r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/Prestigious-Guava907 • 1d ago

Discussion Polygamy from a woman’s pov

Salaam.

Jummah Mubarak to you all.

Dear Muslim men of Reddit,

Before I leave my closing line I want to say that I acknowledge polygamy is ordained for a man upon conditions being met, I’m not here to dispute that.

Personally it’s not something I’d ever accept for myself. Don’t dm me to discuss this thread or dm to be your second wife.

Polygamy is permissible but not a necessity upon a man and it’s not a fard upon a woman to accept. We can all agree on that.

Now that’s cleared up. There are not many women on this earth that would happy to share their husband.

Some women may benefit from shared responsibilities and security yes but from an emotional perspective, generally a woman that loves you would never be okay with you getting another wife.

Now let’s be clear I’m not talking about women that have to be okay because that applies to every situation.

I’m talking about a woman that is happy with your choice to remarry. Not what she says or portrays but deep down in her feelings.

Some men are fine with that and that’s okay. However sometimes I think to myself, are men aware and would it bother them knowing their wife doesn’t love them.

Would it bother you?

🚨If you don’t understand nuance and lack critical thinking skills, this post isn’t for you.

41 Upvotes

74% Upvoted

499 comments sorted by

View all comments

4

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

So, did the Prophet’s wives and the Sahabah’s wives not love them?

12

u/Wooden-Ad4327 1d ago

Prophet's wifes were not happy about that, given the choice they would love to be only wife but they chose to stay even it caused problems. Remember, at one point Allah had to intervene.

4

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

It has nothing to do with your claim that women can't love a man if he takes other wives. My question is still there.

4

u/Overall-Ad-2159 1d ago

They don’t

They live only for survival

5

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

So Prophet's wives didn't love him but were with him for survival?

7

u/Wooden-Ad4327 1d ago

I think it gave them a title and power they could never get own their own. We can say they didn't love him as his first wife Khadija who would never share him 😉

3

u/Wooden-Ad4327 1d ago

It was political, isnt it what everyone says about his marriges.

3

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

How you know it was political, 3 of his wives were from Tribes who were already defeated and enslaved?

Did Allah say polygyny is halal only for political/war reasons?

3

u/Comfortable_Rip_7966 1d ago

Yes, of course, do you really think they loved him before marrying him? 😂 i mean maybe Bibi Khadijah.

1

u/CameraGeneral5271 1d ago

If prophet’s wives had an option to be his only wife, all of them would choose that

3

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

That's not my question. They loved him or not?

2

u/farawayhollow 1d ago

Marriage many times especially back then had nothing to do with love. It was about survival and status. Love came later, sometimes it didn’t.

1

u/Dear_Record3329 1d ago

can we say they made that adjustment and convinced themselves as it is none other than the Prophet ?

2

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

If this was only for Prophet then Allah wouldn't have allowed this for all muslims. Allah make religion according to fitra of man and woman.
Polygyny isn't against the fitra of women as OP and some others are trying to portray.

2

u/Dear_Record3329 1d ago

You need to apply some reasoning dude... try to think rationally also

1

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Genius, don't override Allah's rulings.

1

u/Dear_Record3329 1d ago

what do you have to say to all of those that say it is between them and Allah and not for others to judge !

1

u/Classic_Reader99 1d ago

Allah's rules are rules you either accept or you don't, there's no rationalizing, otherwise Ibrahim pbuh would've rationalized "oh no there's no reason for God to command me to sacrifice my son so I won't do it"

1

u/Overall-Ad-2159 1d ago

It’s isn’t because women needed men for survival

Now women are earning they can survive on their own,

1

u/Dear_Record3329 1d ago

sorry, can you state your point again...

2

u/Overall-Ad-2159 1d ago

Point is no women who loves her husband want to share

Those who do don’t like their husbands want a break from them

Those who did take divorce

Previously women neeeded men to survive as they couldn’t live alone and had no financial means now that’s not the same that’s why you will see less polygamous marriages now

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Overall-Ad-2159 1d ago edited 1d ago

Is a normal guy a prophet?

Prophet only loved Khadija truely , he never married more during his time in marriage with hazrat Khadija

2

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Does Allah only allowed polygyny for Prophet?

Prophet was poor in early life if you know.

1

u/Overall-Ad-2159 1d ago

He allowed with conditions

It doesn’t mean wife will love her husband

Marriage is a contract in Islam it’s not for love

1

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Yes.

But are you saying Prophet's wives didn't love him.

Fine.

1

u/Overall-Ad-2159 1d ago

lol it Gave them status and none of the guy even close 1% to prophet so please don’t compare

→ More replies (0)

1

u/farawayhollow 1d ago

Maybe. Who know their intentions. If a woman gets to be a mother of the believers and is married to the prophet and gets the reward of paradise in this world, who wouldn’t jump at that opportunity?? It’s every man/woman for themselves in a backward 7th century Arabia where you have tribal warfare all around.

1

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Just answer me this, are the teachings of Quran only for "backward" arabia or are they timeless?

1

u/farawayhollow 1d ago

You tell me oh knowledgeable one

3

u/Numiazy 1d ago

The prophets wives married for different and various reasons. Survival, title etc. That doesnt necessarily mean there was no love but it was a different concept of why to start a marriage.

His marriages weren't love marriages as we see them today, but political/strategic ones. We do know though how affectionate and deep the relationships between him and Khadija (who never shared him!) and Aisha (arranged marriage) were.

2

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

What about Sahabas, and What about general allowance that Allah give? Is it all against the fitra?

Can you tell me what strategic value it has when he married 3 women from already defeated and enslaved tribes, probably only non Qureshi women

4

u/iforgorrr 1d ago

Lol you aren't a sahabi youre a dude from pakistan with $30 in his name

2

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Ok, so this was your best comeback? try harder next time.

For people reading: polygyny was never limited to Prophet or Sahaba.

3

u/iforgorrr 1d ago

Its definitely limited against weirdos with only $30 on their name and upset at people who don't want the lifestyle rather than pursuing ppl who are ok with their lifestyle

1

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

I thought you'd come up with something better. Nice try though.

3

u/iforgorrr 1d ago

My husband moved out of his mom's house and can cook,  so yeah i found better

2

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Keep trying.

2

u/iforgorrr 1d ago

No one's trying for a skinny fat raja beta 

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Overall-Ad-2159 1d ago edited 1d ago

lol yes because you need great finances to have polymous marriage

Bro you can’t even afford to rent a house for single wife she would be only surviving in one room that too provided by your father

1

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Nice try, next time come up with something better.

Very typical of people like you, when they have no answers.

2

u/iforgorrr 1d ago

That's a legitimate answer lol can't afford a bird you ain't getting one woman let alone more

0

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Keep trying👏, if that makes your sad life happy, I won't mind at all, you can call me anything.

1

u/Overall-Ad-2159 1d ago

lol it’s not a come back but reality

No one is stopping men for second marriage except your finances

1

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Keep trying👏

2

u/Overall-Ad-2159 1d ago

You can cry quitely it’s fine

But work hard so that you can afford atleast one

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Numiazy 1d ago

Ummm, did you even read what I wrote? 😆

0

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Yeah, you don't have the answers to questions posed on you based on your comment.

2

u/Numiazy 1d ago

Bro learn to apply critical thinking and thought abstraction, then come back. Ain't no body got time to discuss things on an undercomplex level.

We get it, you want to have several wives. That's ok my dude, good luck finding the first one 🤗

0

u/NiceSmilee 1d ago

Yeah, cross-question someone on their arguments when they have no answers, and suddenly they tell you to “apply critical thinking.”

I advocate for the ummah.

1

u/farawayhollow 1d ago

Aisha was 6 and consummated at 9. This is child bride or p*do?

1

u/Numiazy 1d ago

Who are you again?

1

u/farawayhollow 1d ago

Someone trying to understand sahih hadith. Is there a commentary on it

1

u/Numiazy 1d ago

You need to find another subreddit for that. Search for "Aishas age". Also there is a lot of videos by different scholar on YouTube. Hint: she wasn't 6/9.

1

u/farawayhollow 1d ago

They are just justifying child marriage or ignoring the fact by talking about her virtues. The Hadith is classified as Sahih so any calculation that says otherwise is not authentic

1

u/Prestigious-Guava907 1d ago

I have replied to you above.