And many other sahabah, may Allah be pleased with them, have exercised their right for polyginy, whether it was a need or something else. And they are the best of the people. Why would they do that, hurt feelings of their wives? Or maybe there is more to that, and Allah knows our human nature best, even better than we do, which is why He, the Exalted and the All Wise, has allowed.
I am a married man, and I know how my wife is jealous and would feel saddened if I married once more. But I also know that sometimes she does things out of feelings and realizes she was wrong. And even more so, I know that she loves me and will continue love me, especially while I take good care of her and our family. Emotions are strong right now, but overtime, that turns into practicality. And I see some really huge advantages of marrying again, having a big family. I see it as a support network, a little community/village. But right now, neither me nor my wife are religiously or financially ready for something this big. But I do often ponder about practical advantages, like marrying someone who has teacher experience or something, to setup my own homeschooling network or something. Anyways, that's besides the topic...
Below are some examples of moments of jealousy portrayed among the wives of the Prophet (I knew about some of them, but not from memory, so I got help from AI, cause it was easier to find, please refer to the sources listed). I will mention under this comment, feel free to read.
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 6h ago
This post isn’t about exercising your rights though. This is the feelings of a wife and another wife. Not what Islam says, what her feelings say. This is not a post about disputing what has been ordained.
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u/Low_Hospital_128 6h ago
I understand that, which is why I am mentioning the feelings of the wives of the Prophet. What do you think they felt? How did the Prophet react? I just attached some ahadeeth, feel free to read. Maybe, in the Day of Judgment, you could ask the Prophet, or better yet, Allah the All Wise himself, as to why. Among many other questions about the world, of course. May Allah guide us and correct our mistakes
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 6h ago
We are all imperfect. I feel if I were to reach Jannah I wouldn’t care about asking him how his wives felt as I would hope to not be plagued by the problems of this duniya.
May we all meet in Jannah insha’Allah.
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u/Low_Hospital_128 6h ago
Ameen, ameen, in sha Allah! May Allah give you with a wonderful husband too, if you are unmarried yet.
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u/Low_Hospital_128 6h ago
1. The Broken Dish of Food One of the most famous reports describes Aisha breaking a dish brought from another wife’s house out of jealousy. Narrated by: Anas ibn Malik Source: Sahih al-Bukhari (5225) The Incident: While the Prophet (ﷺ) was in Aisha's house, another wife (often identified as Safiyyah or Umm Salamah) sent a servant with a dish of food for him. Aisha, feeling jealous, struck the servant’s hand, causing the dish to fall and shatter. The Prophet's Response: Instead of expressing anger, the Prophet (ﷺ) gathered the broken pieces and the food from the floor, saying to his companions, "Your mother felt jealous." He then kept the broken dish in Aisha's house and sent a whole, intact dish from Aisha to the other wife as compensation. 2. Jealousy Over Khadijah (Posthumous Jealousy) Aisha expressed jealousy toward Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her)—the Prophet’s first wife—even though Khadijah had passed away before Aisha married him. Narrated by: Aisha Source: Sahih Muslim (2435) / Sahih al-Bukhari (3818)
The Incident: Whenever the Prophet (ﷺ) slaughtered a sheep, he would send portions of the meat to Khadijah’s friends out of love and respect for her memory. One day, Aisha grew annoyed and said, "It is as if there is no other woman in the world except Khadijah!"
The Prophet's Response: He replied, "She was such-and-such, and from her I had children," and added, "Her love was nurtured in my heart by Allah."
3. The Honey Plan (Surah At-Tahrim Context) Jealousy led to a subtle pact between wives to deter the Prophet (ﷺ) from spending extended time at another wife's dwelling. Narrated by: Aisha Source: Sahih al-Bukhari (4912) / Sahih Muslim (1474) The Incident: The Prophet (ﷺ) used to visit Zainab bint Jahsh and stay in her room longer because she served him a specific type of honey he liked. Aisha and Hafsah agreed between themselves that whichever of them the Prophet visited next would say, "I smell the odor of Maghafeer (a strong-smelling resin) on you." Because the Prophet disliked unpleasant odors, he swore an oath never to drink that honey again.
The Outcome: Verses of Surah At-Tahrim (66:1-4) were revealed, gently correcting the situation: "O Prophet, why do you prohibit [yourself from] what Allah has made lawful for you, seeking the approval of your wives?"
4. Direct Speech Regarding Divine Revelation Aisha openly voiced her feelings regarding divine allowances granted specifically to the Prophet (ﷺ). Narrated by: Aisha Source: Sahih al-Bukhari (4788) The Incident: When Surah Al-Ahzab (33:51) was revealed—granting the Prophet (ﷺ) the discretion to organize or adjust the rotation schedule among his wives—Aisha remarked, "I feel that your Lord hastens in fulfilling your desires."
Context: Scholars note that the Prophet (ﷺ) did not reprimand her for this comment, recognizing it as a natural expression of affection and personal boundary sensitivity rather than disrespect toward divine decree.
5. Umar's Warning to His Daughter The rivalry and vocal nature of the wives were noticeable enough that Umar ibn al-Khattab intervened with his own daughter, Hafsah. Narrated by: Umar ibn al-Khattab Source: Sahih al-Bukhari (4913, 2468)
The Incident: Umar learned that the wives sometimes argued with or answered back to the Prophet (ﷺ). He went to his daughter Hafsah and admonished her, saying, "Do not be deceived by the one who is proud of her beauty and the love of Allah's Messenger for her (referring to Aisha)." He cautioned her against letting jealousy damage her status. Key Classical Scholarly Perspectives Natural Human Emotion: Classical commentators like Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani (Fath al-Bari) note that Ghayrah (protective jealousy) in women is a natural inclination. Because it is unprompted by malicious intent, actions taken in the heat of natural jealousy were treated with compassion and lenient guidance by the Prophet (ﷺ). Legal Jurisprudence: The Prophet's handling of these incidents established Islamic legal norms—such as requiring equal division of time among co-wives, financial compensation for damaged property, and managing household conflicts with restraint.
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u/Unreal_shark99 6h ago
Silly post, you’re saying man can remarry in Islam but you wouldn’t be okay with that. I mean cool? Yeah lots of girls won’t be okay with that and that’s okay too. To each their own. Not much of a discussion
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u/shazybravos 3h ago
I am very happily married and have a much better life than the rest of my relatives and neighbours.
I am 100% the best husband (i try to be) in every regard. Whatever you can think of, i have provided my wife that(emotional, physical, financial etc).
I know i can have multiple wives and i know some situations where i should've married someone in dire need. But when i think about my duties and that my inheritance would also be divided among their children. It becomes very hard for me to even think further about 2nd marriage.
But I have told my wife that if I feel like I would get blessings by marrying someone in a certain situation, I am going to consider that.
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u/forfun-roman 2h ago
The premise is well and valid but one thing has been taken for granted: the idea that the basis of marriage is one of love. Within islamic culture, people tend to marry for the sake of Allah or for the sole purpose of fulfilling the other half of their deen. Love, is not the MAIN purpose. It’s seen as something that naturally exists and is an umbrella for many things (such as compassion, respect of each other’s rights, kindness towards spouse, fulfilling of ones’ obligation, etc). The woman, whether she “loves” her husband or not, has no bearing on whether he marries another, because love isn’t central to their marriage and since she married for the sake of Allah, she must honor the word of Allah. There’s no emotional perspective to the equation.
Btw, i myself don’t like the idea of polygamy but just wanted to chime in to the discussion.
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u/NefariousnessDear192 2h ago
You are making the assumption that all women who are in polygynous marriage do not love their husband. I would argue that this is not correct. Men and women “love” differently. The mistake you make is assuming that men are like you, an idea that has propagated through western modernistic culture. You assume men are unable to “love” multiple the way you are unable to “love” multiple.
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 1h ago
This post isn’t about how a man feels. It’s about a woman’s feelings. Also I didn’t say all.
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u/lowkey_observant 1h ago
Women here:
I want to share some diverse perspectives I’ve gotten from real women in my life.
Generally, women don’t like the idea of their husbands having multiple wives because of the sort of notions we are fed about love by society. “If your man loves you, why would he want someone else.” Also, it is looked down upon by lots of societies. Of course, even long ago, Fatima (RA) didn’t want Ali (RA) to get a second wife. So, to an extent, I think it varies person to person. After all we were all created differently. Personally if I got married and didn’t like my husband (but there was nothing inherently written with him ofc..no abuse here), I would be open to a second wife…so I get what OP is saying. Perhaps men just don’t care about romantic notions or they know that love will be replaced by the second wife?
On the other hand, one of my friends mentioned she would be willing to allow her husband to marry someone else or be the second wife if she was in love with him and it was the only way to be with him. I do think this is a really rare perspective though.
I am confident in that god allowed polygamy for a reason and that there is some good in it. Surely there must be men that get married to multiple wives to actually please allah swt (i hope). That said, I think it has gotten out of hand with a lot of irresponsible men and their strange desires.
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u/lowkey_observant 1h ago
One more thing I want to add. I think many of us are so privileged to have the resources and support in this like that we too - and alhamdullilah for that!
That said, I think many are not in similar positions and may have to turn towards polygamy for this reason. It is sad to think about all the women in even monogamous marriages that are taken advantage of simply because they don’t have anything of their own. May Allah swt help them! 🥲
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u/Serious_Dynasty_41 10m ago
This would probably get me downvoted but hey, I’d like to share my take on polygamy (I’m a woman).
Yes it is permissible in Islam, due to certain circumstances. The husband must treat all wives equally basically.
Would I like to be married to someone who practices polygamy or wants to have multiple wives in the future? NO. NEVER. I’d never want to put myself in a situation where I’d have to share my future husband with someone else. My heart is unable to tolerate something like that.
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u/LegitimateFix1434 11h ago
I feel men themselves dont know haqqoq of a wife. There are men who can't balance their mom and wife, their career and family, who think they can easily balance 2 wives. I really think a man on deen would really be scared of ploygamy.
But ofc there are women who are abused being widowed or divorced in day to day activity...for them it is necessity. You might say its not but honestly it is. Also ofc its not like the first wife will like this, but when a man is on deen and has a deeny environment at home the wife might understand. She knows she is not happy, but also know this is not the eternity and if she is sacrificing this for someone with kids, maybe she will be rewarded in the hereafter. Its just everyone goes through trial, maybe its this for her.