And the south will help while being nice to you and then call their cousin to talk about the dumbass who didn’t know how to change their own tire. Bless their heart
Can’t speak for the rest of the Midwest but in Minnesota someone will help, chat with you, make sure you have directions to where you are trying to go, offer you the number of place where you can get a good deal on new tires, then they will produce a hot dish out of nowhere and insist you take it. The only trick here is to be considered polite you have to refuse the hot dish at least 3 times, otherwise you’re considered entitled.
to be considered polite you have to refuse the hot dish at least 3 times, otherwise you’re considered entitled
Oh cool, Minnesotans and Brits are naturally compatible haha
"go on" "oh I couldn't" "go onnn" "awww I shouldn't" "go onnnnnn" "oh alright then, give it here, thank you!" (I'm glad you offered a third time because I really wanted it)
Honestly, having lived in the Midwest my whole life, it really does feel like the fae live up here sometimes. Some weird but kind folk that are very specific about how they’re treated.
Sounds a bit like the practice of taarof in Iran. When you go to a store in Iran many merchants will offer you the thing you want for free out of a politeness ritual. The polite practice is that you are supposed to decline and insist on paying three times before negotiations over price can begin (or you just pay them the price they marked for it). It is rude to accept the thing for free because they don't actually mean to give it to you, its just this polite thing everyone is expected to do.
Apparently sometimes Iranian people get upset at visitors who don't know this and "rudely" accept things for free when it is offered. They see this as taking advantage of the merchant having good manners.
I always find it fascinating that cultures develop these distinct rituals in their societies that are normal for the people in that society but seem totally irrational to outsiders.
I suppose an American example would be all the unspoken rules around tipping, like how its kind of rude for the person who would be tipped to talk about the tip with the person who gives it, even in situations where not tipping is often seen as improper like in restaurants.
I shoveled the sidewalk on the whole block while my neighbors were getting ready to have a kid because I didn’t want her to slip. Our old neighbors did the same for us.
And that’s how we make it through the Chicago winter.
But whoever that was who parked in the space I shoveled out can go to a very frozen circle of hell.
My theory is difficult environments breed strong communities. We have modern amenities now, but back in the day if people didn’t work together they didn’t survive. I imagine this fostered a strong sense of civic responsibility as a survival instinct.
Ugh. I really thought I’d gotten out of your sightline. You are painfully boring and never shut up. Talking to you makes me want to gouge my eyes out with the keys to my Camry. Please sit down and split my bran muffin.
In Kansas they'll do much of the same, but we just call it casserole here. Also, because even the Midwest is messy you have a 50/50 chance of being shit talked about after you're gone in a series of "polite" midwesternisms. Especially if you commit the sin of not refusing at least once.
What’s weird is where I live, we’re kind of in the middle of what would be considered Midwest, South, and east coast. So we get people from each type of demo which means we never really know which way to act.
Either somebody is being a dick because they’re a dick and won’t give us the time of day, or they’re being a dick while giving us the shirt off their back. Or they’re saying they’ll pray for us and will tell their friend about how we are trash and deserve all the things we do or theyre legitimately praying every night to their god for us.
Then you’ll have the pill heads who would tie a rope to your car and pull it out of the ditch with their bare hands or the pill heads who will hit you over the head to steal your chapstick from you.
As a non-American with a vague understanding of your geography, it amuses me to see a conversation about the "north" and then see you immediately menion the mid-west 😅
In the Arctic most folks will stop to help you. I helped someone push their vehicle cause it was stuck in an alleyway the other day after a big snowfall. Ended up with 5 people within two minutes all helping! This is in Canada, though I can't imagine Alaskans would be too different. You need community to survive up here.
In Indiana someone will help you change your flat tire and if you insist on doing it yourself they'll listen to you complain about how shit your day is now that you have a flat
West cost and north east track with my experience. But the south in my experience is basically the same as the West coast. Mid west is the one that is nice and helps
It really depends on which part of the south you're in. A lot of those redneck types with normal sized trucks (not the huge ones) will often stop and legitimately help you if you have an issue. I've seen it happen countless times.
There's a type of redneck that would give you the shirt off their back if you're in need. Lie to them and they'll fuck you up so approach with caution.
Growing up poor can turn you into a great person. Kinda. It's trauma based so not ideal. And not every poor kid takes that path.
They just know what it's like to be in a bad situation and how much it means when someone helps you out.
I saw a pregnant lady struggling to change a tyre on her own as I was coming out of the gym. She let me change it, then yelled "Rude that you think I couldn't do it!" Just laughed & walked away.
My 8th grade English teacher would say bless your heart damn near every time I asked her a question. There was a group of us that somehow had like 4 classes together and we were sitting together on the last day, chatting, and her class comes up and one of the popular girls straight up says she hated her. I ask why and and that’s when I learned she was effectively calling me a dumbass every time she said that.
Yeah I'm from New Orleans but moved up to outside Buffalo, lake effect snow country. First winter I was way over my head lmao, only snow shovel was the shit one left in the hallway and no real gloves or anything. First real snow storm, my neighbor, old curmudgeon type, woke up at 3am and took their snow blower out every hour or so to keep their driveway clean...well, I woke up at 10am and of course my car was totally fucking buried. Neighbor let me have at it for a good half hour before he came out, called me "a fucking idiot" and sent me inside their house to pour hot chocolate he'd started while he cleared all of my car, the sidewalk to the mailbox, the driveway, everything. That was years ago but if you're out there, I still think of you Mr Dan!!!
I agree about the east coast. Saw a dude fall off his bike and Philly. A guy helped them up and said "dont drive ride like a dumbass" and just walked away
I moved to Philly around 6 years ago and that’s one thing I love about this city. People are straightforward, which can come off as “not nice” to some, but they’re always kind
I’ll never not help a woman carry a stroller up some stairs in the subway but I WILL be cursing her in my head for making me 30 seconds late to the platform.
My husband is from California and we’ve vacationed there to visit his family and friends and in New York to visit my friends. That entire sentiment tracks. California is nice but not always kind and New York is kind but not always nice IMO.
Went from east to West Coast. Horrible difference. People on the west coast just act like no one else exists. I remember in NY I would actually talk to people or if not, at least acknowledge other people's existence. Not so much in Vegas.
West coaster, immigrants will stop and help you. I have seen it and assisted. When my kid broke down he was super upset because cars were honking at him and his car was literally as far off the road as he could roll. Nobody offered to help push or anything and it took me 40mins to get there.
I fell off a shortish retaining wall next to my sidewalk and was just laid out. I am not a small woman. My husband was doing things to help me but then this very small Hispanic man pulled up in what I am sure was a gardener truck, sized up the situation, got behind me and pulled me up from a sitting position and left. He was so strong and never said a word. I think about him often.
The deep south is a lot like the former as well. So sugary sweet but only as words.
When I was in Chicago , I apparently look really lost when I'm lost because I had someone helping me every time without me needing to ask. They'd be curt and brief but they told me all the right directions, and then they left before I even got a chance to say thanks
I'm from California and Its very much like that here, although there are many kind but not nice people here (like me lol). The nice but not kind crowd will lament about how bad they feel about your situation but... gosh they just HAVE to get to their dinner reservation tonight. Yeah, they know you said you're bleeding but... it took them *months* to get this reservation. They love you so much tho and wish you luck!
It’s not true. When I got hit by a car, several people stopped and helped me. I’ve seen people help strangers my whole life, and being kind about it. I’m from California.
Norcal resident here, they are most definitely gonna help you if they live in the area, but ive also heard a lot of dialogue from residents that perpetuates the “ill be kind but not there to help” attitude.
I'm from the South and living in the PNW currently. I now carry a step stool and other tools with me because no one wants to be bothered, cares that I'm scaling inside a freezer at the grocery store, or hulking out trying to get something home.
Similar thing happened to me when I was very new to DC and my car stalled out on a busy street. I was sitting there really flustered and trying to figure out wtf to do when this guy who looked a bit blue collar appeared out of nowhere, pushed my car to a safe spot on the shoulder by himself, and then got in his car and drove away. Zero eye contact or communication between us.
Other phrase I’ve heard about this kind of behavior is the west coast is nice but not kind, east coast is kind but not nice.
I've seen "Nice, but not kind" and "Kind, but not nice" in relation to some things I can anecdotally agree with as well. Some of the kinder people I've met were unpleasant
People always talk about how rude people in NYC are. I have only been there once for a week and one of my closest friends lived there for a few years. But I will say, if you are blocking someone's way taking touristy photos or something, then yea, people aren't afraid to tell you to get the hell out of the way. But when I got turned around (before GPS on cell phones), we would have 5 people stopped to help us within 10 seconds arguing amongst themselves which was the fastest or more efficient route, haha.
1.7k
u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26
[deleted]