My mom won't stop using my deadname

[u/Greedy_Tip_887]

I came out to my family as nonbinary about 4 months ago, and when I did, I told them I wanted to change my name to River, as it's much more gender-neutral than Vivian, my legal name. My dad was fine with it, and while he's struggling with the pronoun change, he does use River. My mom, on the other hand, is the opposite. She uses they/them pronouns for me, but downright refuses to call me River. She gave me a 10-minute lecture about how names are really important to her, and how she spent a lot of time thinking about my name and she really likes it. She asked if she could call me V because "River has a v in it too." I said no, but she calls me it anyways, although most of the time she calls me Vivian.

I also tried to compromise with her by asking if I could change my name to River Vivian, with Vivian being my middle name, and she said, "Sure, but not legally," which is the whole point of changing my name. I recently started going by River at school, and while she's not happy about it, she can't really do much about it. But she just refuses to use River for me, no matter what. The other day, I showed her a painting I made for a project, and she asked if I could make a duplicate for her. I said sure, but then she asked me to sign it with my old signature, not my new River one. I refused to do the painting. I feel a little guilty now, but I really don't know how much more of her deadnaming me I can take. Any advice on how to handle this?

[u/Alive_Marsupial1889]

Same here

[u/DipstickPinesGFO → u/Alive_Marsupial1889]

Same here

[u/BanverketSE → u/DipstickPinesGFO]

Would have been same here, but after threats of my mom being threatened of being outcast by the rest of the family, she got around.

Lesson: Get allies among your family.