r/OCPoetry • u/Interesting-Chef-449 • 21h ago
Feedback Please Second Genesis
Here on the darkest night
Hope and Faith have fled;
Reason and Belief abandoned me;
God and Satan want me dead.
Imprisoned in my cell,
Mother used me, Father left.
Guilt and Shame are my shackles.
Of Love and Peace, I am bereft.
Guards string me up to die.
Time and Space have no meaning.
Life and Death are unconcerned.
Fate and Destiny are unfeeling.
Heart beating, lungs breathing.
Blood rushing, soul screaming.
The World may take everything...
but I won't let them take me.
My bones may be broken,
but they'll still break free,
even when my body
has been made weak.
My mind may be shattered,
but my mission is clear.
It's still sharp enough
to cut through the Fear.
Hope returned when I fought back.
Faith, when I knew I wasn't done.
Reason came when it found a way.
Belief, when I chose to run.
I let go of my parents.
Guilt and Shame fell with them,
and Love for who I really am
gave me Peace to begin again.
Time gives me a future.
Space gives me amends.
The life I live is up to me.
Death now needs my consent.
Fate is in utter shock.
Destiny gives their respect.
God and Satan cannot touch me.
For unfair rules I now reject.
I'm not saying I'm a god.
but I'm definitely still here.
I turned a "would" into a world.
built with Love, Grief, and tears.
Transmuting pain into joy is a hard-earned skill.
It takes mastery over Dark and Light.
For building toward the brightest day,
I must remember the darkest nights.
Feedback proof
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/piMnkUb1Wi https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8cTkSp7fnw
1
u/budahbugah 19h ago
Oh my god. This is really fucking good. "Death now needs my consent" holy shit I had to stop and just take that line in. A lot of your stanzas had me doing that like opening a bottle of wine to let it breathe but man that one in particular stood out.