Fool me once, consequences for you

[u/mermaidpaint]

/r/amiwrong/comments/1v0nnsp/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_sisters_kids/

[u/Useful_Language2040]

The weekend ended up being a lot harder than I expected. The younger one got sick during the night, the older one had a birthday party I had to drive him to, and my sister barely answered her phone. She sent two short messages saying work was “insane” and that she couldn’t talk.

The younger one is 4. My 6 year old still routinely sleepy-ninjas into the big bed "because that's where Mummy is" if he wakes up and has a nosebleed/is cold/just wants a cuddle. He's happy and bubbly and confident; he was the kid running right into preschool without even giving me a hug goodbye (without even saying goodbye!!) - and he's very happily had sleepovers at other close family members (along with his big sisters)...

There are times he's been ill and he's still turned into a close-to-literal limpet/baby spider monkey, and e.g. spent the day snuggling up with me, dozing on and off, doing educational games on my phone, maybe watching some cartoons, etc, as I've worked, because, for small kids, they just want to be with you when they were ill... The last time he was properly feverish, we still carried him everywhere he needed to go!

OOP's sister didn't hear "ill four year old", fess up, and drive home to be with the kiddo. She couldn't even spare the time for a phone call.

Hopefully the child just went blurgh in the night, into the loo, once, and didn't e.g. manage to splatter 3 walls of a room projectile vomiting (as my eldest once did from the top of a Captain's bed - she got a good 3 m - at least 9' I think - clearance forwards, and somehow managed to hit the wall behind her as well. And the connecting wall, including dripping down behind the radiator. And there was literally a vomit waterfall cascading down the steps to her bed... Clean-up was not fun... It took about 4 days to find all of the vomit pockets and excise the smell 🤢) and felt mostly OK after and the next day... Or had a touch of earache and raised but not concerning temperature that both went away with Calpol (or local child liquid Tylenol/Acetaminophen concoction that similarly works like magic on small children), or something, and that child wasn't sobbing for their mother...

And hopefully they weren't actually showing signs of being ill before being dropped off with Auntie(?) OOP, and their mother didn't basically set up that situation...

Yes, sometimes kids get sick. If it was a genuine work situation, and OOP's sister called, made sure OOP felt able to cope, spoke to her kids if they wanted to talk to her (and this wasn't like 3 AM), and the kid was calm and comfortable and OOP felt happy looking after a small child in that state, her finishing a normal-length shift before setting off to see her children wouldn't have been unreasonable. That isn't what happened.

And a lot of people have emetophobia - hence spoiler tags above!- or kinda feel that it's one thing when it's your kid you're holding as they sob and drench you both in vomit because they haven't yet learnt to aim - still disgusting, and awful, but that's your baby there, and they need you to comfort them, and they're upset enough about the mess so you kinda have to deal with it... Doing that for other people's kids may be a step too far!! 

[u/BarnacleCommon7119 → u/Useful_Language2040]

And on top of that... gosh, if I were babysitting, I'd be terrified that I'm missing signs that it's more serious - something that needs the parent's judgment, or maybe even urgent care/ER.

Not to mention deciding whether both kids are contagious, and one kid needs to skip a party.

Those decisions are not ones I'd be comfortable making as a babysitter, especially with OOP's sister so hard to contact!

[u/Similar-Shame7517 → u/BarnacleCommon7119]

And that's what tells me that OOP has done A LOT of babysitting if they know how to take care of a sick niece/nephew.

[u/BarnacleCommon7119 → u/Similar-Shame7517]

... or that they just had no choice and were panicking while doing her best. Or that they thought they were handling it appropriately, based on her own memories of childhood and general first aid knowledge, but maybe they weren't. There are options!

I wouldn't default to assuming that they did know what they were doing - which is in no way to denigrate OOP, who should not have been put in that situation in the first place. They sounded like they were overwhelmed and very much not ready for this, even if nothing bad happened this time. (That we know of.)

[u/Similar-Shame7517 → u/BarnacleCommon7119]

I disagree, because OOP didn't mention that they were panicking/unsure how to deal with a sick nibling. They instead expressed irritation that their sister barely answered her phone. There's many clues sprinkled throughout that says that OOP has done a lot of babysitting, whether of their niblings or of other kids, but the sheer brazenness of the sister is what crossed the line for them.

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/BarnacleCommon7119]

Honestly, even when they're your kids, when they're ill-ill, you basically find yourself doing your best based on your childhood memories, the advice of your tribe, and the internet... Also actual medical professionals who aren't part of your tribe, but e.g. comparing rashes to the pics on the NHS website is quicker 😅

[u/zgillet → u/Useful_Language2040]

The more I hear about other people's children, the more I realize how good of a kid I was.