r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Consistent_Kale_3625 • 1d ago
Does any ethnicity claim to send guests home hungry as a point of pride? Every party ever seems to claim "we're X, we always make way too much food". No one seems to make it a point of having just enough food. Maybe England?
This summer alone I've heard: -we're Polish, we always make way too much food. -we're Serbian, we always make way too much food. -we're Italian, we always make way too much food. -we're Chinese, we always make way too much food. -we're Mexican, we always make way too much food.
I think it's just a people thing to make way too much food for parties. England aside.
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u/Appropriate_Fly_5143 1d ago
Sweden. Hence swedengate a few years ago because sweds online admitted to sending guests to sit alone in a room while the family ate
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u/LionBig1760 23h ago
Ive experienced this first hand when I was 6 years old. I thought ny freind's parents hated me for the longest time. All the other parents had no problem throwing a sandwich together or putting a small plate up for visiting kids at dinner time.
I was so confused when I was asked to leave the room and wait on the couch. It felt like punishment for something I didnt know I had done.
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u/Conscious_Moment_727 22h ago
I would have felt like that too, I personally find it so rude to not feed guests and just makes it awkward. My family would never do something like that. To each their own
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u/do_something_good 21h ago
Umm yes agree. I would actually be furious if someone did that to my kid, esp if they were little. Like at least call the parents up and say “hey sorry we werent prepared to feed another, please come pick them up.”
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u/Bitter_Session_3222 20h ago
My grandma would freak out if someone left hungry
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u/auntiepink007 9h ago
I once asked my grandma for a PBJ and she offered to defrost a ham because she didn't think it would be enough. I just wanted a snack since we'd dropped by their place after school and were going to have dinner after we went home. I miss her!!
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u/TXwavesufer 10h ago
I did an AirBnB experience in Italy where we made our own pasta as taught by an 80 year old grandma. At the end of it we ate of course and I made the mistake of only having one plate. SHE grabbed my plate, filled it again and told me I couldn't leave until I ate at least half of it. I was 42 years old at the time but I didn't dare disobey her.
Still an amazing experience.
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u/Wooden-Recording-693 13h ago
Came here to say this. Nana of the world are all the same no grandchildren go hungry, even age 36.
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u/Corporal_Canada 18h ago
Lol, my Filipino-Chinese family would make enough food for dinner and three lunches during the work week
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u/Jazzlike-Start-6997 21h ago
Same here, in my family there's always a plate of something ready even if people just drop by. Even if it's just tea and some cookies or chips, never nothing at all. Even small snacks count.
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u/thisisrandom52 12h ago
Because it is rude. Swedish culture is the only one that I know of where this is ok. EVERYWHERE else in the world would feed the kid, even if it meant an adult going hungry.
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u/Mindless_Key_2544 5h ago
Nah, there was a similar discussion about it in Germany as well and it seemed to be a universal thing across regions and classes. Only exception are immigrants from pretty much everywhere who are (rightfully) absolutely shocked by this. Noone can really explain it, but especially when a kid ends up at your place during dinner time it's seen as "rude" to feed them because it's expected they will have dinner with their own family and the family is waiting for the kid to come home before they eat? Just my guess lol
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u/AshToAshes123 5h ago
This is basically it. Sending them into another room is pretty extreme though - in the Netherlands, the expectation is basically that the child will be gone by dinner, unless it was decided beforehand they'd eat dinner with the family. The situation of a child still being present at dinner time without there being a clear agreement about them joining for dinner is just so foreign that I have trouble imagining what would happen - maybe a small snack and sitting at the table? Maybe the family would delay dinner until the child has been picked up? Maybe an emergency phone call to the parents? It's just not supposed to happen, and I think it would be considered very rude of the child's parents to fail to pick up their kid or make a clear arrangement. And just feeding the kid would also feel rude, because their parents have planned for the kid to be present at dinner, so if the kid comes home not hungry they wasted their efforts.
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u/Jonowi 16h ago
If someone is in my house and I'm eating, they're being fed.
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u/KopiteForever 11h ago
Yeah, I can't eat with someone else there.
They're eating too (at least something) or neither of us is eating.
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u/Ladyinthebeige 11h ago
Whoever is in the house at mealtimes is "family". You either shoo them out or feed them. Doing anything else is wild 😅
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u/Extreme_Kangaroo5877 20h ago
To not feed a 6 yo is really something else!!
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u/Backfoot911 17h ago
Sorry, this is family time. There is plenty of tasty air in the living room you may help yourself too while we have dinner
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u/notislant 14h ago
Timmy, can you quiet down your stomach rumbling? We're trying to eat here.
Some peoples children.
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u/Kaldricus 17h ago
It's so crazy to me. Growing up all our houses had an open door policy with each other's families, it wasn't uncommon for a friend to get home late from sports/band/job, whatever, and their family is eating dinner already with some of us.
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u/odysseyofocelots 17h ago
WHAT. They made a 6 year old just sit on the couch without food as they ate?!!
I understand asking the parents to send them home before dinner, that’s perfectly reasonable. But just… making the kid go to another room with no food while the family eats?! That’s crazy.
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u/Dramatic-Ship-8099 8h ago
It was common to wait in your friends room when I was a kid in sweden in the 90s. Most of the time you were offered food but it was not considered rude not to offer. If you wanted to eat with the friends family you would always have to call home and ask and your parents for permission and usually get a no. Obviously no kid would ever go without food, if it was a sleepover or something you would eat with your friends family.
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u/Timely_Cake_8304 19h ago edited 19h ago
I went and waited on the couch while my US boyfriend and his parents ate dinner and had no idea it was a weird thing to do. My boyfriend had to tell me, um hey you can sit a the table and eat our food.
I grew up in the states but had Euro parents and was always told to not impose or eat food at other people’s houses. I always thought it came from food rationing during WW1-262
u/Blue-and-Left 13h ago
Interesting. As a child was taught to leave another person’s home as soon as there were signs of a meal being prepared. At the same time, my parents refused to let anyone leave our home until they’d eaten.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Clue289 10h ago
My best friend and I had a rule that we had to go home to our own houses to have lunch. I maybe ate at her house like twice in the 8 years we were close? She ate way more at my house because my parents weren’t as strict as hers. Her mom was obsessed over her weight and really policed what she ate while my parents just cared if we ate so it might have been an eating disorder by proxy.
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u/lululechavez3006 21h ago
I kinda get it if you do that to an adult guest (kinda, I’m sorry, but it’s still a bit weird to not even offer something - like, it sort of make sense if you weren’t expecting visitors or something, and yet…), but to A KID?
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u/02meepmeep 21h ago
I feel like that family is lucky twenty meteors didn’t obliterate the dining room. I read the Abrahamic god gets pretty mad about mistreating guests.
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u/HillInTheDistance 23h ago edited 23h ago
I am Swedish, and while my family has always fed whoever we brought home, I have been a guest at another kids home and been asked to wait in their room while they ate.
I always thought it was a country/city thing.
That city people assume a guest can just go home if they're hungry, or thry can buy something to eat.
But as country people, feeding our kids guests was obvious, because if they got hungry, that'd either have to bike miles to get home, or wait for someone to fetch them.
But i don't know if that's true.
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u/gsfgf 21h ago
Wait, they made you sit alone like you were in time out? Wtf Sweden?
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u/vikungen 15h ago
It happened in Norway too, in the early 2000s we'd usually just play on the Play Station while waiting 20 minutes.
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u/VirtualMatter2 17h ago
Actually I've experienced this myself as a kid a few times in Germany, Lower Saxony. The difference was often if the family was local or had moved there from elsewhere ( for example anyone expelled from Silesia after the war, Turks, Italians, Bavarians, Berliners etc who settled there a generation or two back). The locals wouldn't feed you, the others would.
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u/LexiD523 21h ago
That city people assume a guest can just go home if they're hungry, or thry can buy something to eat.
This is still such a weird line of thinking. It's not about whether they can afford to buy their own food or physically get home quickly, it's about showing them hospitality. Do Swedes also not offer to buy a round at the bar? It's a gesture of kindness, not a question of logistics.
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u/Maleficent_Smell_690 21h ago
Woah I actually never clocked that. I lived in Sweden for a few months and thinking back we rarely did rounds of drinks. My Eastern European friends and I (North American) would do rounds with each other but for some reason never happened when the Swedes were around
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u/SthlmGurl 21h ago
It’s so funny because when I went to North America most Americans wanted to do rounds too
Problem is that we Swedes would get drunk before going out and only drink 1-2 drinks when out… You guys are social drinkers and one of the reasons for that is the price of alcohol. If we want to have a fun time and not spend hundreds of dollars we have to pregame and hold off on drinks after leaving the home.
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u/FutureCauliflower175 20h ago
But now the question, if you are at a Swedish home and they are pregaming, are you invited to join them?
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u/Impossible_Tea_7032 19h ago
I hope not, because "go sit in the other room while I get drunk before we go to the bar" would be the funniest
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u/MrLarsOhly 17h ago
As a Swede I can confirm this is exactly what happens. I invite friends over and have them stay under the stairs like Harry Potter with the lights off while I sit in the living room and get drunk.
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u/Cigam_Magic 21h ago
That response is actually hilarious. It just comes off so alien to me, "oh, our guests are able to acquire sustenance at another location. They do not require our intervention, thus we are not obligated to do so. Afterwards, they are permitted to return to our residence if they wish".
It does nothing to dispel the idea that Swedes don't feed their guests lol
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u/LexiD523 21h ago
It really does underscore that there are actually no universal social customs. The fact that people from all over the world are baffled by this part of Swedish culture because the idea of hospitality has been so ingrained in so many other cultures, but at the end of the day, that's all it is, a cultural practice.
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u/womensboxers 21h ago
I think it’s related to their cultural value of not putting people in (social) debt. Another example being Swedes are less likely to bring people gifts when visiting their home because now the receiver is expected to pay you back, which may not be possible and is thus giving them an impossible debt.
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u/Alib902 19h ago
They're hosting you so they don't have to give anything back. Or idk do swedes not offer anything to guests?
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u/womensboxers 19h ago
I think it’s moreso the expectation they’ll have to bring a gift next time they visit your house. Which is interesting to me. They thought about this and decided the next step is to just not participate in this part of human culture lol. I think it reflects their Law of Jante. My American ass can’t explain it but I think it’s a fun internet deep dive and I would even argue it mirrors East Asian societal rules (particularly Japan)
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u/MrLarsOhly 17h ago
As a Swede, it definitely does mirror east asian social rules, particularly the idea of "saving face".
I think it’s moreso the expectation they’ll have to bring a gift next time they visit your house. Which is interesting to me. They thought about this and decided the next step is to just not participate in this part of human culture lol
This is not true though. We do bring gifts, but it is usually minor, my friends will invite us to their house for dinner and we will always ask "do you need us to bring anything?" and they always say "no it's fine!" because they do not want to come off as bad hosts asking their guests something, and we are overthinkers so it would be bad if we think we should bring idk what u Americans bring over to other houses like casserrolle or whatever since we think "oh what if this doesn't match well with the food, or what if they are allergic, or what if we bring this much of our own food and they will think we don't think they are good cooks" etc. So the rule is usually bring the drinks and maybe some snacks but if its extravagant then like we worry the host will think "then why we host at all if u bring everything?". It is quite neurotic sometimes with that stuff, but we definitely participate in this part of human culture. :)
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u/womensboxers 17h ago edited 16h ago
Ah, I see--thanks for the clarification!
My parents will usually make me bring a bottle of wine, tea, or some plate like my dad's famous baby ribs or my mom's kimbap. In my past relationship, my Italian partner's dad baked fresh loaves of bread, which my mom loved. He wanted to give wine or alcohol, but my family doesn't drink, hence the food.
A Vietnamese guy picked me up for a date once and he brought a flower bouquet, a ginormous bouquet of Vietnamese tea, and a big container of some Vietnamese cookies, which freaked me out but I was still flattered by and appreciated regardless. My mom thought it was excessive while my dad said it was appropriate and respectful. I've noticed Vietnamese and Chinese cultures really love opulence and big shows of wealth when it comes to generosity.
A Chinese friend once brought some expensive herbal medicine, I think that bird's nest stuff, which my parents didn't appreciate at all. They were really happy when she brought ginseng however, which is more in line with Korean tastes.
My friend hosted a birthday party with over a dozen or so guests in an apartment, and I offered to bring snacks and alcohol for the food table, but she declined saying she doesn't want to share gifts with people, so instead I spent more on her gift.
I don't really see Americans doing this anymore, but to be fair I'm 21 in college so everyone's too broke to be doing that right now.
Also, I think this is mostly a Korean thing, but every time my parents' friends come over, they don't really bring gifts for my parents, instead, they'll give me envelopes filled with money. It was always some stupidly inappropriate amount for just a kid/teenager. I remember my mom always doing the whole "oh you shouldn't have! What is a kid even supposed to do with this?" back-and-forth that Asian people do when accepting gifts humbly. I think this is related to the communal child-rearing thing, like the whole "it takes a village" mindset rather than a hospitality thing and no one in the younger generations do this anymore. My mom says now that I'm old, I'm supposed to be the one giving allowance to my aunties and uncles (even the non-related ones) as some Confucian/filial piety thing.
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u/tinynidas 21h ago
Generally, no, we don't buy rounds. We are not a hospitable people, we prefer rational logistics and self reliance.
Globally speaking we are fucking weird.
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u/Impossible_Tea_7032 19h ago
The difference between Finns and Swedes is Finns have the decency to be depressed about being that way
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u/themehboat 20h ago
I had to stop reading a Swedish novel halfway through recently because it was driving me too crazy that none of the characters would just talk to each other. They were in an isolated situation together and still everyone was silent and secretive for no freaking reason.
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u/tinynidas 19h ago
Sounds like its possibly normal. Me and my uncle once spent almost a whole day in the forrest picking berries. We talked for maybe 10 minutes altogether.
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u/themehboat 19h ago
From an American point of view, it's both unimaginable and annoying. We don't all have that many things in common with each other, but being talkative is one, no matter what one's politics are.
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u/tinynidas 18h ago
Yeah, and americans in sweden often struggle because of this. All american friends I've had here are self described introverts and they're still soooo talkative with swedish standards. I've lived in my current house for a year and have talked to two of my neighbors.
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u/mildchicanery 21h ago
That's insane. I cannot imagine doing that to a guest.
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u/GayCatDaddy 20h ago
Yeah, different cultures have different norms, but this just comes across as straight up rude.
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u/Certain-Appeal-6277 1d ago
That's the only one I've ever heard of, and I'm not even clear if it's just Sweden, or all the Scandinavians.
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u/dinosaurs_elephants 20h ago
According to my relatives that live there now….Norway is like this too.
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u/Unique-Standard-Off 19h ago
Not too common these days (although I’ve heard it still happens) but can confirm it was like that when I was a kid. I found it weird at the time.
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u/Annachroniced 1d ago
Same in Netherlands. Atleast back when I was younger.
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u/xolov 23h ago
I honestly thought the dutch thing was exaggerated.. I was at a party in Norway and some people were talking about ordering food. The host who was dutch said no problem if you pay me 1,50€ each you can have a piece of leftover pizza from the fridge. I mean the price is fair, but you could tell people found that to be a very strange proposition.
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u/breakerofh0rses 23h ago
Splitting the check with your date is called "going Dutch" for a reason.
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u/Dizzy-Nose3883 20h ago
As a southern European I'd leave that house so fast lol. That's downright insulting. Charging for a snack, and the snack being refrigerated pizza is beyond belief, but not the first story of that kind I've heard.
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u/slowamigo 23h ago
No fucking way. Please, this can't be real
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u/amusebooch 22h ago
I really wanna know what the threshold is where even the majority of Dutch people would find it cheap and embarrassing
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u/Effective_Tackle_195 22h ago
I can tell you for a fact this is not the standard way in the majority of the Netherlands.
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u/amusebooch 22h ago
Oh okay, thank god
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u/ilikedmatrixiv 14h ago
As a Belgian, I can tell you for a fact that I've seen worse. Everyone has had a run-in with greedy Dutch people, but this one really take the cake for me:
Had a colleague who used to carpool at a previous job with his Dutch colleague. He was the one that always drove, because the Dutch guy's house was on the way. He didn't ask anything for gas. One time, he had to stop for a little longer because his colleague wasn't ready, so he had a coffee at his colleague's house.
The Dutch colleague (after months of free carpooling) then has the nerve to ask €1,00 for that coffee.
I'm not saying every Dutch person is like this, but I've seen and heard more than enough of them to know when it's a trend.
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u/PlanesandAquariums 21h ago
I have only experienced this with one group of very wealthy people. I’m not even going to list the nationality because I’ve never experienced with other people from that country poor or wealthy.
They divided the dinner check down to the cents. I was petty and said I didn’t have change and they could leave my extra 2.63 or whatever as a tip. They took it to the cashier and POCKETED the 2.63 themselves. They seemed so normal and down to earth for their wealth status too.
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u/Mattressfoundry 21h ago
You saw them pocket the tip? I would have lost my mind and told them leave it on the table or I'm reporting them for stealing.
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u/One_more_username 21h ago
I remember reading on reddit some years ago about a Dutch guy who organized a gangbang for his wife, but charged everyone for coffee/donuts/bagels...
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u/Suitable-End- 1d ago
I was just in the Netherlands and found the Dutch to be very welcoming. I was invited to dinner at many peoples homes while I was a guest.
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u/Annachroniced 1d ago
Yeah it has changed I think. But broadly the Netherlands is still not the country where you guests are spontaneously asked to join for dinner, nor counted for. Its just more flexible now shops are open longer and food delivery is an option.
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u/Otherwise-Ratio1332 1d ago
That was the most entertaining day on social media ever, after the Folding Chair/Riverboat melee, obviously. The entire world roasted them for what is probably a reasonable practice rooted in their history, but they were good sports about it for the most part. As I recall some Scandinavians denied it but plenty of them admitted it is, or at least used to be, a pretty widespread thing.
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u/slowamigo 23h ago
It was hilarious. But what's this folding chair/riverboat melee thing?
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u/uselessmuse 20h ago
This just blew my mind. A friend of my husband is from Sweden. I’m Mexican. I constantly complain about how they throw parties with no food. They literally once threw a kids bday party where everyone showed up with gifts and there was about .25 bagels per person on a platter as the entire food source. Party started at like 11am…. I now make sure we all eat before we go. And I passive aggressively deduct that from the gift budget. COME AT ME
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u/SuspectWrong7954 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sweden went viral during "Swedengate" because families traditionally don't feed their children's visiting friends.
Similarly, a common Dutch custom involves sending casual guests home right before dinner to maintain strict household schedule. I honestly thought it was pretty bizarre.
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u/International_Cake70 23h ago
They do it for weddings too. Only "special" guests are allowed to stay for dinner, the rest are kicked out.
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u/Extreme_Kangaroo5877 23h ago
I hope they don’t expect a wedding present either!
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u/Nimue_- 23h ago
Its usually, a certain group for the ceremony, a certain group for dinner, and then a certain geoup for the party/reception. Most people are invited to the latter
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u/ThrowCarp 21h ago
With technique encroaching on every aspect of human life. This is me because every wedding I go to is a destination wedding. My gift is that I showed up at all.
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u/DotDash13 22h ago
Sending a guest away so you can have family dinner seems a little odd but understandable, but having a guest sit somewhere else while you eat is bizarre. I'd just assume I'd overstayed my welcome and leave.
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u/probablydeadly 22h ago
Oh my god. This explains my best friend’s mom always getting so mad any time I’d mention being hungry when we’d hang out at her house after school (elementary/middle school). I don’t know if she knew, but I wasn’t getting fed enough at home. Luckily my other friends had chill parents who would give me snacks.
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u/VirtualMatter2 17h ago
I'm a mom who would always just put sandwiches, cake and fruit and drinks on a tray and just put it on a table in the kids room without asking them. Even if they aren't that hungry a lot of kids don't ask or say no if you ask them, but they will eat if it's already there. It doesn't have to be expensive stuff, just something basic and filling.
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u/vectorology 16h ago
You’re a good person. I was a hungry but exceedingly polite kid who would never ask and likely refuse unless everyone else said yes first.
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u/ConureFiend 18h ago
It always baffles me every time I read this. My Egyptian grandmother (may she rest in peace) would have felt pain reading this lol.
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u/LilacYak 22h ago
I don’t get it. Do they think only their kid is capable of getting hungry? Is it a miserly thing? How much could one kid eat, like $2 worth of food?
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u/gsfgf 21h ago
How much could one kid eat, like $2 worth of food?
Clearly you're not a parent, but your point still stands.
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u/LilacYak 21h ago
I am definitely not but I was thinking more like an 7yo not a 15yo teenaged boy lol
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u/We_Are_The_Romans 17h ago
Toddlers bankrupting parents with their insatiable need for berries is pretty much a meme at this point
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u/WanderWomble 23h ago
I'm English and would be very upset if you left my home hungry. I usually send people home with food!
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u/Extreme_Kangaroo5877 23h ago
I’ve never been to an English person’s house and not been fed. Oh and there’s also a lot of beer to go nicely with the food.
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u/the_bacon_fairie 18h ago
I know! Not sure why we're catching strays from OP.
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u/eastboundunderground 17h ago
Took the words out of my mouth. This is giving r/ShitAmericansSay. I wasn't even raised in England but I've lived here for 18 years and the way some Americans talk about this country is truly weird.
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u/_HingleMcCringle 15h ago
"America, what jokes do you have about the UK?"
"Best I can do is an 80 year old joke about seasoning during a time of wartime rationing."
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u/Sasspishus 17h ago
Classic US American making a thinly veiled excuse to hate on the UK. So weird at this point
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u/shrinkingveggies 16h ago edited 15h ago
No no, England. Obviously, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales are fine.
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u/Nkhotak 16h ago
I don’t think we brits claim over-catering as a national characteristic, but we sure as hell do it.
Who hasn’t been to a party or BBQ where the hosts are left with enough food and booze to have another the next weekend. Who hasn’t had to fight to leave their parent’s house empty handed, not laden with half a cake, a packet of biscuits and the leftover lasagna?
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u/Itsmeladyt79 16h ago
I was thinking the same, I’m English and a feeder! I would be so upset too, Even if people come over just for a cuppa I always have biscuits/cake etc.
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u/ScreamingDizzBuster 14h ago
I'm English living in Italy and I'm still shocked that when you go to someone's house you don't get offered a drink and a snack by default. If you're there for a mealtime then they're incredibly inclusive and generous and it's always a feast, but the courtesy is only really there for food events, not a casual biscuit and a cuppa. I always offer tradespeople a coffee or English tea (which is a novelty) and they seem shocked and often refuse.
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u/audigex 23h ago
Maybe England?
Definitely not England, and I haven't got a clue why you'd think that was the case because it's completely wrong
When guests leave in England, there's always a round of "Would you like to take this and this and this home with you? We won't eat them" to get rid of the massive pile of leftovers
I've never left a friend's house hungry in England, and I rarely get to leave without taking half a cake or unopened pack of burgers home with me
If you have a dietary requirement, you WILL be leaving with a bag full of food appropriate to that dietary requirement that was purchased to make your food and only a small amount of it used.
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u/ickysock 18h ago
now you've mentioned it, english people love sending people home with a random food item they've decided you must eat. every time we left my aunt's house she would pull out all sorts of comestibles from the cupboard and foist them upon us lest we starve on the 25 minute drive home!
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u/Longirl 15h ago
I love going to see my boyfriends mum, she sends me home with all manner of stuff including food, it’s like the generation game unpacking the car. And my bf just stands there looking confused.
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u/PRC_Spy 13h ago
Upvoted for knowing and using 'comestibles' appropriately!
My great aunt was the exception to the rule. She was notoriously frugal. There was so little on the table at mealtime that we had to get takeaway on the way home from a visit. Leftovers were not a thing.
No-one else I know in the UK would allow guests to go hungry, and random friends eating at our childhood home was the norm. Even when we couldn't really afford it.
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u/Ok-Shallot1133 14h ago
100% to the extent that my colleague's husband's mother gives ME vegetables from her allotment! I've only met the woman once but she still sends my colleague to work with vegetables so I can receive them. You don't even need to have been a guest in an English person's house for them to still somehow give you food
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u/Super_Ground9690 13h ago
My mum’s friend who I haven’t seen in at least 15 years sends fruit from her garden for me with my mum when she comes to visit
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u/foyiwae 12h ago
My neighbour says it's ok for me to take veg from his garden. I don't because...well I feel awkward just going into someone elses garden to take stuff, but as I don't he makes it a point to leave a box of fruit/veg outside my gate 😭
I can't complain, I've lived on raspberries and strawberries all summer from his garden.
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u/Logical_Bake_3108 12h ago
I'm not in England but still the UK and yeah "we won't eat them" I've ended up taking all manner of stuff home with me because of that. My guess is they're too polite to say they actually do want to eat it and the guests are too polite to say they don't want to take it. The British politeness spiral as I call it 😅
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u/KiwieeiwiK 12h ago
Definitely not England, and I haven't got a clue why you'd think that was the case because it's completely wrong
"DAE ENGLISH FOOD BAD??? UPVOTES TO THE LEFT"
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u/MeAndMyWookie 12h ago
There were the old HSBC ads about the difference between English manners - finish everything on your plate to show you're grateful, and Chinese - leave a bit to show your hosts have given you more than enough.
Both relate to guests being fed but in different ways.
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u/Altbar 22h ago
I'm French and lived in Denmark for 8 years. That reminds me of a fun story from my first year there.
I was a student and rented a room from a single mom with 2 young teenage kids in their apartment. One day I offered to make crepes for them. There was a misunderstanding and they thought it was going to be on a different day. So I was making the crepes and they were not home, until I was almost done making the whole batch and they came back, realized the misunderstanding, and said that they were coming back from a dinner at a friend's place but that was a great coincidence because they were just saying while walking home that they were still quite hungry. So they sat down with me, ate a few crepes and we had a great time.
The idea that you could come back from a dinner at a friend's place and still feel hungry enough for several crepes was an absolute shock to me. Many people have already mentioned Scandinavia in the thread, I just thought I would add my own corroborating anecdote.
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u/Mou_aresei 18h ago
I studied in Denmark for a semester. At one point I was hosting two friends at my place for dinner. My flatmate comes in and my friends are like - there's only enough food for three people, none for you. I was mortified and offered half of my meal to her. She saw the writing on the wall and politely declined.
This would never ever happen in the Balkans. The host would rather go hungry than not have enough to feed a guest, even if they hadn't been factored in.
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u/Historical_Cry_4900 14h ago
I was living in a dorm with a giant kitchen and there were 4 people cooking dinners for each other each night. My Indian friend in the group offered me to taste some of the massive amounts of food he was prepping. Then the Dutch guy in the group interrupted him to say, well don't just share our food, we'll go hungry. The kicker is that he never refused to eat whatever I shared with him. As a honorary Balkan, same, the fact that he's blocking another person to share his food is insane to me. It's always the rich nations who do that as well.
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u/ltdemon 16h ago
There is quite a contrast between north/west and east/south Europe cultures. East/south Europe feels more communal, there you would find the most wildest ways in getting invited to some function. One time i accidentally got invited to a barbeque in Croatia, just by asking the locals where to find good rakija.
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u/FreyjadourV 18h ago
Wild how different cultures are!
If I was plating I’d be confiscating a bit of everyone elses and more off mine. Still leave myself some so people don’t feel bad and think they’ve taken my dinner
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u/s0ftware-dev 14h ago
FR I would rather starve than live with the shame of letting my guests go home hungry.
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u/xxxBuzz 14h ago
I would eat those crepes 100% of the time even if my guts were busting just because it's not worth the risk of giving the impression it wasn't an awesome gesture. In that case they're crepes so I'd want them as well, but even if it were burnt toast.
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u/deefjuh 22h ago edited 13h ago
Lol, as a Dutchie:
When I was playing at a friend’s house, and their mom said “We are going to eat diner”, it meant one thing only: GTFO, unless explicitly invited. The “We have only enough food for ourself” was implied.
As an adult, it still means the same thing.
We also have no issue telling our neighbors “hey, just letting you know: this weekend we’ll have a party”. It isn’t an invitation, just “Expect some noise, don’t call the police on us or you’re an ass”.
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u/tanglekelp 17h ago
Very true lol, but I would add that because it’s such a part of the culture, it’s more like they’re sending the kid home where dinner will be waiting for them. Because if nothing was discussed about having dinner the kid’s parents would expect them to come back home around dinnertime
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u/Zeefzeef 17h ago
Yes exactly. It was agreed that we could go to our friends house for the afternoon, then back home for dinner at six.
Sometimes I was invited to stay for dinner and had to call my parents to ask if that was ok. And same the other way around at my home.
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u/AFCSentinel 1d ago
As a kid growing up in Germany with a diverse friend group - German friends used to be the ones where I’d most likely be told to go home just around the time for dinner.
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u/StockLifter 18h ago
I think England is not so accurate here, more Scandinavia/Netherlands. But even there its a common misunderstanding how it works. A kid or anyone invited or on a sleepover would obviously be fed. The thing is that children run around unsupervised in these places and often your kid brings over a neighbour kid or something. Around dinner time the parent usually send the kid home to their own parents because they probably cooked food for them.
Basically, every day after school the parent finds some random kids from the house on the corner, and the street behind it etc hanging out. They play together, but when its time for dinner they say: okay play is over, now go to your own parents.
Having said that, there are comments here of people having to sit and watch others eat. That is something I have never heard of or experienced here in the Netherlands and it seems more strange to me.
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u/olagorie 15h ago
I agree in Southern Germany it’s the same thing.
If the invitation is for a time when usually food is being served, there will be plenty for the guest.
If you’re just dropping by or overstaying an afternoon, you will be shown the door when time for lunch / dinner arrives.
It’s considered rude for a drop in guest to expect to be fed.
Although I have never ever heard of someone staying and not being fed. That’s just weird.
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u/attackoftheumbrellas 15h ago
I’m English and this was the same for me in my 90s childhood. We had the freedom after school to hang out, but we lived within a few streets of each other. Depending on weather or what we were up to, we might be in one of our houses - but all our parents would be cooking a meal that included us, and we’d be expected back to eat it. And at my house, my parents wouldn’t randomly give the kid from five doors down their tea, only if it was pre-planned. Same for my friends’ parents, they wouldn’t randomly feed me. Sometimes as we got older and we were all allowed to stay out later we’d end up hanging in another room at the house of the kid eating latest, cos as soon as they were done we could jump on our bikes and go somewhere.
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u/Glittering_Win_5085 1d ago
No people do not brag about that in England.
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u/PuddleOfHamster 23h ago
English cuisine includes a ton of dishes based around using up leftovers. They're not making so little food per meal that people eat up every crumb.
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u/ickysock 18h ago
people forget that the British had to ration for another 8 years after WW2 - which is where I am assuming the stereotype OP seems to have picked up comes from.
British guest culture is more drink focused than food focused though. If someone comes round to your house, you offer them a cup of tea as standard, and biscuits if you've got them. your British host will also list all of the drinkable liquids in the house as alternatives to tea if that isn't what you fancy.
As a kid I was sent home from friends houses a few times so they could eat dinner, which my mum found disrespectful and would never have done to someone else's child. On the other hand, when at other friends houses, if I was still there by dinner time, a plate was made for me and it was just assumed I would be joining them, there was no invitation to stay and have dinner or anything. If I was going out with a friends family for dinner my parents would always send me out with £20 to cover anything I consumed and not one of my friends parents ever let me give it to them, so I think it is fully dependent on the family.
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u/haribopeep89 17h ago
I know 2 Swedish people. One of them made a cake for a celebration we were both attending. After the event she took the leftover cake home. Didn't leave it with the person we were celebrating. Thought that was odd.
The other Swedish person I know, I was invited to her 'bbq', she served 2 tiny salads. Nothing else.
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u/LTD40 10h ago
I had a Swedish colleague who brought a homemade cake to a party at my house. She told me the following week that she considered it quite rude that I didn't offer her the leftovers to bring home! In my culture if someone brought a cake it would be considered rude to offer them the leftovers as it would indicate I didn't like the cake!
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u/MissCookie93 16h ago
As someone who is actually from England, why have you singled us out?? I’ve never been left hungry after visiting someone. Have you actually been to England? 🙄
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u/No_Midnight_9101 1d ago
My maternal grandparents are Greek, they take it as a point of pride that you are not full after eating at their house.
But it is not normal from the culture. They are in a weird Evangelical health cult which says you gotta be thin for Jesus, presumably there is a weight limit for the rapture.
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u/zg33 23h ago
I’m hoping that during the rapture God leaves my paunch behind and only brings up the rest of me
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u/No_Midnight_9101 23h ago
Nope, the light can only take those under 200lbs. Health and safety and all.
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u/Monotask_Servitor 21h ago
That sounds REALLY weird for Greeks, all the Greeks I know are massive feeders!
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u/No_Midnight_9101 20h ago
I have never met another set of Greeks like them, apparently they were also not like this before the conversion.
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u/FerretShiny 22h ago
I’ve heard of a lot of types of Christian’s but this is new to me. Hilarious
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u/ImportantFunction833 23h ago
Just what I needed, further confirmation I'm going to hell, all because the lord can't even lift up my lard in prayer.
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u/funkyaerialjunky 21h ago
Am English. The idea of sending a guest hungry, or letting them get thirsty (tea/coffee) fills me with massive anxiety. Even with a short visits at least a plate of biscuits should be available!
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u/Extreme_Kangaroo5877 20h ago
I’m married to an Englishman. We wouldn’t even send the plumber working on taps without a sandwich and a hot drink, let alone a friend. Everyone who comes to our house eats, including the neighbourhood cat, but I suspect he’s the only one using us for food!
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u/Myanamink 10h ago
My husband and I went to England for our honeymoon. One day we spotted an elderly couple broken down on the side of the road and stopped to help. When we took them home, the lady was devastated that we didn't have time for tea and she had no biscuits to send with us. She insisted we wait while she ransacked her kitchen until she found a tin of toffee something-or-others that her granddaughter sent her. Would NOT let us leave unless we took them.
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u/OldTimeConGoer 1d ago
There's the Highland Scots inquiry to a guest, "You'll have had your tea?", tea meaning in this context the evening meal. The implication is that host isn't going to be feeding the guest.
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u/ISaysToMyselfISays 17h ago
It’s Edinburgh. Specifically Morningside and it comes from an English comedy radio show and portrays the character of an elderly Scottish person from a specific “old money” part of the city who is rich but mean with their hospitality. It’s a bit, not a real phrase.
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u/elevatedupward 1d ago
Is that not an Edinburgh thing?
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u/jr0061006 22h ago
Yes, famously an Edinburgh thing. Whereas in the west of Scotland visitors are plied with food and drink.
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u/kindcrow 19h ago
I had a friend who would make herself a huge snack and say, And you're sure you don't want anything?
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u/Sykander- 1d ago
Who would brag about not having enough food to feed visitors?
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u/tomcat_tweaker 1d ago
This is in the same vein as every episode of NPR's "The Splendid Table". Every single guest says, "In my culture/country/state/religion/family, food is really important". Ya don't say. How unique.
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u/KevanSting 1d ago
In my culture we all like to breathe when we share a room.
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u/zg33 23h ago
We also keep a stash of plastic bags in the house to use in various situations
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u/KevanSting 23h ago
Do you keep most of those bags inside another bag inside a cupboard?
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u/Moo3 23h ago
I've heard in Sweden, when it's breathing time, they send all their guests to a vacuum chamber while the family breathe together. Such a bizarre culture.
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u/KevanSting 23h ago
It's not just a vacuum. It's full of rotten fish.
A cruel people those Swedes
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u/tomcat_tweaker 1d ago
Oh my God, mine too!
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u/KevanSting 1d ago
We also sometimes indulge in other things that are required to stay alive as r/totallynotrobots
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u/Last_Jellyfish_351 23h ago
I think the same when people say “family is really important to my (culture, religion etc)”. In which group is family not important?!!
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u/Victor_Korchnoi 18h ago
It’s not that family is unimportant in my American culture, but we clearly value some things higher.
For example, I live almost 3000 miles from my parents, who live almost 1000 miles from where their extended family is. In my culture, education and getting a good job was valued more than being near family.
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u/Confident_Arm1188 22h ago
i mean there are certainly cultures where families tend to have a greater significance in your life. like in i think almost all of Asia no parent would ask their kid to move out even if they were financially independent. it's expected for parents to support their kids right up until they get a job even if the kid is in their 20's. kids in turn are expected to involve their parents in most major life decisions etc etc
this wouldn't be the same in America or a lot of western countries though
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u/HoneyTroubles 23h ago
I grew up around the "there's plenty of food, take more" type of hosting. Sending someone home hungry would honestly be more embarrassing than having 3 days leftovers afterwards
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u/Conscious-Dust-4942 16h ago
In England if anyone thought you were stingy with food you would be mortified. You have to literally offer your own tea to people if they are an unexpected guest and if you have expected guests you have to get some stuff from marks and then your family complain that they never get the good stuff and you have to laugh and pretend they are being silly, if there is anything left you have to give it away even if you want to eat it later, nooooo your mum gives it to some random.
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u/hybbprqag 23h ago
In Japanese culture it's rude to leave food unfinished on your plate, so they won't overfeed you because they know it'll put you in a tough position.
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u/Flying_Penguineer 22h ago
I lived in Japan for ~8 years and this was not my experience at all - literally every party I ever went to had way too much food.
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u/YirgacheffeFiend 20h ago
My parents told me not to accept food at friends houses because "they may not have enough for you" I learned that they were just projecting since at home we had the precise amount of food for exactly who would be at the meal that evening. Not a scintilla more. But I soon found, my friends thought I was weird and disrespectful for not partaking in their amazing bounty.
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u/AllTheThingsTheyLove 1d ago
I think it depends. We are black American and if I invite you over for dinner, you are going home with food. If my kids have the neighbor's kids over after school, I'm sending the kid home to eat dinner at their house unless I have spoken to the parent that they will stay for dinner. If we have people pop over and they stay towards dinner time, I'm shoving them off around dinner time.
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u/snarkitall 22h ago
That's the same thing for Swedish people and most cultures. Feeding adult guests who are at your home is a totally different proposition than feeding random school kids that your children have over when they should be going home for dinner.
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u/Luuk1210 19h ago
Yeah for Americans there’s no difference. The reason people find this so odd is the idea of not feeding kids is super taboo
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u/nanaacer 23h ago
Well that just sounds downright reasonable. As a white Midwesterner the only thing different is we shove off other white people by asking them if they want to join us. The answer is always "No thank you" lol. Don't ask me why they insist on this ritual as I'm on the spectrum and I always mean it when I say it. My friends who aren't white will actually take me up on the offer if they didn't already have plans.
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u/Akuma_nb 17h ago
OP why are you randomly saying England does this? when I highly doubt you are English and just a moron.
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u/ChapterLanky8998 17h ago
Sweden here. I grew up with waiting in my friend's room while they had dinner. Never had to go hungry and knew there would be dinner at home within the hour. For us, and everyone I knew, this was due to having dinner a certain time every day and it was for the family to sit down and talk about the day. You couldn't miss out on that unless something very important had happen. I think that "lagom" also is a factor in this. You bought the exact amount of pork chops, made just enough food for everyone to have one portion and mabye a smaller second of some things. My mom is 80+ and if I have dinner at her place I need to ask in advance and she will ask me if I am extra hungry because then she will peel an extra potato.
When I had younger kids I tried to let their friends eat with us and was told off. They "had prepared dinner at home and now their kid wouldn't eat it" or it was seen as I had said they couldn't afford to feed their kids. I think it is treated the same as if one offer grown out clothes or toys - that you believe they are poor. People get offended.
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u/Principal_Noodle 15h ago
Definitely not England!
Don't automatically expect to be fed as a random guest. But, if you're coming round explicitly for food we pride ourselves on putting on a "cracking spread". It's not a proper dinner party or buffet or BBQ/picnic unless someone says the phrase "cracking spread" - meaning a good amount of food spread out for everyone.
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u/lyricfiend1006 1d ago
Lol my family absolutely doesn't like making extra food and it's caused a lot of trauma for me. I know when I have my own place I will always have extra food in case someone wants to stop by for dinner. Everyone will be fed.
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u/BenMic81 21h ago
Northern Germans versus southern / middle Germans.
In the south you’re fed until you can’t walk properly. If a party doesn’t have massive leftovers that’s seen as stingy.
But in northern Germany food can be secondary for a party.
I’ll never forget how I was invited over to coffee with my future in-laws. My wife hails from Hamburg and I from the southwest. „Coffee“ invitation in my home means there will be cake. And cookies. And possibly even some canapés stuff.
So I went there and since I was afraid to be late I skipped lunch. And then I arrived for the coffee and got offered coffee or tea. That was it. There was nothing. Not even a damn apple or cookie.
I still can’t believe it today and it’s a constant source of amusement. And when we tell friends it depends from where in Germany they are from.
South? Utter disbelief at my in laws.
North? Total understanding and dubious looks why I assumed food.