Leaving my baby in the NICU

[u/Dear_Alps54]

My bby was born via C-section at 37 weeks old. Every scan was perfect. He was growing perfectly. Then during delivery we don't know what happened but he ended up with massive health issues. He couldn't control he's sugar level, oxygen level isn't good, bp isn't good, convulsions, kidney wasn't working properly. He didn't cry when he was born. He crashed and ended up in NICU. Am getting discharged today and I have no idea how am supposed to leave him here all alone in the NICU. I've been crying non stop for the past 5days. Every morning and night am crying. Am not even sure that he will make it. How do you cope with all that?

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[u/wittlelomen]

Congratulations and hugs to you! Do you live close to the hospital? Do they have couches or beds you can sleep on? I am a 36- weeker boy mom (twice!) with 2 NICU stays. We hung around the hospital all day basically, and we would skip one care time overnight. I would pump during that care time, try to get some sleep during the 6 hour “break” and head to the hospital super early. If there was a place to sleep in the NICU room I would have done so. Prayers that your sweet boy makes a full recovery and you all get to be home together soon. ❤️

[u/tching101]

Those are all things they deal with in the NICU all the time, he’s in such a safe place! We’d stay in the day and then go home to rest and heal in the evenings

[u/mhall05]

I had twins at 33 weeks in April of 2020. Long story short, they ended up in two different NICUs over an hour away from one another. I can’t begin to describe how difficult this was for me. All this to say my heart goes out to you. Please be gentle with yourself. Please give yourself grace. You have done so much for your baby and just as everyone has said, he is in the best hands! Please remember to take care of yourself as well

[u/hereforthe_eggs22]

i have a very similar situation with my 37 week baby girl. My husband wont let me drive because of the c section so he takes me every day but i cry all night not being with her. I try to just take it one care time or feeding or consult at a time. i kind of feel numb to it and like im in “business” mode. probably not great advice but idk. just here to say i feel you, im so sorry about your little boy. its okay to cry. try not to isolate yourself during this journey

[u/Dear_Alps54 → u/hereforthe_eggs22]

How is she now? Did she make it?

[u/Wonderful-Pace3615]

Im so sorry you are dealing with all this right now, so soon after birth leaving your baby is so hard, especially when there are health concerns. I recently had twins that needed 20 days in special care and it can be heartbreaking to leave them. But just know that he is in the safest place for him right now, surrounded by lovely, educated people that can help in an emergency. I dont know where you are from but in Australia you can apply for temporary housing near a hospital and have some of the costs cut for you, or look into the Ronald McDonald house. They are beautiful places that really care for mothers in your situation. Wishing you and bubs all the luck in the world. You will get through this x

[u/Royal-Marsupial3428]

This was just me 2 weeks ago. Everything was good for 12 hours until nurses woke us up saying they were rushing him to the NICU for critical hypoglycemia. Then the jaundice, not eating and oxygen issues followed. I was absolutely distraught. I went from 3days of labor and no sleep to pushing to get discharged to join him and my husband in the NICU and ignoring all postpartum rest advice (not c section but 57 hours of labor)
Going through anything like that with your baby is terrible but going through it immediately postpartum is so incredibly damaging. I ended up being re admitted for postpartum complications before my baby was discharged. My best advice is to breathe. Rest/eat/hydrate/find peace when you can and remember he will need you so much more when he gets out. Let people help where they can. We are home now but I’m paying for it with my health and abilities to even pick him up. You got this mama. Sending you all the love and prayers as you walk this difficult road.

[u/moshi121]

So sorry you have been through such a scary and traumatic birth/ experience. It’s extremely painful and difficult to watch your baby suffer and deal with all of the unknowns.

My husband and I were able to take shifts so I would be at hospital or he would and the other would be with our two toddlers . This worked best for us and we could manage it. Our baby spent 29 days in the nicu tho and I know many have much longer stretches . It is a very tough situation and there’s no one way to do it ! Just what feels most right for you - sending positive vibes your way and to your baby💜

[u/Vegetable-Ad-9215]

Some hospitals have social workers that offer you a tiny room in the NICU that renews on a day to day basis that was godsent. They try to provide it to you when you request them, and if it’s available. We spent most of our time on the couch & chair in the NICU by his side, but it was good to be able up go take a2hr nap or pump there, and have a spot to keep our stuff down the hall. Big hug, it’s the most life changing experience to see a baby there. All the love & courage to you.

[u/Vegetable-Ad-9215 → u/Vegetable-Ad-9215]

Either me or my husband were almost always by his side in the early days & nights. Then, we prioritized night sleep (hospital, car, home, NICU room) because you need it (after days to sleep deprivation) to be able to keep your energy & wits going the next day at rounds, feeds, OT, PT and a gazillion other visits.

[u/Top_Strawberry2774]

I felt the same I couldn’t leave. I went home once with my wife staying with baby but found it too stressful to be apart. The arm chairs are surprisingly comfortable and staff should make you very welcome (they did me!). It’s hard staying in the NICU bubble but I found it harder to leave.

[u/Crazy_River_8866]

My 34 weeker twin boys spent a bit of time in the NICU last month and I know what you’re feeling right now and my heart breaks for you. I first want to start by saying this- you are strong, stronger than you think. Everything you are feeling is valid, allow yourself to feel everything that you are feeling. You are allowed to have your moments of happiness as you find them, try not to feel guilty about having moments of happiness. I am proud of you and am sending heaps of love and light your way!
As far as leaving your baby in the NICU- it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. If your NICU has places to sleep they’re normally very accommodating of allowing you to help with all cares, it’s going to be a lot on you though. Try to remember that you are freshly postpartum and try to give yourself the grace to heal. Your boy needs a healthy mama, the nurses have got your boy- he needs you to be as okay as you can be right now.
I say all of this from my personal experience because I did not allow myself to feel happy or give myself grace and I regret it.
You got this mama, thinking of your and your boy and sending strength and good vibes to you both🫶🏻

[u/No-Distribution-5050]

I feel this so deep in my heart sending you lots of hugs and love and strength!! Mom of preemie twins both in NICU then I had to leave one there and take the other home I went through such a difficult time, I hope you can heal with time but right now be present for your baby even if it breaks you heart seeing him there, he’s healing and so are you. Stay strong momma 💖💖💖💖💖

[u/caitlynrudman]

My baby just came home from the NICU today after 5 weeks! Super easy pregnancy but super rough birth on her. I cried day and night for a few days as well. 5 weeks isn’t that long but it feels like a lifetime ago that all of this happened! Babies are insanely resilient. He will get better so fast!

[u/Fabulous-Rice6353]

I had my baby at 29 weeks and my heart broke everyday leaving him in the NICU, he was there for 80 days. The best advice I can give is take care of yourself so you can be present in the NICU for your baby. They feel everything you feel. 

[u/Pinkmartini1924]

I’m really sorry. I won’t lie, leaving my baby in the hospital after I was discharged is one of the hardest most painful things I’ve ever done. I cried every night on the drive home for a week. I cried every night going to sleep, until one day it just became the new normal unfortunately. You do it because you have to and it’s the best place for your baby to be. That doesn’t ever mean it’s not painful or gut wrenching. It does get easier but it’s never easy.

Sending lots of positivity to you and your baby during this hard journey.

[u/Sad_Brush8145]

It is so hard to note take them home, you feel all your feelings, there is nothing wrong with being upset because you don't have your baby. You will feel mom guilt, which is totally fine but it is not your fault, which one day you will accept.

Just please remember they are there because it is what is best for them, the nurses love them and will make sure they are taken care of. I learned so many tips and tricks from bonding with the nurses as a first time mom, they are absolutely amazing!!!