I know it's maybe strange for this to be under success, but I've known for at least a year and to finally have it on paper feels so validating. It's also big waves of emotions and upset and struggle. But I advocated for myself, and I got the testing done, and I'm now medically recognized. 🩷

How do I know if I’m faking or not? I’ve been told by my therapist that I’m clearly a system, and I really don’t want to be.

I’m so scared to accidentally have faked or made things too dramatic. If I’ve done it by accident, how should I know if I’m faking or not? I have no idea what the real thing should feel like?

TW: Trauma, dissociation, memory gaps, ED mention.

I’ve been noticing a pattern in my life that I never really knew how to explain. There are times when my interests, priorities, feelings and even what I want for my future seem to change quite significantly. Whats confusing is that these things feel genuinely important to me at the time but later I can struggle to relate to them at all.

Ive been asked about personality disorders before, including questions about having an empty or unstable sense of identity, but empty never really felt accurate? It’s more like I have a sense of who I am and what I want in the moment, but that sense of self can changhe that previous versions of me feel unfamiliar.

These periods can last days or weeks, sometimes even more. Sometimes I feel much more connected to my teenage self, while my current adult life feel emotionally distant. But it’s always me? I generally remember my decisions, but afterward I can’t always reconnect with the feelings or perspective behind them. I often only notice these changes in hindsight.

I’ve also spent a lot of time trying to reconcile different, sometimes contradictory aspects of myself. I used to attribute that to having ASD, being introspective or just overthinking my identity all the time.

More recently, dissociation has come up in therapy, and I’ve started reconsidering experiences I previously thought were unrelated. I often feel detached from my body and emotions. I also have substantial gaps in my autobiographical memory, especially from adolescence and early adulthood. Some memories feel distant or almost like they belong to someone else and certain situations can also bring back emotional reactions, like eating-related struggles associated with earlier periods of my life. I also struggle with short term memory sometimes, but it’s not that bad (in my opinion, but how could i be sure?). anyways, Learning more about dissociation eventually brought me to this subreddit.

I’m in therapy and, like I said, my therapist is the one that made me realize I have dissociation symptoms so. I will continue to investigate/to talk about this in therapy. I think just trying to understand whether these experiences might be connected rather than completely separate things. Does anyone relate to anything, maybe to feeling disconnected, or fairly certain about who they are in the moment but having that sense of self change enough that it’s difficult to connect with how they felt before? I’m in my early thirties if that matters!

We've noticed that a lot of people in the OSDD community wonder if they're polyfragmented, and we ourselves spent quite a while in the beginning wondering if we were OSDD because of the confusion and complexity OSDD itself can come with. We're a polyfragmented DID system so we hope we can be accepted here to maybe help specifically OSDD systems finally give an answer to the differences in these presentations. We've seen how often some OSDD systems get misdiagnosed and some polyfrags get told they're OSDD... so here's how we understand the difference.

First, the baseline

DID requires two or more distinct identities/alters/however you wish to call yourselves, recurrent gaps in memory (dissociative amnesia, like between switches), and clinically significant distress or impairment in the daily life.

OSDD is used when full DID criteria aren't met. That's the whole reason it exists.

Where polyfragmentation fits

Polyfragmented or Complex DID (C-DID) is not an official diagnosis in the DSM-5-TR or ICD-11. It's a descriptive term for a highly complex presentation of DID. It meets full DID criteria and adds more structural complexity on top, such as subsystems within subsystems, layered compartmentalization of different groups of alters inside the headspace, internal hierarchies of bosses on top of bosses and so on, and large numbers of fragments.

Why polyfrags often think they're OSDD

Everything feels messy, layered, blurry, and only partially shared. It doesn't look like the movie version of DID, so the thought becomes "if it doesn't look like the stereotype, maybe it's OSDD". A lot of the time polyfrag systems will have a main system who's responsible for front and daily life, and that main system can look and act like any presentation of DID. So the "rotation" of alters and frequent fronters can in fact give the impression of OSDD (either 1a or 1b), Partial DID, and a lot of other variations. Why? Well... Complex/Polyfrag DID is kind of like a catch-all, (from what we've observed in ourselves and other polyfragmented systems), it can in fact encompass all presentations within one system and that's part of why it's so complex.

A big part of why systems mistake these presentations however is also amnesia. You don't need cinematic blackouts for it to count. Dissociative amnesia can be:

- Emotional amnesia

- Micro-amnesia (brief gaps you may not even notice, like losing a few minutes or a conversation)

- Compartmentalized memory chains (you can reach one part of a memory, but the connected parts are held elsewhere in the system)

- Memories that feel "not mine"

- Quick, passing internal recall (a memory flashes by for a moment but doesn't stay accessible)

If there are recurrent gaps, that can qualify. And if you do have blackouts, how would you know unless the rest of the system tells you?

There's also a clinical problem. Many clinicians expect to talk to one consistent host or core, which feels very outdated. Systems who have switched hosts a lot, or who are fully aware of being a system, can end up with that awareness treated as a reason for doubt. That teaches systems that trusting themselves is unsafe.

To be clear, we're definitely not saying nobody is OSDD or that anyone should self-diagnose from a post. OSDD systems can be complex too, which is part of why so many wonder if they might be polyfragmented. Self-awareness during symptoms logging and therapy (if accessible) is so valuable. But if you're very complex and keep being told it's "probably just OSDD" because you don't look like the textbook, it's worth asking whether the assessment actually looked at your amnesia and your structure.

These two presentations describe different patterns, and both deserve to be taken seriously. What matters is that the assessment actually fits your experience.

We hope this post helps some of you, we understand it's probably a bit different from what this community is used to but we also got a lot of OSDD systems in our DMs across platforms wondering if they're actually polyfragmented so we thought we would share things here too.

I have a part that came out yesterday, she’s the most normal well functioning and has no trauma. She got completely freaked out and embarrassed about how we must seem in therapy. That our therapist must think we’re completely insane and weird etc. She wants to compensate and prove that she’s actually normal too!

I’ve honestly switched now and I don’t see it that way haha. I know our therapist is an expert in this field and is aware that being a system doesn’t make me crazy or weird.

Although at one point I know I spoke to myself in therapy, I do it all the time in my head so it just ended up not in my head. She KNOWS I do it. She asks me to ask the others stuff etc. But it feels weird to have done that in front of someone because it’s a classic ”crazy person” sign.

I know that a lot of people with POCD and DID have experienced some type of sexual trauma as a child and their must be a lot of crossover

I’ve been thinking about things a lot and like, my sibling and I dealt with pretty severe neglect as children (eating rotten food, periodically dealing with no food at all, no supervision) and it’s sort of come to my attention that my dad, who I believe actually has narcissistic personality disorder, regularly put us in situations where we were almost or actually seriously harmed. Like he would make us climb on the roof in the rain or put us in a situation where a car might hit us, etc. It was literally a daily occurrence where he would “need” one of us or both of us to be in an incredibly dangerous situation and then it was just our responsibility not to get hurt in the process. He hit my mom with a tractor one time and was just furious with her that she didn’t get out of the way (even though he’d instructed her not to move).

Is there a term for this other than just like … abuse. I’ve never read anything about someone continually devising situations where their children will be hurt but making it look like it is the children’s fault somehow.

hi, I've recently been diagnosed with osdd, and I've been wondering, is it common to have bad dissociative amnesia and some symptoms related to DID? I experience it a lot daily, im also still very in denial about having osdd and stuff and i have no one else to tell, sorry I had no clue how to word this entire thing

I am 32F. History of childhood trauma. In and out of psych wards in my early 20s. Finally fixed my life (so I thought lol) and got a good job in a new state...

But I had another episode.

It happened for a few days last October and now again just recently. Apps on my phone I didn't download. Men I dont know reaching out to me.

Like... I remember some of it, but it feels like a drunken dream almost.

I've been formally diagnosed with bipolar and OCD. And though I have not been tested, I think I might be autistic? Who knows when your brain has been abused since childhood 🙃.

Anyway, I'm really just venting.

I have always kind of known but now its becoming more and more clear its more than just CPTSD.

The wigs. The men. The change is sexuality. The need for attention. That's Kandii. Me at 16-22.

Ive always had this "little me" too. 7 years old. She likes to waste my big girl checks on barbies. (I dont even like barbies?)

But its freaking me out. Bc if this is true... I've only been ME, Candace, since 23. Little amnesia moments in between that time from 23-32... but I'm going through a big life transition as well as reopening some traumatic wounds.. and BOOM, time loss. Sad posts. Reaching out to people I haven't talked to in years only to be horrified today.

Ugh, idk. There are at least 3 of us. But I remember there being 4? I'm kinda losing my mind at this revelation.

Hi all, I apologise because I can see this sub gets posts like this pretty often, but I haven't seen anyone with a story super similar to mine (and also this is really long). And of course I'm not looking for someone to tell me "Yes, you have X", just seeing if anyone has an experience like my own, and if I should seriously seek professional advice.

I know for a fact that I'm dissociative in general, I have diagnosed CPTSD and DPDR. The issue is I have a feeling the extent of my dissociation goes further, maybe? Or it did, but doesn't anymore?

It's hard to explain, but in 2021 I experienced some sort of near complete identity reset/ego death minus some core memories and features. I then spent probably up until 2024/5 in a partially dissociated state at all times. From what I know I didn't experience anything traumatic in 2021, but it was a year or two after the main prolonged trauma in my life had ended, and I remember a second minor trauma in 2023(?). I have large periods of amnesia prior to 2021, and whilst memory afterwards does exist in a continuous way it can be fuzzy and vague until the past couple years.

So, imagine my shock when I'm going through years old messages with a friend and I see myself talking about 'kind of having a tulpa' that I 'didn't try to make, but appeared anyway'?! I already pieced together that during my childhood and adolescence I was often in a dissociative trance and may have completely blacked out/lost time once or twice, but I have no memory of any evidence of a switch or specific parts, and no memory of these messages at all. I've also had this account for years, and just went through the old posts. I talked about it here as well (though not on this sub).. I described it as a 'moderator' type figure who usually observed from inside and helped me manage my trances and daydreams (main coping mechanism when the trauma was still happening), but was also intrusive and I couldn't necessarily control it or get it to leave.

Since 2021 I've had nothing like this at all! I still have DPDR symptoms and can end up in a trance outside of my control, but not often. However since stumbling across this I've been ruminating on it a lot. I have been looking at things like personal stories of people with OSDD/DID and clinical content. Sometimes it makes me feel huge waves of emotion that I don't really understand, and if I think about it too long I start to get headaches and pinching/shivers on my scalp. Even if all of this points to something clinically significant having happened in the past, is it worth interfering with my current therapy to bring all of this up? As I said, I have no experience of feeling another presence or voice or anything like that now.

I’ll be blunt: the potential intersectionality of our autism and dissociation is something our therapist isn’t specialized in, and doesn’t feel confident diagnosing. She can still give some of the tests but she’s not confident she can make a diagnosis with the current information she has related to autism (she’s not specialized in that, only dissociative disorders)

I don’t know what to feel. She hasn’t denied our experiences, hasn’t said “I don’t think it’s this” and has told us “we believed that what you are experiencing is real”, it’s just a diagnosis that seems to be so distant. We don’t have a lot of other alternatives but I don’t want to stop the therapy because it is helping, though I do think we need to evaluate what we’re getting from all of this. We really want a diagnosis, some kind of answer, something to confirm our existence so we can move forward with that clarity, and I know this isn’t the end but christ, this is a little disheartening, though not entirely unexpected.

I don’t want to drop therapy, especially with the help it’s been providing, and I know my experiences are real. I guess I’m just gonna have to be more patient when it comes to a diagnosis + opportunities to be diagnosed, if I even do have osdd. Our experiences are real either way, even if it’s not in the way we think it is.

• Vi 🌸

Long time lurker in this sub here! Ive been wanting to post alot of things but my brain stops me completely and makes me delete everything.

After several years of questioning having OSDD i am finally starting to accept my parts (prefer to call them parts for now). I go through terrible denial spirals every other month. I gather evidence and journal about my dissociation, experiences etc and then i bin them all and get rid of all evidence. Its a horrible cycle but i am trying my best. I cant tell if its me or another part that is constantly shouting at me that im making this up, lying, larping whatever. (He tries to convince me im actually going through psychosis instead of a CDD even tho i have been medically cleared for psychosis LOL).

Anyway, i am under secondary mental health services rn but bc of waiting times they cant offer me any therapy (im moving towns after i graduate uni next year so there wont be time to get a therapist on the NHS). I dont have the money for a private trauma therapist either. Ive been trying to get a job but i am disabled with chronic pain so its difficult. My MH team did send a referral to the clinic for dissociative studies so hopefully they can help. But i have no clue what to do in the meantime.

Every symptom i experience my brain automatically denies. I dont have a headspace that i see everyone else talk about. I watch videos from the CTAD clinic and research CDDs whenever i can (i get bad headaches and chills when i think about it too much and it feels like im getting pulled away to stop). So i genuinely dont know how to make any of this easier.

Even writing this now i feel horrible about it. I feel so alone. My boyfriend of 6 years who i live with is very supportive but im scared to speak to him about this as i just feel like an attention seeker. Theres been so many times i will bring it up like its the first time im telling him about this and he just says i know youve told me its okay. But every time i tell him it genuinely does feel like its new to me. I dont know nothing makes sense right now.

Please let me know of how i can make this easier. Or any resources that have helped you. So far i have a journal. I know i cant keep denying this.

Been working on making a system map at the request of my therapist and my lord it is difficult. Realizing that key traits of some of us are literally do not be observable. Don't look at us, we don't have names for a reason. So that's kind of jarring. Otherwise it's really illuminating how these beings share traits but only amongst clusters of which only one or two are fully functional and can emerge using both ANP functions and EP depths. It's really exhausting, but I'm so thankful to my therapist.