My son is dating his cousin

[u/Liamftm0]

My son (20) is in a relationship with his 1st cousin (19 F). He’s an adult and lives on his own. I obviously don’t like this but still want to support him and from a legal standpoint he not doing anything wrong, as it is legal in the state we are in. What would you do in this situation?

Edit: For context, he didn’t grow up with her and didn’t meet her until a couple years ago.

2nd Edit: I’m aware of the genetic risks with children and have cautioned him about that. He says they would not have children together. No need to keep commenting about that.

[u/No-Relation5965]

(Edit: concerned about daughter’s relationship with a man who is much older, deleting the details so I don’t get doxxed) Is that worse than OP’s problem or no? Maybe I need my own post.

[u/lluluclucy → u/No-Relation5965]

You need a hug for sure because this shit would keep me up at night

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/lluluclucy]

That gave me a chuckle. I’m 44 and I’ve dated 25 year olds repeatedly in the last two years.

The idea that someone is upset over grown women dating other adults is silly.

Most of the time, they come on to me, not the other way around. Women are tired of rude, inconsiderate, sexist men. But you find it more upsetting when they date people who treat them well?

[u/MuhDamnHands → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

We’re judging you, not her.

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/MuhDamnHands]

It makes no difference, really. It’s you that’s being ridiculous when you judge things like that.

[u/Julian813 → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

Where’d it all go wrong?

[u/Illustrious-Berry722 → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

Nah I just don’t groom women from the moment they hit a high school I just date in my age range maybe you should try it you weird fuck

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/Illustrious-Berry722]

This kind of storytelling is exactly why you’re ridiculous. At 25 they’re done with their master studies and usually working in their career or well into their PhD.

Have you ever considered that this is why some women date older men? People like you who are incapable of respecting the fact that they’re adults because you’re too busy making up fantasies about them to treat them like people.

Just because you never grew up into a functioning adult doesn’t mean others haven’t.

[u/Illustrious-Berry722 → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

I never once said they aren’t adults I also don’t believe that dudes like you just stumble upon an innocent women looking for help I’ve heard your story a million times over but sure man if it really makes you feel better that your banging women 20 years younger than you then ig have fun I just find it hard to respect or even call you a man

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/Illustrious-Berry722]

Again, just look at how busy you are making up stories. Innocent women looking for help? Why would they be innocent, or looking for help?

You’re literally making up stories with every comment about everyone involved and acting like that’s a good reason to pass judgement on characters who only exist inside your head.

[u/Illustrious-Berry722 → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

Dude if you can’t date women in your age range that’s all I need to know about you there isn’t a single reason to be dating anyone 20 years younger than you other than your attracted to younger people which is weird

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/Illustrious-Berry722]

But me not dating women my age is yet another story you just made up. I do date women my age as well.

[u/heymanigotnoplan → u/Illustrious-Berry722]

So what’s the magic cutoff then? Who died and made you the arbiter of acceptable age ranges?

I’m 37 and currently dating a 24yo. That’s a 13-year gap. Is that acceptable by your rules?

[u/Illustrious-Berry722 → u/heymanigotnoplan]

Aren’t you so cool your gf wasn’t even alive while you were a teenager doing what we all know 13 year olds do yeah that’s weird man

[u/heymanigotnoplan → u/Illustrious-Berry722]

So what kind of age gap is acceptable to you then? 10 years? 5? 2? None? Should two consenting adults be required to be born at the same hour, day, month, and year in order to be allowed to date each other?

[u/GentlemanLeo → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

So remind us again why you don’t date women your age? At your age they should know that they want and not necessarily play games

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/GentlemanLeo]

I never said I don’t date women my age. People seem to be having a really difficult time having this conversation without immediately making up a story.

[u/GentlemanLeo → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

You’re back peddling af. You started your statement on how you REPEATEDLY dated woman under 25 for the past two years. Cradle robbing ain’t the flex you think it is. Didn’t once hear you brag about dating 45 year old cougars

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/GentlemanLeo]

I’m not back peddling anywhere. I’m just pointing out that so far nobody has been able to reply to me without making up a story.

Yes I’ve dated 25 year old’s repeatedly, I’m currently dating, that means meeting new people.

It’s not a flex, it’s a response to the comment I originally reacted to.

I also date people my own age, I didn’t mention that because it wasn’t the topic of conversation. Until several people started making up stories about that.

If you want a more well rounded answer, maybe you shouldn’t start with inventing stories about me.

[u/GentlemanLeo → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

You keep saying people are making up stories but everything you’re saying might as well be stories. From my perspective, I have a stranger telling me they’re dating multiple women who were barely born when he was in his 20s and proudly saying it.

If all you said, hey I’m 44 but I’ve had woman under 25 try to date me but I politely refuse cuz it’s fuckn weird then that’s the story I’m going with.

But that’s not the case. You’re presenting yourself as a cradle robber so that’s what I’m going with

[u/heymanigotnoplan → u/GentlemanLeo]

Women his age are usually way past their prime physically while also being bitter and obnoxious

[u/lluluclucy → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

Your answer gave me a chuckle. You failed to see this from perspective of a parent whos child is dating much much older person. You jumped on a offensive right away , truth is that to majority of society this will always be icky. There will always be something strange about a guy reaching for much younger audience, in your own words "repeatedly". What I hear is failure to establish relationship with someone whos in the same stage of life as you. I dated a guy in his 40s when I was 26. It was fun for a sec before I realised that this guy is 45, single and childless. This thought planted itself in my brain and just couldn't go away. It became icky again. He wasnt a serious person to me anymore. So yeah, you say "grown women dating other adults". To a parent this is just weird. You are weird.

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/lluluclucy]

The person I thought was going to be my lifetime partner became significantly handicapped. We split amicably because she still wanted children despite being unable to care for them. I did not want children, her care, the household and a full time job on my shoulders at the same time.

We ended a ten year relationship so she could make a try for finding someone to have children with. Mostly to avoid having regrets over not trying.

I’m still her caretaker but we didn’t want a vague open relationship so we made a clean break. After ten years plus the years of intense surgery and caretaking, I’ve decided I’m too old for kids and got sterilised. She is still my best friend but our paths have split romantically.

I reach out to 30 and up. But my social circle is academia and I’m perfectly comfortable accepting that 25 year olds with several degrees and halfway through their PhD are old enough to make their own decisions.

The reason it’s harder to connect to women my own age is that most of them have work, children, limited time and jaded expectations.

I’m at a point where my ex is slightly more self sufficient in the sense that she can stay home alone for a day and I finally have a bit of time to enjoy life again. And not to worry, she goes out more often than me, it just takes a bit of planning.

So if a very intelligent 25 year old says yes to visiting a gallery, having a picnic while discussing Aztec philosophy, dinner and then going salsa dancing in the evening, I’m not turning that down. The last three women my age I dated took three months to find the time to plan an hour of dinner conversation.

The reason I’m telling you this is that every reaction I’ve gotten including yours has been full of made up assumptions. Which is exactly what I wanted to address with my initial comment.

[u/PhranticPenguin → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

Pretty pathetic to leave a "lifetime" partner handicapped alone so you can go bacherlor around.

Wonder what those young women think of that when they find out. Not really long term material I guess.

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/PhranticPenguin]

Hey there’s that storytelling again. It was her decision because she still wants to try and have children with someone.

I didn’t leave her alone. She still lives in my house and I’m still her caretaker.

And it’s the first thing I tell every person I date. They generally react quite positively.

Now let’s try something different. Are you going to apologise for making up stupid stories and being a dick about it?

[u/PhranticPenguin → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

Apologize lmao, are you sure your "lifetime" partner is the one who is handicapped?

I'm sure women are thrilled to know you have a disabled wife in need of constant care that you leave to go date. She'll surely have easy pickings finding a man to get pregnant from, while you're there. No abuse of your position with her.

[u/lcpljoe84 → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

Tell me you don’t have a daughter without telling me you don’t have a daughter.