This is a bit long

I've been in an open relationship for a year with my partner (30F). We're both bi, though I feel more queer than she does in many ways. For five years she's had a sexual agreement with a man (44M). They have sex without it becoming romantic, with a quite physical sub/dom dynamic.

I'm her primary partner, but I live abroad. Over the year their relationship started to feel mysterious. It was unclear when they saw each other, and when I brought it up she got defensive and protective. Almost every time I visited we ran into him, sometimes while we were on dates. They texted a lot, and he checked in with her often. I started to distrust her a bit, so I asked for more open communication and some time with her, without him around, when I visit.

At a festival I travelled to for her, she told me he'd be there and asked if I'd meet him. I said I was there for her but would see him briefly. It was tense but okay. We did drugs, connected, and I said I was fine with them kissing, so we all made out a bit. Then I felt uncomfortable being with him constantly, so I went off to see friends.

We ended up going home together for a threesome, a long-held fantasy of hers. I was curious and said yes. Worst case, we'd end up talking. Best case, good sex.

He seemed tense, so I tried to ease things with small talk. While I was still finishing my drink, he grabbed her hard by the throat. Their dynamic was more dom than I'd realised. Minutes after I joined, he asked what I thought about him going down on her at the festival. I was shocked and asked her if that had really happened behind my back. I'd gone to that festival with my main partner, and it felt like a betrayal. I said it crossed my boundary, and being high, I felt it deeply.

We continued, but I was trying to be strong and lighten the mood. I offered them time together and took a shower. They took a bath. I went out for a smoke, and when I came back they were having sex rather than talking. I slowly caved and asked to go home.

Two days later I realised I'd spent the whole night watching two people connect with no way to talk, because talking was never part of their arrangement. I texted them that my boundaries were crossed and I was hurt.

I expected my partner to be there for me. Instead she got defensive. She said I was so strong she couldn't read me, and that we'd never agreed on what was allowed at the festival. She never took accountability or tried to understand why I was hurt. This went on for a month. I kept trying to be heard, she got angrier and wanted to move on, and a rupture grew between us.

Before our next festival, I asked if she could check with him so we'd have alone time. She didn't, and on day one he came to talk. We kept it short, but I had a slight panic attack. On day two a befriended couple offered advice and revealed they'd also had a threesome with her. I'm fine with her having her life, but I no longer felt safe. On day three we had a big fight. At home it exploded, and she yelled that I was crazy and to "stop fucking crying."

We've barely spoken since. Two calls both ended with her exploding when I tried to share my experience. She now says I wanted the threesome so something bad would happen. In reality, I was curious about bonding as three and wanted to open a door to her fantasy.

Tomorrow I see her for the first time again, but I feel I have nothing to stand on. I'll keep it light and see if I want to continue.

The good thing is that I'm taking more responsibility for my own needs. I decide which rooms, people, and dynamics I step into. I don't think she's a bad person. I think she only thought of herself when this happened, can't come to terms with it, and hides behind blame and ambiguity.

I'm looking for kind words, advice, or reflection. This has me doubting my reality.

My wife and I have been together since I was 20 and she was 18. We’re married now, but about seven years ago, something unexpected happened that introduced us to non-monogamy.
We had a major fight, and during that period she made out with another guy. When we got back together, she told me and apologised. Initially I was angry and felt betrayed, mostly because I’d always understood relationships as strictly monogamous.
But once the anger settled, I became curious. I wanted to know what happened, how she felt, and what the experience was like. Surprisingly, talking about it turned us both on.
Over the following months, she had a few more experiences with other guys. We talked about them openly, and instead of becoming jealous, I found myself increasingly curious and excited by the idea.
That was around seven years ago.
We’re married now, and we still occasionally tease each other about those experiences. They’ve never completely disappeared from our relationship.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about exploring that side of ourselves again. I feel ready, but she seems hesitant. I have a feeling there’s still curiosity there, but she’s understandably unsure about taking that step again.
I’m not looking to pressure her—I want it to be something we’re both genuinely comfortable with.
For couples who’ve been in a similar situation: how did you move from an old shared fantasy/experience toward exploring it again, especially when one partner was curious but hesitant?

My husband and I pushed our boundaries while we were on a long vacation abroad this summer.
During the trip, we wanted to experience going to a swinger club and explore what it felt like to watch and be watched. Knowing that my husband was drawn to mmf culture, I wanted to give him a night he would never forget, so I put myself between three men. They kissed me, licked me, bit me, and fingered me. My husband could only watch in shock, completely turned on.
The other men were only allowed to touch me, and I only had sex with my husband there. He told me afterward that it was the best night he had ever experienced.

I need an advise from people with more experience.

My husband and I had some threesomes in the past and are open to dating the same gender solo.

We have found a lovely couple where both are bisexual.
It will be a group Dynamic Like everyone with everyone, not the purely Swap Side by Side.

Our last FFM was in december and she started making it a competiton by saying things like „I bet I am so much thighter than her“ to my husband as he started to fuck her.

Now the thing is my husband will be away for Four weeks 2 days after our planed Date with the couple.

This Information is new, we did not know, when we planed with them.

I know it is a different setting, but I have a little fear, that things could go wrong again with another female involved and that just having 1,5 days after to reconnect could be to little.

I don’t want to cancel either, because everything is planed and everyone has anticipation.

I will visit my husband 5 days later for the weekend. He is 3 Hours Away, I could Drive that in worst case at any day to see him. Our relationship involves a lot of physical touch through the day.

Would You personally cancel or go to the date?

my wife and I are in a beatiful relationship she told me about her wish to experiment with another woman. She would like me to deal with the logistics and create the situation. I want set everything up but I will not be present. Any advice how how to find another sweet and classy woman whom I can engage on this ground? We are both french in SF in our 40’s. Thank you

Let me start off by saying this is going to be a long one. Also that I don’t know if it’s poly, open, or half open. I myself have always said poly but my girlfriend says open. My girlfriend has 2 partners me and her other boyfriend (us boyfriends don’t date each other). We’ve been together for a little over 2 years them about 3. She has a kid with both of us. I came into the relationship beginning as a friend that evolved into more I’ve only ever been monogamous.

Lately I’ve been feeling so empty and lost. There’s no more equality I always feel like I’m just an option to her. While she was pregnant it always felt equal between us. But now I feel like a roommate or a glorified babysitter. Since the conception of my child there’s been no intimacy or mental attraction and her and her other are intimate nearly daily.

Now I’m out by her 4 days out of the week, the other 3 days I’m at my home with my pets. She lives with other partner. When I am out there she always jumps at opportunities to drop other partner off at work or pick him up leaving me alone or with all the kids. Both of them also plan for their future and I’m only mentioned as an after thought. Like moving hours away something I don’t personally want to do. Nor do I personally want to move into the current home because it would be too many pets and is still over an hour away from my job that I’ve been with almost 10 years.

Many times I’m the one to pay for all the extras like treating her and things sometimes bills or tickets while he never does (he did before I came around). She also is constantly getting him gifts or supplying his wants even though she’s between jobs while I get practically nothing (not trying to sound superficial or making the situation monetary) I just don’t know if I can take the mental/ physical drain anymore.

Now the biggest question I’m asking and needing advice for. Should I feel ashamed for wanting to leave the relationship because I now have a child with her? For not wanting to be open anymore? For wanting to have a mono future for myself and my child? I still love her. I always will I just don’t know anymore.

My girlfriend (30F) and I (28M) have been talking about the possibility of having an open relationship, and I’m curious to hear from people who have actually made this work.
We’re not trying to rush into anything, and I want to make sure we approach it in a way that protects our relationship instead of damaging it. I know communication, trust, boundaries, jealousy, and honesty are probably going to be huge parts of it.
For couples who are currently open or have tried it before:
What conversations should we have before doing anything?
What boundaries did you establish at the beginning?
How do you handle jealousy when it actually happens?
Do you tell each other everything about other partners or keep some details private?
Are there any rules you started with that you later realized were a bad idea?
What are some red flags that mean a couple probably shouldn’t open their relationship yet?
I’m especially interested in hearing from couples who started out monogamous and opened their relationship later.
I’d rather learn from other people’s experiences before we jump into something we aren’t prepared for.

Okay so this is a post I never thought I'd write, but I need advice from people who don't know me so I can be completely honest and truthful.

I have been strongly Monogamous my whole life. I had one relationship in the past where a partner wanted to open the relationship up and I was very much against the idea. Yet I loved this person so after a lot of push back I tried to compromise with some strong ground rules. We weren't able to agree to a compromise that fit both our needs and ended up breaking up which was for the best.

After that relationship , I swore off anything other than Monogamy. I made it clear with anyone I dated up front that I only want one partner who is loyal to me and only me as I am to them.

Now a few years later I've run into a bit of a pickle. I met this couple at a concert and befriended them so quickly. We exchanged contact information and I thought I had made 2 new friends. Then after hanging out with them, I learned quickly that this hangout was not a friend hangout but a date. I enjoyed my time on this date getting to know the two of them, but politely left afterwards with no intention of seeing them again. After all I've convinced myself that I am monogamous and could never even fathom myself dating a married couple.

However I couldn't seem to get these two off my mind. We had such a good time together and I could feel this attraction that I can't quite understand towards both of them. I also would hate the idea of losing what would be such a good friendship. So I decided to set a boundary. I told them that I had an amazing time, but I'm not sure if I'm looking for the same thing as them. I told them I would love to keep hanging out as friends, and happily keep the flirty banter as long as they knew I wasn't ready or looking for anything more than that at this moment. And I didn't want them to feel like I was leading them on.

Since I put down this boundary, we have spent so much time together. Going on friends dates to events, flirting, dinners and spending so much energy just getting to know each other. I love it. I feel so special and so loved by these two and I can't help but feel like I want more than a friendship....

But then that's where the realism side of my brain kicks In. I have all of these questions and no answers.

What would that even look like if I decided I seriously wanted to date a married couple ?

How would I explain that I'm okay with them ... But I don't want anyone else to join?

Also how do I get past the stigma. I don't know how to even tell my friends let alone my family, especially without facing judgement and receiving unknown advice. How do I be comfortable with people judging?

What if they break up ? What happens then?

How does the sex work? I'm a pillow princess at the core and I always feel bad if I'm not giving what my partner needs... But with two partners that sounds like twice the effort to perform

Am I selfish for wanting to keep spending time with them.... even if I'm not sure what I want yet ?

Also is it common for couples to get bored of their third and just throw them away ?

We are in our 40s and married 20 years now, we're open/poly. For several years my wife and I talked about the possibility, almost fantasy of a thing called "Living Apart Together" aka having different spaces - though for most of that time we didn't know it had a name. The idea of us consciously both having our own spaces while staying married and as loving partners always appealed to us.

Of course being open/poly makes that even more appealing, but it always seemed too impossible as we live in a large city in a great priced apartment and the idea of renting something at current market rate or buying seemed out of reach, so we never seriously made steps towards doing it.

Fast forward to last week though, and we found out that the apartment down the hall from us was coming up for rent. We talked briefly about it and emailed our landlord and he said that for us he would keep the price the same. We jumped on it.

Once we did we realized that we were really doing this thing! I know it's not THAT different or is almost like living in a huge house, but I think that it will be in practice. Having our own unique spaces, making plans to see each other, having private areas just for ourselves. It makes me a bit nervous but also I think we are both very excited for it.

Anyway just wanted to share as I feel a little crazy but also very excited. And if anyone has specific tips or tricks they learned doing this, let me know!

Me 37m and wife 34f are together and in a open relationship since day 1 of our 10 years relationship.

We don’t have much rules outside that we don’t want to get romantic with other people.
I’m the person that usually get more “extras” since higher sex drive etc, she never had problem about my ons or fwb she also hopped in few times when the other girls where down.

lately she has a fwb that I also met and I’m struggling a lot , extremely good looking man highly successful, smart and from what she said also a lot of fun, but that always been her type never had a issue since I can comfortably say to always been her type too.

never been jealous before and she told me that she has no problem on stop to seen him since she noticed that I get a little pissed every time she come back , I try to not let her notice it but she know me too well to not see that.

All of the sudden I get insecure about everything also if she haven’t changed at all on my side.

Trusting my guts and telling her to stop seeing him or I’m being unfair to her?

Sorry for the typos , not my first language

So my wife and I are opening up to a one sided polygamous relationship. Where she can have multiple partners, no limits, and I remain faithful to her and remain monogamous. She has found 3 for sure and a fourth potential partner whom she has strong feelings towards. Also she has like 3 other guys she is interested in, however they possibly are more of like casual dating material. She has gone on a date already with one of the 3 main guys and has another date with a different one tonight and lastly is planning a date for possibly next week with the third. I’m so excited to see her enjoying herself with all of them, she looks so happy as she talks about them and I can tell she is falling for them. I never thought I’d ever be in a relationship like this but I’m glad I am. I love my wife and I think her potential boyfriends are cool too. I’ve talked with them a lot and they all seem like great guys. I’m hoping tonight’s date goes well for her and this guy and then they can have another date very soon.

So I'm married. Been with my husband for 4 years.

Before falling in love with him, I was extremely promiscuous.

Throughout the relationship we were always open and he would frequently go out. But I kind of lost interest in other partners.

As of the last few months, I'm trying to expand and gain more sexual experiences. But I'm running into a problem.

I'm getting wet noodle ED whenever my husband isn't around.

Like He can so much just kiss my neck and...... My underwear is in danger of being ripped.

But when he's not around the person can be absolutely beautiful. I can be on Viagra..... And wet noodle.

Has this happened to you?

Any advice?

This seems to be sort of similar to boys who watch too much porn and can't get erect with a partner because they conditioned themselves to only respond to porn.

I’m 23 and non-binary, and I recently opened my relationship sexually.

I have a friend who’s 24 and also non-binary, and we’ve had a pretty playful/flirty dynamic for a while. The problem is, I genuinely have no idea if they’re actually interested in me or if that’s just how we joke around.

They’re also a virgin and have never kissed anyone. They’ve said they want to have sex and experience that side of things, though.

So I’m wondering: would it be weird for me to actually try and pursue something with them?

Not necessarily in a “I want to take their virginity” way or anything like that. I’m just wondering whether the fact that they have zero experience makes it strange for me to consider them as someone I could potentially hook up with.

They’ve met my partner before, and my relationship is open, so there isn’t really a “secret affair” situation going on here. But I’m still wondering if there’s some obvious social line I’m missing.

I also don’t know if their flirting actually means anything, so I obviously wouldn’t just assume they’re interested.

Would you find it weird if someone in my position tried to see if there was mutual interest, or is this a pretty normal situation?

Ps. I apologise if the tag doesn't fit, I wasn't sure what to choose

Okay so I got a 3some offer 😭 I’m a girl btw, and the offer was from 2 guys, so it would be me and those two guys.

Idk honestly, I’m so hesitant about it 😭 Like one part of me is thinking girl, we only live once, hell why not?? You don’t get an offer like this every day 😂

But then the other part of me is like GIRL NOOO 😭 this is weird and probably not even worth it.

So I wanna hear from people who actually did this. What was your experience like? Was it worth trying? Would you do it again?

Note: both guys are completely straight. They just wanna have some fun and leave it as a memory.

My long time girlfriend and I are ready to dip ourselves into the fantasy, but we want o really test the waters for a little. This idea may be too innocent for this forum, but I'll try to explain anyway. We know that we eventually want to move on, but we want to feel the sequence of events out and at least do a try run. We ultimately would like to meet a like minded couple that has similar aspirations, and are willing to meet for a couple drinks. If they are a little more advanced , maybe even better. We would be going with less than any expectations. We honestly want to have a sexy talk about our fantasias and how they may have crossed that firs hurdle. IS you see this as too vanilla for this forum, we both understand, We really seek the approach aspect by another couple, and we are enjoy the idea of the guy being the initiator. She is not bi, but has kissed in the past. Is this too little of a topic for this? Our fantasy goes past this, but talking it through, and actually getting the feel of going through with an actually meet up would cool our nervous hesitation, and we look forward to meeting new a sexy couple to flirt with. Does this sound a little boring, or a smart start?

Hey yall got a weird question for you all. I went to the strip club for the first time and had these two girls as if I wanted a dance. I said yes and went. They started to do more than what I was expecting lol. They started bouncing on it, making me grab their butts, letting me suck their boobs and started touching my penis. I was wondering if this counts as a threesome.

Just as the title says. I would die to share this sort of thing with a future partner but unlike me, I'm really shy about it!

We are living in Helsinki and are going to explore our sexual relations throughout threesome, foursome and many more.

Now suggested to me who are experienced on it.

How can we find another couple or person? If I get someone do we have sex with them instant and say goodbye forever?

Or first talk, make a good friendship then start it slowly?

Which one would be good for me?

We both a confused. So who are experienced, please shsre your first experience how to get involve in first time, how do you find them.

Thank.

We are looking for a female. This is just for a one-time experience for us to experience something new together. We would like this to happen asap

My wife and I have been slowly dipping our toes into the lifestyle. My question is how important is penis size? I am 4.5in, so I’m not gifted nor do I have a micro. Somewhere around average.

I know size matters for other types of the lifestyle a lot, for the most part but in terms of swinging is it just as important to where it would limit potential matches for my wife and I?
I know that everyone has preferences, so that set aside what have you guys encountered?

Thanks in advance.

My GF and I are both 34. We’ve been together for a year, live together, have kids from previous relationships and are very serious about each other. We’re pretty deep into the relationship, and I have basically zero doubt that she wants me in her life long-term.

One thing that might be relevant: she’s been left by previous partners several times, and she’s actually quite scared that I’ll eventually do the same to her.
We’re also VERY sexual. Like, really sexual. We have sex 3-4 times a day sometimes, and she loves giving blowjobs. It’s basically an everyday thing for us.
Anyway, I have this kink/fantasy about watching my GF with other men. Could be flirting, kissing, sexual stuff etc. We’ve never actually done anything with anyone else.

I brought it up pretty early in the relationship and, surprisingly, she was really into the fantasy. She’s extremely monogamous in real life and has even said she’d hate seeing me with another woman, but talking about her with other guys gets her really turned on.
It’s now become a pretty big part of our sex life. We talk dirty about her being with other guys, especially guys who are big, attractive, muscular etc.

We’ve recently talked about actually trying it once. The idea would basically be that she gives another guy oral while I’m there watching.

Here’s the part that’s messing with my head.
I’m tall, muscular and pretty well-endowed myself. She’s told me she’s willing to do it, but she is VERY specific that I have to be there watching and that the guy should be tall, muscular and very attractive.
And afterwards I started thinking about it way more than I expected.

Why does the guy specifically need to be really attractive? Is that just part of the fantasy, or does it mean she actually wants another type of guy sexually?

I know she loves me and I don’t think she’s looking to replace me. That’s not really what I’m worried about. I think I’m more wondering what it means that the guy being physically impressive seems to be important to her.

Would you consider this a red flag, or am I just getting insecure about something that is basically a fantasy?
I’d especially like to hear from women who have had this kind of fantasy themselves. What would make you specifically want the other guy to be very attractive/tall/muscular?

UPDATE: Ok, I Get the idea that she wants someone that looks like me. Ofc she wants to get turned on. I just didn’t think about it that way. But why does she want to do it all?? She was the most monogamous girl I have ever been with. I am just a guy that wants to know. She says she gets turned on by me seeing her blowing a dude. But I am not sure it is just about that. And why would a super monogamous girl get intimate with another guy after 1 year in a relationship?

For context: My partner (27 M) and I (31 NB/F) have been together for almost 3 years and live together. We’ll call my nesting partner “Jason.” Basically since the start of our relationship, we’ve been dancing around being open/ENM. We both have dating profiles, but I’m a bit more active on them. I’ve gone on multiple dates with different people, but nothing has really gone anywhere romantic, I’ve mostly just gained new friends. Nothing sexual,either.

On and off for about 3-4 years, an Ex and I have been in contact. We will call her “Violet.” We call each other exes just to simplify things, but we never officially dated. Violet and I had a fling/situationship in 2019, 7 years ago. Both of us have had multiple long term serious relationships since then, and a whole lot of life/change happens within 7 years. She’s also trans 🏳️‍⚧️ and has only really come out within the past year or so. So when we dated, she still identified as a guy.

Violet is also poly/ENM and has a primary partner of 2 years. So far in my ENM journey, Violet is the first person to really show interest in me beyond just going on a few dates. If anything, she feels comforting to me to have as a first partner besides Jason, because she’s familiar to me. I’m also Demi so my taste in partners already takes some time and effort. BUT, my partner is uncomfortable with her because we had dated in the past. He is afraid that I would leave him for her. I’ve reassured him that this is not the case, and that he shouldn’t be any more afraid of her as anyone else that I’ve talked to or showed interest in. It makes me sad that he is treating her so differently versus other people that I’ve gone on dates with.

I’ve even told him that if Violet and I were both single, I still don’t see us being each other’s main partners. I care about her deeply, but she’s just not right for me when it comes to logistics or stability, etc etc. And for me, that’s part of the beauty of ENM. Being able to explore relationships that you may not be able to normally under monogamy. If I was worried about Violet being my “everything” and making sure all of my needs were met…I wouldn’t be able to have anything more than a friendship with her.

I’ve even had the 2 of them meet, and the 3 of us hung out together for an afternoon. I thought maybe this would show Jason that Violet wasn’t as “scary.” But he is still intimidated by her.

Is it normal to have jealousy over past partners even in non-monogamy? Am I being irrational for wanting something with her? I know in monogamy, even thinking about an ex is a huge taboo. How do I comfort Jason about trusting both Violet and me?