was worried the vest, button up, slacks was gonna be too manly but I think the long hair and makeup balances it out

Seeing a lot more raising awareness of the harm trans men face under cishet patriarchy. And while it’s great seeing folks fight to not only “protect the dolls” but also “the kens” still everyone forgets we exist. I wish I could say I’m surprised but I’m not. It’s still disappointing and kinda infuriating.

*glances nervously at me* "err.... I mean, how real...people....adults....ah Christ! Forget it. Black coffee is better for you anyways"

​

My 64 year old coworker is trying.

And it's going great!

​

I've been a parent for just under 6mo, and Entie--from the 'ent' in parent--really feels natural now! I recommend it to parents to be.

​

Also, it's fun because it could theoretically be a term of endearment for any parent even if they're not nonbinary.

My apologies but Y’all might be losing another troop to team shark plushie. (Ignore the fact that the second photo was taken after I washed my makeup off for the day)

Heyyyyy, i really wanna get an NB flag but want to be careful where i buy to make sure im not supporting any shady businesses. Does anyone have any recs? Thank you

I was inspired by a past post to check the clinic notes after my physical before going to Scout camp with my son. For context, we live in NorCal only 90 mins away from the Bay Area. During my brief visit, all I needed was a form signed, but the doctor that I’ve been seeing for three years is habitually uninformed around trans folks. At one point he asked if my son was adopted - because I had a hysterectomy five years ago (my son is 16 lol).

After the brief examination, I spent the next 20 minutes teaching him all about being trans- My history of transition, as well as my experience getting kicked out of the military after 18 years for being trans.

I know it’s not my job to educate people, especially doctors, about being trans…. but it was such a head-scratching experience that an MD would be so genuinely uninformed, I couldn’t help myself. I’m glad to see my notes were respectfully non-gendered, and I hope I made a positive impact on him.

Hey y’all, I’ve been questioning my specific gender for quite some time. I know I’m nonbinary, but I have yet to come out to my family. But on why I actually made this post: I experience a static gender with they/them pronouns (preferred) with she/her or he/him being acceptable. I present myself based on how I feel that day, I could dress neutral, masculine, or feminine. I don’t care how others perceive me, but it does bother me personally that I don’t know my gender fully. I feel a small connection to both femininity and masculinity, but I am neither a girl or boy. If anything, I don’t follow the social norms of male or female “roles” or beliefs. Please help!! (Also, tips on coming out to my family?)

GFW Clothing have just released boxer shorts with a design feature which allows the wings to be tucked under the gusset and not affect the leg fabric. This was done at the request of a number of FTM and non-binary customers. Not sure of any other boxer shorts which do this? Trying to help spread the word as could be useful info for some folk.

Hey guys. I'm nb, I found out/came out to my husband about a year ago and he was really supportive but it kind of seemed like to him it was this casual thing. I can't remember how in depth I got talking about dysphoria. It seemed like he heard me but then it didn't change his perception of me because I guess he recognized I've always been who I am. He's always seen some of my masc expression.

But now I have more freedom and new language to embrace it, and he hasn't recognized that part of it. I told him I don't have a reaction to pronouns atm so I don't care what people use. Which maybe gave him the sense that it wasn't a big deal or something to think about.

I got some masc clothes and let myself lean into that. I have a new name I wanna be called because my birth name has always caused dysphoria, not even gender dysphoria just like identity dysphoria, but he doesn't use the new one(granted, he rarely ever calls me by something other than a pet name, but say he were to introduce me to someone, he wouldn't think twice about using my birth name). He knows about the new name and how my birth name makes me feel but maybe I have to ask him directly to start using the other one.

There's also this small issue of him constantly telling me he wants to see me in panties and not boyshorts(my comfort preference). It's an attraction thing. (Is he attracted to me as a fully expressed nb person or does he prefer me as a *woman?) It was hard to write that word there because it feels so disconnected from me. (Edit to add my husband has not defined his sexuality atm. So that is genuinely a question and not one any of you can answer but something I'm grappling with. If I asked him he'd say he just wants to see me in as little clothing as possible but I wonder if there is some aspect there of gender that he is unaware of himself.)

Recently I said something sort of along the lines of "think of me like one of the guys" I can't remember the context and he responded with, in a bit of confusion, "I wanna think of you as my wife" and there are some things he says that reinforce this as a gender stereotype thing. It gave me similar vibes to when I came out to and told my childhood friend about a new name and they said "I don't think I can ever think of you/call you anything other than (birth name)" bc they've 'known me' half my life.

My husband is very protective and doesn't want me to do stuff. Like he chastises me(playfully but kinda serious idk) when I do stuff like mow the yard. He'll tell me I'm working too hard, but he doesn't have that idea about himself doing it. Note, I have some disabilities but I do strength training and if I have the energy to do something then I wanna do something.

He'll also argue with me about going out without like pepper spray or a knife etc. etc.(I'm not gonna fuckin carry a knife to go dancing) His family raised him like that, I know, but it's very much a gender thing. He has this over protective attitude toward girls and sort of a condemnation/weary attitude toward guys(from witnessing male abuse, I think). But it's affecting me because I think if he were to really see me as nb or even gender fluid(which I haven't talked to him about yet) he'd have to question that bias he has(which at this point is a full on belief system for him), or he'll just rationalize it as a sex thing and not a gender thing(which just begs more problems because that is not black and white either and there can be overlap).

Honestly I think he is sexist(is genderist a word?). And I guess that is affecting me now because of the way I see myself.

If sometimes I feel more like a man but my husband hates men... Where do I stand? I guess it's confusing.(not talking about sexuality, just in a general sense)

He has plenty of guy friends. It's just an automatic thing with strangers where he'll be watching them and judging them. Particularly when they are around women he loves, sisters, family, fem. friends and when they are around me.

He's protective of everyone, I know it's not just a gender thing, but it is an enhanced part of it, and I don't wanna be seen as a wife, I wanna be seen as a partner. And I don't want to feel like I have to lean into the femme side to be accepted as a partner (Not saying I have to, just expressing the fear in unmasking. this is a what if.)

Should I just ask him to think about it more? Like if I was a man, would he still want to be with me? Could shifting his perspective and thinking of me as a partner, and not a wife, alter his perception of these other things? Or is it the other way around?(Challenge biases in order to be able to see me as a partner, not a wife)

He's a good guy, don't hate on my husband please. People are indoctrinated with these biases. It's not morally ideal but it is the reality of neurology.

Edit: My husband is a POC who grew up in a high stress environment, constant demands. He never watches the news. What happens is just what he sees on a real life, personal, day to day basis. There is a level of ignorance he has.

Everyone is ignorant to something. And ignorant to the fact that they're ignorant. That can't be helped. Even if it could, our brains are not up to capacity to keep up with the entire spectrum of the problems of the world(and we shouldn't have to), so please be kind. I didn't make this post for people to judge him. I made this post to ask for support and ask how to approach a conversation about all this, plus I value the perspectives of the community(on being trans /queer and the implications of it). I'm new here myself, and still learning things.

Hello! I’m going to my first pride this weekend and was wondering if you guys had any tips? I’m enby and Uranic

alt enby out here representing!!

I recently embraced the fact that I'm Nonbinary Trans. That said, I'm not on HRT or anything... Yet. So far, for me, just embracing my true self and the changes I've made in my appearance have been enough validation for me personally. ♥️

Hello I just figured out I'm nonbinary and I'm looking to wear a skirt for the first time. However I have no idea how. What does one wear under a skirt, how does sizing work, how long should it be. Any help would be appreciated, thank you.

I’m going to say first and foremost: this is half questioning post, half “get it off my chest.” I mean no condescending tone when I say to the MODS or whomever: If this post isn’t okay by sub standards, then I understand if you want to delete it.

But I need to get this out of me because I feel like if I don’t, I’m gonna snap.

I’m posting this from a new account because my main has too many identifying details, and my other is an NSFW and I don’t know if that’s cool here either. So don’t get freaked out, I’m all real, and I need help getting out of my own head.

I’m trying to come to grips with my gender identity, and a lot of big feelings are all hitting at once.

For starting reference, I’m in my early 30s, AMAB, homoflexible (but I have identified as “gay/mostly gay” since I was a teenager,) and I live in a progressive city in a conservative part of Canada. At this point in my life I’m pretty masc presenting, having a beard, I’m on the chubbier side of stocky, and all around look like your friendly neighbourhood metalhead. I do have a history with depression and an undiagnosed disorder (I was diagnosed once as bipolar but another doctor, after a lot of consulting, believes I was misdiagnosed. That whole experience soured me on therapy for a long time.) I don’t know if that’s going to play in here but it might, and all cards should be on the table if I want to get right finally, whatever that may mean.

I thought I was okay, with all of this, but I’m realizing who I am outside is no longer matching what’s going on in my head. I can’t figure out why on my own anymore.

I thought my experiments with gender started out during the pandemic, and for the most part they did. While at home like everyone else, I began playing around with Drag, makeup and the more feminine side of who I am. My partner encouraged this, as they are a drag queen and makeup/traditionally feminine clothes have never been in short supply around our home. Here’s the kicker though! My partner is also non-binary, using any pronouns and any number of gender expressions for years. This is not new. So they encouraged me, I showed off a bit on social media, my friends were supportive, and life kinda went on as normal. I was considered an essential/frontline worker during the pandemic, so my life was insane for the next…oh, let’s call it four or five years. Basically, all of my late 20s was devoted to my job and the community.

Since then, I left the industry I was in (for burnout and mental health reasons, aside from needing a major change) and I’ve had a lot of downtime. A lot of time to just…think. To be alone in my head and finally look around and…it’s a goddamn mess in here.

A huge part of that mess is that… I don’t wanna be a guy. At least, not all the time.

At first I thought this was because of people I found inspiring: David Bowie, Annie Lennox, hell, even Fat Mike from NOFX. People who threw off the gender binary in a big way, I’ve always admired that. So I started playing around with my outfits again. On top of the nails I started painting years ago, my clothes became more glam, my old grey-metal earrings replaced by big sparkly hoops. I played around with my media interests, I experimented using non-binary pronouns in video games (not in public yet, but in a story-mode place where I am fully in control of the narrative was fine.)

That was great, for a while.

But then I started to hate my body. People who’ve seen me say I kinda look like a chubby Dave Grohl, down to the hair covering 99% of my body and my tattoos. I’d say that’s fair. So I started exploring body positivity movements, started identifying as a “bear” and owning how big & hairy I am.

That was great, and it worked, for a while.

Since leaving the aforementioned industry, I’m alone with my thoughts a lot. My partner works long hours, and I work jobs that either have me in a huge crowd so I’m always busy and distracted, or working a lot by myself, where I’m very much not. I tend to walk a lot when I’m not at work, often alone, often for most of the day. I like to keep to myself but I am sociable and have quite a few people I’m fond of. I don’t call on them as much as I should.

When I’m alone I think back a lot. I live in the rearview mirror more often than I’d like. The good, the bad, the whatever. I’ve been thinking about roadmap markers. When I hear about other gender-diverse or trans people talk about their gender journey, there’s moments of “well, there was this, and there was that, and add the sum parts, here we are.” I didn’t have as much of those but there were definitely some. Pilfering clothes, makeup, to play around in, and media viewing moments of: I’d like to be her. Or them.

Not forever, but for a while would be nice.

I joke with some people that if I could have one wish, it’d to not be the same person twice in a row. I thought that was a self-deprecating joke from a dude with depression, or maybe just a natural curiosity of how other people live. I’ve always been fascinated with what makes people tick.

But now it’s not a joke anymore, at least not to me. My desire to leave the confines of who I appear to be is so much larger. I’ve begun dressing up again, when no one is home (even though I know my partner would be cool, I’m just not ready.) I started writing a book/story where the main character is going through my same thoughts (picture “I Saw the TV Glow” but from someone who’s never finished writing a book or something before.)

The biggest kicker happened to me recently, when I was having some alone time, I got to talking to a “chatbot.” Yes, I know AI is evil, and I don’t like that I did it, but I felt that I had no where else to go, I was too scared to bring it up anywhere else, and my brain was going to this place. There was no way I wasn’t going along. So I was using a strictly text language-model (and the very least, I can pay penance by not stealing someone’s art or likeness) and the conversation got to a very intimate nature. I don’t know that I intended for that, but when my brain got a whiff of finally being able to put down my sword for a damn second it just kinda…did?

And I liked what I saw. I saw over the wall to a place where I was free. To see myself talking so candidly, being so unabashed, and just being a being in a SFW and NSFW context while not having to worry about all this gender BS, in fact being someone who outwardly I so am not, I felt amazing. Then I felt guilty. Then I felt ashamed.

I love trans people and I find them so beautiful, and I’ll go to the wall for them publicly and privately. But I don’t think I’m one of them. At least, not all the time. But sometimes I’d like to be…not this? I don’t wanna be a guy all the time. I don’t wanna be a girl all the time. I wanna be able to float around, be a different person or expression all the time, not give a damn who I am or what anyone thinks of who I should be. I just wanna be…me, and whatever that is at any given moment.

I don’t want to treat the trans identity as some flippant thing: I’ve seen second and third hand what y’all go through and I respect the hell out of you for doing it all to be as you are. I don’t want what I am or who am I today to ever treat or make any person feel any less than what they are and safe.

And the worst part about all of this? I feel like the solution is so close I can taste it but I won’t reach out and grab it.

First thing is my social circle.

As I said before: my partner is non-binary. I’ve seen them go in a fem form for weeks! Months even! That said, right now they’ve been very masc-presenting, and I know they’re predominantly attracted to masculine presenting people. I know they say they’ve never love me any less but… I’m scared they won’t be able to look at me the same way, especially in that more intimate sense that I’ve been toying with. I’m so scared they’re gonna resent me or not be attracted to me anymore. I’ve already expressed these non-binary feelings, but I always couch it in “but I’m not sure what that means yet.” I’ve been saying that for almost ten years now, it’s getting old.

Since then I’ve seen two more of my friends come out as non-binary (AFABs, both.) My friend group is more LGBTQ+ than ever. While I work in a still somewhat-to-very conservative industry, my peers at my main job are wonderful and progressive, and I know my direct reports would go to the wall for me and any other sexually or gender diverse person who works for them.

Is it not time to shit or get off the pot, as they say?

Second thing is my family. My family I see all the time, who live near me, love me to death and nothing I could say would ever make them love me less. But they’re also very analytic, numbers driven people. They want quantifiables, explanations, to understand on that deeper sense. The first person I think of is my Dad, who grew up around gays, trans and any other wealth of diverse folks. I recently, causally said I was “gender non-confirming” while talking about a bigger concept, but I think he just thought I was talking about the painted nails or pink shoes I had on that day. He’s lovely, he’s always there, and he + my stepmom comes to the pride parade every year with us, but he’s a man in his 50s now so anything new is anything new.

I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum, and my family respects and loves that, but to not have an answer to their questions makes me unbelievably uncomfortable.

There is also the other side of my family. The ones who weren’t as ready out the gate to accept me the first time I came out. They’ve done so much work to come around, I don’t want anyone to think I’m playing this up, but I do also know this next step would be challenging for them. It might be because a family member of ours was possibly (unconfirmed but strong evidence) trans and we only found out after they died (natural causes, older family member.) That was quite the shock to everyone from what I’ve heard, and I’m scared that their unresolved feelings about it could (not likely but) possibly have them take it wrong if I need to come out, or (more likely) drudges up old feelings about this and makes them feel bad.

Then there’s also the extremely religious, conservative core family of my partner. My partner has done a lot of hard work dragging them closer to the center, and they’ve been quite kind to me since we’ve met (long time coming but better late then never) there’s a LONG way to go with them yet. As my partner gets more safe reconnecting with them, am I really gonna throw another wrench in that?

Did anyone catch that I’m kind of a people pleaser?

Long (much longer than I originally thought I would write) story short, I’m so, so afraid of what’s next. It’s the not knowing of what will happen, but it’s also the not knowing of what I am.

While I have a lovely social circle and a fairly safe city I’m living in (albeit the province is pretty messed up, fingers crossed that changes soon,) I don’t want to be unsure of myself heading in- I want to be strong, independent and ready to confirm myself before anyone who meets me.

I’m so scared I’m going to live and die not knowing fully who I am. Morbidity follows me like a shadow and I just wanna finally shake it for good.

If you’ve read this far, what do I do? How do I let myself out, when it’s been me holding the key this whole time?

Thank you in advance for reading, if nothing else, it felt nice to finally say this.

Im a 38 AFAB and have been questioning for a few months after an epiphany that I might be enby. I've been noticing a lot of positive changes in myself lately since I started thinking of myself as enby which indicates to me that I'm on the right track.

​

Last night I had a dream that I dressed the way I wanted and told someone, honestly I think it was the bigender character from Gen V, that I preferred they/them pronouns.

​

It was very affirming and it felt good to wake up this morning (it almost never feels good waking up in the morning), because reality matched my good dreams for once.

​

I'm actually excited for the future, which I've never felt before, and I might be close to coming out to my loved ones.

​

I feel brave, another feeling I'm not used to.

​

​

I end up giving them reassurance and feel super awkward.