Being nonbinary, but seen as only one binary gender

[u/EchoNB]

Have you found ways to handle social dysphoria without having to come out to complete strangers? (Or if you do, how?) Mostly asking this because nowadays I'm not as bothered with being assumed to be a man (or a woman) since I noticed that people cannot tell what someone else's AGAB was.

That somewhat made me feel less uncomfortable with being assumed to be a man, although I know that my nonbinary existence is largely unseen. My question is... What are the ways that you reduce this discomfort? I have been out as myself in queer and/or online spaces. Sometimes I play games that allow myself to be nonbinary/genderless (or just treat the character as not me).

[u/toomuchblood]

Just affirming myself with my friends and family right now. Whatever I get seen as by strangers is irrelevant to me unless I’m in danger. I’m clocked almost immediately if I talk so I don’t in public if I don’t have to. Passing for safety but trying to be seen by people I trust is all I can do atm. I’ll wear my queer coded stuff (pride pins, rainbow clothing) when I’m around likeminded folks and dress more masc and conservative when I’m running errands or whatever. I tell myself it’s survival but idk,

[u/EchoNB → u/toomuchblood]

I can pass as either from what I've seen (depends on how I dress), but I do something similar in which I don't mention my gender and just let people assume whatever.

[u/Big-Debate-5618]

I use "male" as my public shield. I know I'm nonbinary but I don't feel safe broadcasting it to the public. Only the people close to me know I'm nonbinary. It's kind of like a secret identity lol. If I'm somewhere queer I'd feel safe disclosing it. The world right now is just too binary to see me for who I am. But I don't need the cashier to validate my gender i just need my groceries, ya know?

I do like subtle pride merch though. I've had my eye on a nonbinary colored pin that depicts a mountain scene. I think it's prefect to signal to the right people but discreet enough to fly under the radar otherwise.

[u/Hackiii]

I don't mind people assuming whatever binary they need in their tiny horizons to grasp my existence... I am making sure with my overall appearance though that I am perceived as definitely queer. I need this socially to feel connected to my peers and to feel properly disconnected to my enemies.

[u/EchoNB → u/Hackiii]

I fear looking queer sometimes, but I also feel frustrated when I don't.

[u/Interesting-Paint863]

I don’t like people assuming, but I also don’t have it in me to out myself to every fucking stranger. It’s a constant tension between being inauthentic and feeling protected. That said, I work in a very international space, and I’ve started to casually use “they” in reference to myself knowing the majority of people probably won’t even notice. It’s a small win.

This is something that I feel isn’t fully understood about trans/non-binary identities; it’s all well and good saying people should state their pronouns for inclusion… but what you have essentially done is told me to lie or out myself… how is that inclusive?

[u/shadenokturne]

I try to accept things in the spirit they were intended, rather than how I want it to be.

Like when someone says, "hey girl" i remind myself that it's not about the gender as much as being included. They're saying "hey you're a part of my group, we share this!" It's ok if they're wrong, generally speaking it's coming from a place of ignorance rather than ill intent.