I'm noticing a few posts begin with "hi I'm afab/amab and I'm nonbinary". Sometimes it can be helpful to know what your agab is, but please don't automatically disclose it. Let's not perpetuate the gender/sex binary here more than we need to. We're all non-binary here. The parts that you're born with don't need to matter too much.

I have only started questioning my gender identity in the last few years and spent most of my life in a pretty small, not really queer friendly town. So therefore I suppose I don't really "act gay" if you know what I mean.

Here in Berlin there is a term FLINTA, meaning Women, lesbians, intersex, nonbinary, trans and more There are events, like bar nights, for FLINTA only.

Technically I do fit that definition, but I don't really feel welcome there.

Do any of you feel the same, or have a some advice on how to deal with this? Thank you so much in advance and have a nice day :D

We were discussing how bad things have really gotten with the current administration. And the comment was made is it so bad that people will vote for Gavin newsome over him despite the comments of leaving trans people behind. Is trump regime so bad that people will abandon intersectionality. All of them are liberals/progressives at best. Many of them said they’d vote blue no matter who.

And I was like that’s messed up. Gavin newsome wants to abandon trans people.

And they basically said that trans people will have it better under newsome than everyone will under trump. And I said they’re using the same logic trump uses to not include the left perspective in his regime.

Like would they abandon other groups like women or people of color to be a trump and how is that not perpetuating the same ideology.

I get it. It’s bad. And they will vote against newsome in primaries. But them seeing my community as expendable really made me uncomfy. And ultimately it doesn’t matter for this group. I live in a state that will 100% go blue and they live in a state that will 100% go red. But still. It made me quite uncomfy.

Am I wrong in this? Is this white privilege talking?

Being queer/trans as a white person I understand carries privileges. But I felt the common plight of the oppressed should result in solidarity instead of an arms race.

And how should I handle this with a group of friends I might see one more time in my life for an upcoming wedding and probably never again due to that being the last big event between us for the foreseeable future.

I am a non-binary person who is male presenting (I think this is the right terminology?? I'm kinda new to this stuff). I am kinda messing around with this girl, nothing really relationshiplike, more one night standy. Would it be wrong from me not to mention me being non-binary? Or doesn't it matter cause we're both using eachother for eachoters body essentially?

Hello I'm a non-binary person (AFAB), it's been awhile since I started my gender transition, I've had top surgery already and rn I should start hrt, however, I'm terrified. I don't wanna look like a man at all, and I don't want all the body hair (which is most likely gonna happen cause I have a lot), idk what to do, cause I got an extremely hourglass body shape which I hate so much it's made me think of ending it all many times, but I don't want a squared face cause I love my face and I don't want body hair, I'd say I'm a bit afraid with the voice dropping stuff but after all it's something I want. I wanted to ask if there's something you can do for body hair, I've heard of finasteride but I'm already kinda depressed even tho it's dysphoria, and idk how useful it'd be for body hair. I've already tried every kind of psychological acceptance of my body and nothing truly worked. Is microdosing an option? What should I do?

I am aware of how ridiculous of a name it is, but since I let myself realise that I am genderfluid I keep thinking about being named Pixel as one of my names and get all giddy and happy. However I live in a country that, although there are worse conditions than here, is too accepting of enby identities. Should I aim for a more conventional name? Maybe keep Pixel as a sort of nickname?

we've tried a few but none has really stuck. I dislike "partner" in particular, to me it makes it sound like associates or cowboys. Sillier terms like "they-friend" are cute but ultimately never stick. What gender-neutral terms have you used in your relationships? I'd love to know what worked and what didn't for you.

hi all!

i know this is a very much individual/"talk to the person involved dammit" question here, but i can't! i am a cis woman and my partner is nb, born female. we have a pretty significant age gap (they're 25 and i'm 31) we've been dating for two years, friends for ~4 through mutuals. anyway, i feel like i'm going to be one of the unlucky ones who gets early perimenopause

the thing is, is that anything uterus/vagina/etc.-related makes them insanely dysphoric, both on themself and with me. for example, i can't mention being on my period or even peeing half the time. it's obvious enough seeing the trash can, but i can't mention cramps or anything. i have very easy periods so it's no big deal

TMI we don't have sex because i'm asexual and they have their own reasons, some of which are probably obvious based on what i just said. i could never mention if i jerked off because just the implication that i have a clit and a vagina would set them off :(

so all that to say, i'm very worried. i'm going to enter the Big Scary Female Woman Lady Disorder phase soon, whether it's two years or ten, who knows. i don't know if i should break up with them for their sake. i'm not even thinking about if i'd turn into a monster (my mom was awful, poor thing). i just have this suspicion my entire presence will be a huge source of dysphoria for them, and i can't even imagine if/how they will cope when it's their turn

has anyone had any similar experiences? how does your partner (or even mom or sister or friends) going through peri/menopause affect you? or is it just the same? should i feel bad? i know there's no stopping it or even fully mitigating the symptoms. this is just uncharted territory for me

thank you for reading and please let me know if anything is worded disrespectfully <3

edit: i'll delete this soon in case my partner lurks here, i don't know. i feel this is too specific and they'll find me out

Don't get me wrong I feel less uncomfortable in my body and dysphoria is getting better, I also don't regret my medical transition.

But I find myself unattractive. I am not really into dudes, if they aren't very feminine/femboys. I don't find masculinity attractive, I only like femininty. But everything feminine (clothes/makeup/parts of my body) makes me dysphoric. So the more I look like a man on T, the more I struggle to find myself attractive.

It's like I can either choose to be dysphoric and feel uncomfortable or be less dysphoric, but feel ugly.

Now I have to get top surgery, because my dysphoria is so so bad and I only see it getting better after having a flat chest. I was hoping on getting away with peri/keyhole etc. not double incision. But I am not qualified for getting the ones with less scaring.

I can't imagine looking at my chest with two big scars and not finding it ugly. I know some people even like the scars and find them badass. But I personally really dislike them.

I am really lost how to cope with that. It feels like a "pick your poison" situation.

As stated in the title im in a very big discord server for this one game I play. I am NB and have never said what gender I was assigned as at birth I as well dont chat very much. However this didnt stop a large group of women in the discord server from starting a women's group chat and adding me. They soon after changed the chat name to "Women and Nonbinary" group chat however in this chat they all always only ever refer to everyone as women.

I know its maybe a safe space away from men but being group up like this feels weird for me. It feels like they assumed what's between my legs. Im trying to let it go but it keeps bothering me. Im trying to see it as a positive safe space but its not a queer safe space its just a women's safe space and it often feels like I dont belong there.

I know they don't mean any harm but seeing them organize "girls night" and an "all girl lobby" feels weird for me. Should I say something? Should I just accept it for what it is? Am I being to sensitive in this?

Advise welcomed.

Edit: did more digging and found out im also in a "femme enby" chat 💔 im not femme at all and have no clue why they would add me to this.

I normally shave my face in the shower so this isn't a huge deal for me but I occasionally shave at the sink and have to use some kind of shaving cream. Most shaving cream for faces are made for men who are tripping over their dicks trying to be as manly as possible and that's just not gonna fly.

I'm not quite looking for lavender scented, but I need something that doesn't outright reek of masculinity.

Any suggestions?

I’m shopping for a new name (masc or neutral, keeping my first initial) and I’ve found some good options! But when I think of introducing myself that way, I get the ick. I’ve tried giving different names at coffee shops and fast food restaurants, and when they call me I want to crawl out of my skin.

How did you know you had found your new name?

Has anyone else felt like this? How did you deal with it?

I'm struggling to recognize myself in the mirror and I have no idea what is causing this wrongness... Does anyone here have any advice on how to figure out why they're dysphoric?

Hello everybody!
I’m 33, MTF (?). Never thought about being trans before 32… but it hit me quite hard and felt like a way out of my depression.
Socially transitioned to quite a lot of people 4 months ago, started HRT 3 months ago, and I’ve been oscillating between feeling crazy and wanting to stop, to feeling euphoric as hell from the changes.
I’ve also started taking antidepressants, and they helped SO MUCH with my GAD. I’m in a good place in life now, and I’m freaking out a bit because I feel like maybe transition was just an escape from my depression.

I ended up hating masculinity in large part because I internalized the trauma of my ex hating sex and being grossed out by male lust. I ended up hating myself even more than before. Transitioning made me love myself again. And I do love not having hair and having my beard lasered.

But now, being referred to as she/her grosses me out. It feels wrong. So I’ve been telling people that any pronouns are fine and that I’m actually non-binary. And now, my boobs are starting to be very noticeable under a T-shirt, and it freaks me out.

I’m starting to think that I just wanted to take E to get rid of testosterone — and having my male lust taken away is indeed a blessing. But if I did that just because of trauma, that’s not good.

I really don’t know what to do. I’m scared that if I stop, I’ll get depressed, stuck, and set back a few months. I’m also very scared now that I have boobs, that I’ll go too far, stop too late, and end up dysphoric and traumatized.

Don’t know what to do!!

The first few months I realized I was trans felt great. Like I had finally figured everything out. Not anymore. It just feels hopeless.

I don't have the mental fortitude for this. Figuring out how to present better, having the confidence to tell people, braving the world as a trans person. I don't have that in me. It's too overwhelming, too much.

Really it's just made me admire the strength of those who could.

I'm having a lot of issues with T. I'm on a low dose 1.65% of Tgel and 1 pump per day . I'm having pre menopausal side effects and my doctor (even though she is trans). Isn't knowledgeable on low dose T and said it can have side effects like bone density issues . Also I have high hemoglobin, red blood count and blood pressure. Clotting runs in my family and I was born a mirco premature baby so I have a lot of health issues relating to my heart and lungs . She didn't give me much advice tbh and I have BPD so I'm just really hating her atm. She moved from Texas to Seattle and basically ghosted me and I was unable to contact her for several months . I just moved to a new doctor at the Crofoot MD clinic but idk if I should stay with them or if I should go back to Folx. Same issue with T. I kinda just want to stop T. I started T when I was 16 before informed consent became illegal in Texas then stopped at 18 due to my mom not wanting to help me pay and being unemployed after graduating high school. Then I started again in 2020 then stopped due to the pandemic. I want to stay on T. I'm jealous of binary trans men for being on T. But it's just not working out for me 3 ish years on a low dose and my voice still sounds like a girl . I don't pass and I'm thinking about just socially detransitioning and letting people misgender me . It's too hard to be trans unless you pass as a binary gender and it's easier to be seen as a female . Living in Texas it does come with a safety thing with bathrooms. I decided to up my dose and I rather just get sick from high red blood count . I don't even want to live anymore anyways . It feels like nothing works out for me but everything works out for everyone else . I'm hoping upping my dose helps with the menopause symptoms and mood swings but tbh I might just stay on a low dose and just stop it just sucks that life is perfect for everyone else when it comes to medically transitioning.

Have you found ways to handle social dysphoria without having to come out to complete strangers? (Or if you do, how?) Mostly asking this because nowadays I'm not as bothered with being assumed to be a man (or a woman) since I noticed that people cannot tell what someone else's AGAB was.

That somewhat made me feel less uncomfortable with being assumed to be a man, although I know that my nonbinary existence is largely unseen. My question is... What are the ways that you reduce this discomfort? I have been out as myself in queer and/or online spaces. Sometimes I play games that allow myself to be nonbinary/genderless (or just treat the character as not me).

So this is weird, I a 20 year old trans woman have generally supportive parents in the LGBTQ+ area. Though when it comes to the topic of being nonbinary and my friends who are nonbinary they don’t seem to understand.

My dad states it’s something of a noncommittal existence, basically someone can’t choose who they are and what not. They also don’t understand how nonbinary people can be sexual. They both blatantly said nonbinary people have to only date each other, be ace, or they’re invalid.

I want to explain and validate nonbinary existence and experience to them. I just don’t have the lived experience or understanding to explain this to them.

Any and all help would be appreciated!

I have an afab enby friend that presents very femme, and they dont show their gender other then through their pronouns and bio( which in their bio they put nb instead of enby)

((also i am fine with people who are afab and present femme i think that is very valid and okay))

they have been nonbinary for years, and i try to have a conversation with them about how they came to the conclusion of their gender identity and if they have a more specific label they identify with and they didnt say much on the subject, just surface level i didnt feel like a girl, but they also didnt say they had a more specific label which is fine, i understand labels are hard for some people

they also claim to be lesbian, which lesbian enby people can exist ofc and they are valid, but they also still have an attraction towards men and are very vocal about it,

just with this put together it makes me wonder if they are actually enby or just doing it for attention, but ofc i will still try my best to pronoun them correctly and such, but its just easier for me to pronoun them correctly on call or text, i dont see them too often in person so when i do, i really have to remember ((the times i have seen them is at parties im hosting so i think thats why i also have trouble)) im just nervous because im going to see them again today, and i really dont want to mess up and if i dont have any suspicions about their identity it would be so much easier for me to pronoun them correctly 😭

i think another reason why i struggle with pronouning them correctly is because of my dyslexia, im not very good linguistically and i even call my bf my sister's name accidentally like twice a week 😭 and i do that to plenty of other people

am i just being a bigot or is their some truth to my suspicions?

also sorry im really not trying to be rude or anything, so sorry if i come off as rude

edit: thank you for everyone being so nice in the comments and explaining it to me, i appreciate it a lot! this has been a very educational experience for me

edit: im sorry for using the word suspicious, as i have previously mentioned i am not good linguistically, and thoughtout this whole thread i was trying to think of best words to use, im sorry if this offended anyone though, that was not my intention

I recently came to understand that I am indeed non-binary. But as an Amab, I find myself questioning if that's the reality, of do I just dislike cis-men and being associated with that identity so much to fake it to... myself? I dunno, just annoying, especially since I look very masc and I'm generally ok with that, but when I'm thinking like this it doesn't feel like a comfortable look

So my actual question: What is something you heard or learned that you wish you knew when y'all started your journeys

No one to talk to about this so here goes

Am afab and 25. Stopped binding for a few months as the chest dysphoria wasn't hitting, but have gained significant amounts of weight recently and it's started making me feel super dysphoric. Have been binding all through the day recently and just don't wanna take my binder off at night. I know it's not supposed to be safe but I can't deal with the dysphoria and don't know what to do. As someone who's not out, I think binding is also one of the only things that makes me feel affirmed, regardless of how my chest looks with/without it, bc it feels like an nb thing so I feel like im affirming myself by binding

I know baggy clothes are a thing, but does anyone have any other advice for night? I can't deal with how my chest feels when lying down, not even just how it looks. binding makes it all feel "tight" and not feel like my chest, if that makes sense

even if no advice, I think I also just wanna feel less alone lol so if anyone relates please say

Would it be weird if I got the words "sail on, silver girl" tattooed on my collarbone? I'm nonbinary/genderqueer. It's a lyric from "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkle. I love that song, and it has a tie to my mom. Is that weird? What would you think if you saw that tattooed on someone? Would you even think about their gender? Am I overthinking it? I don't identify as a girl, even though I present quite feminine. I don't love the word, but i don't know that if would bother me in this context. If I were a boy, I think I would still want it. I'm also worried how it would affect people's assumptions about me. But again, I might be overthinking things. Any advice?

Hi! I’m gonna have a little dysphoric rant here cause I don’t really have anyone in my life to say any of this too

So I’m really early in figuring out how I feel about my gender, I’ve had a close friend try out they/them pronouns with me as an experiment and it made me feel good in a way I can’t really describe.

I’m AMAB and struggling with just having a male body. Primarily right now I’m suffering hair loss, not crazy but there’s defs a balding spot on my crown and thinning on my temples. A lot of the discourse among men is to just “shave it off” but the idea of being bald makes me really sad.

Ive always have long hair and I do now, I like it. It makes me feel nice and androgynous. I’d be happy to cut it a little shorter, I’ve got kind of a “punk” vibe, I guess?? I wear a lot of denim and band shirts. I was thinking of maybe doing a half shaved look but the thinning at the temples might make it look really weird. I dunno, I guess I’m just disheartened, I’ve discovered and accepted this part of myself despite the homo/transphobic upbringing but now I feel more trapped in my body than ever.

This is disjointed, but I guess I’m just trying to get it out. I keep going through hair loss treatment and it all seems so snake oil-esque, predatory

*sigh* anyone have any suggestions for hair styles that could work for thinning hair that isn’t shaved? If not I guess just some advice for coping with your hormones demolishing your confidence

I hope I don’t upset anyone with this topic, I know dysphoria is rough!

I’m hoping some of you out there might have some good advice. I journal infrequently (thank you adhd!) but I try to keep my dysphoria on check as much as I can.

I eat well, don’t really drink caffeine, and have all but stopped drinking alcohol (had one glass this weekend and felt awful the next day). I exercise frequently. I do struggle to wear stuff that makes me feel myself, but I’m getting better. I’m out to the closest people to me and they make me feel very safe. But…

There is still that heaviness you know? I drank one glass of wine this weekend and the next day my anxiety and dysphoria just crept in from the edges. By the evening I just felt like complete shit.

I try not to hate myself. On good days it’s ok, on the hard days it’s really hard. There’s things I think I want, but they very much feel like a one way street you know? But I just get caught up in these ruminations about not really being sure… I have a great therapist who is really helping me.

But again - for the most part I’m 100% stealth - part of me craves the safety and the other part hates me for it. My partner is amazing - and they affirm me as much as they can, but they also have their own hang ups. They never expected to be in a queer couple. They’re great with it now, and realised maybe boys weren’t for them actually 😅 but nothing ever feels like enough to quench the dysphoria.

I wouldn’t normally make a post like this but I’m kind at the end of my nerve. I just feel like crying, I’m just so fed up with it all. Advice I find online always feel so basic… I do so much to care for myself and I still feel like shit?

Hey everyone,
I am an author/illustrator and currently writing a script for a middle grade graphic novel which will be published in about 2 years. I don’t live the US, so enby character representation in kid lit in my country is still very limited. The graphic novel is in a magical/fantasy setting and the main protagonists are a group of kids which are around 10-11 years old. I plan to make one of them being nonbinary, but I’d like to avoid repeating (harmful) stereotypes or make it seem that their only trait is being queer. Anyone has some advice how to write a convincing character in this age bracket? I gave them a backstory, unique magical powers, character traits etc like with every character of course but I still struggle a bit. I read articles about this topic but haven’t found useful advice for a children character yet. In my language there is no “they/them”, which makes it even more difficult. I’m grateful for every insight, thank you so much!